In this remarkable true story, a parent
describes the painful
process by which he discovered
the motives behind his boy's misbehavior.
Our family was camped in a national forest
a few years ago. I had broiled steaks over
an open fire and we were seated at the table.
Turning to my youngest son I said, "Please
get the salt. It's over on the fireplace."
"Why me?" he asked. "Why do I always
have to be the one to get things?"
Controlling my voice I said, "You're not
always the one. We all do our share, son, and
you're expected to do yours."
I could see a cloud of dissent passing over
his face. But I knew he couldn't produce a
reasonable argument.
"Get it, please," I said patiently.
"I'm always the one," he growled.
My voice rose. "I'm waiting, son."
He dragged himself to his feet, got the salt,
slammed it down on the table, and slumped
into his camp chair.
"Look at me, son!" I shouted.
He turned his head away, but still I could
see his lips puffed out in an all-too-usual
pout. "I want to leave the table," he said.
"May I leave the table, please.'"
He said nothing.
, I'd had it. I stood up and grabbed him by
the arm with intentional firmness. I'll never
forget the look of terror in his eyes as I
yanked him away.
"No! No!" he screamed, causing other
campers to glance at us." Don't! Please don't!"
His unmanly pleas coupled with the mem
ory of his insolence were gasoline to my
sparking anger.
I swung him around and gave him a whack
with my open hand that must have stung
like a hatful of wasps.
In a storm of wild wailing, he hid himself.
Campers stared at me.
What had I done? Only my duty toward
my son. Yet I felt accused. Accused of the
crime of teaching my child discipline!
I quieted down enough to hear him sobbing
disconsolately. Surely he would behave now.
I began to soften. Speaking kindly, I said,
"Come on back to the table, son."
Red-eyed, he slowly came and sat on the
edge of his chair.
I spoke with a prayerful effort to penetrate
his understanding. "Son, the only reason I
discipline you is for your own good. You'll
be disliked and miserable all your life unless
you learn a little respect."
The corners of his lips turned down in a
disdainful sneer. Insolently he sniffed.
"Leave the table immediately!"
He did.
Soon after I also left the table to walk in
the woods and think. Think! My inability to
get through to my child galled and perplexed
me for many reasons. For one thing, I felt
that what was true in business or the mili
tary was true in the home: if things aren't
right, it's the commanding officer's fault.
Yet I considered myself an expert in disci
pline. I knew there could be no such thing
as military organization without strict and
unquestioning obedience. I'd known people
who died because orders were disobeyed. In
the same way I knew that peaceful society
depends on a decent respect for one's fellow
men. Delinquency, crime, and social decay
are the wages of disrespect.
Well, this father, at least, was doing his
best, I thought. Yet I had on my hands a
' potential delinquent.
The vacation was ruined. We returned
home. Day by day my dilemma grew into a
nightmare of defiance and punishment. Rea
son and firmness on my part brought out
(Continued on page 18)
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Family Weekly, June 11, 1S
17
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