Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 1, 1899)
ALONG THE COAST., Items of Gonsrel Intsrett Glsaued From lb Thriving raclfla State. F. E. Smith, who is connoctod with the Uoodnough Mercantile & Stock Company at F.lgin, was a rucent visitor at La Grande. He reports business IriHk ia his locality. One o( the big outputs of the Klgin country is lumber. Mr. Smith states that all the seasoned material as been shipped out, and sev eral of the mills are shipping green sawed lumber direct from the saws, so (treat Is the demand. Theje are six ills In operation in the vicinity of Klgin, and it is estimated that the total shipments of lumber from these mills during the past three mouths amounts to 8,000,000 feet. Most of the mills will be kept In operation till the latest date possible, in order to keep up with the demand, which comes largely from Utah and other points eastward. Articles of incorporation for the Cedar River Boom & Logging Company, with a capital stock of $50,000, were tiled lust week at New Whatcom, Wash. The object of the corporation is to catch, loom, sort and hold lumber logs, piling, shinglo bolts and any and all other timber products. To erect lumber and shingle mills and operate same, to own or acquire tugboats for towing or transportation, etc. The in corporators of this company are Daniel II. De Can, of New Whatcom, who owns several mills on the Sound, and John F. Dufur, rocently of Ashland, Wis. The company will erect a largo shingle mill at South Bend, with a capacity of 250,000 shingles a day. The plant will be located on either the Silor millsite or the Foye & McCleary site, and work on the erection of the mill will begin some time during the next month. This company has already bought several claims on Cedar river. Itattt Sugar Plant. There is a strong probability that persons at the head of the Oxnard lieet Sugar Company, in Nebraska, will es tablish a plant in the Iioise valley, Idaho. Mr. Oxnard and associates have secured an option on the stock of the Ridenbaugh canal, the property covering 12,000 acres of land owned by the canal company. Tho sugar com pany sent an expert into that region during the past summer, a gentleman named Weinrich. He spent three months in investigating various loca tions in Idaho, Washington, Oregon and Northern Utah, and reported to his principals that the Boise-Nampa valley was better adapted to the pro duction of sugar beets than any other section he visited. It seems likely that the people will endeavor to colon ize the lands owned by the canal com pany, as it is necessary to have great number of farmers growing beets in order to assure success for a large manufacturing plant. If the factory if? built at Nampa it will be a great holp to that place, but wherever it may be erected it will become a potential fac tor in the future development of the entire valley. Nome Claims. In view of the wealth of the Cap Nome claims, and the enormous nun ber of would-be claimants, it seem fair and equitable that the size of the claims should be reduced. This is the belief of tho majority of Alaska pros pectors, and a number of them have signed a petition to be sent to the United States senators and congressmen of Washington asking that legislation lie enacted making 000 feet square the legal size of a mining claim in Alaska, and forbidding locating claims by power of attorney. This latter abuse, the 'petitioners affirm, is particularly detrimental to the prospectors, pre venting hundreds of men from getting locations, and enabling others armed with power of attorney, legal or other wise, to secure valuable ground often miles in extent. The Hop Market. The officers of the Oregon Hopgrow ers' Association are negotiating for the sale of a 15,000-bale lot of hops at 11 cents a pound. If this 1b consum mated, it will be one of the largest hop sales ever made in the state. It is re ported that Lilienthal Bros, have in the past few days bought 500 bales of Oregon hops at 10 cents. A. J. (juery, of Puyallup, Wash., is reported to have accepted 9g cents from McNeff & Sweuey for his '99 hops, consisting of 223 bales. Ilorst Bros, effected the first sale of hops at Chehalis, a 44-bale lot, paying 8 i cents. Another lot was sold to Neis, at a reported price of 8 cents. Wheat Coming In Rapidly. J. II. Vermillion and J. Iloskins, who are receiving sacked wheat for the Pacific Coast Elevator