f
Fun For
looted Theater "Line Plunger
Reveals Secret Formula For
Success In Obtaining a Seat
By Elwood Ullman
AFTER cruising around for 10
minutes In a vain hunt for
parking apace, you finally break
down and guide your car into a
lot where the mooring charge Is
25 cents.
"It's cheaper this way," you aro
reminded, "considering tho gaso
line you'd use scuttling up and
down the streets all night." And
what's more to the point, sho
won't have to walk very far.
Across the street twinkles the
movie theater, which looks like a
cross between the Taj Mahal and
the Library of Congress.
"Any seats?" you inquire of the
cloaked dignitary near the cash
ier's booth.
"Plenty of seats," he replies,
with a gracious bow.
When you get Inside, you find
a mob of people herded behind
ropes like prisoners of war.
There's plenty of scats, all right,
only they're all occupied.
Another magnlflco glides up.
"More desirable seating In tho
balcony," ha announces In elegant
accents.
SO YOU trudge upstairs, finally
emerging in the rarifled at
mosphere of timber line. A blond
slron In silk pajamas escorts you
six rows higher. This borders the
stratosphere. Thrco more aisles
and you'd need fur-lined shoes
and an oxygen helmet.
When the usherette stops and
waves you to a scat, everybody
In the designated aisle throws
you a dirty look for picking on
their pew. They heartily wish
you'd go and select some other
Hardy Japanese
1 Purified ' by
By Rose McKee
AN OLD Japanese custom In
blttor winter weather, hun
dreds of Japanese clad only In
thin white cotton robes, nightly
make pilgrimages to the grounds
of temples and shrines, there to
bathe their naked bodies under
icy waterfalls.
Kan-malrl, a centuries-old puri
fication rite, Is passing out of
tv n
4ii Ma
v.v- it w i . iir,Mii a sv .
t ... ,.W
Kan-malrl, a oenturlet-old purification rite, Is still performed In
Americanized Tokyo as In the ancient past. The picture shows two
laborers about to plunge under a zero-cold waterfall.
style, but It still has such a strong
hold on the masses that In Ameri
canized Tokyo as many as 2H0
flock to tho grounds of a single
tcmplo to Impose this torturo
upon themselves night after night
during tho long cold spell.
With strips of white cloth tied
aiound their heads, the devout
make picturesque little bands as
they move toward tho temple
grounds.
From their sashes hang hells
that tinkle at every step. In their
hands they swing red paper lan
terns which effectively illuminate
their white garb- striking symbol
of purity against the blackness
of night and pick out paths for
their feet, frequently bare.
In a small dressing room near
the pool of the temple yard, they
remove all clothing except a 11
string, which covering Is required
by police the zealous guardians
of Tokyo's morals.
The moro modest wrap towels
For Tin Ykars-
IhtitllMi and phytkMn fot
nl4 and tfitirrJ 0-1 -to
Mliilirtl numrti fiiintmii.
All It's
aisle, or sit on the chandelier
or on a tack, for all they care.
You don't particularly enjoy
discommoding people, but after
all you paid your admission and
are entitled to that seat. So you
start to Jimmy your way past
their knees.
Now a movie audience is com
posed of four kinds f people, to
wn: (a) Swayers. They sway knees
slightly to starboard or port
While not much of a concession,
It at least shows the right spirit,
willingness to co-opcrute.
(b) Crouchers. They rise half
way and hold, the seat with one
hand. A croucher Is a swaycr
with ambition.
(c) Total stand-uppers. Very
rare. When a man rises the whole
distance, it's such an unusual
courtesy you become suspicious.
You think maybe he got up so
he could pick your pockets.
(d) Total sitters, .which class
seems to be preponderantly in the
majority.
TOTAL sitters rllnf to their
seats like a burr on a knitted
sweater. They wouldn't rise, or
even sway, no matter if a troop
of infantry carrying full field
equipment marched past.
They sit stolidly, rigidly, like
graven images, and don't seem to
mind It in the least when their
toes are mashed and their shins
kicked. In other words, they can
take it.
I know of but two things that
will make a Class D spectator
quit his scat. He will certainly
get up after seeing the whole
show, when they repeat the scene
he saw on arriving. ("Here's
Worshipers
Ice Water Dips
around their abdomens as they
walk toward tho pool. The only
shivering that is done as the pious
wade knee-deep in the zero-cold
pool Is that of the teeth-chattering
Americans and other foreign
ers who have come to watch the .
spectacle.
With a clapping of the hands
that resounds sharply In the
frosty air, they shout, "Zange,
zange, rokkon ahojo," and boldly
plunge under the ley waterfolla.
