Medford mail tribune., March 10, 1963, Image 4

A A SUNDAY, MARCH 10, 1963
,
''Everyone In Southern Oregon
Reada The Mll Tribune1,
jhlbllihed Daily except Saturday by
" MEDFORD PRINTING CO.
83 North Wrst,Ph. 77.Ut
ROBERT W. RUHju. sailor
HERB GRKV AaverUitnl Manager
GERALD T LATHAM, bus. ajar.
tHic ih ALLEN JR.. Mm. Editor
EARL H ADAMS, City Editor
EARL. H ADAMS, tiiy manor
5,ArS"jEWEM
OLIVE 8TARCHEB Women'' lEdltor
PALK EBH-rvayg'hyj-jiai
"in IndeDcndent NewapaP'
Entered as aecond class matt
M
March 3, 18B7
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Flight o' Time
Medford md Jackwn County
Hiitory from h. files of Th.
Mall Tribune 10, 20, 30, 40
and 50 yean ago. ,
10 YEARS AGO
March 10, 1953 (Tueiday)
Outlook for area's water
supply remains "good" to "ex
cellent." Medford enjoys three days
of high temperaturci In 70s.
20 YEARS AGO
March 10, 1943 (Wtdnwday)
Air raid siren tests held.
From Arthur Perry's "Ye
Smudge Pot" column: "A man
has been found In New York
who never heard of A. Hitler.
Millions wish they were in his
former heavenly state."
30 YEARS AGO
March 10. 1933 (Friday)
Mcdford's three banks await
..iv,n..i-,ai!nn from Portland
regarding return to complete
banking operations.
Inexpensive clothing decid
ed on for girls' nign scnuoi
graduation; dress is to "denote
simplicity."
40 YEARS AGO
March 10, 1923 (Saturday)
Every doctor's office in Ash
land Is burglarized.
Hotels do lively business
as travel increases.
SO YEARS AGO
March 10, 1913 (Monday)
Horse runs away In down
town three timos In 15 min
utes; finally controlled by
owner who drove him home
"although the speed he regis
tered broke all city ordlnan-
:cs " .. .
County Judge Touvelle
rules marriage fees belong to
the county.
What's Your I.Q.?
Nine or ten cerrtcl li superior)
even or eight It Mcallentl five or
lix it good.
1. With what strait do you
associate white cliffs?
2. Identify the Biblical
character whose name has
conic to mean a wicked or
bold woman.
3. Montmarte Is on a hill;
In which city would you find
It?
4. Translate to a common
snvinR: "Smite while the fer
rite is at a relatively high
tempcrnlure."
5. In 1832 Old Hickory de
feated The Great Compromi
ser; who beat who?
R Thn name of what ani
mal has come to mean "to
defeat completely"?
7 Krhnhert'l Einhlll S.vm
phony Is also known as what
.vmnhnnv?
8. "He has plundered our
sens, ravaged our coasts,
burnt our towns , . ."; who
cnlri II In what?
a Tiiinnl font hull nluvrr
Red Grange was known as
what?
10. In the nursery rhyme,
who came so soon?
Aniwarei 1. Strait ef Do
ver. 2. Jeiebel er Delilah. 3.
Paris, France. 4. Strlka while
the Iron is hot. S. Andrew
Jackson beat Henry Clay. 6
Skunk. 7. Unfinished Sym
nhonv. 8. Colonists in Decla
ration of Independence. 9.
The Galloping Ghost. 10. Ten
o'clock scholar.
APOLOGIZES -
Burllnston. Vt. - Wtl - Sen
Edward M. Kennedy. 31 ID-
Mass.). apologlred by letter
Friday to a Vermont new
photographer for allegedly ex
poring a roll of film and d i
aging a camera at Stowe, Vt.,
Feb. 28.
Joblessness - - and Dignity
' That excellent newspaper, the Sacramento
Bee, the other day editorialized under the title,
"In Every Job There Is Dignity."