Company, of Tekoa, Wash., at the latter's ware house on the reservation, report the grain is coming in rapidly and that they will soon have the building, the capacity of which is 14,000 bushels, full. It is stated that this year's crop will be twice as large as that of any former season. Sheep Sold. L. G. Thomas, of Chewaucan, last week made a sale of his bunch of sheep to W. A. Wilshire, of Lakeview. Tho band consisted of 1,000 ewes and 461 lambs, and the price paid was $4,000, or about $2.75 per head bunched. O. K, A N, Cut-Off Finished. It is officially announced that the O. R. & N. Wallula-Grange City cut-off in practically finished. This cut off will do away with the necessity of handling freight and passengers over Alton hill. However, a special service will be maintained over the hill for the benefit of Walla Walla and other cities along the old rout. The only difference will be that all points between Star buck and Spokane will be reached one hour and 40 minutes sooner. The dis tance covered by the cut-oft is 66 miles, Bonds Will Be Sold. The board of trustees of school dis trict No. 28, Bingham county, Idaho, is offering for sale coupon bonds of that district to the amount of $400. bearing interest at the rate of 8 per cent per annum, payable annually, and redeem able 10 years from date. Nsw Bank to Be Opened. A new bank, to be known as the Scandinavian American bank, is about to be opened in New Whatcom, Wash Frank Oleson, secretary of the board of works. Seattle, will be manager of the pew institution. 8TAPLE5 REMAIN FIRM. Much Underlying Strength In the Bull ten Situation. BradBtreet's says: A striking illus tration of the underlying strength ol the general business situation is fur nished this week by the course ot prices. Almost without exception val ues of staples remain firm at previom quotations or manifest a still furthei pronounced tendency toward a highei level. This, too. has occurred in the face of a rather smaller distribution in the ordinary trade channel! than has been noted in recent weeks. So far at autumn and winter trade is concerned, the complaint of unseasonably mild weather, restricting retail distribution, Is reported from many cities. But rising superior .to this and to the unquestionably smaller distribution at first hands, is the accentuated strength of textiles, particularly cotton goods, which reflect soino additional strength of tho raw product, due to smaller re ceipts and better foreign advices, but in a large measure also portray the in fluence of active demand coming on a market exceptionally bare of Btocks. A further advance in print cloths, a fea ture of this week, has brought the quo tation for standard grades up to 8 cents, a point not touched for foui years past. Uaw wool is higher at all markets on active demand, shared in by the manu factured material. Wheat, including flour, shipments for the week aggregate 8,088,677 bush els, against 4,540,007 bushels last week, and 6,824,720 bushels in 1808. Since July 1 this season, the export! of wheat aggregate 85,408,548 bushels, against 89,124,083 bushels last yeai and 101,43,679 bushels in 1897. Business failures in the Dominion ot Canada for the week number 88, m compared with 19 last week, 27 in this week a year ago, 34 in 181)0 and 52 is 1895. PACIFIC COAST TRADE. Seattle Market. Onions, new, $1.00 1.25 per sack, Potatoes, new, $19 20. Beets, per sack, 75c. Turnips, per sack, 60o. Carrots, per sack, 75c. Parsnips, per sack, 90c. Cauliflower, 75o per dozen. Cabbage, native ana Ualilornia, 7 j 90o per 100 pounds. Beaches, 65 80c. Apples, $1.25 1.50 per box. Bears, $1.00 1.25 per box. l'runes, 60o per box. Watermelons, $1.50. Nutmegs, 50 75c. Buttor Creamery, 80c per pound; dairy, 17 22c; ranch, 20o per pound. F.ggs Firm, 83 85c. Cheese Native, 13 14c. Boultry 910c; dressed, ll12c. Hay Paget Sound timothy, $12.00; choice Eastern Washington timothy, $17.00 18.00 Corn Wholo, $23.00; cracked, $23; feed meal, $23. Barley Rolled or ground, per ton, $21; whole, $22. Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.65; blended straights, $3.10; California, $3.25; buckwheat flour, $3.50; gra ham, per barrel, $2.90; whole wheat flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.75. Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $16.00; shorts, per ton, $17.00. Feed Chopped feed, $20.50 per ton; middlings, per ton, $22; oil cake meal, per ton, $35.00. Portland Market. Wheat Walla Walla. 