V
WINNING NATIONAL TITLE in Veterans of Foreign
Wars tenth annual marble tournament at Tallahassee, Fla ,
Richard Austin. Los Alamitos, Calif., gets royal salute
Irom Queen Helen Kelly. (International Soundphoto)
Is That So?
Here's another helping of
boners, whoppers, definitions,
questions-and-answers submitted
by readers of this column.
A city boy was asked by his
teacher to write on the subject
"geese." This is his answer:
"Geese is a low, heavy set bird
which is mostly meat and feath
ers. His head sits on one side
and he sits on the other. Geese
can't sing much on account of
T-tS-Se
dampness of the moisture. He
ain't got no between-the-toes and
he's got a little balloon in his
stommick to keep him from sink
ing. "Some geese when they get
big has curls on their tails and
is called ganders. Ganders don't
haff to sit and hatch but just eat
and loaf and go swimming. If I
was a goose I'd rather be a gan
der." A label on a fishbox received
in a Utah express office read:
"If not delivered in 10 days . . .
never mind."
Arizona teacher: "Where does
the house fly go in winter?"
Student: "It flies south."
An Alberta newspaper: "The
blast started a fire which touch
ed off a profane gas explosion."
; Oregon teacher: "Now class,
can you tell me what a wind
mill is for?'
Up went a battery of frantical
ly waving hands. Teacher: "Yes
Tommy, you tell us."
Tommy: "It is to fan the cows
and to keep them cool.
; Sign on a Montana farm: "We
shoot every third salesman. The
; second just left
An Oakland, Calif., furniture
store has this huge' sign on its
corner front reading: "Please
give us more business or this
corner will be a 19-cent ham
burger joint."
Horse Laid This One
At a Tacoma, Wash., playfield,
a small boy rode up on a horse,
dismounted, and the horse
grazed while all the children
crowded around to admire. Two
little boys stood aside while one
remarked that he had seen the
same boy ride another horse the
day before.
The second boy: 'This horse
is the other horse's . . ." (He stop
ped, not knowing how to finish
the sentence because 'baby'
would not fit, and then started
with the other horse . . . "The
other horse is this horse's . . ."
and again he was stymied, know
ing that 'mother' could not be
right. Then he solved the dilem
ma: "The other horse laid this
one. . ."
Johnny, whose father was a
A Nkhol's Worth of . . .
Comment On This and That
By HARMAN W. NICHOLS
United Press Feature Writer
Washington (U.R) Human
ity likely will have achin' backs
until push buttons produce
jellified
spines.
That may
take a million
years, and
even then
man's worries
will not be
over. His care
then may be
finger bunions
Barman Mcnols caused by
pushing buttons.
Seriously, the hurting up and
down the spine mostly is man's
own fault.
The Northwestern National
Life Insurance company, which
polled orthopedic doctors on the
subject, says these fellows report
that half their patients hurt
somewhere along the spine. By
far, the medicos say, the num
ber one cause is posture. Too
many people are sitting, sleep
ing, working, lifting, and driv
ing the wrong way.
As one doctor put it:
"The posture habits of most
Americans is pretty awful."
This expert on what ails our
rear column thinks it would be
fine if we would start with the
young. If taught the correct pos
ture early, he said, "it would
save a lot of misery in later
life." Most back troubles occur
in people over 40, he said.
The medical men describe the
spine as "a pretty weak piece
of engineering ... a makeshift
adaption forced by the odd hu
man habit of running around
cn two feet instead of on all
fours."
They add that to hold the
trunk upright, the spine has to
form an "S-curve, which even a
freshman engineering student
will tell you is a pretty weak
setup."
So here, from the doctors who
know their spines, are some sug
gestions for standing up straight,
sitting down correctly and the
iike to make for more comfort
able living:
When you stand, lift the chest
and pull the belly in it re
duces that vulnerable swayback.
Sit the same way, with the
lower back against the back of
the chair. Perching on a foot can
cause a lot of misery.
Don't sleep on your tummy.
Indianapolis U.R) The "base
ball look'' is inconsistent with
the dignity of the police force
here, according to Chief Frank
A. Mueller. Mueller used these
words in blasting the recent
practice among patrolmen of cut
ting off their new summer shirts
from elbow length sleeves to
very short or no sleeves. Patrol
men were ordered to buy new
shirts if they are not able to
find a way to replace the missing
sleeves.
On your side, instead, with
knees bent, or on your back,
with a small pillow under the
knees. Too soft or sagging beds
are enemies of the backbones;
a firm mattress is recommend
ed, laid on a board or a solid
box spring.
When you lift, let the knees
do most of the work. Keep the
back as upright as possible.
Check your automobile seat. If
it tends to "jackknife" you, it
doesn't do your back any good.
Ed: I once had a midget car
which brought me down with a
horrible pain in the rear. First
thing the doc asked me was
what kind of car I had. I took
him around the block and he
said the seat was slanted wrong.