TKo f'immA rtf U rnna uuc tViuf "nil wnrk
. j.ic uiciijc ui i.ic
worthy of the name plays
!vJi;f;nn ar.A 4.Up sflpio1
nappy js me man wnu
a contribution toward tnat end.
This is a reflection of a philosophy which
ways been with us in one
tnat work is trooa. a
i j ....... i ii
not oniy toward tneir
out also toward tne gooa 01 me com-
UlUJllLJr' ailU OUV-JULjr,
n wnfW wifVinnf. t.li is ffiGlintr lack one
"u"1' " " T-.ve... " " O
of mankind's greatest rewards.
. ,!, ,
nu luvqc wuu uu
through circumstances ot
of employment opportunities areio pe piueu.
Tt is mni'o than o fnolinnr rf anmiritv it. is hfiinrr
a part of a common and
THIS is one of the dimensions of the tragedy
... 1. . 1 1,1 - A 1 I
wnicn lies Denina tne
figures, and the prospect
to increase.
TTPT ofmur f Vio rfiD
).
An uncxpecled rise of
. .e I I - J It.
Ill Ulll.'AVi;i.H.-U lint. Ul
during February boosted the
o.l per cent, me LaDor ucparLint'iH il-jjuhcu .
"It was the first time since December, 1961, that
the jobless rale has reached 6 per cent. . ,
"The department said some 4.9 million persons .
were unemployed during February compared to 4.5
million in the same month a year ago. The 4.9 million
figure was the highest recorded since July, 1961 . . ."
A I nnYit fitvio fVia fnfal niimhov.nf ctmnlW-
L LI1C OaillC WHIG,
ed reached an all-time
Ml
million.
Tvi i-ifl-irtts nr-vi-lo fVioio
there are also more people looking for jobs, and
the latter number is growing more rapidly than
the former. . ;
'
THERE are a number
Ono la fho fanf (hut
la l.V I. .... I. w..u ..V.W.W.. w j
not growing as rapidly as its work force.
A ri-fV... !a fViaf fnn manu nanrtlp tlfP fpi'mmflt.-
ing their education too
complex and mechanistic
Still anotner is tne rise 01 iarm productivity
cals as well as in labor-saving machinery which
i l ( j i 1 . . J!.... r.
enaDies iar iewer men 10
the land than ever was
'
ANOTHER and perhaps the most important,
ai'e the increasing strides in automation, where
machines and computers are doing the jobs form-
tecf machine )erforming
nunareas 01 people.
Ta if anir urmiflni' th'if
ness in all segments of the economy? Is it any
itmnrlntt 4-n i- in ! Ihaii A nnra & l'a U I'OO f 1 1T fl f f
strike to save their very
1 t 1. if.. 1.1--
eis nave suuen iui inu aaiuc reasuu, m icctsu in
part? Or that the east coast maritime and dock
unions struck for the same reason?
The fact is that such strikes will provide no
solution, and, indeed, will simply speed the trend
i j i i : .. . l : i A u
tuwatu aiauiiiauon, as
lurflan t!airt lahni rtncla
er production, turn increasingly toward machines
i i il. . 1
to cio me worn.
THE STRIKES are, however, a symptom, and
the most violent one to date.
Concern is being expressed elsewhere, as well
it nl. -i1-l TVia n rvr t T r rvi cl ti 1 1 itn io inn.
and ways in which to ameliorate its impact. Con-
lemices un auiuuiauuii
ucju mill uiui t-ai?iii ucvjuciu j ciiiu win-
form results, to the effect that something had
bettor be tlonp. and soon. Rut what1?
Job retraining, more
growth of the economy,
tUn a.I V....IU
ctn liiu iuHinuti i until VfUiiot:i v awuu vui 'a ctnvt
public works projects all these are partial
solutions, but only partial ones. They do not
measure up to the challenge.
A BEGINNING a small betrinninc in findinc
'"Vnorc permanent and satisfactory solutions
can be seen in certain labor-management agree
ments which recognize that automation is here
to stay and will increase.
