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lUTOFOTO MATL TlftBUNEf MTCPFOJtD, OflFflON, SATURDAY, 'AUGUST 19, 3911,
feTiX
PAGE FTVE
THE WHITEWASH. ytf WIRRYMORE SUES FOR DIVORCE
It Pretence ah tit Hudten Day Com
psny Host Explained.
It Ik ur huh ii rule of Hid Hildxou
Hit)' ctiiitpiitiy (hut mi wnnnii Im h!
low I'll luinHriKit on II n bout, One Oil)
SOUIO JVIIIH MUO KM II MH'MIIUT of III!
(omiiiiii)' uouiid imh' of the nortliorii
most Mir(N n Htt lnu or whlto uiitmuiiiit
wim him'ii Hlri'ti'lit'd iktiimh the derk
'Jln Hiilclii'M Here nuiiixeil, fur to
llii'in tlm wmmIi Hue KiiKCi-Minl onl)' llii'
prosrncu of it woman iiluiiuil tin boat
Comment was fi ly matte of tin
mchimIiiI llmt would fiiNiiu mill Hie
VliuUiip Hint uoiilil tallow When (hi
limit docked llu Hue of wiihIiIiiu tifitf
lltippeiiretl still itiollicr proof of the
Nt'lllllllll.
'Later one of Hid liimlHimm mild to
tin Wiplulii:
"Why, how illd It happen tlmt you
cnrrlid ii milium piiMNitnuT thin nip?
'"J Ill-It' HUH III'MT II UOIIIIIII llloilt
till ullllln MO OK"." IIM Hit! llllllUlllllll
niinui-r "Whtil ilu you menu?"
"If thrto wu no woman aboard
.where did nil Unit white wiikIi otiif
from'" win In- triumphant icply.
The captain looked purrli'il for n
iiiomt'iit. unit tlii'ii lio Iniifjlii'd.
"Oil," hi said, "itinl illiln't wo lintt1
Lord Htrntluomt. the Kimrimr lilnnii'lf
nlouif with Ilk on (hi trlii? Ami .-vi-n
day doesn't In liinlxt on lunluw lil
.clean ulitto shirt, no mutter lioiv fur
liorlli wo in i' 7 That's Hh while wnh
you nw strums uloni; deck'. And
what's iniiri'. doifiu't liU lordMilp In
nUt 111111 luitluu III Iniidn paper
Inlil In Id i IiIh pinto isery inoriiltiR, no
matter If It Ik it your old?" IVanwnV
A MASTERJJFJWETAPHOR.
It Mutt Have Relieved Hm to Q.t Thli
Out of HI SytUm.
A water coiiumer In n certain city.
whon supply It it I Ikh'H turned off Ik-
on ii mt In,' wouldn't pay. wrote to th
department ii follouR,
"In the mutter of lint lime off thr
iwaler on' unpaid hill your couipuin
In fnut ltrcoitliii; it regular crtulllm)
Itinmlnii bureaucracy, ruuulnj; lu n
icroove and denf to tin appeal of re
form There It no imp of your Irylnj;
to luipucu tli trrlty of this Indict
infill hy nlmUni; your official hood lu
tin' lifili of your own diiln.
"If you ulll pi-rnlNt In tbl kind of
thins a nldrnirnd cmtrlnfrntlon of
llur iHtpulitcv will Ik luiiiilui'iii Hint
It will rivpilrr only n epnrk to let Icmwc
tho iik of war In our tiildnl. Will
you pnt-NUt In hiirtlntr tho cornonitniir
of our pcrnonnl llhurty to )our wulllnh
liiiuud of collrctorn thlmtJiitr for lt
hlood? If you ixntlMt th flrt tiling
you know )ou will hnvc tlio clinrlot
of n Jiwly ludlwnnnt rorolullon roll
inc nlotic lu our mldxt nuil cutiKhlnj:
It tfclli rt It roll.
"If your rnailly colloclont nr per
iiiIIKhI to cotitliiiia coinlui; to our door
with iiiiIiIunIiIiii: foo(tii. wltli clonk
of hypocHilcnl compunction In tlwlr
.mouth, nnd coiiimi pnyinctit from
your puirona thl jiolley will rciralt In
cuttlnjr tho wool off tho uttocp Hint
ilny tho Koldcn use until you hnvo
(iump(t1 It dry, niid then furowoll.
ilonj; fnrcwull. to our vnuutod pro.