An the cohl water cuts ami
beats against thrlr akin, they
scrub, rlap ami pray, repealing,
"antic, Rant p. rokkon shojo,"
which mean 'repentance, repent
ance, purification nf the hotly "
The torture lasts a long ttve min
utes. AT HOMK of the temple, not
Mike trice wine l In sold or
given to the pilgrims to warm
them before beginning their long
walk home In the penetrating
coM, agattm which their thin
00 1 ton robot are futile protection.
Most of the plous arrive around
H p. m. but la hot-era, whose day'
toil keeps them working half the
nig h t . do not nog loot t he n t e.
even though It Is frequently after
midnight when they arrive for
their icy purinYitlon.
Like the Greeks, they have
word for H - the pious faithfully
believe their prayers will be re
j warded and they will have, sfter
.10 nights of frigid bathing, a
strong mind and a strong body.
Hut the shivering American hud
dled In the shadows watching the
spectacle would say that they
must have both to stand the
shock!
Bank Night and You'd Better Be inCondition
As the house becomes still and tense with expectancy, little Dorothea Blunderbuss, six years old,
draws a ticket. "Janlska Kopolovlc," bawls the manager. But there is no Janlska Kopolovic.
where we came In.") Then, 1
Imagine, he would get up If the
place caught on fire.
MERRIMENT
I )
"Please .bear with its a momciif the bird imitator just
sow a buy!"
BIRD MAN
LISTEN, Chief. If you're going
to Cleveland tonight there's
only one way on godsgreenearth
to go and that's fly. You'll never
get me Into a slow stuffy train
when I can fly. No sir. Why,
that night trip over the Allcghcn
les Is simply superb. Dangerous?
Listen, Chief, those babies that
pilot that line are personally ac
quainted with every branch on
every tree from Newark to Chi
cago. Engines? Say, there's only
one way to stop those engines and
that's turn the switch off. And
talk about hostesses. Chief. You
oughta see the. eye tonics they
got on those planes. Umm
hmmmm! They tip your seat
back and tuck your blanket in
and if you have the back scat 1
wouldn't be surprised If thev'd
kiss you good night. I always
Hay there's only one way on gods
greenearth to travel and that's bv
air.
What's that; Chief? You want
me to go along? Okay. Chief
Sure. Llsti-n. Chief. See those
clouds Just coming In ove;- the
northwes " They mean a sto- m.
sure. With a big storm like thnt
coming up the plane mlcht not
fly. so- how I mean? We can't
take ch.-inoi'S cm delay, can we
Chief? So look You let me gel
cur reservations on the t:aln.
nf" I know a fellow over In the
ticket ofltrc. Right. I always
say wucn there's anv doubt at all
4 111 J
. Si U II . - I f- III III
Some pcvplr havr
In passing a row of Class L
spectators, X am altogether mer
ciless. I mean I don't pick my
about the plane taking off why
there's only one way on gods
grcenearth to travel and that's
by train.
C. L. Funnctt
In Italy, apparently, military
service begins as soon as you are
able to walk and ends as soon as
you aren't.
THIRTEEN
ILIVE on floor fourteen, but
know
.hat floor the twelfth ts right
below;
And since no floor comes in be
tween. My floor should clearly be thir
teen! While few would bet a large
amount
That Hoodoo witches cannot
count, '
My Innrtlord evidently thinks
He's put one over on the Jinx.
Of course I do not fear a Hoodoo
Or Jinx --at least, no more than
you do,
But still I ask in wistful verse.
Does skipping numbers dodge the
curse ?
Arthur Guiterman
FAUTE DE MIEUX
TRAVEL, trouble, music, art,
A kiss, a frock, a rhyme,
I never said they feed my heart.
But still they pass my time.
Dorothy Parktt
-V- CAN
!lV
i ' .
all the luck'
way gingerly and mutter apolo
gies. They give no quarter and
in fairness to them it must be
MIRTH
HELLO. FRISCO!
HELLO Weber, this is Kartiny
speaking."
"Who?"
"Kartiny."
"Louder, please. I can't hear
you."
"Kartiny. K-a-r-t-l-n-y."
"Sorry. Didn't get It."
"Kartiny!"
K as in 'O.K.'
A as In eh?"
R as in 'arc'
T as in 'tea'
I as In 'eye'
N as in 'anything'
Y as in 'why'
Get me?"
"Oh, sure! Hello Rumpel
meyer." L. O.
We wonder if some of the au
thors who write so confidently of
what the world will be like a
hundred years from now could
tell us what it will be like six
months from now.
A kibitzer is a guy with an In
terferiority complex.
The only way some politicians
can get in the public eye Is by
getting In the public's hair.
Nowadays anybody who has a
plan to do something with some
body else's money is an econo
mist. SAFETY CRUSADER
By Gurney Williams
SAY. officer, hop in my car,
will you? I want you to ar
rest the driver of that sedan
ahead.