The west coast longshoremen's union and the
uli i tY i ill i 1 it J iw I'll Jin ti ( I r Cafinirl 4 It nt uii'
1 1 1 r luiii 'iiiMt-i; itvt
ings i
aue io mecnanizauon snouui uc snared wun
the
win iwi a.
The recent Kaiser Steel agreement provides
nil 1 lm uini". tltimr tirl ilw: fvi 1 .. tl t unc tlt'it
mm
no
of
one will lose his means of livelihood because
iintnniMtiim lint will ln ri'tniniwl fnr othiM'
job
s. or. at worst, sunnorted even if no work is
av
mailable.
SIl-iiilni. il'nl'L- H'nnL'C
Ulll'l tL IIUI II 11l.Vllt1, IMIlVI UBIIVIU' 41,
reased and lengthened unemployment compen
ition benefits all these are part of the trend,
c
s
too
i, anil will become increasingly necessary.
r... :.. ..ii a.... ...:it u ....... k i -l
im ugiiiii, tin iiiL'.-e Hill nui ut' t'liuun iti iiu
h nuiro f.hnn rimhinn tho Khni'ks nt ailinst-
muc
ment
t to a word where
jo
ibs to go around. The
oi
later, will be in tinding dignity, security, seit
;npct and self-fulfillment whether or not one
es
productively employed. E.A.
a part in maintaining
ft,.f o,. ag we knOW it.
- - -
iuui umi mo muin do
modification or another
virtue, in ana 01 iujbu.
1 U:.. fH.j1i,c
own arm wieu xauuiieo
f ,nvlr of nil citrine
iiuv "um cy
oirtn, or circumstances
worthwhile endeavor.
current unempiuyinem,
that they will continue
flair cuirl
250,000 In unemployment1
- .. i - nUU. n( 4n '
uu.uuu ... ......
nation's jobless rate to
huiiiuvi -v viijw
February high of 66.4
mnrn inKa nnw lint.
of reasons for this.
tho nntinn's pnnnnmv is
soon ; are not equipping
society.
pruuuee iar muie nuiu
produced before.
work which once took
thnn la inprmifiino piikI.
jobs? Or that the print-
i iv.
uiupiuyeia, piutucu uc-
ov4 Ino tinar fnv rri'nut-
anu uiifiiipiu.yiiiuiH tiiu
education, speeding the
stop-gap projects such
n,.,.ll.n r1.,. nnA
utiv ti k i km vital tiiv oti
lniHTo. i nil t li ilc in.
there are not enoiurh
major adjustment, sooner
JMbLlrOHD
J "On Second
TVfeSt to ,! tTCmi
JUST Jyr' ""J
Today & Tomorrow
By Waller
(r 1flHH, The
BLAND AND
CHEERY WORDS
It is necessary to lake a
closer look at the bland and
cheery words of the President
of the Euro
pean Kconom-'
i c Commun
ity, Dr. Walt
er Hallstcin.
When he was
in Washing
ton on Mon
day, he asked
us to be "pa
tient" and as-
Llppraann sured us that
Britain would be admitted
eventually," perhaps even
within two years.
Considering this, we are
bound to osk what can hap
pen in two years, to transform
the Anglo-Saxon oceanic is
lands of Britain into a qual
ified European state capable
of playing an equal part with
France and Germany in Euro
pean affairs?
I think I know wlKit Dr.
Hallstcin means, having heard
him say when I was in Brus
sels at the beginning of De
cember that the British ap
plication had come too late
the British had refused to join
at the beginning in 1957 and
the application had now come
too early, for in the "Europe"
which the six founders are
now making, "the bones are
not yet hardened."
..,''
WHY, we must wonder, will
the bones have hardened
in two or three years? The
answer to this question is the
key to much that is happen
ing. This is the yenr lOHH, and
following Article 8 of the
Treaty of Rome, the six are in
the second yenr of this second
of the three "stages" pre
scribed in the treaty. During
this second stage, the veto,
which might have delayed the
ending of stage one, can be
used only to prevent delay.