Iicrlty." R cry body'.
1Lt Jv KiiaiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaH til
UlW'fli IV "HiBsJv -v ill1' 'P' ' 'ifx h
?
Mlfl'PTHEt wftfeyMDr5i!lj
mi,
iJJJVVV
Kra
At tnwn who illod milt for nopa rntlon tiKnlnxt her inllltontilru him
Imud and then klsMi'H anil Hindu up. Tho Colt huhy hrotiHht tho pnrentR
tOKottior.
Whin to Et Fruit.
To ohtnlu tho uioHt tciiitlt from tho
auci'iili'iit fruit they ahould bo eaten
nt Hut end of the clilrf numl. llnnniuiN
nrc nn rxcrptlon ntid niny bo eaten
.wlili any uicnt. They nro very ac
ri'ittuhto cut In thin ullcun nnd entrn
.with breinl and tittttur. Htrwed fruit
,oflen Iiiivo their virtues waalcil
through tM-lnu enteu nt the wroittf lluio
iHlx or elcht Htewed prune half nn
diour boforo linHkfnt nro beneticlnl:
no nrn mewed nun or utewed applex
.eulen iH'fore breakftut. levlel or
titiKe cut Into thin allcctt o Hint the
Juice I Net free, with ucur utrewn
over tho "licet, nre not unllko pluij-
npple nn form n hlu'hly emenelou nld
u itiRefitlon, rirnpe 1iouia nover bo
ttleu oxcept nfter tho chief men I of
tho dny. Token when tho toinach bi
compnrntlvely empty, they ro n mio
chilly hnrwful frult-lmUy Doctor.
ftultr of RutvU'o TltU.
Tho k'vnerul nllulon to tho ruler of
llulu an thuczur In, trlctly penklu((.
Incorrect HI oftlclul tltlo U 'Vmpcror
nnd nutocrnt." Czar Is tho old Ilu
nlan word for lord or prince and uo
obnndoned by Peter tho Orent on hi
triumphal return from I'oltnvn, hi
crowiilnj; victory orcr Cltnrlea XII. of
Hwedcn. Hlnco then the Itintnlnn moo
iia'li hnn been otllclally entltkil euv
pcror, and nt tho cougrc of Vicuna
In IfilO hi rlclit to tho lmierlnl term
was'ndmltteU by tho power, with tho
provUo that, thoucli ho wn emtKTor.
bo had uo preceileuco over tho WIiirii
of weterii Kuropo.-St. James' G-
EClttf,
Tho Mod ld.
Ilomnn Ouldo (lmpreively) The
mliif of tho ColUcutn! Seattle Man
(ntoullied) Well, what do you think
of that! Why, I aw photograph of
Hint hen twenty yenrs ni,o. Ilomnn
(Julde (loftllj)-Qulto likely, ulr. Sent
tie Man Hut why In thunder nrcu't
tho ruin clenn"! nwny nnd n mod
ern Collteum erected? New Urlenu
1'lcnyuuo.
Unlai.
Towntcnd-Cflii a man llvo on SI a
dnyT neern-Cennltily. unless he'a o
riKllcal,a to luy itouiethlui; nnldo for
u rutny day, keep up hi liiKurnnce, eat
when bo' huncry, buy clotllea nnd
pay bta bllln. CblcnKo News.
Under tho Orator' Spell.
JunIIco llrowcr mum once i;it'uUluff of
the oratory of John It. Ornish. "I
would uo homo nfter hearing Id clo
ipioiica tlionnijjltly elnicd, but when
my fill lu-r or mother nuked mo wbnt
GoUk'h had Mild I could not tell them
for the life of me, 1 roiiioiiiIxT once itl
a Yalo couimiMiceuieut iiIouk In the
tlfllc-H, iilKtitt the time Unit I wuxcrndu
, nted there, An Incident lllimtratlnn the
' forc of H'rounl maniiollHiu. OoukIi
I wn to deliver nn oration. lie mmiIco.
of courne, ou temperance. There wn
b dbttlUKUUIicd uiidleuci.'. Ou the ntnire
verv many of thu unernhle, notable
men In .New Iluveu of that dny. A
Inrye pnco una clear about the table,
for CourIi liked to walk buck and
forth nH ho talked, lie dencribetl how
a drtiukiird had lionteu hi wife and
came to hi climax with, 'Any man
who would kick u woman ouuht to be
kicked out of tho uulvorar
"Ho utupliUKlzcd his uordx with u
vigorous HiniRt of one foot, whereat
overy pernon on tho fituce, lnteiikely
wrought up by the orator, likewise
kicked outward n did tSougu." Kan
Hit City Journal.
