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SIX VlZVQGX&tCWjiO) HAIL TRIUWZ
Tuesday, August 30, 19S5
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Theyffi fS It Every Time
By Jimmy Hatlo
1 HtH-f'"I OWT THe TOOR ATTIST HASN'T W&KaPOME 5 A PIS
I If PRAW A TRAHT LY CT IT 1005H EMOOQH-TWSf RAPA-MAP6 EXECUTIVE-!
3 I fiJTICAN QIVEVOO , NECK-WARMER WANTS TO J. (s ANyBOPV 3AVE HIM I
n f SO CONSTRUCTIVfc V POA MONCWMORNlNS W A SUGGESTION HEt? J
CRITICISM IF YOU PONT W .SItiH 'HAVEHW MuS
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SyMPATHiriNQ WITH
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Writer Warns New York Visitors To
Dodge Convention of Pun Preservers
; By H. D. QUIGG
: United. Press Correspondent
: New York (U.R) Beware
"of entering the city of New York
iiext month. SPRPFH will be
here, in convention. .
; That's the Society for the Pres-
ervationend Revival of un as
a Fongi of Humor. They are just
awful people!
; They go for puns and word
play in general. They're no good
for humanity. Avoid them like
he plague. The black plague.
The things they do to the Eng
lish language shouldn't happen
even to Pidgin English. They're
no good, I tell you.
; For instance:
I 0?e there weee two diplo
mats having a conference at
Summit, N.J., naturally. T&ere
was a British diplomat, Ronald,
and a Russian d$lomat, Rudolph.
As they' emerge frgm the build
ing, $e hear Ronald say:
- "JLsay, old ch, it seems to
be snowing."
"Nyet," says Rudolph, "It's
raining."
' "Oh, no, ISay, really, it's
snov'
"Rain," says the-Russian. ' ,
At this point, Ronald's wife
says to him: "Pay no attention
to Rudolph, dear. He's right."
"What?" says Ronald. "Him
right? Why should I listen to
him?"
"Because Rudolph the Red
knows rain, deiV," says4he wife.
See what I mean? These people
are a rriace.
They tell abouj; the gigantic,
almost extin mammal from
Australia called the rary that
created sgch a sensation in Eng
land. This rary was shippea to
London for aoo, but it proved
too bi and cumbersome for cag
ing, so the zoo gave it away.
The fellow they gave it " to
tried keeping the rary in his
garage, but its head stuck out
one end and its tail the other
and it caused all kinds of com-
Gloria Expected
To Go for $32,000
Baltimore (U.R) Twelve-year-old
Gloria Lockerman, who
has spelled her way to $16,000
on a television quiz program,
will go for the $32,000 question
tonight, a. friend of the family
said.
The friend is Mrs. L. D. Heav
ener, who lives on a farm ad
joining the family home of Glor
ia's grandparents, the Rev. and
Mrs. Vivian T. Keys, at Gap
Mills, W. Va. Gloria and her
grandparents spent the week end
at Gap Mills, returning to Balti
more Monday.
Mrs. Heavener said Mrs. Keys
told her it definitely was decid
ed that Gloria should try to
double her winnings on the pro
gram. The girl has lived with
her grandparents since her par
ents were divorced several years
ago.
Gloria, who someday hopes to
become a teacher, has been nam
ed an honorary teacher in the
Baltimore school system by May
or Thomas D'Alesandro Jr. He
Said the child has done much
to enhance the prestige of mod
ern Education methods with her
"charming personality and abil-ify."
motion, what with people ' star
ing and dogs barking.
Finally the man decided to
dispose of the rary. He hired a
big dump truck, put the rary in
it, and headed for the White
Cliffs of Dover. When they got
there, the rary wary, said to the
man:
"What goes on here? What are
you going to do with me?"
"I'll tell you," said the man,
"we're going to raise this truck
and tip you right over the cliff."
"Goodness gracious, how far is
it down there?" asked the rary.
"About 350 feet," said the man.
The rary stared down the cliff.
"It's a long way to tip a rary,"
he said.
And then there was the Afri
can king who decided his sub
jects .were killing too many lions.
He proclaimed a law forbidding
lion killing. The subjects, who
always had considered lion kill
ing great sport, loyally obeyed
the law. Soon they were knee
deep in lions. The situation got
so bad that the citizens rose up
in anger and threw the king out
of office.
That's all for today. I feel
rather numb.
FACE-LIFTING SUGGESTED
Karlsruhe, Germany (U.R)
A little face-lifting can not only
be worth dozens of hours on the
psychiatrist's couch, but it's a
lot less expensive, the German
Therapists Congress was told
yesterday. A Berlin plastic sur
geon said "woman is today so
embroiled in the battle for ex
istence that she cannot perform
her work if she has an inferiority
complex about her face."