During stage two, the six,
having agreed on the broad
principles' of agricultural pol
icy, arc putting the power to
work out the terms of the
agreement on Dr. Hallstcin's
commission. In effect, is be
comes a Federal European
Ministry of Agriculture. The
critical fact is that internal
agricultural prices will be set
In this period. The height of
the Common Agricultural
Tariff is determined by the
Big, New
By ERIC SEVAREID
There Is a secret lesson
from the long New York
newspaper strike, a disturbing
lesson lhat no
jf2V X 4 Journalist can
tf-e . " "Vi; 5 easily accept.
C' h"t which, I
iui;i uuuhi.vi .
say, must be
accepted and
frankly taken
point for the
reformation of
srvri-id journalism in
tills country.
The secret truth is that
great numbers of New York
people fell a conscious or sub
conscious sense of relief at
(he absence of tho daily pa
papers and their saturating
j needle shower of unrelated
i facts - relief from the diUiv
: struggle lo absorb and umlor
i stand it all.
! ...
i In the first few works of
; the strike this was not tho
: case; then, it was as painful
; as drug withdrawal. After
; that, nut people lolt no pain.
! indeed, they enjmed a certain
I sense of freedom.
This is something publish
ers, editors and writers must
think about very carefully.
i we struggle with the task of
, enlightening the Anioriean
- people, which is not Ihe s..mo
- as informing lliom Wo iiuiiit
: think alumt it in connection
i with a rietiHiit. if not drspair
i ing, manifesto luucd by the
Si
1 p
! LI
MAIL TRIBUNE. hatDtOMU. OMtliON
Thought -
Lippmann
WashlnHtnn Post
internal prices, since it is a
variable levy calculated to
protect European products.
WE ARE not in a position
to see why we are ad
vised to be patient for two
years. During these two years,
the agricultural policy of the
Common Market, wilh France
the main beneficiary and
West Germany a lesser bene
ficiary, is to be formed with
out the British being present.
The bones that are to
harden during the British ab
sence are the agricultural tar
riffs and levies which will
penalize America, the Com
monwealth and the Latin
American farmers in favor of
French and West German
farmers.
In the case of wheat, for
example, French support
prices are now about $2.15 a
bushel. The German support
prices are more than S3 a
bushel. At the West German
support price, on which
France and West Germany
might easily make a deal, it
is estimated that six million
acres in France would be
brought into the production
of wheat. This will be nearly
enough wheat for the whole
Common Market and would
put an end to any substantial
American and other wheat ex
ports to Europe. The Common
Market would shut itself off
from the world market.
Not oniy wheat is involved.
We now sell, for example,
over $50 million worth of
poultry to West Germany. The
duty has been around 4.5c a
pound, which was workable.
But now it has been raised to
13c a pound, which is high
enough to come near making
isolationists out of the sena
tors from Arkansas and Geor
gia. 'TUIE real question about the
two-year delay in admit
ting Britain, and the reason
why It is not easy to be cheery
about it, is that the two years
may be used to make the
European Economic Commu
nity restricted, exclusive,
largely self - contained and.
Willi varying accompanying
military and political agree'
menls; a closed community
under French control wilh
German assislancc.
Whether the United States
has the means lo combat the
Responsibility for journalism
Center lor fho Study of Dem
ocratic Institutions, Dr. Rob
crt HuU'hins' "think factory"
at Santa Barbara, John Cog
Icy ol' that group asks the
pertinent questions:
"Arc our problems so vasl,
Ihe technical aspects of mod
ern life so tricky, access lo
the fads o iglit and the
necessary knowledge so elu
sive lhat American democracy
will betome simpty a matter
of living one's private life
and tiirnlir; over the manage
ment of the ntihl'.r sector eoin-
' pletely to nrntossjonals'' At'
! 'we the people' no more than
! a remote board ol overseers.
