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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (April 15, 1962)
Are Successful Parents Bad for Their Children? In being "good providers," they may fail io supply the most important possessions of all By JOHN A. ROSE, M.D. Director. Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic PHOTOGRAPH IV RICHARD CHECANI Driving in the country last week, we stopped to admire a low white house that overlooked a river. In the driveway stood a new station wagon and on the lawn a resplendent English bike and a beautiful doll's pram. I hoped that the parents and children of this house were not paying too dearly for their pos sessions. For parents who extend themselves to give their children advantages most likely, ad vantages they themselves never knew some times cheat their children of that which they need most : closeness, love, and understanding. As if in answer to my thoughts, a boy of about 12 came barging out of that house and shouted, "I won't! And you can't make me! I hate you!" The Family Service Association of America, celebrating its 50th annual conference last No vember, called family breakdown "America's No. 1 social problem." What causes this "state of affairs? Many things. But often far too often it is the result of undue striving: a father striving to get ahead faster; a mother striving for social importance; the incessant striving for possessions a bigger house, a bet ter car, appliances, sports equipment. Only a slothful family does not aspire to have things. What is to be deplored is striving what ever it is for which pushes parents to the brink of their mental, physical, and spiritual capacities. Such overextended parents lack the patience, time, and energy to give their children adequate companionship or understanding. IT is important for young people to know that someone strong and able is on their side. Boys and girls of all ages who get the feeling their parents are more concerned with other things become frightened, lonely, resentful. The most competent family I know I'll call them the Bryans consists of a mother, father, and three children of modest means. Occasionally, I'm sure, they wish they could afford a new dress or suit, a new rug or lamp. But this never seems to upset them. They're too busy enjoying what they have. Whether making Christmas cookies or decorating Easter eggs, a project in the Bryan family seems important and zestful. I do not find it surprising that the neighbor hood children, most of whom come from more bountiful homes, seek the Bryans' house as one would seek shelter from a storm. Many of the neighbors are so preoccupied main taining the scale of living they have set for them selves that they emanate an atmosphere of insecurity, worry, and fatigue. Their children sense this family stress. Down the road from the Bryans live a very successful executive and his wife and son. Their doctor suggested to the mother that she was not giving the boy sufficient attention. Horrified, she invited her son to sit down with her from 4 to 5 o'clock every Thursday and talk over any problem he had. After a few sessions the boy, affronted at being expected to turn a sen.se of closeness on and off like a faucet, began expressing resentments he may not have real-, ized he had and finally told his mother that she was a selfish five-letter word. She flew to the doctor. "Junior," she wept, "talked like one of those awful boys who get into trouble with the police!" The doctor tried to explain that juvenile de linquency almost always occurs when an adult child relationship loses its thread of meaning and a boy or girl proceeds to identify within his age group and to reject adult standards. That evening the boy's father visited the doc tor. Bitterly, he told of all the things he and his wife had given their son: "He's just more than we can handle. We're entering him in a mil itary academy. That should fix him'!" What this boy needed was understanding and companionship, not ostracism. It is ironic that in this age, which provides leisure time for the pursuit of happiness, so many of us don't know how to pursue it. Children bitsically need very little: to be a loved and loving part of their parents' lives, not relegated to the side lines. But in the striv ing atmosphere that has become part of our cultural climate, parents often cheat their chil dren of these basic needs. And inevitably, the more ambitious parents are, the more likely they are to make this serious mistake. COVER: Easter wouldn't be complete, without a saucy new chapeau. This one, photographed by Walter Herstatt, is a brimmed turquoise straw by Betmar, bound with black velvet around the crown. More on hats, page 16. nunily Weekly April IS, 1962 LEONARD S. DAVIDOW V,,(,nl and PMither WAITER C. DREYFUS Virr Pmidrnt PATRICK E. O'ROURKE Irfrrrfning tlirrrtar MORTON FRANK Pirrrtor of VM,.hrr KrlatioHl Send all odvortiiing communication! Io Family Wtokly, 153 N. Michigan Avo.. Chicago 1. III. Addrtu all communication! about tditoriol ftaturt! to Family W..Uy, 60 E. 56th St., N.w York 22, N. Y. Board of Editor! ERNEST V. HEYN Editor-in-Chirl REN KARTMAN Executive Editor ROBERT FITZOIBBON .Uanogina Editor MARGARET BELL Froturt Editor PHILLIP DYKSTRA Art Director MELANIE OE PROFT Food Editor P 1H1, FAMILY WEEKLY MAGAZINE, INC., Roialyn Abrovaya, John Hochmann, Jorry KLsin, Hal London, Jack Ryan; Poor J. Opptnhtimor, Hollywood. 153 N. Michigan Avo., Chicago I, III. All right! rourvod.