50 52c; Valley, 51c; Bluestem, 62o per bushel. Flour Best grades, $3.00; graham, $2.50; superfine, $2.15 per barrel. Oats Choice whito, 84 30c; choice gray, 8335o per bushel. Barley teed barley, $1616.50; brewing, $18.00 19.00 per ton. Millstuffs Bran, $17 per ton; mid dlings, $22; shorts, $18; chop, $16 per ton. ' Hay Timothy, $9 11; clover, $7 8; Oregon wild hay, $G7 per ton. Butter Fancy creamery, 50 55c; seconds, 4245c; dairy, 87)a40c; store, 25 35c. Eggs 27sC per dozen. Cheese Oregon full cream, 13c; Young America, 14c; new cheese 10c per pound. Foultry Chickens, mixed, $3.00 8.50 per dozen; hens, $4.50; springs, $2.003.50; geese, $7.008.50 for old; $l.506.50 for young; ducks, $4.50 per dozen; turkeys, live, 14 15c per pound. Potatoes 5060oper sack; sweets, 22c per pound. Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 90c; per sack; garlic, 7o per pound; cauli flower, 75o per dozen; parsnips, $1; beans, 56o per pound; celery, 70 75o per dozen; cucumbers, 50o per box; peas, 34oper pound; tomatoes, 75o per box; green corn, 12)s 15c per dozen. Hops 7 10c; 1898 crop, 5Gc. Wool Valley, 1213o per pound; Eastern Oregon, 8 14c; mohair, 27 80o per pound. Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers and ewes, 8Vqc; dressed mutton, 6 7o per pound; lambs, 14o per pound. Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00; light and feeders, $1.50; dressed, $5.50 6.00 per 100 pounds. Beef Gross, top Bteers, $3. 50 4.00; cows, $38.50; dressed beef, 6j' 7 Mo per pound. Veal Large, 627-gc; small, 8 6o per pound. an Franoiaco Market. Wool Spring Nevada, 12 15c per pound; Eastern Oregon, 1216c; Val ley, 1820c; Northern, 1012c. Hops 1899 crop, ll12o per pound. Onions Yellow, 75 85c per sack. Butter Fancy creamery 24 25c; do seconds, 2224c; fancy dairy, 21 22c; do seconds, 19 20o per pound. Eggs Store, 42 43c; fancy ranch, 40o. Millstuffs Middlings, $17.50 20.50; bran, $15.5016.50. Hay Wheat $7.50 10; wheat and oat $7.509.50; best barley $5.00 7.50; alfalfa, $5.00 7.00 per ton; straw, 85 45c per bale. Potatoes Early Rose, 40 50c; Ore gon Burbanks, 60c1.10; river Bur banks, 45 65c; Salinas Burbanks, $1.00 1.25 per sack. Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia, $2.753.25; Mexican limes, $4.00 6.00; California lemons 75c$1.50; do choice $1.752.00 per box. Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.50 3.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom inal; Persian dates, 66,Lo per pound. COINING OF WOItDS. SOMETHING ABOUT THE METH OD OF COINING. Origin of Slang Eipresslons-How They Are Grafted Upon the Language A Long LUt of Colloquialisms and from Whence They Came. Within the last fifty years over CO,. 00 words and phrases have crept into the English language, some of them for but an ephemeral existence while others which but a short time ago were classed ns slang or vulgarisms are to day permanent parts of the language. Unless the origin of a slang word is known it Is almost Impossible to tell how long H has been In use. Many words originate in oue part of the coun try, where they may keep their pecu liar significance, but by the time they have traveled a few hundred miles they have an entirely different meaning. Tho following are a few examples of modern slang: "Cinch" for sinecure, "come-on" for one uninitiated in some game or business; a "good thing" or an "easy mark" for one peculiarly gul lible, "up against it" and "on the hog." The phrase, "on the hog," which means to be financially embarrosed, origi nated in Chicago several years ago, when the price of pork fell many points on the produce exchange. Of course many persons who had bought pork when it was high lost considerable money, and it became common to say, "I hear so and so lost money 'on the hog.' " "Con-game" Is another expression of Western birth. Several years ago there was a well known cord sharper in the West of the name of Connor, but better known by his nickname, "Con." Ills cleverness at cards became so widely known that any person who was thought to be par ticularly sharp at card playing was Bald to bo plnylng a "con" gam. The word "bogus," meaning counterfeit or false, though commonly used now, was looked upon at one time as being as in elegant an expression a con game Is to-day, and its origin was somewhat similar. Over a half century ago a man of the name of Borghese did