; preoeeupied ih our pnvase
pursuits wiule exnerts carry
on our a! fairs and make mo
mentous mor,;l decisions for
us'"'
! Mv n n na ioi; fear is
'.hat tiie answer is ' ye er is
.soon go'.ei; to b vome "vrs "
No! beeanse tiie generality of
citizens- are less intelligent
than they wore Not because
they arc less interested they
arc more interested Not be
cause they are less well edu
ealed - they are be;tcr edu
cated. Hut because, with Ihe
crmvth of ediieat ion and in
terest and the m.m1. "elH bulk
of matters hie;-, eeie-a to and
foreign, ivnr live : wi'i'in the
realm oi li-e tK.::c sector."
we ha e tried t. rke all nc!
: knowionyo for our pro nice
I In this ( ie failing. We
Matter of Fact
(cl New York Herald
THE BEST AND
THE WORST
Rome As seen from Rome,
Gen. de Gaulle has something
of the terrifying unpredicta
bility of an
ancient dino
s a u r turned
loose in
a wonderfully
p r o s p e rous
modern c a b-
t 4 oage pate n.
4J The cabbage
r jj i b ii, u.
C-.P-I course, is the
Aiinp European
Common Market formed, as
all Italians proudly remem
ber, by the Treaty of Rome.
In the years of the Common
Market, Italy's surge forward
has been as remarkable as it
is gratifing.
The industrial north is boil
ing with prosperity. The tra
gic south is at last beginning
to lose its strange aspect of
an underdeveloped country in
the midst of modern Europe.
In Rome itself, the tide of
wealth is threatening to sub
merge the city's ancient
beauty in modern building.
-
BUT in this Common Mar
ket whirh has rinni un
much for Italy, here is Gen.
de Gaulle attempting to assert
French hegemony in the
Europe of the Six. Here is
Gen. de.GauIle demanding an
exclusive and protectionist
European agricultural and
trade policy. Here is Gen. de
Gaulle proclaiming Europe
for the Europeans, and quite
probaby seeking to get rid of
the American military pres
ense which is Europe's main
defense.
What to do about this dino-
saurish figure? That is the
question every Italian leader
is asking himself. As already
reported, all the present lead
ers of the Italian government
are united in believing that
they must resist the General's
attempt to transform the old
Europe of the Six into a
wholly different Gaullist
E u r o p e although a good
many are doubtful about the
ultimate success of this resis
tance if the Germans will not
join in.
. The attempt to resist will
be made in any case. The
broad lines of the resistance
can even be predicted. The
struggle will begin with this
spring's scheduled intra-Euro-pean
negotiations to complete
the Common Market's com
mon agricultural policy.
.
"rrilE chances are rather
good," says one of the
wisest and most influentially
placed Italians, "that there
will be no common agricul
tural policy this year or even
next year."
That strikes the essential
note. The Italian aim, in oth
er words, is to hang onto the
Common Market as it now
exists, but not to go forward
in the direction being pointed
by Geri. de Gaulle.
As well try to persuade a
dinosaur to do the two-step,
as to try to persuade Gen. de
Gaulle to change his own di
rection. Such is the Italian
opinion; and from this flows
the conviction that the best
thing for Europe will be to
halt about where Europe
now is.
Certain forward steps of a
minor character are thought
to be safe. For example, the
association with Europe of
the ex-French and ex-Belgian
movement of Europe into re
striction and exclusivcness is
not yet clear. We have much
at stake, and the real issues
should not be hidden from us
by bland and cheery words.
are failing at the first level
the communicators' level, be
cause in the media of com
munication the swing to an
emphasis on selectivity and
constant explanation is too
slow a swing. The daily needle
shower of unrelated facts still
tends to create a steamy va
por, obscuring vision. We are
failing at the second level of
Ihe "consumer," it seems to
me. for two reasons related
to this.
In the first place, it is simp
ly not Irtie lhat there has
been a general extension, in
this country, of leisure time
tor reading, listening and
study. It seems lo me the ex
tension of leisure has gone
mostly to those Americans at
the lower rungs of the eco
nomic and educational ladder,
those whose desire for dis
traction competes powerfully
with their desire for knowl
edge. Those Americans with
a higher education base, those
in (he middle and upper ranks
of business and professional
life that is to say. those who
must be well informed be
cause of tiie importance of
their decisions and their in
fluence - these men and wo
men arc working harder and
lostgrr hours than their fath
er.s and yrandtathcrs The
daily caricon of the exhaust
ed commuter taking home his
bulging briefcase is no
sketch from fancy.
