PRESERVE FORESTS. Qoverntnent Will Attempt to Indue tb Adoption of Conservative Meth ' ' , 'od of Lumbering. The attemot of the government (o induce the adoption of conservative methods of lumbering in order to prs . iieive the national resources, and the responsive interest taken by timber owners, have brought up many interest ing legal questions, and the division of forestry fias found it necessary to make extensive researches in this direction. As a result, a circular dealing with the laws which affect forests is in course of preparation and will be sent free to persons interested. One of the most important points brought out is the recognition by law of the prospective value of growing timber. The possi bility of profitably carrying on lumber ing with systematic provision for future cutting depends upon this point. It has nsually been held that when, by tresspass, or by unscrupulous cutting by contractors, timber has been re moved contrary to the owner's wish, he could recover only iU stumpage value. As forestry usually requires that a certain number of trees of cer tain size be left, it follows that an un scrupulous contractor could easily upset the plans of years with little fear of punishment. The supreme couit, how ever, has recently ruled that the differ ence In value between logged and un tagged land depends not only on the value of the timber removed, but on its probable Increase had it been left untouched. Improvements In Alaska. ' Captain W. It. Abercrombie, head of the government exploration party, which last season did much work in the Copper river country and began opening up a military road from Tort Valdes to Fort Egbert on the Yukon, arrived in Seattle, en route north to continue his work. It is the purpose of the government, he says, to con struct 2,400 miles of telegraph line in Alaska, and complete the military road. He returns this year with in- creased responsibilities. The road, he says, will be completed during this season from its present terminus, 80 miles inland, to Tanana, about two thirds of the distance to the Yukon The telegraph line will be built from Port Valdes along the road to Fort Kgbert and thence down the Yukon to Kt. Michael. Among other northern improvements, he says, a large government wharf at Valdes has been decided upon. An Kitstern syndicate, headed by Henry Villard, be says, is now having surveys made along the general course of the military road with a view oi building a line. Jtank fur liullnrd. Aftor many vain efforts on the part of the citizens, Ballard has finally cured a national bank, to be cajled the llullard First National bank, with capitalization of $50,000. The bank will be founded and intimately connect ed with the Seattle National, whose cashier, 8. Foster Kelly, is now arrang iug the details of the new institution, K. W. Andrews, president of the Seat tle National, will be the head of the now bank. Mr. Ko"y will be vice president, and the cashier awl other ollivers are yet to be announced. North wait Motel. A condensed milk factory is undei consideration for Iiillsboro. There were 1,800 visitors at Crater Lake last year. The Eugone water company has been reorganized, five of the old stock holders selling 220 shares to four new men for $22,000. The Dalles business men will take up the project of establishing a fruit and vegetable caunery there when the scouring mill project shall be off their hands. An effort is being made to construct a telephone Hue from Tillamook to North Yamhill, by way of the toll road. It would cost, it is estimated, about $2,500. Allen Edwards pleaded guilty to the charge of obtaining money by false pre tenses at The Dalles, and was sen teucod to the penitentiary for ono year. Ho obtained $2 at the Umatilla house on a fraudulent check. Sheepmen oi Enterprise, Oi., are re fusing $5 a head by the band for good ewes, says the Pendleton Tribune, One man refused ifa.oo lor spring lambB, and another paid $5.50 for 50 head of first-class sheep. Gouts sell fur $5 a head. At a publio meeting in Klamath Falls, the proposition to donate $150, 000 worth of laud to the Oregon Mid land railroad, which proposed to build to that town, were aooepted. and com mittees were appointed to arrange the matter. It