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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (March 22, 1936)
U. S. Budget Problem Solved fewer Towels For Senators! $7000 Worth of Mineral Water All Wet; Politicians Must Be Using It To Soften Up Beards By Elwood Ullman I HAVE spent all my spare time this week trying to find ways and means whereby the Govern ment can cut down expenses. After carefully studying the national balance sheet for 1035, I hit upon some Ideas. Take the U. S. Senate. Col. Ed win A. HalBey, Its secretary, re ports that total expenses last year amounted to 3,298,852. The list starts off as follows: Senate salaries $923,138.00 Vic President's salary 14,437.00 Investigations 236,000.00 Mineral water 7,000.00 Laundering S814 towels 31.98 Two neckties for Vice President's chauffeur 2.00 We might as well start off with the neckties. Now nobody Is sug gesting for one minute that the Vice President's chauffeur go around without a necktie (though this would, for once, focus a great deal of attention on the Vice President). The purchase was not only reasonable, but commend able. It was very sweet and thoughtful of the Senate to buy the two ties for the chauffeur, and I'm sure he appreciates It I have seen a ptcturo of the chauffeur sitting up in the front seat of Mr. Garner's car and proudly sporting what seems to be one of the new cravats. An other man might resent wearing a dollar cravat While recognizing the need for Government econo my, he might take the position that neckwear, especially his neckwear, Is no Item on which to start scrimping. He might hold out for $2 ties and tell them to make up the difference by cutting that $080,600,000 appropriation for the Postofftce Department. But Mr. Garner's chauffeur seems to be perfectly well satis fied with this tie. The pattern is very striking, not to say demon strative, and I'll bet It was the Committee on Indian Affairs that went shopping for it. HOWEVER, I am not finding , fault with the pattern. It's the price. If the committee is elated at having got by for $2, I'd llko to point out that if they had waited for the January clear ance sales, the two ties could have been purchased for 8 cents apiece, a saving of 22 cents. I realize that 22 cents Is pretty small, but still it's something and shows the Government what can bo done not only In buying tics Mystery Ships No. 3 H. M. S. WASP FIGHTING VESSEL THAT VANISHED IN 1887 THE sensation of the autumn of 1887 whs a wire from Hong Kong to the British Admiralty: "No trace of Wasp. Gunboats returned. Searched coasts of Co chin China and Hainan." H. M. S. Wasp had vanished, to Join that list of missing ships of which nothing is heard; an other mystery of the sea. She was a new type of gunboat. Her armament was six guns, her engines 1000 horsepower, and she had a displacement of 670 tons as sturdy a fighting vessel as ever was built, and sister ship to six other powerful gunboats built along the same lines. Without mishap she had reached the Malay Tenlnmila. then sailed from Singapore for Shanghai-never to be seen again. The voyage should have taken 16 days, with a stop at Hnng Kong. She never saw Hong Kong or any other ship on her trip. The unsolved mystery was - what happened to the Wasp f Pld she founder In a typhoon? Did for Mr. Garner's chauffeur, but in handling everything else on that expense list The little sums add up, you know, and by effect ing small economies here and there, it will be possible to make a sizeable reduction In that three billion dollar deficit estimated foi 1936. Investigations will go on, I sup pose, but I'd suggest that the committees watch their expenses a little closer, especially food bills. For Instance, I can't see any point In spending $1 for a table d'hote breakfast In a hotel's main dining-room when you can get one equally satisfying for less than half the amount In the coffee shop. What If the service isn't so fancy ? No. 3, for example, offers orange Juice, hot cakes and coffee for 25 cents. No. 4, 35 cents, Is orango juice, toast, coffee and two strips of bacon with one-egg. I am Just trying to show the Sena tors that they can dine hand somely without being extrava gant Mind you, I'm not suggest ing that they stint themselves. I am the last person In the world that - would want our Senators going around looking thin and emaciated. Now let us take up that $7000 Item for mineral water. Can it be that the Senate Is obsessed with the old bugaboo that tap water is contaminated by bacteria? If so, I would like to point out that we do not have scare-cats in the House of Representatives. At least, I do not find any. claim from them for mineral water. They bend unflinchingly over drinking fountains. OP COURSE, it Is possible they are taking chances, Just to save the $7000, or what ever It would cost to supply the House with mineral water. But their strenuous