Flloht.
"Woold you take $10,000 to fly from
Albnny to New YorkT
"Why not? Onr cnihlor took only
1,000 to fly to Europo."
Hciving.
lr. Cloiccoytio (dnrlns bin wlfo's
.-Yiton)-Sho Rive, 'em UkIiIh, hIio
Itlvw 'em mimic, he give 'em food,
llowern. hauipni;iie. nnd that' what
Klin calbi recvtvlitk'. London 'nMlltn.
Prprd.
Mllly Ho you think widowers mnko
good liuibnndiiT llllly-8uro. They
know what's coming to Uiont. Now
York Time.
Whtn Tabby RIm Her Oattlo Cry.
Dexplte tho cut's voftmut. Inxlneti,
(lulllnoM and purrlui; niulnblllty, tar
plerclnt' wnrery lu the night bturtleu
nnd oini(ierutei beyond nil bearing
nol by lt loiidnertN, but by n certain
vlelaun, welnl, half terrify lu;;, half In
furhitlng note lu It that mnl.pi iu
irlng to nriii with tho bootjack or
other mibKtltutc fur tho boomerang, na
thu wnrwboon of our tribal enemies
did n century or centurle ngo, nay
Dr. Wood llulodnou in Kuccoss Hag
iixlue. One of Mark Twain' wlso old frou
tlehunnu had caught thl nolo when
he explained to the tenderfoot that mi
Imnl Mikei-ch had rules of compoaltlon
nnd grammcr, Just llko humnn speech,
and that "tho reason a cat riles yo bo
ulti't on account of tho uolRe Bho
makctt, but ou account of tho alckonln'
bad grammar sho ukch." And ho won
right, for the grammar of sculp lifting
and tlio whole alphabet of battle, mur
der and sudden death Uuglcs and
screams lu tho rasping cry.
A Psrlstnt Ysnkto,
To IHiiBtntte Ynnkeo pcnilnteticx
Wall street titnKUitlu told the following
ifory Iho other dny t
"A new England Yankee who was a
prlNoner ou n pirate ship In tho good
old days wheu ;rli's loinned Iho seas
lava my, becuufto of hi Yankoe attri
buted, objectionable to hi captors, It
was finally decided to maroon hlin on
it desert inland with hut little fowl
nnd ii collln to lomlud him of his In
oviliihlo file. The Uliiud was found,
nnd tho Now nngtander and the collln
(vitro left olono on tho beach, while the
plruto ship sailed niwiy. Tor several
days nho snllcdnnd (urn became be
calmed. For three days alio lay there
Willi not n breath of ulr. On tho even
ing of tho third day n black speck was
iioIIchI on tho horlron. It steadily
grow larger and soon was closo enough
for tho men ou the ship to make out
wlmt It was."
Tho man of millions jmtiNiil for nn
ItiNtiint nnd then wild, smiling, "it was
thu Yankee in lilt collln, with half of
tho lid in either hand rowing for
home." Cincinnati Commercial Trib
une. How to Quit Smoking.
Do not light tlio flint cigar less than
half an hour after breakfast. Thomuro
dtlllcult this delay may be, the more
need there is for a cure. The remain
der of tho day smoke tho same as
usual. It is only the first cigar with
which wo aro dealing. Keep this up
for a week, then lengthen the lntcrTOl
to nn hour for another week, then
inako It oiio and u half hours, two,
two and a half, nnd so on. If you
havo an "all gone" sensation, a long
tnir for something and don't know
what sort of feeling, eat an orango or1
apple or almost any kind of fruit, but
don't smoke until the time Is up. Tlio
nerves belntr deprived of their morning
stimulant are crying for nourishment,
which naturo is hastening to supply
through increased appetite to supply
digestion. By tho time the first cigar
Is entirely eliminated tho euro is ef
fected with jiO 'serious dcrnugemeut of
tho heart or digestive apparatus. It
now requires only a moderate will
power to mako tho cure permanent
Ht. Loula Post-Dispatch.