is reported by a gentleman resid ing in Ashland that instead of rebuild ing the woolen mill at that place it is likely that the company will build a wooien miu at mamacii fans, says the Klamath rails Kepublican. It is am ued that such a mill here wpuld, on account of the long and mountainous road intervening, be far easier of access for the wool growers of Klamath and Lake counties, from whioh counties te Ashland mill derived its main supply. Spokaue wheelmen have organized an association, admitting without dues every bicycle rider who has a license tag. The Weyeihausor syndicate will this year pay taxes on 169,500 acres of timberland in Chehalis county. The 18U9 tax amounts to $17,086.42. Citizens of Ooldendale have ordered 10 pair of Mongollau pheasant, and will endeavor to have that desirable game bird well established in Klickitat couaty this year. Mrs. Bertha Lambert, tried in the superior court at Colfax ami found guilty of assault on T. II. Wilson, a school teacher at Winona, was lined $23 and costs, the whole amounting to about $100. In the Olympia high school, a teacher was explaining the principle on which a steam radiator worked, and just as he reached the point of explain ing how explosions may occur, the radiator in the room exploded. No one waa injured. There are 9,363,720 Christian En-deavoren. SPKINQ TRADE ENLARGING. General Distribution Jt ofralrly Ooo Volume. Eradstreet's reivew oi trade aaya General distribution of trade is fairly good volume, although affected by weather conditions and holidays Spring business is enlarging at many markets East and West, the presenc of buyers being encouraged by special passenger rates. A softening of pricei of speculatively dealing staples is to be noted, but the reactions are of narrow extent. Foreign demand for wheat remain! small, American stocks are large, and farmers are reported holding snppliei back, and crop-damage scares are dis counted by mild weather. Tht strength of corn has been a feature, for eign demand being of good proportions, and this has furnished a supporting element in the wheat market. There is a larger volume of bu sines? in pig iron at some markets, but lest at others, and prices of that product are quite steady. Structural iron continues active, in dicating heavy building operations tht coming spring and summer. Foreign iron markets retain all their old strength, and lower ocean freight would, it is argued, bring about great enlargement of our export trade, Copper is quieter, bnt steady in pric and tin notec a further advance in sym patliy with foreign speculation. Hard ware is improving in distribution at the West. Business failures for the week nam ber 163, as compared with 199 a week ago, and 220 in 1899. The strength of staple values is feature of Canadian trade. Retailers will carry over some stocks of winter clothing. Industrial activity is very marked, Canadian factories running to their fullest capacity. Bussiness fail ores for the week number 28, against 85 last week, and 89 in this week year ago. PACIFIC COAST TRADE. Seattle Market. Onions, new, $2.252.50 per sack. Lettuce, hot house, 40c per doz. Potatoes, new, $18 20. Beets, per sack, 75 85c. Turnips, per sack, 60c. Carrots, per sack, 50c. Parsnips, per sack, 76 85c. Cauliflower, 75c$l per dozen. Cabbage, native and California, $1.0001.25 per 100 pounds. . Apples, $1. 251.50 per box. Prunes, 60o per box. Butter Creamery, 81o per pound dairy, 1722c; ranch, 20o per pound l'.ggs 20o. Cheese Native. 16o. Poultry 18 14c; dressed, 1415o Hay Puget Sound timothy, $12.00 choice Eastern Washington timothy, fl8.O018.0O Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $23 feed meal, $23. Barley Rolled or ground, per ton. $21; whole, $22. Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.25 blended straights, $3.00; California, $3.25; buckwheat flour, $6.00; era ham, per barrel, $3.00; whole wheat flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.804.00. Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $14.00; shorts, per ton, $16.00. Feed Chopped feed, $20.00 per ton; middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal, per ton, $30.00. Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef steers, 7j8c; cows, 7c; mutton 8c; pork, 74c; trimmed, 9c veal, 8 10c. Hams Large, 18c; small, l$Hl breakfast bacon, 12 c; dry salt sides, 8c. Portland Market. Wheat Walla Walla. 63 54c; Valley, 58c; Bluestem, 50o per bushel. Hour Best grades, $3.00; itrahain. $2.50; superfine, $2.10 per barrel. Oats Choice white, 35 36c; choice gray, 84o per bushel. Barley Feed barley, $14 15.00; brewing, $17.00 18.00 per ton. Millstuffs Bran, $13 per ton; mid dlings, $19; shorts, $15; chop, $14 per ton. Hay Timothy, $1011; e.lover,$7 7.50; Oregon wild hay, $07 per ton. Butter -lancy creamery, 6055c; iecouds, 4245c; dairy, 80g87)c; store, 25s32Jo. Eggs 1 2 1 3 o per dozen. Cheese Oregon full cream, 13c; Young America, 14c; new cheese lOo per pound. , Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.50 60 per dozen; hens, $5.00; springs, 3.503.50; geese, $0.5O7.5O for old; M-606.50; ducks, $5.005.5J per uozen; turkeys, live, lOdillo per pound. Potatoes 5080o per sack; sweets. 32.Vo per pound. Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90c; per sack; garlic, 7o per pound; cab bage, l,Ho per pound; parsnips, $Ij onions, $1.502.BO; carrots, $1. Hops 88o per pound Wool Valley, 1213o per pound; Eastern Oregon, 814c; mohair, 27 80o per pound. Mutton Cross, lest sheep, wethers and ewes, 4 c; dressed mutton, 7 7Ko per pound; lambs, 7.ljOpor pound. Hogs Oross, choice heavy, $5.00: light and feeders, $4.60; dressed, 5.60 6.00 per 100 pounds. Beef dross, top steers, $4. 00(34.60: cows, $8. 60 4.00; dressed beef, 6 7?o per pound. eal Largo, 78o; small. JJn'c per pound. Ban Franoitoo Market. Wool Spring Nevada, 1215orer pound; Eastern Oregon, 12 16c; Val ley, 20 22c; Northern, 1012o. Hops 1899 crop, ll13o Ber pound. Butter Fancy creamery 22(22i'c: lo seconds, 2121ic; fancy dairy, 19 (3uc; no seconds, 17 18o per pound. r.ggs btore, 12 14c; fancy ranch. l?o. Millstuffs Middlings, $17.50 10.00; bran, $13.00 13.00. Hay Wheat $6. 50 9 .50: wheat and at $8.609.00; best barley $5.00 r.00; alfalfa, $6.00 7.50 per tou; itraw, 8045o per bale. Potatoes Early Rose, 80 85c; Ore gon Burbauk8, 75o1.10: river Bur- banks, 60 75c; Salinas Burbanks, SOY 1,10 per sack. Citrus Fruit Orances. Valencia. $3.75(33.25; Mexican limes, $4.00 6.00; California lemons 75c$1.60; do choice $1.75 3.00 per box. Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.50 1.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom inal; Persian dates, 6 6. So per pound. VEGETABLES ARE OLD DATE BACK TO OLD TESTAMENT TIMES. Origin of the Commoner Varieties of Garden Track Only Maize and the Ground Artichoke Are Native of North America Grocer Enlightened. "How many housekeeper" picking over the vegetables on the stall know anything about theni?" asked a con templative customer of a friend, as be watched his green grocer fill a small measure with potatoes. "Lots of them," promptly replied the other marketer. "Why, here are the potatoes In my hand, for Instance. They are native American. I guess Sir Wal ter Raleigh Introduced them to Eu rope. "I guess be never ate one, for in bis day they were not considered fit to eat They went to Europe from the hills of South America, and a strange matter of fact, when you come to think of It, Is that In the United States, where, barring a few sections, vegetables grow In greater abundance and beauty than any other part of the world, none save maize and the ground artichokes are native products." "Nonsense!" ejaculated the amazed Yankee. "No nonsense about It," continued the contemplative customer. "Europe, Asia. Africa and South America are all more richly endowed than we. used to think the watermelon was ours, but bless you! the North African tribes grew the big, Juicy fellows and gave us our first seeds. As to the muskmel on, it Is a vegetable of such ancient lineage that, like the cabbage and let tuce, nobody knows Just who were their first wild progenitors. The mel on, at any rate, came out of Persia as a developed table delicacy, while the Adam of the cabbage family Is agreed by botanists to have flourished way back there In Central Asia, where they say the Caucasian race came from. The Romans ate cabbage salad, and, according to count, there are nearly as many varieties of this sturdy old green goods as there are