Well. I've been following that
car it has four men in it for
a couple of minutes and the crazy
driver has busted about every
traffic law that was ever made. . .
Certainly I'm sure, and I'd be
willing to testify against him.
too
Sure I would
Well, no. we couldn't catch
him now, but you got his number,
didn't you? I have, anyway. . . .
Well. I'll tell you. He went
through four red lights, for one
thing. I know because I went
right through after him, checking
up, and I almost ran over a nurse
and a baby carriage trying to
keep up with him. He must be
drunk or something. Then he
went on the wrong side of a
safety island so fast that I
knocked over one of the stand
ards as I tried to follow him. At
10th Street he turned right so
suddenly thai. I scraped a parked
car as I made the turn. I may
have knocked over a grocery
boy, too, but perhaps he just
titnned. Anyhow, when I looked
In my mirror I saw a lot of groc
eries scattered around the street.
So you can see how fast this
crack-pot was tearing. . . .
What? What fire plug? . .
No, omcer. I didn't see it. I'm
sorry. 1 just slopped at the curb
to tell you about this nut. Hon
estlv, I didn't see the tire plug. . .
No. of course I don't know who
the other sap is. . . .
All tight, go ahead and tell
me. . . .
What! Inspector O'Reilly, of
the riot squad! ....
Making a quiet raid? Oh. . .
Yes. omcer. here it Is. And
here's my owner s card, too
Yes. officer. ...
Yes. officer nine-thirty Wed
nesday morning.
Not only are the old songs best,
but they also provide employ
ment for scores of songwriters,
thinking up new nanvs fnr them.
Scientific Technic Heeded For
War With Hardy Sitters and
Evexi Then You Dont Win
admitted that they ask none. So
I take a deep breath, tense my
muscles and then plow through
the aisle.like a threshing machine,
lopping off legs instead of wheat.
They call me "The Wild Jug
gernaut of the Theaters." In
others words, I flash with the
same brilliance I showed on the
gridiron when a halfback.
People who have admired my
performance on Bank nights
sometimes come' up to me and
ask, "How do you do It?" Well,
the secret is conditioning. Proper
nourishment, plenty of sleep (in
a well-ventilated room) and a
good brisk hike In the morning
before breakfast by following
these simple rules I manage to be
at my peak whenever Bank night
rolls around
COMES the evening's big mo
ment in the intermission be
tween shows. As the house be
comes still and tense with expec
tancy, little Dorothea Blunder
buss, six years old, mounts the
"Good heavens! I've
IF NEWSPAPER MEN
TALKED AS THEY WRITE
REPORTER, Introducing Wife
to City Editor: "Chief, I
want you to meet the man's al
leged wife, an attractive young
matron of 37. Dear, this Is Mr.
Jones, an editor of a morning
newspaper."
Washington Correspondent, ad
dressing Wife at dinner table:
"My dear. I have it on the word
of an official high in the Culinary
Department that there is more
pie in the pantry."
Copy Editor, observing Small
Daughter in the1 act of yanking
the coffee pot off the table, to
Wife: "Nab child and avoid
crash possibly fatal burns."
Political Reporter, interviewing
Young Son: "Well, your Honor,
it is rumored that you did not
pass your examination Are you
prepared to discuss the subject
now or will you isu- a statement
later in tho day""
. A. Muschamp
stage and dips her pudgy hand
Into the basket of tickets. She
draws one out and turns it over
to the manager.
"Number 12,723!" ho bawls.
"Janiska Kopolovic!"
There is a murmur, then
silence. People stand up. Necks
crane. But there is no Janiska
Kopolovic.
There never is, in fact. 1 have
attended probably a round dozen
Bank nights in the last six
months and not only failed to win
a prize myself, but never saw
anyone else step up to claim the
prize.
As the lucky party fails to put
in his appearance, the whole thing
is called off, with the money to
be carried over till next week.
The crowd moans in disappoint
ment, but the lights go out and
I hey quickly forget their disap
pointment watching a color car
toon showing a bunch of cock
roaches having a swimming meet
in the kitchen sink.
FRIVOLITY
missed my train!'
MY SOUVENIRS
AMONG my souvenirs; ah, me.
A hundredweight of fond
debris.
Where did I get this faded
leaf?
Why did I steal this handker
chief? Why was this photo perpe
trated? I'm almost sure I never
dated
The owner of this ex-gardenia.
Who sent this postal from
Armenia?
Who lost this hat? Who dropped
this rose?
I must have been, to Judge
from those
The bits of junk I set much store
on.
A Casanova ... or a moron!
John R. Swain
Radio sponsors, we read, a r
anxious to give the public whnt
It wants. This makes It look ok
if one or the other 's crar.v
prTiiMi ii I !killl 111
PAGE EIGHT-B
r ." rs-llr. If, a ,,.,::r ! rpto-r.'