A' occur In real IXb, T.fll 'Hint Is no
reason why Uicy should bo allowed on
the stage," ho snld.
Not tho 8m.
On ono occasion when "The Mikado"
was being rehearsed Gilbert called out
from tho middle of tho stalls, "Thcro
is n gentleman In the loft group not
holding his fan correctly." Tho stngo
manager appeared and explnlned.
"There Is no gcutfemnn," ho said,
"who Is absent through Illness." "All,"
came (ho reply from tho author in
grave, matter of fact tones, "that is
not tho gentleman I am referring to."
Dundee Advertiser.
A Silent Partner.
NIbbItt That woman who Jnst went
out Is tho partner of your joys nnd
sorrows, I supposo? Ilufton Bbe's
partner to my joys all right, but when
It comes to rny Horrows she slips over
to seo her mother.
Very Dsvottd.
"What have you tied that string
around your linger for?"
"My wife's away, aud thin Is to re
mind mo Utat I promised to think of
her every day." Toledo Ulnde.
Chip of the Old Block.
Caller (viewing Oio baby) Do yoa
think he is going to resemble father?
Mother I shouldn't bo surprised. II
keeps mo up nights even now.Boston
Transcript.
Can You Blame Him?
"Pa, what does 'skeptical' meanT
"That describes n man's feellnf
when a woman tells her age." New
York I'ress.
The long look within ourselves will
euro us of a lot of ImpaUenca wIU
ether folks. Ilenry V. Cope.
A Crow's 8trtsaem.
A crow had been captured by tho
children In a nouthera family nnd
brought homo and tamed. -They wcro
very fond of tho crow and treated It
with kindness. As in most houses
whero thcro aro children, thcro was
also a pet cat Tho cat nnd crow wcro
not friendly. Ono day an .unusually
jileo morsel was given to tho cat This
the crow not only looked at with en
vious eyes, but made several attempts
to secure. The cat beat off each at
tempt, however, and tho crow bad to
resort to stratagem. Disappearing
through the open door, ho returned In
a few moments with a long string that
had been raveled from a rag carpet
I'lnclng this on the floor some llttlo dis
tance In front of the cat, bo proceeded
to wriggle It us ho hud scon tho chil
dren do when playing with Uio cat'
Tho cut Instantly jumped to catch the
string. Tula was, of course, cxncHy
what tho crow wanted, and bo
pounced upon tho coveted morsel nnd
flew away with It Harper's Weekly.
Hanklns for Health.
A Strict Dramatic Censor.
Vienna once iHisscsscd tho strictest
dramatic censor ever known la the
person of Frant Hoe gel In, who held
that post in the Austrian capital at
tho beginning of the last century.
Uoegellu published n manual for the
guidance of censors. "A, pair of lovers
should never be nllowed to appear on
tho stage uloue. They must nlways
lo accompanied by a third person of
mature yenrs." Marriages out of one's
claax wcro also strictly forbidden by
Hoegelln on the stngo, and bo quotes
nn Instance of a piny which he re-'j
fused to pasa because tho author made
tho hero. Count Vnlderanr, mnrry n
snrdcuer'a daughter. "Such misalli
ance bnve imfortunntplv been known
Not For Fashion's Sake.
Tbe criminal law of England was
formerly marked by ladlscrkalBatunr
soverlty. Theft of an article valued
aboro 10 shillings was punished wltti
destb. In writing aboat "Sweet
nampstead and Its Associations" Mrs.
fWblte records a pleasant thins of Lord
Mausfleld, who, aa a rule, leaned to
tho sldo of mercy. It waa Lord Mans
field who directed a jury to find a
stolon trinket less In value than 10
shillings In order that tho thief might
escape capital punishment To this
the jeweler who prosecuted demurred,
asserting that tho fashion of the thlsujr
had cost blm twice that money.
"Gentlemen." replied the Judge, with
grave solemnity, "we ourselves stand
in need of mercy. Let us not hang a
man for the fashion's sake!"
Two Csn Play. """,
"Walter," called tho Irato diner,
"Micro seems to be a dollar on this
bill I can't account for."
"Oh, that's Jnst a Joke, sir." apolo
gized tho waiter, "lust a bet tho ensh
Icr nnd I have, ifl have It fixed right
away, sir"
"What do yon mean about n bet?"
asked the diner, detaining him,
"Well, sir. I bet the cashier .V) cents
you would seo tho mistake, and he bet
you wouldn't, so I win, sir."
