PERIODIC :!
PAIN v-V W
ciijijidn.
I Have a Healthy Imagination
can still touch the floor -
Without bending my knees;,
I can do 20 push-ups
With nary a wheeze.
I can chin myself, using ' '
Not two hands but one,
And running jour miles
Is my concept of fun.
And to what do I credit
This middle-age youth?
I just keep in condition
By stretching the truth!
Francis O. Walsh
Something Long Needed
I like the new, long greeting card;
I don't care if it's not wider.
It's a perfect fit for my friends' names
Like Lengenfeldt and Kleinenschneider.
Avis B. Rigg
fig vitu4$ go starting to roll the lawn!"
"No I thought he was a friend of yours!"
A World War II veteran had dutifully kept active status in the
National Guard and each Summer went on its two-week maneuvers
This time out, however, there was a young officer in charge, deter
mined to show his authority. At the first inspection, he scrutinized the
veteran's rifle and came up with a speck of dust.
"A man of your service should know better!" he snapped. "You are
an old soldier and should set an example lor the younger men. By
the way, what was your last infraction?"
"Having a dirty bow and arrow, sir," the vet replied.
Charlotte Hainey
The husband who complains loudest about the number
of checks his wife writes is the same guy who, when single,
didn't have enough money to open a bank account.
' John Shotwell
Home Groan
It sounds odd, but I'm trying to develop an exotic blight
in my rose bushes. Preferably one that causes the flowers
to drop off the stern with a low, whimpering sound. My
trouble, you see, is that my roses are healthy, untouched
by alien disease and, worse, by neighbor interest.
My neighbors are the morbid kind who gather in one
another's yards to discuss the latest maladies of their flora.
Ralph, for instance. He came up with a glorious case of
thrips on his dahlias, and evening after evening entertained
the neighborhood by discussing possible remedies.
From that vigil, the neighbors walked down to Ed's gar
den to lament over his crippled chard. Ed's wife brought
out the coffee cups, and all had a grand time until some
spoilsport (me) called the county agriculture agent. He
pinned it down to the simple tarnished plant bug and
prescribed a sure-cure spray.
The envy of our block, though, is Charley. He has moles.
One after another his bulb plants vanish, and long, random
ridges run through his lawn. "How are the moles?" people
call as they pass Charley. And Charley replies, "Runnin'
wild. Come over and take a look!"
All I've been able to do is to have a fair case of mildew on
my zinnias. I called the neighbors in. "Mildew!" I chortled.
"Yes," said Ralph. "What's new with Charley's moles?"
Anyone know where I can buy a small, trained swarm
of Egyptian locusts?
Dick Emmons
Family Weekly, June il. 1959
Menstruation is natural and neces
sary but menstrual suffering is not.
iiicr laKB a Ni nn fan ar Maru anrt
go your way in comfort. Midol brings w
A faster relief from menstrual pain aK
I it relieve rramne uut heaHarha 1
and chases the "blues."
m WITH
EAT ANYTHING
WITH FALSE TEETH !
SI TMM
Trouble with loose plates that slip, rock or
cause sore gums ? Try Brimms Plasti-Liner.
One application makes plates fit tangly
irilbout powder, paste or cushions. Brimms
Plasti-Liner adheres permanently to your
plate; ends the bother of temporary appli
cations. With plates held firmly by Plasti
Liner. YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING I Sim
ply lay soft strip of Plasti-Liner on trouble
some upper or lower. Bite and it molds
perfectly. Easy to use. tasteless, odorless,
harmless to you, and your plates. Remov
able as directed. Money-back guarantee. At
your drug counter. SI. 50 reliner for one
plate; S2.50, two plates. Plasti-Liner, Inc.,
Dept. FA-94, 107) Main St., Buffalo 9, N.Y.
Your Foot!
. Fast Relief From Sore, Hot, A
f "l..t WW a A
iireo, rerspinngreei ,
Wonder-working Dr. Scholl's
Foot Powder does all this
and more. Eases new or
tight shoes. . . lessens exces
sive perspiration . . . helps
eliminate foot odor, pre
vent Athlete s root. 15
40 and 75. Try itt
in i
-'BONOS
Now
STTP SKS.
Don't pick, scratch, squeeze
or merely "cover them up"
Doctors know that acne or pimples
are caused by the germ called the
acne bacillus. These germs invade
overactive oil glands in the skin,
cause blackheads and pus pockets;
then your skin "breaks out."
What's needed is (1) to dry up
the excessive oil that collects on
skin; (2) to destroy acne germs on
the skin, and (3) to stop itching and
irritation so pimples can heal.
A doctor's formula, liquid Zemo
has this effective 3-way action; also
keeps skin looking cleaner!
Get liquid Zemo, Ointment, too.
In regular and extra strength. To
save buy the large sizes of Zemo.