Medford mail tribune., March 27, 1960, Image 46

Donna and her husband with Tony, Jr.,
11, Mary, 2, Tim, 9, and
Penny Jane, 13. Despite busy careers,
they have managed an enviable
relationship with their kids.
y children
low innic
Ibecayse
I'm ' strict!
I n rvr I
By DONNA REED
This famous actress reveals her approach to parenthood; though it's old
fashioned, it seems startlingly new in an age when psychology books rule most roosts
tit t hat i wouldn't give for a family like yours,"
VY the letter read. "Imagine, having children
who enjoy their home and their parents' company!
My kids look upon our home as a jail with me as
the warden if I ask them to stay home at night..."
The mailman delivers many letters like' that to
our Hollywood studio. Some tug at my heart Others
beg for advice.
All of which frightens me a little, because it indi
cates that too many people have turned the role of
parent into a complex and burdensome problem
and are missing out on an incomparable joy of life.
I don't agree with those who complain that the
modern child is more difficult to rear than the
youngster of yesteryear. If this, is true, then I must
be the luckiest mother in the world.' I've never -read
a child-psychology book, and I know nothing
about the scientific methods of interpreting juvenile
behavior. Indeed, my approach to parenthood un
doubtedly would horrify many modern thinkers,
but I've found that it can be rewarding and fun.
The answer is quite simple be strict
This isn't to say that the hand that rocks the
cradle should pack an Ingemar Johansson wallop,
or that the home should be turned into a concentra
tion camp. On the contrary, love, understanding,
and mutual respect must be the basic ingredients
of any successful family relationship. Being a strict
parent simply means the establishment of "ground
rules" and the enforcement of these rules through
methods they understand.
At our house, for instance, we stress punctuality.
I allow. the children 15 minutes leeway on all
arrival schedules. If they are more than 15 minutes
late in returning from school or play or some other
activity, they are punished. Usually, it takes the
form of denied privileges use of the telephone or
the television set, or perhaps the cancellation of
the weekly shopping trip.
The punishment varies according to the child's
interests, of course. In other words, Penny Jane,
who's 13, would be hardest hit by the loss of the
usual shopping jaunt. Our boys, Tony, Jr., 11, and
Tim, 9, wince at the thought of a TV. blackout
Little Mary, who's only 2, has to be dealt with
on terms reserved for toddlers.
- Since I was raised on a farm myself, I am a firm
believer in chores for children. This isn't a case
of making servants out of your children like fir
ing the part-time gardener when your boy becomes
old enough to mow the lawn. It's simply giving each
child the opportunity to make a contribution to his
home to learn that a truly happy home is the result
of pitching in together.
Some of today's children would blanch at the
thought of tackling the chores I handled as a young
girl. On Dad's 450-acre farm in Denison, Iowa, I
drove a tractor, milked cows, pitched hay, and even
baked the family bread. My brothers and sisters
did, too. But we never really thought of these tasks
as work. They were things the family did together.
Of course, it's important to pitch in with the chil
dren when they tackle their chores. The child will
take additional pride in what he's doing, and will :
strive harder to please.
The seed for many family problems is planted on
the day the allowances are passed out to the
children. A hefty allowance doled out by an over
indulgent parent can give a youngster a false sense
of values. I know one girl of Penny's age who gets
no less than $20 a week to spend just on clothes.
Will she be equipped for anything other than a life
of plenty?
We give Penny and Tony $1.25 a week. This is
supposed to cover school supplies, movies, sodas,
etc. Tim gets 75 cents a week. Mary goes empty
handed but does rather well in occasional handouts
at the supermarket We seldom have any com
plaints, unless the children feel they can't afford
certain school items on their budget If the appeal
is valid, a bonus is put into effect
I'm firmly convinced that the very core of our
juvenile delinquency problems can be traced to the
(Continued on page 16)
8
Family Weekly, March 27, 1960