"Huppose 1 hadn't noticed It?"
"He'd have got the dollar, ulr."
"Oh, I see. Giro me your pencil."
And hewroto a few Hues on tho back
of tho bill, folded It up nnd luiudcd It
to ho waiter. "Tnko that to the cash
,ler." The waiter leaned over the cashier's
shoulder n be unfolded the pawr. it
read:
"I'll bet you T that when you send
this back you don't find me."
And they didn't IJpplncott's.
Prsetlesl Hlp.
"Mister." whined the mendicant with
tho wooden leg. "can't you help a poor
okl sailor wot has had his Jeg bitten
off by a shark'"
"DenV tnoJ" exclaimed the kind
hearted professor. "I believe I can, my
poor man. Come around to tbe col
lege." After hobbling along for ten Mocks
tbe professor led the way through an
Iron gate nnd up to his study.
"Here you nre, rny poor man. Now,
don't say I never gave you anything."
Tbe beggar almost toppled oer with
astonishment.
"W-whafs that, sir?"
"Why, that's my latest book on
'Sharks and Their Ways.' If you have
that book with you when you fall over
board next time you won't lose tbe
other leg. You'll know Just bow to
dodge them. Good day." Chicago
News.
Orvvnatts nvnv)
There is n story of Crockett of
"Stlcklt Minister" frtnio to the effect
that when ho offered bis first volume
to a Scotqh firm It was returned, with
a polite notfl assuring him that (hero
was no market for that sort of thing.
The letter wns marked "No, 3lMlb." in
later years when tho same publishon
asked him for one of his manuscript!!
ho politely requested them to refer to
their provlbus correspondenco with
hi m marked "300b."
One of Tom Hood' Last Jokes.
Shortly before IiIh death, being via
lted by a clergyman whoso feattlrc.4
as well as language wore more lu
gubrious than consoling, Howl looked
up at him compnsslonntely and suld,
"My dear sir, I am afraid your re
Hglon doesn't agree with you."
rianche's ltemlulscences.
Forco of Habit,
A street car conductor who recently
embraced religion was called upon to
take up the Kunday morning offering.
He did very well until he came to a
boy. "Young man," he snld sternly,
"you will hnve to pny half fare."
Stopping It.
"Willie," said his mother, "aro you
making the baby cry?"
".Win." replied the boy. "I'm boldln'
ray hand over her mouth to mako her
Draperies
We carry a very comsteto ltao of
draperies, lace curtains, fixtures, etc.,
and Co all class of upholstering. A
special man to look after this work
exclusively and will Rive as good
service as Is possible to st la even
the largest cities.
Weeks k McGowan Co
MaoMahon'a Epigram.
When Marshal MacMahoa la th
Crimean campaign took the Malakoff
by storm and wrote 1)1 celebrated dis
patch, "J'y aula; J'y reate" ("Here I
am; here I stay"), these words made
blm famous all over the world. Yet
his friends said that the worthy sol
dier had written them In the most
matter of fact manner, with no
thought of phrase making. The most
surprised person over the success ot
this epigram waa MacMahoa himself.
Helping Her Out
"Have you a young chicken? I aja
rather green nt cooking."
"Such being the case, madam, don't
you think you'd better have an oM,
experienced fowl?" Louisville Courier
Journal. Mirth.
Harmless mirth is the best cordial
against tbe consumption of Hie spirit
Wherefore Jesting is uot unlawful. If
it trcsruasctb uot in quanUty, quality
(u season. Fuller.
Ignorance when It Is voluntary la
crlrolual. Johuson.
FANS
They are healthful
F F
Tbey sure ssudtary 4
A Tbey are comfortable
Tbey cost one-half ceat aa
hoar to ru
NN
They are Jast the this to J-
keep jroar customer la
1 good hataor
Xaea way aet bay eaeT
Call at the Electric Building
209 W.?st Main
and Examine the Large Stock
ROGUE RIVER
ELECTRIC CO.
I
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LUMBER
l- i n
SHINGLES
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DOORS
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WINDOWS
KAisOMINE
?Y UUL'iJ COMPANY
LARGEST STOCK OF LUMBER IN
SOUTHERN OREGON
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PLANTER
PANTS
OILS
ROOFING
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