different races of men. "There Is another Roman delicacy," continued the customer, pointing to a box of beets. "They do aay that the Greek philosophers thought a dish of boiled beets, served up with salt and oil, a great aid to mental exercise. For my part, though, I don't know a vege table that should be prouder of Its fam ily history than the radish. Radishes came from China, but a scientific Jour nal the other day announced the dis covery, from a translation of Egyptian hieroglyphics, that Pbaraoh fed his pyramid builders on radishes. He even went so far as to spend 1,900 silver talents In order to regale bis masons with the crisp and spicy root. Again, If you read the Old Testament careful ly, you will be sure to come across the announcement that in Egypt the chil dren of Israel ate melons, beets, onions and garlic, and evidently, In traveling through the wilderness, Moses had a great deal of difficulty In persuading them to cease yearning after these Egyptian dainties. "Besides the melons and peaches and geraniums," continued the garrulous customer, "for all of which we have to thank productive Persia, water cress comes from ber valleys and brooks and she taught the world how to grow and head lettuce. However, the Roman gourmands, who adopted both these salads, ate green peas and stringed beans that their gardeners found growing In France and South Germany, and cucumbers were as pop ular with them as with the Jews and Egyptians. "To Arabia honor is due for the burr artichoke. They ate it for liver diffi culties and, as a matter of fact, there Is no vegetable so good for men and women who lead a sedentary life, just as carrots, that grew first In Belgium, are an admirable tonic for the com plexion, spinach for the blood, potatoes for the hair and celery for the nerves. Rhubarb, they say, was never known until the fifteenth century, when the Russlaus found it on the banks of the Volga, and If you will believe It, the only European people that appreciate the egg plant as we do are the Turks. North Africa first produced this fruit; In France It Is eaten raw often as not, and In obstinate England they use It for decoration. However, the potato hud to make a desperate struggle for popularity, and for nearly a century after It was Imported and grown in Europe nobody could be persuaded to touch It. Finally Farmentler gave it a boom that In two centuries has not In the least diminished, and twice this little tuber has saved Europe from what promised to be a cruel famine." Whereupon the customer hurried off down the street, leaving the green gro cer staring at bis stock of truck with refreshing expression of pride and Interest. St. Louis Globe-Deuioerat. PLAIN SPEECH IN A PRAYER The Rev. Mr. Tordan'a Petition in Be half of Wicked People. A sensation was created in Raleigh, N. C, says the News and Observer, in church circles by the Rev. J. M. Jor dan. Mr. Jordan, who has preached the gospel in nearly every Baptist hurch u the State at one time or an other, has been In Raleigh for some time, superintending the publication of a history of his life and labors. Suuduy morning he atteuded the ''Irst Baptist Church, and was called on by Dr. Carter, at the conclusion of his sermon on "Christian Growth," for prayer. And such a prayer It was! The venerable preacner, with bowed bead, seemed to be talking familiarly with God, telling him of the sins of the people, man by man, and asking the Almighty for mercy and Indulgence till they could be called to repentance. "O, God." he said, "thou knowest the majority of Christians are like wasps- larger at birth than at any other time. And they grow smaller and meaner as time goes ou. Thou knowest, also, that great many members high up in the church driuk beer and whisky and go to dances. O Lord, tbey call them ger mans. but that's just to fool the peo p'e. They are regular old dances nothing in the world but fiddling and dancing. We read the paper this morn ing and there they bad printed the names of all the gall and thelo part ners. O Lord, have mercy on these miserable rascals. "Then, O Lord, a lot of tbem are gl Ing card parties around here, going into saloons, visiting places of Ill-fame, and playing the devil generally. No wonder that when