a tremendous business In the way of supplying the great West and portions of the Southwest with counterfeit bills and bills on fictitious banks. Western ers fell into the habit of shortening the name to Bogus; and his bills, as well us all others of like character, were universally styled by them as bogus currency. The word "lolwter" has come into use lately as a contemp tuous adjective. This word acquired the latter day meaning on the race course, when track followers got Into the habit of saying that a slow horse ran like a lobster. Slang words keep coming into use among the illiterate every day, but only the more expressive or forcible get beyond the place of their origin, and when they do they often travel so quickly that It is Impossible to trace them back to their source. Sometimes they are transmitted through several generations before they are finally tak en up by stump orators at political meetings. They are next heard on the floor of Congress. Quoted by news pupcrs they become familiar to all, and take their place In the colloquial lan guage of the whole people. The following is a list of colloquial isms which are In common use to-day: Alxnit right, across lots, nil sorts of, to back out, backing and filling, to balk, bee-line, as the crow files, boss and to boss, to carry away in the sense of to move to ecstasy, to catch up, to cave in, to clear out, meaning to de part; conniption fit, to corner, dead head, to dog, don't amount to much, to be driving at, dyed In the wool, to face the music, to fire away, first rate, to fix (In the sense of to put in order), flat-footed and hot-headed, to keel over, to keep a stiff upper lip, knee high to a mosquito, a grasshopper or a toad, to leave out in the cold, to let up (meaning to release), lickety-spllt, like a book, as to know like a book, to kxif and loafer, to lobby, to lynch, mad for angry, donate for give or bequeath, and no two ways about it. There are a good many expressions which come into general from techni cal use, such as the following from trade usage: To discount, the balance. From shipping: A No. 1 (first used in Lloyd's register to designate a ship of such fitness as to warrant the low er rato of marine insurance). From the law: Aforesaid or said, as, the said man, on the docket, entail for value, claim for maintain. From the church: On the anxious seat, to ptiss under the rod, advent, neophyte. From mathe matics: To differentiate, for to make a difference between, minus, as to come minus your children. From the stock market: To appreciate and to depreci ate (for to rise and to fall in value), to aggregate (as, the sales aggregated 50,000 shores), to take stock in, above par. From the race course: Fit, for In good condition. .From mining: To get down to bed rock or hard pan, to strike a bonanza. New York Sun. PROVISIONS AGAINST FIRE. The Restrictions to Be Kn forced at the Paris Exposition. Intending exhibitors and visitors from the United States to the Paris ex position in 1900 will be Interested in knowing what arrangements and reg ulations will be made by the French authorities against fire. The Paris ex position administration has taken all the measures possible to afford security to exhibitors and visitors against fire at the exposition. Their regulations are rather voluminous, containing thir ty-six articles distributed In six chap ters. These regulations take up the openings and exits and the stairways and doors of all palaces and buildings. They regulate the width of doors and steps. All exterior doors will open In and out Doors opening only Inward must remain open constantly. Emer gency doors will bear an Inscription stating their purpose, and In all hall ways and corridors painted arrows will indicate the direction of the exit An emergency lighting system for night use will consist of lamps of one-candle power, bearing the distinctive red color. j All wood of the frame work In the buildings will be covered with an in- I sulatlng coat of non-inflammable ma terial All stairways will be of fire proof material The floors of all build ings, palaces, theater halls, cafes, con cert rooms, exhibition places and all railings nd balustrade! will alio be of fireproof material, and before accepted will be thoroughly tested at trie ex pense of the contractors. All decora tive canvas, awnings and canvas cov erings must be fireproof. All electric installation of