Medford mail tribune., January 13, 1963, Image 44

Quips
and Quotes
Cutting Remarks
I grab the morning paper Brat,
Before my wife a deed rehearsed
For many yeara. And if you think
I am a boor, or on the brink,
I'll tell you why: My good wife snips
And with her sharpened scissors clips
All sorts of coupons, ads, and such
And doesn't leave me very much.
If I've the paper first and solely,
It's that I like it whole, not holey.
Richard Armour
Would Yew Uks Mar Gravy 7
Reducing isn't really tough!
It's easy if you NO enough.
The age-old debate between dog lovers and cat lovers
was raging at a party. "Let me tell you about a dog I
heard of," said one guest "A house caught fire, and the
mother and father carried the children out safely then
discovered that one child had been left behind. Before
either could react, their dog dashed into the flames and
soon emerged carrying the missing child."
"Bah !" said a cat lover. "That's the oldest story ever
told by you dog people!"
"Wait," came the reply. "I'm not finished. Although
everybody was now safe, the dog ran back into the burn
ing house. The family thought the excitement had driven
him mad. But soon he came out again, carrying some
thing in his mouth."
The storyteller paused and looked at his enthralled
audience. "Now this may sound strange, but do you know
what he was carrying? Well, that dog had a damp towel
in his mouth, and when they unfolded it out dropped
the fire-insurance policy!" Same Shurtuck
to
"Ill vista rr
IJ - DRIVING
J saam-
"Well, I've learned one thing today you're a
' poor teacher." '.
NEW IMPROVED TUMS!
Better tlmn ever taste! Better than ever relief!
New Improved TUMS let you enjoy
really good flavor and get great acid
indigestion relief at the same time!
Modem TUMS taste so delightfully
minty cool and crisp, and there's
never a trace of unpleasant after
taste. Try minty-f resh New Improved
TUMS soon !
Now New Improved TUMS bring better-than-euer
fast, effective, long-lasting relief from acid
indigestion, heartburn and gas ! Modern TUMS
exclusive formula with scientific buffering-action
promptly neutralizes excess acids and soothes
the stomach by gently coating the stomach lining.
And TUMS are safe never cause over-alkaliz
ing, acid rebound or unwanted side effects.
I never a trace of unpleasant after- I I the stomach by gently coating the stomach lining. I
I taste. Try minty-f resh New Improved I I And TUMS are safe never cause over-alkaliz- I
I TUMSwon J ing, acid rebound or unwantedideeffecta. J
I;.
I Best of all antacids tested ! , .
Improved fJjT
Wh
i :vl
Best of all antacids tested !
The following statement is the
result of 16 months of clinical
research conducted at one of
America's leading universities.
"New formula TUMS were
tested, on hyperacid patients,
along with nine other med
ically approved antacids
including roll-type and prescription-type
antacids . . .The
findings proved TUMS led all
other antacids in this impor
tant combination: (1) Speed
of relief, (2) Long-latting re
lief, (3) Safe relief without
unpleasant side effects, (4)
Economy"
New Improved TUMS are
now on your retailers' shelves
in the same familiar pack
age . . . handy rolls and
bottles too!
Always carry Turns for the Tummy!
The homeowner had just finished laying a new side
walk when he looked out the window and saw the neigh
borhood children writing their initials in the wet cement
He raced out the house and sent them scurrying with
his shouts and threats.
"What's the matter, dear," his wife asked. "Don't you
like children?"
"In the abstract, yes," the husband replied, "but not
in the concrete." Jane Sherman
A hotpital should also have a recovery room adjoining
the cashier's office. Jan Shepard
My Wife's Eyesight
Is ttsmarfcaMs
Her glasses really aren't at all
Important to her vision
In reading or, when driving,
In averting a collision.
They're no real help in cleaning house
Or (so she claims) tv-lng.
To tell the truth, the only thing
She needs them for la seeing.
Hal Chadivick
family Wetkly. January 11. 1M1