FOR THE
3 DON'T KEEP BOOK ON HIM. Too
many wives look upon marriage
as a balance sheet to be tabulated
monthly and adjusted as necessary.
Thus, if the record shows the husband
attended two baseball games, one poker
party, and selected most of the tele
vision shows the family watched, the
balance-sheet wife will insist on an
equal number of nights where she
dictates the entertainment. This attitude
is all the more insidious because it
often skulks under the guise of "fair
play" or "50-50 equality."
Marriage just doesn't work this way
at least not among mature adults.
There must be give-and-take in
marriage, but the emphasis should
always be on the "give." The wife who
throws out the balance sheet and en
courages her husband to do the things
he enjoys because she wants him to be
happy will find that he will be anxious
and willing to do the things she enjoys,
too and for the same reason.
DON'T SECOND-GUESS HIM. Fam
ily life is fraught with decisions,
and even though these should be
discussed at length, someone eventually
has to make an unequivocal choice.
This usually and correctly falls to
the husband; but it places him in a
peculiarly vulnerable position to be
second-guessed. The wise wife will
avoid this bait.
Some friends of ours who have been
married for 15 years bought a house
last Summer. They debated for several
months between a smaller new house
and an old, rambling residence. The
wife kept weighing the advantages of
each and couldn't make up her mind.
The husband, finally forced to make
the decision, bought the older house.
Since they moved in, they have en
countered costly heating and plumbing
problems, and the wife has made life
very uncomfortable" for her husband.
Repeatedly she says: "I told you we
shouldn't have bought this place, but
you insisted. Now we're stuck with it."
He is irritated and resentful as only
someone who is second-guessed can
be. It's a poor policy any time, but
especially bad in marriage.
S DON'T COMMIT HIM IN FRONT OF
OTHERS. Chatting with a group
of people after a PTA meeting,
I heard one of the school officials ex
press chagrin that they couldn't find
a parent willing to put up some decora
tions for a forthcoming school program.
Quickly one of the wives in the group
said: "Don't you worry about a thing.
My Henry will be happy to do it."
Her Henry, an accomplished archi
tect, was standing nearby, and I saw
him flinch when she said it. But it
was too late for him to back out. There
were a number of -reasons why Henry
had neither the time nor the inclination
to do the job. But he did it all the
while reflecting on the thoughtlessness
of his wife. Don't loan out your hus
band's services as if he were a house
hold appliance. Talk it over with him
and probably he'll cooperate gladly.
6DONT DISCUSS PRIVATE FAMILY
MATTERS IN PUBLIC. We once
knew a woman whose husband
didn't want children. The wife was
terribly distressed about this, and
would bring up the subject whenever
they were in a social gathering. Ap
parently she thought that the pressure
of opinion would bring him around. Of
course, it had just the opposite effect
Family grievances should not be
aired in public. Humiliating your
husband in front of others never helps
settle a private disagreement.
DON'T BARTER YOUR AFFECTIONS.
A woman has one constant and
powerful weapon to hold over her
husband her affections. She shouldn't
tie strings on them or barter them in
return for some concession from her
husband. This is the most blatant and
probably the most common type of
husband exploitation. Both husband
and wife should give freely of their
love because each of them wants to
give and for no other reason.
History is full of examples of men
debasing themselves in return for the
affections of a woman. This is hardly a
sound foundation on which to build a
stable and happy marriage. The wife
who gives of herself because she wants
to will find her husband replying in
kind. The dividends from such a rela
tionship are limitless and wonderful
for everyone concerned.
ra
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