life demands prime physical condition and proves, I think, that the danger is imaginary. Getting back to the Senators, I wouldn't want to deprive them of their mineral water if it would make them nervous and unhappy. But $7000 seems a lot for It, even allowing for the thirst they get making speeches. I wonder if they're shaving with it, too? Or possibly they aren't getting the deposits back on the bottles. The item that causes me the most concern, the one I am least able to understand, Is "$31.98 for laundering 5814 towels for the U. S. Senate." It appears not once on the list but many times. I would .like Secretary Halsey to check this Item again. Maybe some other more terrible fate overtake her? It Is rare that a ship goes down without leaving bits of wreckage. Usually she goes to pieces first. When the bulk sinks, parts of the vessel are left afloat. The Wasp left nothing at all for rumors to feed upon. Did she run ashore along the coast through mishandling? Was she then plundered by pirates. who did away with the crew and destroyed the ship? The captain. It was later learned, did not like his command. He felt that his of ficers were Inexperienced, and his own responsibility was too heavy. 8trangely, she was the second Wasp to be lost within a few years. The first went down off the west coast of Ireland In heavy weather because of "bad naviga tion on the part of the leers." In both cases seamsna ' ,i may have been at fault. The H. M. 8. Wasp Is one of the few Ironclad vessels In all marl time history to disappear wilhout a tract. Just picture those 5814 towels stacked up to the celling In the Senate washroom. And think of the dreadful consequences that would ensue If in earthquake occurred. some of the Navy's expenses got Into his report by mistake. Maybe It should read, "for laundering 5814 towels for the Asiatic Fleet." WITH 97 men In the Senate, Including the Vice Presi dent, it means that each man has ABOUT .,-,ow P. Lorxt 40th Street, 119 West 40tn Gentlemen: &n ld man J-k u9s, fyeeohyerrr:tre8rAnrforrrome those cigarettes. olcing Taut , e9, Pt touched any t -,n J, My brother' s son & toQ uick-Du u4- novx'bie-Meli same, live Doub1 .aa Deen.V. DOUBLE. MONEY. BACK OFFER at made to imoHers tinea Oct 6, 1935 TAKE a sporting chance on a pack ol -AfV.W Old Colds. Smoke ten ol the cif aretles. If you don't say they're the finest you've ever tasted, aw the package wrapper and the remaining ten cigarettes to us, any ttma before May 1st, 1938, and we ll send you eWs the price you paid for the fult package, plmi seafag. (Establ.shed. 1760) ( 1 19 West 40th Street New York City for his personal use 59 and a fraction towels. (IX they rounded out the total to 5820, It would make an even 60.) I cannot see the justification for all these towels. Suppose a Senator washes up four times a day, each time lM-Mslow OLD November vt Nov company ino i tours truly, jerry Hurley id niece, . n .air Ol- 1 . k. Styled this fbr -aPot nlt to her. jno , Jas taken y ' Made from PRIZE CROP TOBACCOS using separate towels for his hands and face. (Note: I am not accusing him of taking fresh towels to shine his shoes with.) Even on this recklessly lavish basis, he would only use up eight towels a day, or 48 a week. He York Betty, aa too And More Care In Buying Ties For Vice -President's Chauffeur Might Give Taxpayers a Break would still be left with 11 towels. Now I am not complaining about the Senators sprucing up. I am sure cleanliness should be encouraged in everyone. It Is a fine reflection on this country when Its -Senators go around all day long with their faces bright and shiny and their ears clean. But they seem to be going over board on it. I mean they are keep ing too clean for the good of the budget . After all, 5814 towels is a lot of burlap. Perhaps it is the Sen ate's way of keeping up cotton prices. Just picture those 5814 towels stacked up to the ceiling, row on row, in the Senate washroom. And think of the dreadful consequences that would ensue If an earthquake ISP Snapshot of Jerry Huriey taken lait Fall by his brother John. Jerry's farm is located on a mountainside, 8 miles from Wellsville, N. Y. (Post Office, Scio.) 1 CXsr occurred and a couple of Senators got caught in an avalanche of towels. I doubt that rescue crews, digging furiously, could get to them Inside of 48 hours. ALL THOSE Senators not suf focated by towels would be drowned by the overturned jugs of mineral water. I hope our lawmakers will take this little treatise to heart. If I can only persuade them to cut the number of towels In half, to a mere 2907, they might get in the habit of halving everything. And the next time the Army puts in a requisition for 300 bombing'planes and the Navy de mands a new super-dreadnaught, they will give the Army 150 bombing planes and the Navy a light cruiser and a mine sweeper. mm fi r? 8 f. Urtitart C.. la. LB ImmI! PAGE FOUR
