Medford mail tribune., July 21, 1963, Image 43

many ways that only the more common
characteristics can serve as a guide:
A baby's entire vocabulary is crying or
cooing. Cooing presents no problem. Cry
ing at feeding time is natural. Crying
immediately afterward suggests the feed
ing was insufficient. Crying several hours
later suggests a baby is thirsty, that the
water in the formula should be increased.
Crying about one hour before feeding
suggests feeding isn't strong enough.
Crying that goes on and on, especially
when accompanied by disturbed sleep, sug
gests the feeding does not suit the child.
Whatever the cause of crying, it is
poor judgment to decide that the baby
is being "bad" and let him cry himself
out Babies who "cry themselves out" ,
quite often tend to develop into nervous,
difficult children.
Children between two and five like to
test their will against that of their par
ents. Repeatedly, they'll reach for some
thing taboo while watching to see what
their parents will do. At such moments,
it's wiser to distract these children than
to yell or scold; to take them by the hand
and say, "Let's not do that, that's no fun!"
Even toddlers who may not understand
word for word will respond to a quiet tone
and manner.
Here let me say that if loud commands
generally are obeyed and low ones are
not, a child's ears should be examined for
wax. Wax in young ears (likely invisible)
is a surprisingly frequent cause of seem
ingly willful inattention.
I've known very few children who
didn't, at one time or another, refuse to
eat. Since this is invariably an attention
getting device, it should receive no atten
tion. The child will not starve; studies
show that children can go two weeks on
nothing but orange juice without suffer
ing ill effects.
Of course, a mother should make sure
her child's refusal to eat stems neither
from a monotony of diet nor too-large
portions, unappetizingly served. Once
these possibilities are ruled out, a child
should be given 10 or 15 minutes to eat
what is placed before him.
At the end of this time, his plate should
be taken away without either visual or
verbal reproof. And during the iime the
food is before a child, a mother should
make tin reference to what has or has not
been eaten.
For spoiled children, I have great pity.
They're the martyrs of permissive par
ents who too lazy to practice quiet, con
trolled discipline let things slide until
something angers them. Then, quite in
explicably to a child's mind, they crack
down severely.
Too often we don't take the trouble to
analyze our children's actions. I remem
ber the scoldings my daughter received
because she would not say the "Now I
Lay Me Down" prayer. The scoldings
caused tears but not obedience. It was not
until years later that she told us she had
been afraid of the part that went, "If I
should die before I wake."
What she should have had, of course,
was not scoldings but a good deal of re
assurance and comforting.
Very often, the child who misbehaves
is a nervous child. To punish or scold him
is cruel, for it invariably emphasizes the
nervousness so that the irritating symp
toms become exaggerated, too.
A few years ago, Mrs. Hill was the
adviser to a church club for nine-year-old
girls. One child, Helen, had the reputation
of being exceedingly troublesome. At the
first club meeting, she slapped another girl
in the face, then ran to the other end of
the room and banged on the piano. "I'm
convinced," my wife told me, "that Helen
needs love badly, but I don't know if, in
fairness to the others, I can keep her in
the club."
"Before you decide," I answered, "please
give her every chance."
A physical examination showed Helen
had diseased tonsils and suffered
from an unbalanced diet She was the
daughter of an uneducated domestic serv
ant who, overanxious for her to conform,
was perpetually critical. As a result Helen
was well on her way to a physical break
down which, very easily, could have turned
later into a moral breakdown, too not
because of her background but because she
ipasn't getting the lope and understanding
she needed as a human being!
Her tonsils were removed, her diet was
corrected, her mother was persuaded to
substitute affection for slaps. Slowly, as
the causes of Helen's nervousness were
eliminated, she quieted down. Her anti
social conduct subsided, and she became'
more co-operative and better adjusted.
In coping with behavior problems, I
prefer intelligent discipline to punishment
I like to think of it as coaching an indi
vidual to play the game of life according
to accepted rules. But there are times
when punishment, administered without
too much anger, is necessary. (However, -parents
should appear sympathetic when
they punish, so children know that it is
being done to help them.)
Certainly, a child who slaps should be -slapped
in return, hard enough for him
to understand that a slap hurt and there
fore deserves punishment There even are
times when punishment should exceed the
misbehavior, as when a small child runs
out into the street and does not come back
when called. Because of the danger in
volved, it is necessary for the child to as
sociate the street with the sting of a
. switch against his legs as he is led back
to safety.
We're forever hearing about complexes
being responsible for misbehavior. Com
plex is a much overused word.
It irritates those of us slightly old
fashioned, perhaps who believe that with
proper physical care and thoughtful train
ing, complexes are as needless as weeds
in a garden.
Ik Brest Martial -magician,
writer, a
member of Society of
American Mariettas
has given hundred! of
shows, mystified thou
sands of young people
with his magic.
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5
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Family Wrtkly. July II. IKJ