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They'll Do It Every Time
By Jimmy Hatlo
VVell.the people m-
across the street ' 1
KcST-NOIV WH4T gf - l DID THE EVER VWlNG
S4Y THE MESD4MES --y3L X K tfa GET THE MON'EYy TO SHOW)
PHYP-FE AMD X ppLV FOff TH4T? UP THE
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FEATURES yVN'DiCATt, fat, 0KLD RIGHTS RESERVED
notes From the
News
o
Sy UMITED PRESS
Alexandria, Minn. Adlai Stevenson on' world peace:
"Peace never comes on the bargain counter ... if Russia and
the satellites sank beneath the seas, there would still be trouble
. . . for nationalism is bumping imperialism in many parts of the
world."
Rochesier, N.H Stn. Estes Kefauver (D.-Tenn.) on world
peace: O
"The truth is w ! not doing nearly enough to advance the
cause of peace in the world. And we are so intent on enjoying the
so-called prosperity of these times, that we are falling behind in
critical areas of defens."
o
St. Petersburg, Fla. Yankee pitcher Don Larsen's mother on
her advice before he lft for spring training:
"Make sure you get your proper rest, and be careful when you
pitch to that fellow Ted Williams."
Chicago Stanley Jani, 41, on why ha kept his 21-year-old
wife, Betty, a virtual prionr during the 15 months of their mar
riage: Q "She was all mine and I wanted to keep her that way."
Evansville, Ind. Broadway singer Gloria Lane on being de
nied a concert appearance in Indianapolis, Ind., because she is
pregnant:
"Motherhood must be a crime in Indianapolis."
,On The Side
By E. V. Durling
(Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.)
o
Many men believe women
wager wildly at recourses.
QThat they habitaually play
hunches. Females just pretend
they wager that way. It is part
of the act to make men feel
smarter and superior. The ladies
know what they are doing. I
wee heard a women say as she
urumphantly displayed a win
ning ticket on a horse named
Ocean Lass, "I bet on it because
I was born by the beach." Just
bere the race I had heard this
same woman say to a feminine
companion, "Ocean Lass looks
good. Finished only a length
behind the winner last tim and
in better company." So that was
the real reason she bet on the
horse. Women are too fond of
money to take a chance on losing
it foolishly.
Sweater Girl
The original sweater girl was
Lily Langtry. She had the figure
to be a sensation in a sweater.
Many of the young women of the
period, who were similarly
proportioned, then took to wear
ing sweaters. It might be pos
sible that your great-grand
mother was a sweater girl.
Passing By
Vic Hershkowitz, world's
champion handball player. He's
from Brooklyn. The first hand
ball ccrt in this country was
constructed in the beautiful bor
ough across the bridge about
75-years ago by Phil Casey who
was also a world's champion.
Please Note '
When Albert Payson Ter
hune's mother, who wrote under
the name of Maro Harland, was
46, she suffered from lung trou
ble and, was told by doctors she
had only three months to live.
She lived for 45 years after that
dying at the age of 91. So it ijas
been said, "She fooled the doc
tors." That's not necessarily so. I
believe doctors frequently tell
people they only havea short
time to live so they will take bet
ter care of themsels.
Literary Note
The modern Elinor Glyn is
Barbara Cartland, who is the
author of about 70 novels, most
of them dealing with the more
torrid aspects of that thing called
love. Among Barbara's best
sellers are the novels titled "A
Virgin in Mayfair." "ast Off
Piccadilly" and "Escape From
Passion."
Advice
Every young turf enthusiast
should keep in mind the advice
of the late Confucius, namely:
"The more you know, the more
luck you will have." Study the
science of handicapping, master
the art of reading a facing
Form. If a young man of 21 as
siduously studies the aforemen
tioned, he could by the time he
reaches middle age be able to
break even at the races. What
more can one ask?
Briefly
What family of your acquaint
ance has the most unusual
names? Have been informed
there is a Chicagoan named
Stonewall Jackson McGee, who
has a brother named Junius Bru
tus McGee.. Also a brother named
Xenophen McGee. And a sister
named Lalla Rookh McGee. . . .
A book people desiring to be
come successful writers of pop
ular songs might find helpful is
that by Arthur Korb, titled
"How to Write Songs That Sell."
Almost Confidential
The girls of this country are
getting taller but the height of
the average American man is
still five feet seven. That's why
the height building shoe business
is so good. . . . Have been told
a four edged safety razor blade
is manufactured in Japan but
have yet to see one. Appears to
be a practical idea that should
be very popular among thrifty
shavers.
Truman Defends
Remarks in Memoirs
Kansas City, Mo. MR) For
mer President Truman said the
remarks in the second volume
of his memoirs, which went on
sale Monday, would stand "be
cause I stated the facts."
Gen. Douglas MacArthur,
Bernard Baruch, and former
Ambassador Pat Hurley have
taken exceptions to parts of the
book.