cables, lamps, wires and conductors in the Interior of the build ings must be put up under the super vision of the director of exploitation. All motive nower will bo admitted only under rigid conditions. The use of celluloid In lamps, globes, balloons and other fancv annaratus for lighting dec oration will be forbidden. The regula tions for heating and lighting provide that it can only be done by gas or elec tricity. The use of hydrocarburets, oils and petroleum, acetylene gas and other gases than coal gas is positively ror bidden. either for heating, lighting 6r motive power. The construction of meeting halls, cafes, concert halls and theaters must be of fire proof material, and the theater curtains must be of Iron or asbestos cloth. The lighting of such places will be exclusively by elec tricity. A fire service ns nearly per fect as possible will be established, with a water piping and pressure sufficient for firemen's service The administra tion assume the right to enforce any measure that may be deemed neces sary to assure safety. Iron Ago. MUSH CURES A SICK SOLDIER. Eighth Illlnola Private Telle of Cuban Hospital F.perienc. He claimed to be one of the Eighth Illinois boys and was always telling stories of bis thrilling experiences in Cuba. He was as black as soot and be showed his teeth and rolled his eyes and gesticulated like the end man of a minstrel troupe. And this Is oue of the stories he told: "Well, sah, we wuz gyardln' a hull army uv Spaniards up at San Louie an' de grubb wuz powahful pooah. De only way we cud get up an appetite for dat Uncle Sum's beef wu to miss ra tions for a day ah two. One day I wuz told off to do hospital wuk, an what do yo' tluk? Dey wuz a cah load uv chickens come In and I had to help tote ev'ry one uv dem fowls to de hos pital. TInk uv wu'k like dat fo' a pooah sta'ved nlggah, sah. Well, sah. I wuz took sick, sudden, plum' In de middle uv dat wu'k. It done took two men, sah, to drag me to de hospital, and they had to take de clothes off me and put me to bed. "Long about Buppah time I smelt chicken. Yessah, I could smell dat chicken clean In de kitchen. An' I jus' shet my eyes an' smelled an' smelled, an' den I done t'ank de good Lawd I'se in dat hospital. Den de smell done come closah an' blmeby dey tote de chicken In. An' I wuz de happiea' nlggah in de Eighth Illinois. An' I done got mab leetle tin plate an' cup In mab hand. An' what do yo' s'pose dey give dls nlggah? Mush! Yessah, mush cawn mush." Here the narrator's face took on an expression of grief that was enough to make a stone Image weep. He waited till he could regain the mastery of his emotions. Then he went on: "Well, sah, Jus' about one houah latah I called de doctah an' I sez: 'Doc tah, I feel like I gwlne to git well. Dls am a powahful fine hospital an' you am a powahful good doctah, an' I feel much bettah. l'cesah, I done feel so much recovahed, sah, dat I feel like I should suttenly be up an' doln' my duty. Kin I git on mail clothes an' git back to gyardln' dem Spaniards, sah?' " 'Yes, sah, sez the doctah, 'yo' kin. To' wuz powahful sick, too sick fo' chicken. But dat mush done fix yo' up quick. Yes, sah. I p'onounce yo con valescent, sah.' "An' I done got on mah clothes an got out." Chicago Inter Ocean. A Story of Madame Pattf. A striking story comes to us anent Madame I'attl, the renowned prima do-ino, which Is characteristic of her geniality and kindness of heart The lneomparablo singer was walking out one day in the neighborhood of her castlo In Wales, when a sudden thirst afflicted her, and she called at a cot tage to get a glass of new milk. When she had partaken of this wholesome refreshment she opened her purse to pay the cost. But the peasant woman raised her hand in gentle remonstrance, and said: "There Is nothing to pay for the milk, but will madame kindly sing to us one of her sweet songs?" I'attl entered the humble home, lifted her magnificent voice, and sang, in her most' superb style, "Home, Sweet Home!" The astonished and delighted cottag ers listened in raptures, and tendered the distinguished visitor their warmest thanks. Then, from an Inner apart ment, came a feeble voice, pleading: "Please sing that again; It was heav enly." "That Is my daughter, who Is dying of consumption," explained the cot tager, adding, "She Is so fond of sing ing." I'attl visited the sick girl, sang the song again to her, and gave her