Penney's big
before-season selection
qf winter coats
at an unheard of low
88
ll ' .'. ....... .. . '
I y
1 j ifi. x
I 1. ,
Penney's gets th jump en winter! BEFORE the sea
son starts, we have a terrific special purchase of
brand new coats . . . deep-textured Zibeline fleeces,
all wool checks, reused wool and reprocessed
mohair blends, wool-face, cotton-back knit curls;
colors galore, fashion's newest styles, quality de
tailed and tailored. Pick today, pay little by little
on Penney's Layaway plan and get the buys of your
life right now at Penney's. -
ON SALE WEDNESDAY
In And Around Gold Hill
Gold Hill Mrs. Delos Walk
er, her two daughters, Dixie and
Linda, Mrs. Lawrence Wills, a
sister-in-law of Mrs. Walker, and
her daughter, Chris Ann, Klam
ath Falls, recently returned from
a trip North where they visited
with a niece, Mrs. Art Emmens,
and a sister, Mrs. Elinor Roney,
both Vancouver, . Wash. They
also visited with another sister,
Mrs. Mildred Patterson, Salem.
Mrs. Ruby Quackenbush has
purchased the John v Steiber
home in Gold Hill and plans to
take possession sometime in Sep
tember. Mr. and Mrs. Paul Thome and
son Marvin are on a vacation
trip to Nebraska to visit rela
tives and friends.
Hal Bishop, Gold Hill artist,
will leave for Reedsport soon
where he will do 'some sign
work for the Richfield Oil" com
pany stations.
Mr. and Mrs. Lester Parker
and daughter Linda have re
turned from a vacation to Hep-"
pner, Ore., where they visited
his two brothers, Frank and
Loyal Parker and families.
Jim Parker of the Old Stage
rd. received a broken rib re
cently when he rolled out of
bed.
"Prince Albert," the bantam
rooster which won the fourth an
nual rooster crow staged in
Rogue River June 18, died Sun
day at the home of his owner,
Albert Harrison Jr. '
Mrs. Jack White, daughter,
Sharon, sons Robert and Garry,
and Mrs. White's nephews, Ter
ry and Steven Poe, Downey.
Calif., who are visiting here, all
went to Lake O' Woods to camp
out for a few 'days.
FAMILY MISHABf
Mendon, Vt.- (U.R) e m-
othy Murphys recently cut short
a Florida vacation when notified
that their daughters, Julia and
Jean, were hurt in automobile
i j a imi later.
accidents, n wun --
hanother daughter, Helen, frac
tured her ankle ana a sun, iu..
othy, suffered hand burns while
burning rubbish. The Murphy's
are keeping theirs fingers crossed.
They have two other children.
PemeyB
HUNDREDS MORE UNADVERTISED ITEMS CUT
TO THE BONE . . . HURRY DOWN AND SEE THDM!
I I -X. 1 M t I
WEDNESDAY
MORNING
SORRY!
No
Phone
or Mail
Orders
Mdoimey aim Ynnnir IPcnxcIkett!
o LJ
SORRY!
No
Layaways
on E.&;M.
Items
J
WEDNESDAY ONLY! BE HERE EARLY AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE RE
DUCED PRICES! READ THIS AD - -i EVERY ITEM REDUCED TO SELL IN A HURRY!