It was corrected and I straight
ened up and drove right. Slept
pretty good, too. Still do, in
fact.
Wednesday, July 1L 1956
MEDFORD (OREGON) MAIL TRIBUNE THREE
Italians Plan To Change
Riding Habits of Americans
New York (U.PJ Two Italian
manufacturers have invaded the
United States with a deluxe line
of motor scooters and plan to
change the ridirfg habits of mil
lions of families.
Their chances of success are
good enough, they figure, to
make a substantial investment
very worthwhile.
One of the manufacturers, Pi
aggio & Co. of Genoa, is already
selling 500 of Its motor scooters
a week in the United States. The
other producer, Innocenti, is not
far behind in sales.
Fertile Market
The two companies claim they
have a fertile ' market here
among suburbanites, farmers,
housewives and the 30,000,000
families who own one car and
could use another but can't af
ford it.
Motor scooters, they point out,
sell for about $400, have a top
speed of 50 miles an hour and
travel more than 100 miles on
a single gallon of fuel.
In Europe, where gasoline is
expensive and transportation dif
ficult, motor scooters have been
a huge success. They are com
monly used by doctors, clergy
men, office and factory workers
for store deliveries and even for
family outings.
Businessmen Show Interest
Recently American business
men have begun to show practi
cal interest in them. A steel com
pany president, on first seeing
them in Rome, ordered several
three wheeled models for his
Pennsylvania plant. He says
they cut costs considerably by
releasing larger trucks from the
smaller tasks of plant delivery.
In India, as part of a govern
ment program to eliminate hu
man rickshaw runners, scooters
with a station wagon attachment
are becoming widely used.
FREAK ACCIDENT
Orient, S.D. (U.R)' Mrs. Dave
Mord was watching her son pilot
his small plane when he flew
under a wire upon landing and
accidentally struck and snapped
another. The severed wire struck
Mrs. Mord on the neck and dis
rupted power and telephone
service for two hours. She suf
fered minor injuries.
The 300-boat Great Lakes ore
fleet carried 87,460,000 tons of
iron ore south from the Minnesota-Wisconsin
fields in 1955.,
Dead line Sunday Classified Is at
noon Saturday. 10 am Monday for
Monday: other days 5 SO previous day.
PIP
So smooth
it leaves you
breathless
mirnoff
0 Proof. Dlst. from grain. Ste Pierre mI-
Fit. (Olv. of HtufeMai Hsmord. S! U.SA
By EUGENE BURNS
Ranger-Naturalist
painter, was asked by his Van
couver teacher to pronounce the
word: "L-a-c-q-u-e-r." Trying to
help him, his teacher prompted:
"It's something your father uses,
Johnny."
"Oh, I know," said Johnny,
brightening; "Liquor."
Overheard: A customer had
waited 15 minutes for the fish
he had ordered. At last the wait-
rpss annparpH "Ynur fich will
be here in five minutes," she
promised. Another quarter hour
passed and then the customer
waved to the waiter and de
manded: "Say, hadn't you better
change your bait?"
An Oakland, Calif., grand
mother reports this definition
from her grandchild. She wrote:
"When driving up Trestle Glen,
I remarked that the trees still
looked beautiful even though the
leaves were falling. Up piped a
little voice: 'But grandma, don't
you know they are undressing?"
Award Winner
Finally (and this one wins the
weekly award of the 30-volume
set of the Encyclopedia Ameri
cana):
The Yellowstone Park com
pany hires bus drivers who fre
quently have to answer ques
tions. When the bus stopped at
the Paint Pots, a bubbling,
steaming hot mud cauldron of
a bluish-gray color, a tourist
asked: "Driver, does this ever
freeze over?"
Driver: "Yes ma'am. In fact
last winter it froze over and a
lady was skating on it and fell
through and scalded her leg
something fierce."
(To the reader sending in the
biggest outdoor whopper will go
a 30-volume set of the Encyclo
pedia Americana. And any out
doorsmen come by their truth
stretching naturally.)
Copyright, 1956, by
Eugene Burns)
(Release by McClure News
. paper Syndicate)
Free: By special arrangement
with the editors of the Encyclo
rjedia Americana, mv nanel of
1 ! i rl n nc n,il1 -1 11 "j T-r-J an fVi ll.'Cin tn !
the reader who sends me the best
true-life nature adventure, the
best nature observation, or the
best question on nature and wild
life, a complete 30-volume set
of this world famous reference
work in a handsome Sealcraft
binding. Each week new submis
sions will be considered. Sorry,
I simply can't answer your many
friendly, letters. Please address
your letter to: Is That So! care
Medford Mail Tribune, Box 575,
Sausalito, Calif.
NO. PEEWEES
Valparaiso, Ind. (U.R) Some
thoughtless adults decided to call
a league of young players in the
first four grades of elementary
schools here the Valparaiso
Parks Peewee Softball League.
But the youngsters objected to
being called Peewees, so they
changed the name to the Grade
School league.
Dead line for Sunday Classified is
at noon Saturday
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