By Joseph Alsop
Trlhune Syndicate
African states, recently halt,
ed by the Italians, will almost
certainly be approved after
the Italian election.
OTHER major forward steps
are desired, if Gen. de
Gaulle will agree to them.
The best example is the fur
ther lowering of the Common
Market's internal tariffs,
which is scheduled for next
July. But for the time being,
the further evolution of the
Common Market into a
stronger, closer community is
to be halted, if the Italians
have their way, because they
believe that in present cir
cumstances any true evolu
tion will end in a Gaullist
Europe.
It can be seen, then, that
the best they hope for here is
far below the glowing best
most Europeans hoped for be
fore the dinosaur clumped
Into the cabbage patch. As for
the worst, which is greatly
feared, it is nothing less than
the eventual break-up of the
European community.
Those Italians who are
closest to the problem take
it for granted that Gen. de
Gaulle will threaten to break
up the . European Common
Market if he does not get this
way. What they argue about
is whether he will carry out
his threats.
SOME say lie cares too much
about his place in history
to take the responsibility for
the collapse of this Common
Market that has aroused such
widespread hones. Others
argue that de Gaulle thinks
the Common Market has no
economic value except per
haps as a benefit to French
agriculture. These men reason
that de Gaulle will therefore
have no further use for the
Common Market if it obsti
nately refuses to serve his
political purposes.
It seems tragic that the end
of the Common Market
should be regarded as a seri
ous possibility by serious and
expert men, at the end of
these years of glowing prog
ress within and by the Com
mon Market. .
Communications
Grandmothers At A Sal.
To the Editor: My wife saw
an ad for a sale of children's
blue denims. She bemoaned
the fact that shet could not
be there, so I, in a spirit of
bravery, said I would look
in on the sale.
It was a beautiful day. I
fell so wonderful as I strolled
into the store, little knowing
the upset I was to get. I
searched out the counter with
the denims on it, but lo my
consternation I counted nine
gray - haired grandmothers
who had surrounded the ta
ble. Things were a mad
scramble.
I thought, well, I am a
grandfather, so maybe 1 have
a chance. I sidled up to a
small grandmother, slid my
arm onto the table, grabbed a
pair of pants and, wham, I
got an elbow in my ribs, and
also a dirty look that should
have floored me.
I backed off and got my
breath, and up came the
clerk, who I asked if there
were any size 8 pants. She
grabbed the panls out of my
hand, yelled "No 8s, 6s, or
5s," threw the pants to the
wolves and left.
I wandered out of the store
holding my sore ribs, and
vowed I would never fight
grandmothers again.
Gee, it's pretty oulsidc.
Wilbur L. Gardner
323 South Peach st.
Medford.
These people simply do not
have anything like the resi
dual time and energy to man
age their families and concern
themselves wilh community
affairs, and slill work their
way to the truth of DcGaulle
and NATO, disarmament, for-
; eign aid, Latin America's be-
wildering predicament, Bri
tain s lost position, the ques
tion of whether or not lo cut
taxes and whose taxes to cut,
the meaning of the upheaval
in Iraq, the best way to handle
juvenile delinquency, over
crowded schools, i m moral
movies you name il. They
desperately need the aid of
more skillfully edited, pre
sented and explained news
not simply more news. There
are only so many hours in Ihe
day: the more time spent scan
ning or hearing the cataract of
"hard news." tiie fewer hours
there must be for understand
ing it.
...
Mr. Cogley's manifesto goes
on "We arc saying thai the
judgment pf Ihe people is still
to be trusted." Of course, it
is to be trusted on the great,
simple and immediate issues
On a hundred other important
issues it cannot be trusted, be
cause such luricmcnts, under
present conditions, are not ex
pressed, and they are not ex
pressed because they are not
formed
(Distributed 1963. by The Hall
Syndicate. Inc.)