they "ask a sinner to turn from his evil way be replies, 'Go 'way, you old devil, we know you.' We heard only this past week of a prominent church member who bad been drinking beer ten years and who went borne and found bis little boy dead drunk and as limber as a dlsbrag. O Lord, have mercy on these miserable sinners, who nretend tbey are following thee, but who go around with their breath smell Ing like an old swill tub. We have little grandchild. Lord, that we were thinking of sending to school, but, Lord, this is such a degraded, fearful wicked city, that we are afraid to send her here. Then there Is a college here where the young men are encouraged to give dances. O, Lord, have mercy on the president of that Institution. "Thou knowest there are only a few righteous people In Raleigh. All the rest are wicked, and were It not for these few good people the whole city would go to the devil. God would rain down fire and brimstone and destroy It like Sodom and Gomorrah." Gen. Buller was once In company with Lord Charles Beresford coming down the Nile, and as their boat ap proached the First Cataract a sharp discussion arose as to which was the proper channel to take. The soldier advised one, the sailor another, but In tbe end Buller's channel was followed with perfect success. "You eee, I was right," tbe General exclaimed, exult antly. "What of thatr retorted Beres ford; "I knew It was tbe right one my self, but I only recommended the other because I knew you would oppose wnat- ever I said." When Otis Skinner, the actor, played an engagement In Memphis recently, his matinee performance of "The Liars" was graced by the patronage of a bevy of the season's most attractive debu tantes. After the curtain went down the manager escorted tbe debutantes back of the stage, where they met and conversed with the actor. "We enjoyed everything very much," said one of tbem; "but, do you know, Mr. Skinner, we could scarcely hear a word you said?" "Now, that's certainly strange," replied the actor; "I could hear every thing you ladles said." An old farmer who was In the habit of eating what was set before him, asking no questions, dropped into a cafe for dinner. The waiter gave him the dinner card and explained that it was the list of dishes served for dinner that day. Tbe old gentleman began at the top of the bill of fare and ordered each thing In turn until he had covered about one-third of It. The prospect of what was still before him was overpowering, yet there were some things at the end that he wanted to try. Finally he called the waiter and, confidentially marking off the spaces on the card with his In dex finger, said: "Look here, I've et from thor to thar. Can I skip from thar to thar and eat on to the bottom?" Gen. F. V. Greene, when he arrived In Manila with re-enforcements, went on board the Olympia to pay bis respects to Admiral Dewey. After the two men had exchanged compliments, Dewey said: "Come Into my cabin. General. want to show you my family." In one corner of the cabin was a great pile of photographs, dozens upon dozens, and each was the picture of a baby boy. There were fat babies and lean babies, pretty babies and ugly babies, sad ba hies and smiling babies. "What In the world are these?" asked Gen. Greene, somewhat bewildered. "Why." said Dewey, "It's Just the family of my namesakes. They are Jonses, Smiths, and Jenkinses, but every one's a George Dewey, and their parents want me to know It." Here are three anecdotes from Sir Algernon West's "Reminiscences:" Lord Granville told us of D'Orsay's being at a dinner at Disraeli's which was not of a kind to suit the fashion able gourmet, and where everything had been cold. At the end of the din ner there was brought In some half- melted Ice In a dish. 'Thank heaven!' said D Orsay, 'at last we have got something hot.' When Lady Blessing- ton sent U orsay to complain of some delay on the part of her publishers, Ot ley & Saunders, he used very strong language. A dignified man In a high, white neckcloth, who was listening to him, said: 'Count d'Orsay, I would sooner lose Lady Blesslngton's patron age than submit to such personal abuse.' 