"If people do not agree with
me, that is their privilege," Mr.
Truman said, "but these are the
facts."
' The news conference turned
to politics when Mr. Truman
was asked if he believed the
Democrats should duplicate the
tactics of the successful 1948
campaign.
"Every presidential year has
different conditions that must
be met as they come up," Mr.
Truman said. "In 1948 I wanted
the people to be informed of the
issues. It was the only way that
I could get the issues to the peo
ple, because 90 per cent of the
press was against me. Maybe
this year we will have a fair
press and can get the issues to
the people without a whistle
stop campaign."
Johns-Manville Decision
On Oregon Plant Waited
Portland (U.R) Decision
on whether the Johns-Manville
corporation will construct a
multi-million dollar plant in Ore
gon or not is expected to be forth
coming this week. The company
has been investigating the feasi
bility of constructing an Oregon
plant to manufacture insulating
board, utilizing lodgepole pine
as a raw material.
The company last year began
investigating the possibility of
constructing a Southern Oregon
plant, making use of the prev
iously unused lodge-pole pine
stands.
La Grande, Ore. (U.R) Mrs.
Leonard Davis, Tigard, Ore., died
in a hospital here Sunday night
from injuries suffered a few
hours earlier in an auto accident.
Scientific Tests Made in J
What Makes Jokes Comical
Tuesday, March 6. 1958
By DELOS SMITH
United Press Science Editor
New York (U.R) A scientific
experiment into just what it is
that people consider to be funny,
had shown that this joke
"Actress to room clerk: 'Can
you give me a room and bath?'
clerk: ' I can give you a room,
but you'll have to take your own
bath.' " is much funnier than
this one:
"A horse-dealer, in recommend
ing a saddle horse to his client,
said: 'If you mount this horse
at four o'clock in the morning,
youwill be in Seattle at 7:30
in the morning.' Asked the client:
"What will I do in Seattle at
7:30 in the morning?' "
See Punch Line
The reason the first joke is
quite funny and the second joke
isn't very funny, according to
the findings of Prof. Douglas T.
Kenny of the University of
British Columbia is that you can
see the punch line coming, but
the punch line of the second
joke comes as a complete sur
prise. His conclusion, then was that
the expected in a joke is more
likely to get a big laugh than
e, -
DIES Dorman H. Smith of
NEA Service, Inc., one of the
nation's most widely pub
lished editorial cartoonists,
died at his home in Fairfax,
Calif. He was 64. First joining
NEA in Cleveland in 1921, his
cartoons won acclaim for the
their originality and timely
interpretation of the news.
He was the winner of many
awards, including citations
from Sigma Delta Chi, Head
liners Club and Freedom
Foundation.
French Premier Meets
With US Ambassador
Paris (U.R) Premier Guy
Mollet met Monday with U. S.
Ambassador C. Douglas Dillon,
reportedly to soothe American
worries over French criticism
of Western policies to counter
Moscow's peace offensive.
Mollet called on Dillon after
reports from Washington indi
cated the State Department was
shocked by French Foreign Min
ister Christian Pineau's dram
atic call Friday for a thorough
overhaul of the Western ap
proach to Communism.
t! e unexpected. There are other
things to be considered, of
course, such as the quality of
the joke, but he didn't go into
them.
Collected Jokes
He collected a bunch of jokes
and got 55 men and women to
rate them as to whether the
punch line proved to be pretty
much as anticipated, whether it
came as a big surprise, or wheth
er it surprised a little but not
much. He wound up with 30
tested jokes, ten in each cate
gory. The jokes quoted are ex
amples of the two extremes. The
following is an example of the
middle kind:
"Friend: 'Frank, I hate to tell
you that last night at the party,
your sister promised to become
my wife. Can you forgive me for
taking her away?' 'Shucks, that's
what the party was for.' "
These 30 jokes he tried on
114 of his students, by having
them rate them as quite funny,
medium funny, and not very
funny. The anticipated punch
line came out by far the fun-
MEDFORD (OREGON) MAIL TRIBUNE THREB
New York (U.R) David
Lawrence, editor of U. S. News
and World Report, has been
named to receive the annual
award for "outstanding pro
American accomplishment" of
the American Jewish League
against Communism, Inc.
niesfc, and the complete surprise
punch line hardly got a smile
from anyone. The in-between
type proved in-between in fun
niness, too.
YOU CAM DEPEND ON
MY FUTURE
BOSS
FOR THE
I I
ffijf SERVICE
REWARD FOR LION
Columbus, O. U.R) Joy H.
Hunt is offering S100 for the
return of a lost lion." The lion
was one of two stone ornaments
decorating the Hunt lawn.
