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A smart wife is one who knows how to retie the Christinas package her husband has hidden from her.
-O.A.BattUta
For nearly an hour the route clerk of an automobile
club carefully went over travel maps and tour books with
a young man planning a trip to Florida. "Now, you're sure
these routes you've advised are heavily traveled?" he
asked for the tenth time. -'
"Yes, they are."
"Well, they'd better be," he replied threateningly. "I'm
hitchhiking!"
The weary husband was met at the door with sad
news. "We'll have to go out for dinner," his wife ex
plained cheerily. "I couldn't prepare anything be
cause the electricity went off."
"Electricity?" the husband growled. "We have a
gas range!"
"I know that," she replied, "but we have an elec
tric can opener!"
Adrian Anderson
m l-JW'Bet-ltev-a.'r- l. iAfT. .mw '..'W.t TJ- . ewa. - - . . -
Apologies I'd Just As Soon .Forgo
- "I'm sorry about borrowing your Treasury of Great
Thought without your okay. It was something I figured
you'd never miss."
"I must apologize for the way I behaved at your house the
other night. It's just that I'm apt to drink too much when the
party is dull."
"Sorry, partner, I shouldn't have hogged the bid like that
I should have let you play the hand at four spades instead of
going to four diamonds, even though you probably would
have messed them up."
"I don't know what got into me acting so jealous when
you kept dancing with that blonde. Forgive me. As though
a girl like that could be interested in a man your age!"
Parke Cummings
Pre-Christmas Quest
I'm shopping for gifts that are really nice
And seeking, while sifting the wheat from the chaff,
For treasures you'd say were worth double the price
That I can afford but that cost about half.
Georgie IStarbuck Galbraith
The Later -Than - You -Think Show
Unlike some other folks I know
1 don't care if the late, late show
Keeps me awake instead of sleeping
No, that is not my cause for weeping;
The thing that bothers me a bit
Is that I often must admit,
When questioned by some youthful lout,
I saw the film when it came out.
Dick Emmons
No teen-age girl would recognize opportu
nity if it knocked. It would have to blow a horn
at the curb.
Hal Chadtcick
Quiz for a Prospective
Week-End Guest
Would you, I wonder, as my guest,
Go snooping in our hallway chest
And take a look at closet shelves
That we've reserved to use ourselves,
And even, lacking decent pride,
Pull dresser drawers and peek inside?
Would you, as guest, make stealthy tours
The way I would if I were yours?
Richard Armour
12
Family Weekly. December 13, 1959