'There was nothing personal,' said the Count; 'if you are Otley, then danw Saunders; if you are Saunders, then damn Otley.' Lord Westbury, on becoming solicitor general In Lord Pal merston's government, was called upon by the committee of the Conservative Club to resign his membership. Before obeying, he presented himself and ad dressed them. He had a small and a mincing or finicky voice. Some one at the end of the room called out: 'Speak upH 'I should have thought,' he said, 'that the ears of any one In this com mittee were long enough to have heard me.' " Chinese Women. The better class of Chinese women have at least the natural degree of cu riosity, while not wanting in friendly attentions. An English lady says of them: "The women flock around and beg me to take off my gloves and my hat, that tbey may see how my hair Is done, and the color of my hands. Then some old woman Is sure to squeeze my feet, to see If there Is really a foot filling tip all those big boots. Tbey are very friendly and bring out chairs and benches before their cottage doors, and beg us to sit down, and offer us tea, or, If they have not got that ready, hot water." in Eastern manufacturer advertise a soap that will remove spots from a man a reputation. The principal ingr dieut In It la probably ly A REMARKABLE FINANCIER. A Chicago Man Whoee Liabilities Amount to Over 99,000,000. A Chleaso man remarkable In tbe world of finance It Francis P. Owlngs, He Is remarkable not for his' vast wealth, but for tbe enormous debts b amassed, bis liabilities amounting to exactly $5,504,917. Tbe fact that he wes this huge sum makes the situation more notable than If be bad accumu la ted tbe amount In tbe same period, a decade. While It Is, to the majority, a hard matter to become rich, It Is grant ed that it Is easier of accomplishment than to get so deenly In debt as bas Owlngs. The story of tbe man who deals In debts so splendidly and who bas failed on tbe most magnificent scale ' yet known Is a part of Chicago's history Francis P. Owlngs Is the man who orlg- FRANCIS P. OWIKOt. Inated the Idea of using tbe nlnety-nlne- year lease as a basis for building opera tions. He Invented tbe process and put up at least thirty buildings In the busi ness district of the city. For ten years the theory which he originated con trolled rent estate values In tbe down town district and led to the erection of three-quarters of the skyscrapers In Chicago. Owlngs started practically without a dollar, but his dealings In the business world brought him so prom inently before tbe public as a success ful promoter that be can, as soon as bis affairs In bankruptcy courts are set tied, secure unlimited capital for a new tart. It was he who brought to the West the Idea of building skyscrapers. Ar chitects refused, owing to wind pres sure and to the quicksand formation upon which downtown buildings rested, to be responsible for damages In case tbe buildings were wrecked, but Ow lngs accepted the responsibility and they were successfully erected. Owing to unfortunate circumstances, Owlngs was obliged to fall and. while others have profited by his business sa gacity and become rich, he Is to-day acting as clerk In a broker's office. That his career will end tn bankruptcy court Is not thought possible, as be has shown himself to be a financier of the first order and one of tbe most remarkable men the West has ever known. MAIL WAGONS OF ODD DESIGN Five Queer-Looking Vehicles Pur chased by Poatoflice Collectors. Five mail collection wagons of a style never before seen In Kansas City have been bought by tbe mall collectors of the Kansas City postofflce. These mall carts are very small and queer-looking, There Is a high box In front for tbe let ters and a low platform behind for the driver. Box and platform are covered ONE OF THE NEW MAIL WAGONS. with a narrow cover. Tbe collector may sit on a stool behind tbe mall box, When be Jumps from a cart to open a street box the stool, by the operation of a spring, drops out of the way. The men who collect the mall receive the same salaries as letter-carriers, with an additional $300 a year for buy Ing horses and wagons for collecting mall. 1 bese new wagons cost $75 each, Candy for tbe Soldiers. Candy of good quality, consisting of mixed chocolate creams, lemon drops, cocoa a ut maroons and