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CENTRAL POINT
Bock Stairs: Exercise by Eisenhower
By MERRIMAN SMITH
United Press White House Writer
Washington (U.R) Backstairs
at the White House: R. C. Smith,
Salisbury, Mo., who describes
himself as "U:S. Army, retired,"
does not quite see eye to eye
with President Eisenhower's
doctors.
Writing from a military hos
pital where he is recovering
from a coronary thrombosis
similar to that suffered by the
President last Sept. 24, Smith
says:
"No one, according to medical
history, has completely recover
ed from a coronary. They don't
do it here.
"Try to be insured after one,
and furthermore, try to get a
job that requires any sort of
strenuous work."
Smith also reports to "Back
stairs" that newsmen covering
Mr. Eisenhower are in some sort
of cahoots to keep the truth
about the. chief executive's phy
sical activity from the public.
He says the reporters hide the
fact that the President goes
around the golf course in an
electric cart instead of walking.
The photographers, particular
ly, will be deeply wounded by
this. They thought their pictures
Iron Age Village
Believed Discovered
Genoa, Italy U.R) Archeolo
gists said today they had turned
up enough evidence in an exca
vation at Sestri Ponente to de
termine they had discovered a
village some 2,000 years old.
A group led by Prof. Aldo
Lamboglia of the Ligurian Stud
ies Institute has been working
on the diggings about a year.
The first evidence of the Iron
Age village turned up during
the installing of a World War II
anti-aircraft artillery battery.
01 Mr. Eisenhower riding in a
golf cart at Thomasville,' Ga.,
was printed on every -front page
in the country. '
Also, it has been widely publi
cized ever since Mr. Eisenhower
took office that he used an elec
tric golf cart at Denver, Augus
ta, and Gettysburg even before
his heart attack.
Press Secretary James C. Hag
erty is of for a brief vacation.
He needs it. He has been on the
hot seat 24 hours a day since
the President's heart attack.
Only White House officials
who must know have been told
by Jim where he intends to
loaf. For one thing, he wants
to get away from fhe telephone.
When in Washington, it is not
unusual for Jim to get between
10 and 30 telephone calls at
home at night, some well after
midnight.
Most Autos To Be
In Economy Run
Los Angeles U.R) United
States Auto club officials said
today 98 per cent of the nation's
automobile production will be
represented in this year's Mobil-1
gas Economy run.
A total of 22 cars will com- j
pete against one another in five j
price divisions and in a special j
small-engine class. Winners in j
each division will compete for ;
the run's highest honor, the j
sweepstakes trophy. The trophy
winner will be the car attaining
the maximum ton-miles per gal
lon. The Economy run begins in
Los Angeles March 19 and ends
at Colorado Springs, Colo., on
March 22.
Presidential Assistant Sher
man Adams is turning into the
fashion plate of the White House, i
When he goes out for a relative-
ly formal evening, he wears a j
pastel yellow ruffled shirt with !
his dinner jacket. Some of his j
old lumber jack friends of the ;
North Woods probafbly wouldn't ;
recognize him. I
Turn To Pages
and
FOR ADRIENNE'S
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SALE
ANNOUNCEMENT
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QUALITT
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Bricks. Flues
Drain Tile
T27
W. McAndrews
Phone 2-4107
Daily's U-Drivs
Medford Airport
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7'2"xll" West Bend Junior
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Rack and pan combination. Small
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Reg.
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Value
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For the Tops in Hardware,
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MAGGIE MAGNETIC
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ll"xl4" Magnetic Chalk Board with
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Only $1
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LUFKIN
STEEL
TAPE
50 Ft. Lufkin Ni-Clad Steel
Tapes in covered steel
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TANK
SPRAYERS
Acme open top and funnel top
tank sprayers are built for many
years of easy trouble free op
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spraying and hard usage. Built
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All brass extension tube and
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$ 75 $95
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We're Overstocked!
REGULAR $2.50
VALUE
HAND SPRAYERS
MONEY 1
INDUSTRIAL STAPLE TACKERS
Gun Tackers
Ideal for General
F", . -Fsjf&fto. i Tacking. Compress
t -TgS 1 handle staples
1 Tm j V drive accurately
im lm iii '"lUT. ' f hand does the iob.
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WIDELY USbD FOR TACKING
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Displays Insulation Ceiling Tile
Screens Cabinets Waterproof liners
Rug Pads Furniture Many other uses.'
Hammer Tackers
for Bigger-,
Jobs, lacks fast
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Models drive
316" to 916"
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3 QUART GALVAN'IZED TANK
Vi" x 12" TUBE CONTINUOUS SPRAY
Here is an awfully good buy for anyone who needs a utility
sprayer for roses, shrubbery or low growth. The galvanized
tank is rust resistant and will stand rough hanrling. 4 A m
Priced i low because we have too many. Regular rl 111
2.50 value I V V
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Provide, at low cost,
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Writ or pfion (or
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Make early clean up work
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PriONE 2-6189
If"
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