Medford mail tribune., August 14, 1960, Image 34

American Husbands Are Too Domestic!
A noted anthropologist laments the disappearance
of the old-fashioned marriage and proposes some modern solutions
By Dr. MARGARET MEAD
as told to Lester and Irene David
American husbands are among the world's most .
k domesticated males!
It Is time we realized that this situation, is not
as harmless as most married couples and many
authorities in the field of family relations seem
to believe.
A study conducted by the Princeton Research
Service revealed that 87 percent of younger hus
bands and 78 percent of older ones help their wives
with the children and housework. Among married
college students, according to Gilbert Youth Re
search, the figure is just about 100 percent Despite
some rumbles of discontent, most husbands have
accepted their lot and even manage to enjoy it.
Certainly this state of affairs helps insure a
smoother-running home, and contributes to the
American wife's reputation for an incredibly clean,
well-ordered household.
But while a domesticated husband is reckoned
an immediate advantage to a wife, he is an ultimate
liability to himself and to the nation.
The generally accepted notion that a married
man must spend a good portion of his free time
helping care for home and children can stifle his
ambition and hurt his career.
In fact, it has already influenced vast numbers
of males to lower their sights so that they seek
only job security and an adequate income, not any
greater responsibilities that might keep them away
from home and its chores. This has happened be
cause we have succeeded in convincing them that
they are shirking their duties as good husbands
and fathers unless they pitch in valiantly at home.
But if our men are busy with the work of the
home, who is left to do the work of the world?
Where will our statesmen, creators, and industrial
leaders come from? Government, business, and
industry are already suffering from an acute short
age of good executive talent. Small wonder! The
pool from which top-management material ordi
narily would emerge is much too busy doing the
week's shopping at the supermarket
Wives are not entirely to blame. They, too, are
victims of a way of life that has developed around
them. The villain is our cultural standards!
When this century was young, an entire family
would live in a large house near a husband's place
of work. Help was plentiful. Often, there were
grandparents or other relatives around to lend a
hand. As a result, Father could devote his time to
his career. He hardly knew - where the kitchen
utensils were kept, much less how to use them.
Now we have the era of the small home. There's
no room for other relatives; they live separately.
And full-time domestic help is found in less than
3 percent of our homes. The mother must rear
three or four children and keep house, with all its
gadgetry, by herself. The house must always
be spick-and-span, the children must always look
starched and shiny. The result is that she works
from 80 to 100 hours a week at her job, about two-and-a-half
times more than her husband does at
his. She must be an expert nurse, social secretary,
chauffeur, and purchasing agent, not to mention
the time she has to spend in the highly organized
community life of our towns.
She needs help. The only thing she can do, she
thinks, is to call on her husband.
Faced with this dilemma, far too many American
women have fallen into a trap. They look for
a good husband instead of a superior man. To them,
a "good husband" is one who puts his family above
his work. They want a man to be a good provider,
but they do not want him to aspire to any emi
nence that might prevent him from coming home
on time and deprive them of their "assistant." In
short, many American wives are no longer ambi
tious for their husbands in any way except finan
cially and socially.
I cannot propose any sugar-pill solution to the
problem. It is too deep and tangled. However, I
do believe that wives and husbands with under
standing can avoid the pitfalls that lead to the
overdomesticated husband.
Wives should realize that you cannot judge a
husband by how helpful he is. A man may
rarely perform housework yet give his family a full
measure of security and warmth. Another may do
much but fail to give his family affection.
Not that a husband should get into the habit of
relaxing before the TV set while his overburdened
wife attends to everything; he should share the
essential tasks. And few fathers are unaware of
the fact that spending time with the children re
sults in closer, warmer ties.
But, on the other hand, a husband also should
realize that his fulfillment as a human being lies
in his ability to achieve his goal in life. And his
wife must realize this, too!
Wives will find it pays to ease up on their stand
ards of household perfection. It's better to have a
less tidy home than to keep a husband from where
he should be heading.
Women must remember, too, that the breadwin
ner's job is enormously difficult and exhausting in
today's highly competitive world. Thrusting a
broom or baby in his hand when he comes home
is hardly the way to welcome him or help him
meet the challenge of his daily problems.
Marriage today is a matter of sharing, but this
does not mean that all the jobs must be split down
the middle, like children dividing an apple. Wives
would do well to share the work by sensibly man
aging a home so that a man may still have his
ambitions and a fair chance to fulfill them. It is
the intelligent woman's job to help her mate
achieve the greatness he might well be capable of
attaining, and which the world needs so badly.
DRAWING BY JACK W001HISER
COVER:
As Jim Pond's photo shows, it's the wise
mother that points Junior toward a pool
during the dog days. The result is less
work or her, and lots more fun for him.
LEONARD S. DAVIDOW President and Publither
WAITER C DREYFUS Vie. President
PATRICK E. O'lOURKE Advertising Director
Sand all advertising communications to
Family Weekly, 15 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago 1, III.
Address all communication! about editorial features to
Family Weekly, 60 E. 36th St., New York 22, N. Y.
fi 1M0, FAMHY WEEKLY MAGAZINE, INC,
1
August 14, I960
board of Editors
ERNEST V. HEYN Editor-in-Chief
EN KARTMAN Executive Editor
ROSERT FITZGIBSON Managing Editor
MARGARET SELL Feature Editor
PMIUI DYKSTRA Art Director
MELANIE DE PROfT Food Editor
Bob Driicoll, Irma Heldmon, John Hochmann, Jerry Klein,
Harold London, Jock Ryonj Peer Opoenheimer, Hollywood.
153 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago!, III. All rights reserved.