a sym pathetic word also. Then she left The milk had been paid for by melody for which manyin eager agent would have forfeited a thousand pounds. Linooln's Proverbs. An autograph letter which I should like to own was shown to me a few days ago. "A. Lincoln" was boldly signed at the end of It and this wis dom was there, paragraphed in this wise: "Do not worry. "Eat three square meals a day. "Say your prayers. "Think of your wife. "Be courteous to your creditors. "Keep your digestion good. "Steer clear of biliousness. "Exercise, "Go slow and easy. "Maybe there are other things that your special case requires to make you happy, but, my friend, these, I reckon, will give you a good lift." New York Not Possible. An English exchange tells of a cour teous retort which came about in a case that was tried when the law courU were held at Westminster. The Judge was a tjhort-tempered man, and bad several differences with one of the counsel engaged before him. At last he said, "I can teach you law, Brother , but I cannot teach you manners." "That is o, my lord," was tie quick resjoM, THE PRINCE CP WALES. Borne latereatliiic Facta About En gland's Heir-l'rcMUinptive. Here are some fuels about the l'riuce of Wales which are condensed from his biography as written by his private secretary : He never allows a typewriter In his bouse. He spends $5,000 a year for telo grains. He allows only two knives und forks to each guest at Ills table. He is colonel eight times over. He has ono private secretary, two assistant secretaries and u stuff of clerks to assist them. He reee'ves S!)0 letters a day, and an swers most of them. Every minute of. his tlmo In London Is spent according to schedule. He has every order of kulgluhood In Europe. His uniforms are worth $75,000. He is a field marshal and an admiral. He Is the chief hot so owner, dog owner and yachtsman in England. He goes to church every Sunday morning. He never goes to the races ou Sun day. Ho started llfo with an lucome of $550,000 a year. He says ho has no debts. He loves to travel Incognito In Paris. He buys hundreds of theater tickets without using them. His fuvorlte vehicle in London is a hansome cab, yet his stables cost $73, 000 a year. Ho thinks his nephew, the German Emperor, Is too sensational. He has friends of every nation and speaks German, French, Italian and Russian. His life was never attempted by an assassin. He Is 5 feet 0 Inches high and weighs 180 pounds. Ho has light gray eyes, groy beard, k brown complexion and a bald head. His hands and feet ure small and neat He Is 57 years old and has four grandchildren. His fuvorlte wine Is n champagne of riilNCK or WALKS. 1889, and his favorite liquor a Cognac 40 years old. Ho is fond of Irishmen, Frenchmen, Germans and Russians. He is fond of oil kinds of people, es pecially if they have money. When he was young he was very tender-hearted and cried for days when a tutor left him. Hi is a flrst-clnss Judge of horses and dogs, and he thinks he knows some thing about actresses. He is said to be one of the best shots in England. He sets the fashions in clothes for the whole world. He loves to labor for the working man. He popularized the Alpine hat. He is t D. C. L of Oxford, an LL. D. of Cambridge, and a banister. He has thirteen university degrees. He has laid seventy-three large and Important foundation stones. He opened part of the Suez canal. He has made more speeches than any man In the world, but mostly short ones. He owns the deepest mine In Eng land. He was the first Christian to dlno with the Sultan of Turkey. LEAD PENCILS HAVE A HISTORY. They Were First Made Two Hundred Years Ago in Kngluud. The lead pencil, the most common of all writing implements, is somewhat over 200 years old. The term "lead pencil," however, is a misnomer, as, in a mlneraloglcal sense, there is not a particle of lead in its composition. The lead pencil origiuuted with the discov ery of the graphite mines lu England In 1004, during the relgu of Queen Elizabeth. As graphite so greatly re sembled galena, the German name for which was blelgluiiis, it was given the name of blei, or lead. In the early days of lead pencil makiug the graphite was sawed into tiilu sheets and cut into strips smaller and smaller until they were of a size to be covered with light wooden slips, aud thus serve as pencils. The first pencils created much excitement. The graphite mines of