(All Rights Reserved)
THINGS YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IF YOU HADN'T
READ THEM HERE:
Not all books on canines at the public library are dog.
eared but most canines are . . . Firecrackers are not per
mitted in Russia except on the Fourth of July . Salt
water taffy was discovered by an inventor who was actually
looking for a cheaper way to make upper and lower plates
stick to each other . . . Dice started out as a rather dull
game of square marbles until someone thought of adding
spols for decorations . . . Most low slung sports car owners
sleep under the bed and eat under the table . . . Elvis
Presley gives half of everything he makes to a charity called
Colonel Parker ... No New York radio station has ever
had a newspaper strike . . . Horsepower means how many
units of energy it takes to move a horse seven feet . . A.
new paint-by-the-numbers kit for color-blind people has
just one number . . . The snake that bit Elizabeth Taylor
in "Cleopatra" hasn't been a bit well since . . . Many babies
(mostly boys) are being named after Hoss, the fun loving
teenager on Bonanza. i
CAMP WHITE, OREGON WORLD WAR II
G.I.'s. everywhere were deserting th.lr own outfiii
just to enlist in units headed for what waa considered
the country club camp of America. N.v.r e drop of rain,
a swell commanding officer who knew how much growing
boys liked Spam, within easy walking distance of Med
ford where the soldier was king (at least on pay day).
Camp Whit, was a home away from home. One kid from
Akron, Ohio, liked it so well that he stayed on in th.
valley and became mayor of Medford. Isn't that so, S.I.
geant Dunlevy?
ASIATIC FLU GUIDE
Everyone knows the old'
feed the Asiatic flu." We'll you'd better give it something it
likes such as Egg Foo Yung, Chow Mein. sweet and sour
spare ribs, and, of course,
FORTUNE COOKIE MESSAGE
"Don't leave. You'll be
KNOW YOUR NEIGHBOR
TllirtV mileS to the WPSt.
general who later became
mes r-ass is Known ior us wonaertul climate and is some
times called "the eitv of lo.nnn omhrnilnc mDd.kv in
tensive hop yards, the product of which causes people to
oitigj diiu jump.
MENTAL NOTE
Using a technique of hypnotic regression to take you
back lo your most primitive self, it is now possible to
determine what kind of a person you would have been
during the stone age. The operator hands you a rock and
you decide if you feel like throwing it or crawling under it.
BOOK REVIEWS
A number of new do-it-yourself books are now at your
book dealers and we recommend a few we believe should be
in every home. "How To Undo What You Did Yourself,"
"How To Cheat At Polo," "Predicting Things For Fun And
Prophet," "A Mess Sergeant's Guide For Making Every
thing Taste Like Sawdust," and "How To Knock Over Fort
Knox, And Other Halloween Pranks."
SPACE SHIP STUFF
1st Spaceman: "It looks cold down iher. on that
planet."
2nd Spaceman: "According to the instrument read,
ings, it's 600 degrees below freezing down there which
would certainly make it uninhabitable for life as we know
it."
1st Spaceman: "Cool, man, let's get back to Venui
where it's warm."
YOUR NAME HERE?
Loom Aisles, Bobbed Uff,
Atomic Cloud, Bobbab Kuss,
Elly Uttbekon, Jahnew Itch.
"IF" DEPARTMENT
IF we only had on. ey. in the middle, instead of th.
two where we have them now, glasses would look funny
as the dickens.
IF Columbus hadn't been such a boating nut, w. would
all still be Indians.
IF people are always so Upset about air pollution, why
do they blow cigarette smoke in your face whil. ihey'r.
telling you about it?
"I don't know what kind of generation we're pro
ducing, but kids don't want your autograph nowadays
unless you're in th. hundr.d-thousand-t-year bracket!"
saying. "Starve a fever an
bean sprout pizza.
hungry again in an hour.'
5s
IS a nilv namnJ nflra rm...
president of the United States.
5D
3
Patma Koy, Glenge Axon,
Huke Oalman, Bilb Arker,
If