acidulated fruit drops, bas been added to the regular ration of the American soldier. One New York firm has shipped more than fifty tons of confectionery during tbe past year for the troops In the Philip pines, Cuba and Porto Rico. The use of candy as an army ration originated in some experiments on tbe diet of the troops conducted by the German gov ernment ten years ago. They showed that the addition of candy and choco late to the regular ration greatly lin proved the health and endurance of the troops using It Since that time the German government has Issued cakes of chocolate and a limited amount of other confectionery. The Queen for warded five hundred thousand pounds of chocolate In half-pound packages as a Christmas treat for the troops In the Transvaal. American Jam manufactur ers are considering a movement to add jam to the army ration. It having been found wholesome for the British army. Opal and Bad Luck. The superstition associating opaU with baleful Influence is all the talk ot Hagerstown. Katherlne Relmshue. a young society woman, became engaged, and her fiance presented her with an opal ring. She was superstitious, but finally accepted the ring. Her uneasi ness grew Into fear that the stone por tended some calamity. Her lover of ferd to exchange the ring for another but she declared the mischief was al ready wrought Shortly after receiving the ring she was sitting before an open fire warming her hands. Suddenly the atone burst Within a month after tbe bursting of the opal her lover died sud denly. Indianapolis special to Chicago Tribune. The suitor for a girl s hand ought to ult ber. l.SMA LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA. RIOUS HUMORISTS. Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over-Sayings that Ars Cheer fol to Old or Young-Funny Selec tions that Ton Will Enjoy. "You claim you were Insane when you proposed to Miss Autumnleaf," said the lawyer to his client, who posed as the defendant In a breach-of-promlse suit. "Can you prove it?" "No proof will be required," replied the victim of circumstances. "Why not?" asked the limb of tbe law. "Because," answered the other, "the minute the Jury gets a glimpse of tbe plaintiff's face the case will be dis missed." Love's Yonng Dream. She (on their wedding tour)-What to the whistle blowing for, dearest? He I don't know, darling; but It must be for either a station or a tun nel. She Oh, I do hope It's a tunnel Editorial Comment. "Poor old Jones, the grocer, died early this morning," said the village editor's belter half. "Huh!" exclaimed the local opinion molder, "he's been dead for years." "Been dead for years!" echoed the astonished wife. "Why, what do you mean?" "Just what I said," replied the v. e. "Any man In business who doesn't ad vertise Is a dead one." Mot Particular. Brown I bear Jones Is looking around for new quarters. Smith Oh, I guess he Isn't particular about their newness. He borrowed an old one from me this morning. New York World. BE I TER IN Carrye They say she has given up advocating "woman's rights." Cholly Yes. She goes In for "women's lefts." Carrye What are they? Cholly Widowers. Joys of Matrimony. Wife I met an old acquaintance to day, Mr. Meeker. You remember he was your rival for my hand. Husband Yes; I hate that man. Wife You shouldn't hate him Just be cause he used to love me. Husband Oh, that Isn't the reason. I bate him because be didn't marry you. Cautious. "Do you think a prize fighter has a right to call himself a gentleman?" 'Er there Isn't one within hearing, Is there?" Indianapolis Press. How It Happened. "So she ran away with him?" "I think she did. From what I have seeu of him I don't think he had gump tion enough to run away with her." Chicago Post A Lesson in Arithmetic. Ellphalet Uncle Ephrlm, If yo' kin toeck fow 6hlrts outen three yahds, how many shirts kin yo' git from one yahd? Uncle Ephrlm Well honey, hit de pends on whose yahd yo's In. A Weather Prophet. Silas Whiffle The Indications is that this Is agoin to be a hard winter. Drummer Are the muskrats Duttine in a supply of coal? Silas Whiffle I don't know as tew that; but our county Jail Is flllin' up with tramps. Puck. . A Training; School. Meeks Stone always speaks well of everybody. Weeks Merely a force of habit Meeks How so? Weeks He's a marble cutter, and his specialty is cutting epitaphs on grave stones. Cause for Worry. I'm always worried when Henrv h. gins saving string." "Why?" "It makes me think he has been dolns something extravagant In business." The Responsibility. Mr. Gruraps-The Ladles' Journal says a woman should make herself aa attractive to her husband after mar riage as she did before. Mrs. Grumps Huh! My father al ways gave me plenty of money to make myself attractive with. - You don't New York Weekly. 