England were considered of lnetti mable value and were protected by law. But there was a great waste -first, In digging, for many of tho pieces were too small for cutting, and again In the manner of cutting the graphite, which was so crude that half the ma terial was lost. So a binding substance bad to be invented. Glue, gum, Isin glass and other substances were tried, but the graphite was only rendered bard and brittle and of uneven hard Dess. Its marks were faint aud indis tinct and In those days If the point Broke It was quite an undertaking to iharpen it again. First the wood had :o be cut away and tho graphite heated jver a light to soften It, after which it was drawn to a point with the fingers. In 1793 Conte, a Frenchman, came on the Idea of using pulverized graphite and binding clay. This discovery re sulted in pencils of varying hardness, according to the amount of binding clay added,. and each pencil was of ox actly the same hardness throughout Its length. Soon after this discovery lm provements followed In mixing, rolling and sharpening the graphite composi tion, which was cut into lengths, placed in a warm oven to harden, and finally incased in wood, as seen to-day St Louis Globe-Democrat What the fool thinks be knows the ,wlse mas knows he onlj thinks. HUMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Carious and Laughable rfaaaes of Human Nature Graphically Por trayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day -A Budget of Fun. "Julius, my last winter's seal skin Is entirely too short." "Too short? Well, can't you sew a ruffle on it, or sonic of those bias bands you women are nlways talking about?" Detroit Free Press. Lovely. "Was it an artistic wedding?" "Oh-perfectly lovely! The maid of honor walked up the aisle Just like one of those automutlc toys." Detroit Free Press. InsplrliiK Confidence, "It poys to be cheerful." "Tliut's right; as long as you look ns if you hud money your creditors have confidence lu you." Chicago Uecord. Ills Only Alternative. The ludy What caused you to be come a tramp? Tho tramp I wuz drove away from a happy homo an' forced to become a wanderer. The ludy How did that happen? Tho tramp Mo wife an' me in udder said dat I elder had ter go to work er git out, an' I got out New York Jour nal Gone, but Not Forgotten. "How can a man perpetuate his memory most easily?" "By dying In debt." Chicago Record. Not Mesponslble. Customer I don't like these photo graphs of my husband at ulll Why, they look like the picture of a mon key! PhotographerI'm sorry, inudain, but you should have thought of that before you married him! Der Floh. There Are Many (Such. Battleby How glum poor old Charlie Summers looked! Letherout His vacation ended yes terday. Battleby Vacation! Tlie chap hasn't been away a day this summer! Letherout Yes; but his wife got back yesterday. New York World. Butchers and Hutchers. "I understand he is not received into society because one of his remote an cestors was a butcher." "Not exactly. It was because one of his remote ancestors was a butcher of beasts rather than of men." Detroit Journal. Her Point of View. He That tall young man dancing with Miss Dashing was originally in tended for the church, I understand. She Indeed! Judging from his ap pearance I could easily imagine that ho had been cut out for the steeple. Chicago News. A Hold Front. "I believe in carrying the flng to the front," said the youth in the red, white and blue bosom. "I don't belive in carrying It to the shirt front, though," said the girl who Luted display. Hampered by the Flesh. The poet Strange that the muse ihould be so hampered by the tram mels of the flesh! Now, I can think of no word to rhyme with "sigh" but "pie!" Fine as Silk. Critic How do you get such a real istic snow scene? Manager We get the leading lady to sit up in the flies and tear up her love letters. Cut In Two. Mrs. Bibbits So you have named your girl twin Henrietta? Mrs. Tlbbits Yes, but I changed it a little. It was such a long name that I cut it in two and called the boy Hen ry and the girl Etta. No Barrier to True Love. He This war In South Africa will make diamonds dearer. She I suppose so, but any girl who really loves a man would be willing to wear a ring of pearls and opals un til tho trouble is over. Offended. "Miss Clara needn't think I'm Fred Constant," growled the French poodle. "Did she offend you?" inquired the yard