206 only Boys' Better Western Jeans, Wt. 13iz. Sizes 12-14-16 . . . Oh My! r.......pr. T.22
500 yds. Better Quality 80 sq. Percale, Discontinued Rondo, Full Bolts. A Steal . . . . . yd. 19c
120 only Better Dacron Panels, Size 42x81. Ivory . . . Seeing is Believing ea 1.33
144 only Much Better Extra Heavy Cannon Bath Towels, 24x46 . . . Hurry! Hurry! ............. .................Lea. 75cg
300 pair Women's Better Nylon Hose. Extra sheer. 60-15 . . . All sizes No Fooling. Perfect Quality . .. 2 pr. 1.00
1 00 only Men's Better Cotton Plisse Sport Shirts . . . Short Sleeves. S-M-L. Don't Wait! 88c
40 only Men's Better Cotton Plisse Pajamas . . . B-C . . . Prices Slashed! pr. 1.77
100 only Boys' Better Western Straw Hats . . . What a Bargain! .......... 25c
120 only Boys' Much Better Spt. Shirts. Ginghams, Butchers . . . Big Reduction 1.00
125 only Boys' Better Denim Boxer Jeans . . . Size 2 to 8. Be Here Early! . 88c
50 only Women's Better Cotton Skirts. Plains and Prints. All Sizes. A Steal 1.99
10 only Toddlers' Better Car Seats . . . Out They Go 3.00
60 only Girls' Better Orion Cardigan Sweaters . . . To Clear! 3.00
144 only Toddlers' Better Flannel Shirts . . . Sizes 1 to 4. What a Buy! .1.00
450 pes. Better Jewelry. All Types including Pearl Necklaces . . . Ouch! (plus tax) 50$
400 yds. Better Woven Gingham . . . Sanforized. Full Bolts.Slashed! 2 yds. 1.00
400 only Better Quality Flour Squares, 35x35 . . . Hurry for These! 5 for 1.00
500 yds. Better Quality Drapery Fabrics, 48" Width . , . Don't Wait! ........:........... yd. 1.00
150 only Women's Better Plisse Gowns & Pajamas. All sizes. Final Reduction! ............ 1.50
72 only Women's Better Nylon Stretch Panties, Sizes S-M-L. To Clear! .77c
60 only . Women's Better Cotton Plisse Shortie Pajamas . . . Out They Go! 50c
24 only Women' Much Better Knit Nylon Slip, Lace Trim . . . What a Buy! 1.00
120 pair .Men's Better Nylon Stretchable Socks. Smart Patterns ... A Real Buy! 2 for 1.00
120 only Men's Better Cotton Briefs. Sizes 30 to 38 . . . While They Last 2 for 1.00
120 only Men's Better Cotton "T" Shirts. Sizes 38 to 46 . . . Out They Go! '. 2 for 1.00
14 only Better Wool Suits. Sizes 38 to 46 . . . Don't Miss These! 37.77
10 only Men's Better Flannel Suits. Sizes 35 to 42 . . . Reduced to Sell 27.77
35 only Better Bed Pillows. Standard Size. Chicken Feathers ... To Clear! ea. 75c
80 only Better Jumbo Plastic Blanket Storage Bags . . . Save! 1.00
40 only Crushed Latex Bed Pillows. -Printed Ticking ... To Clear! .v ea. 1.55
40 only Better Low Loop Cotton Rugs, Size 18x36 ... A Bargain 1.00
40 only Better Blankets, 10 Nylon, 90 Rayon, Size 72x84, Pastels . . . Reduced . ..7..L.......... .. ea. 4.00
12 only Better Looped Rugs, Size 4'x6' . . . Prices Slashed! ....... 3.00 ft
100 only Better Curtains and Panels, Odd Lots . . . To Clear! ....L... 25c If
n . . i. n i.. i i " J r A0 a . tl:..' r
tv pair Derrer yuanry neaay maae v rapes, hoaoi . ... jui i ney ud pr. A.MJ
72 only Men's Better Quality Sweat Shirts . . . A Penney Special "1 .....1.00
42 only Jr. Boys' Better Shirt and Slack Sets . Reduced to Sell! set 88c
60 pair Jr. Boys' Better Plisse Pajamas, Sizes 4 to 8 . . . Hurry for These!' pr. 1.00
70 only Boys' Better Poplin and Denim Jackets, Sizes 4 to 12 . . . While They Last ..... ....1.00
36 only Boys' Boxer Sets, Rayon Shirt and Twill Pants ... To Clear set 88c
,18 pair Men's Leather Work Shoes, 6 in. Top, Sizes 6 to 10 Vi . . , What a Buy! pr. 4.44
40 pair Children's Better Canvas Play Oxfords . . . Out They Go! pr. I.58
24 pair Men's Better 8" Logger. Boots, Sizes 6V2 to 1 1 E ... Be On Time! ..: pP. 8.88
15 pair Boys' Better Engineer Boots, Sizes VA to 5 . . . Better Hurry for These ..... pr. 6.00
40 only Women's and Men's Faded Blue Denim Jackets, S-M-L . . . Priced to Sell in a Hurry! : 1.99
70 only Women's Milch Better Sleeveless Blouses, Assorted Material . . . To Clear! 1.99
70 only Women's 'Better Dresses, Cottons, Ginghams, Dacrons, Nylons . . . While They Last! .... 2.99
50 only Women's Better Cotton House Dresses . . . Super Reduction! .... 1.77
300 pair Girls' Better Anklets, White Only, Cotton and Nylon Reinforced . . . Hurry! .... 3 for 1.00
20 only Girls' Better Summer Dresses, Broken Sizes ... But a Steal! 1.99
9 only Infants'! Jump Chairs, Heavy Steel Construction ...A Bargain! 5.00
9 only Boys' Better Rayon Spt. Coats, Sizes 27, 28, 516 . . . Super Reduction ........................ 1.99