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by Dick Hyman
Plymouth, Mass.: Epitaph on tombstone in Old Hill Cemetery reads, ,
"If I was so soon to be done for,
Why was I ever begun for?"
Natchez. Miss.: Old law says it is illegal
for elephants to drink beer.
Graham, N. C: Register of Deeds received
a year-old marriage license in the mail
with a note: "I'm sorry to have to send
this paper back to you, but I have been stood up."
Mt. Clemens, Mich.: When police asked Melvin Reno why he was driving his
car on the sidewalk, he muttered: "I'm too drunk to be on the street."
i
Kansas City, Mo.: Help-wanted ad in Kansas City .
Star: "Wanted healthy, rugged girl weighing over
. 300 pounds to be sawed in half by upcoming
prestidigitator; have good act, but present partner
is thin and sawing-in-half routine too short." .
Waukesha, Wis.: Woman won a divorce from her
husband because he made her nervous getting up
at five o'clock every morning to scrub the
floors and do the ironing.
Baltimore, Md.: Frederick Steeg, 24, got a divorce on grounds of desertion
after he read the note left behind by his wife. The note read: "Dear Freddie
. . . Don't be so good to your next wife."
Seattle, Wash.: The judge suspended sentence on
Ben Trigg on condition that the next time he "feels a
drunk coming on," he chain himself securely to a tree.
Boston, Mass.: It is illegal for any citizen to take
a bath unless he has a written prescription
from a doctor.
Trenton, N. J.: The road sign of a combination
beanery and gas station near here says,
"Eat here and get gas."
Lawrence, Mass.: Found in the want ads: "For Sale,
my husband's 50 puppies, $25. Telephone 34744.
If a man answers, please hang up."
Enosburg, Vt.: Epitaph of Anna Hopewell reads:
"Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, .
But the skin of the thing that made her go."
17
T7 71
'child
psychiatrist
' CHIU'V & C '.
PSYCHIATRIST
P
tav lev aphis
mi milter
rain yourplflfrts
mi fel&i !
Look at the leaves for danger signs
Then control both aphis and mildew in jane opera
tion with the scientifically right spray combination.
OF NEW SHOOTS oLEA'pOR
cwTO'Wf SHELTER FROIA
APHIS
suck young growth;
harden buds, distort
leaves, stunt growth..
IS0T0X Garden Spray
which contains
Lindane, Malathion
and DDD, controls
aphis, red spider and
a wide variety of
other garden insects.
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California Spray-Chemical Corp .
, THEV ALSO FEED ON
TENDER AXILLARY
BUDS BETWEEN
LEAF AND STEM
I
GRAYISH PATCHES APPEAR
ON YOUNG ROSE LEAVES
IN EARLV SPRING
EARLY
DISEASE
SPORES
WEAKENED
THISgUD-IT
MAY NEVER OPEN
it
WIND AND
WATERING
SCATTER MILOCW-MAV INFECT
REST OF GARDEN BY MO-SUMMIK
MILDEW
weakens buds, grays
leaves. ORTHORIX
Spray, a fungicide
(containing calcium
polysulfide), con
trols powdery mildew
and several other
plant diseases,
helps keep new ,
growth healthy.
Make your hose do the work.
The ORTHO Spray-Ette,
attached to your garden hose,
will mix and apply ISOTOX
and ORTHORIX Sprays in
correct dilutions. Makes
spraying as easy as 7J
waterine.
l$OTO0
irSssH
T.H.'S REG. U.S. PAT. OFF.: ISOTO. ORTHORIX
Richmond. Calif., Washington, D.C..
Family Weekly, May 18, 1958