dog. "Yes. She kissed me after eating onions." Taken Literally. Sergeant Brown Halt! You can't go in there. Private McGInnls rhoy not? Sergeant Brown Because It is the general's tent blockhead! Private McGinnis Thin phoy In th' deuce hov they got "Prolvate" over th floor? r rTi, " . sir r f it -FM- Femt tins and Kellne, Stubb Dawsou speaks disrespectful of his wife. Ho refers to her as tho "old cat." Penn No wonder, when she Insisted upon naming tho baby Kitty. Ills Ht ron if Ho. Lawyer You say tlio miser kept his gold In a strong box? Witness Yes, sir. He kepi It lu an empty llmburger cheese box. Gnat Lurk. Sum Daddy, dar's a man at de slda show wid three feet. Diuldy Hull! boy; d:fs nutlhi fo' a cullud man to hah three feet. Sain How am dat? Daddy Why. he lias two feet in li's shoes au' a rabbit's foot lu his picket. An l minimi HoiiHt. Husband Somo one at the restau rant to-day started to carry off my overcoat, but I recognized It as hojnM passing by these two buttoii.-hat are missing. Wife (In triumph) And to whom nro you Indebted for the fact that the but tons were 'not sewed on? llumoris tlsehe Blaetter. His Little Joke. Mrs. Stubb John, I wonder why In the world did that man send up a wa tering pot with the new range. I never ordered It. Mr. Stubb Why, Maria, I guess ho Intended that for the damper. Just a Hit of Vanity. "Ye kin always till a fomily's first piano," remarked tho Janitor philoso pher, "they always leave th' impty box staudlu' out on th' front paveVieut." His Latest. Bandy Pikes Lady, cud ye't-r please give mo 4 cents? I wants to write a letter to me poor old nmdder. Lady What do you want with 4 cents? Two cents will send a letter anywhere in tho country. Sandy rikes Yes, lady, but I wants to send me inudder a check an' I wants do extra 2 cents fer a revnuo stamp. An Unknown Luxury. "Do many of the Filipino officers 'die with their boots on?' " Inquired the foreign correspondent. "Bless you, no," responded Aguln aldo, "there are very few of my officers that know what a boot Is." Only Thing to Po. "In my husband's library there Isn't a book but what I've read. I wish 1 know wlint to do next!" "O, It's very simple get another bus-band!"-Der Floh. Great Fighters. Tommy Wlint's Willie Wyman bragging about? Wily Why, he says his father looks like Dewey, an' his grandfather looks like Oom Paul. Kd leeways. Stubb I never met such a Boer sym pathizer as Burch. Why, he actually Intends to boycott England. Penn In what way? Stubb Why, lie began by trading bis elght-blttde Sheffield pocket-knife for a "made-in-Gennauy" two-blade af fair. Her Economy. Mr. Qulnn Lucy, why in all creation; do you persist in sending for that, plumber if he churges more than the rest? Mrs. Qulnn Because, Archibald, le always leaves enough scrap zinc to tack over the rat holes lu the kitchen. In Benson. Larry Th' doctor said Ol hod an un usual thick coat on me tongue. Dluny Faith! it must beau overcoat, thin. Parlor Ornaments. "What tall mantels you have, Mrs. Jimp." ''Yes; I want to put my bric-a-brac up so high that I can't see whether it Is dusty or not." Not Kittsy to Tell. "Miss Nlxy told me always to ring her door-bell twice." "She must think a good deal of you to honor you with such a friendly ar rangement." "I don't know; maybe she wants a chance to escape." Pilrerence In Hootbluokr. "Did you ever notice tho difference between the darky and Ituliun boot blacks?" said a man about town. "I say darkles and Italians because most, of: the 'shining' In Chicago is done by one or the other. The darkles do the work In barber shops and shoe stores and the Italians run mt of the 'parlors.' "Now, you watch a larky, and If ho's alone he'll talk to his customer. If there's two of them they'll chatter to gether like magpies. Aud the darky Is so full of music and dance that he's got to put them into his work. He'll put in all sorts of fantastic motions and beat out a rude kind of time, as if he were picking a banjo or cutting a pig eon wing. When he brushes you he'll beat you with the whiKp broom Id tha same way. "Go into one of the Italian 'parlors' and It's as still as a grave. There may be a dozen bootblacks, but not one of them will speak to you or to a compan ion. They do their work steadily and rapidly, but it's work, and noUdng elso. Same way with their brushing you. It' as different as a watch service from a, cake walk." Chicago Inter Ocean.