3. f . m . u rAt Bllktns Do you remember that freck," le-faced, snub-nosed Ellen Brown "that f used to go to school with us? Blvena I never thought she' wai i freckle-faced or snub-nosed. I alwayt f thought she was pretty. What became ' of her? Bllklns I married her. Glad to know that you took my view of her. it's a l pleasure to get ahead of these joke writers once In a while. Omaha World. I Herald. i Wedded to Realism. "See here," said the stage manager, "your manuscript calls for a different servant girl In each act. That meant three salaries where one would be suffl. dent. Why not have one servant girl?" "My dear fellow," replied the play wright, "you forget that lama realist. Two weeks are supposed to elapse be tween each act." Philadelphia Press. DIs man aln' much fo' drlnkln', but It looks powful like he'd hab to git along to-night wlf nothln but a cocktail. ' Very Remarkable. I Qulnn That's a strange case. DeFonte What? Qulnn Why, Jones has a cold In his bead and he can't think about anything but Ice. A Safe Inference. Xodd We haven't much of a dlnnei to-night, but you're welcome. Todd How do you know what you are going to have? Nodd Well, we had roast beef yes terday. Puck. THE END. Corrected by Buttone. When the Chicago politician ad journed to his room In the Boston hotel he Immediately touched the electric button. "Boy," said he to the youth in uni form, "bring m a pitcher of Ice water. Hustle!" . "The word Is foreign to us, sir. We have none." "No ice water?" j i-o, sir." r "Well, what In thunder Is that pitcher I for?" t "Iced water, sir. Would you try soma ! of it1?" ' A Damon and Pythias Affair. 'Talk about true friendship," said tba man who Is Just getting over the grip; "there's Smith. I've known him for over thirty years, and he's the only per-, son of my acquaintance who never sug gested an unfailing remedy." Phila delphia Kecord. They Don't Agree. It would be a good deal easier to love our neighbor If bis hobby were not chickens and ours were not flower beds. Puck. love's Slaughter. "He's dead In love with her." "Well, do you wonder? She looks millng."-Pblladelphia Bulletin. He Didn't Know Then. "Now, what on earth did she mean by telling him she dearly loved rainy days?: Surely she didn't waut him to think her sentimental?" "Oh, no! She knew well enough that sentiment Is out of date. She wanted him to get the Idea that her hair curled naturally." Promise Cheerfully Given. Hamphat Tragicus I give my fare well performance to n"ght Will you come? Long-suffering friend Gladly. Uncomfortably Expressive. Muggins Topnotes sings with a great deal of expression. Buggins I should say so. I once heard him sing "Rocked In the Cradle of the Deep," and It positively made me sick. Philadelphia Record. The Eyes. In consequence of having abused out sight by over-application, or reading or writing by gas or candle light when our eyes are weary, many of us have to adopt eyeglasses at a comparatively early age. What should be done at the first sign of falling sight is to consult an oculist at once. Eyes that are weak and become bloodshot under very little strain should never be taxed se verely by black and white work, whether It be in the form of needle work, pen and ink. books or musical sight reading. Whenever the eyes feel tired, refresh them at once by closing them for a few moments and letting them rest As green Is the most rest ful color to the eye, let your lamp shade be green. . The finest tonic for the eyes is cold water. Cold tea also makes an excellent bath for weak eyes. The most delightful feature of a sleigh ride on a cold night is tbe arrival at your destination. Some of tbe political complexions an not even skin deep. , -f