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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (March 11, 1960)
O MAIL TRIBUNE, Medford, Or. B Friday, March 11, I960 at CRAY'S 3 ROOM GROUP Family Council Editor Note: The Family Coun cil consists of a Judge, m psychia trist, three clergymen, a newspaper editor, a women's editor and two writers. Each article is a summary of an actual case history. The Council reports on problems that have been dealt with by responsible agencies and counselors. Mr. M.S. - My daughter hurt me. Ethel She made me 4' V angry. Mr. M.S. I am a widow of 65. My husband died a year ago after a long, torturing ill ness and I nursed him through to the end. I thank God I had the strength to do it. In all the time my husband was ill my children, a mar ried son and daughter, did very little to help him or me. Their only suggestion was to send him to a hospital or nursing home. I wasn't going to do that while I had the ability to care for him my self. I have been living with my daughter since my husband's death. I haven't been well, but I don't complain. When I asked my daughter what she plans to do about me when I can no longer take care of myself she laughed and said, "Don't cros your bridges un til you coma to them." I cried all night to think that this is my. return for a lifetime of devotiom. 9tlvd - My mother has alwgy bMM a difficult woman and tg and her widowhood haven't improved her much. My brother and I tried to ful fill our responsibilities to her and our ftther but it wasn't easy. In th first place, we were unable to do anything to help when our father was so ill. We had our own families to care for and we felt that if it was too much for mother she should send him to a hospital. Mother made me angry when she asked what I would do about her when she became ill because she is always hint ing that we don't want her and that we had no real feel ing for our father. It's just not true. I have tried to make Mother comfortable in my home, but she always acts as though she is intruding. On the other hand, she gets very hurt if -.ve don't include her in our activities. Th Conucil: Most elderly Individuals fear the waning of their powers even more than death itself. They dread being reduced once more to an infantile state, dependent upon the good will of others. It is hard for most young people to fully enter into the feelings of an older person on this subject. They have feel ings of their own. They resent the suggestion that they might be considered ungrateful or lacking in devotion to their parents. For a better understanding of her problems we suggest that Mrs. M.S. read Shake speare's "King Lear." The elderly monarch decides to give away all his property, making himself even more helpless than necessary. Then he throws himself on the mercy of his daughters by trying to find out which loves him the most. The greedy elder daughters lay it on thick, talking of their devo tion in grandiose terms. The loving youngest one simply says she loves him as a daughter should love a father. She is disinherited, but it is she who comes to be with her father when the elder daugh ters have proven their ugly motives. inis may sound like an oversimplified version of the situation, yet it goes to the heart of the matter. When an elderly person is frightened by the thought of the future he may make childish and foolish demands on the young. The young person, pained at the spectacle of a once-powerful parent behaving in an un worthy manner, msy respond coldly. He really wants to tell his parent to have courage and to carry himself proudly as long as possible. And that is what we would recommend to Mrs. M.S. - courage and an active effort to find friends and interests suitable to her age. Then she will be willing to let the future take care of itself. (Copyright I960. General Features Corp.) 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