kt . tt rv ! i , if .. r' , 55K535 lUTOFOTO MATL TlftBUNEf MTCPFOJtD, OflFflON, SATURDAY, 'AUGUST 19, 3911, feTiX PAGE FTVE THE WHITEWASH. ytf WIRRYMORE SUES FOR DIVORCE It Pretence ah tit Hudten Day Com psny Host Explained. It Ik ur huh ii rule of Hid Hildxou Hit)' ctiiitpiitiy (hut mi wnnnii Im h! low I'll luinHriKit on II n bout, One Oil) SOUIO JVIIIH MUO KM II MH'MIIUT of III! (omiiiiii)' uouiid imh' of the nortliorii most Mir(N n Htt lnu or whlto uiitmuiiiit wim him'ii Hlri'ti'lit'd iktiimh the derk 'Jln Hiilclii'M Here nuiiixeil, fur to llii'in tlm wmmIi Hue KiiKCi-Minl onl)' llii' prosrncu of it woman iiluiiuil tin boat Comment was fi ly matte of tin mchimIiiI llmt would fiiNiiu mill Hie VliuUiip Hint uoiilil tallow When (hi limit docked llu Hue of wiihIiIiiu tifitf lltippeiiretl still itiollicr proof of the Nt'lllllllll. 'Later one of Hid liimlHimm mild to tin Wiplulii: "Why, how illd It happen tlmt you cnrrlid ii milium piiMNitnuT thin nip? '"J Ill-It' HUH III'MT II UOIIIIIII llloilt till ullllln MO OK"." IIM Hit! llllllUlllllll niinui-r "Whtil ilu you menu?" "If thrto wu no woman aboard .where did nil Unit white wiikIi otiif from'" win In- triumphant icply. The captain looked purrli'il for n iiiomt'iit. unit tlii'ii lio Iniifjlii'd. "Oil," hi said, "itinl illiln't wo lintt1 Lord Htrntluomt. the Kimrimr lilnnii'lf nlouif with Ilk on (hi trlii? Ami .-vi-n day doesn't In liinlxt on lunluw lil .clean ulitto shirt, no mutter lioiv fur liorlli wo in i' 7 That's Hh while wnh you nw strums uloni; deck'. And what's iniiri'. doifiu't liU lordMilp In nUt 111111 luitluu III Iniidn paper Inlil In Id i IiIh pinto isery inoriiltiR, no matter If It Ik it your old?" IVanwnV A MASTERJJFJWETAPHOR. It Mutt Have Relieved Hm to Q.t Thli Out of HI SytUm. A water coiiumer In n certain city. whon supply It it I Ikh'H turned off Ik- on ii mt In,' wouldn't pay. wrote to th department ii follouR, "In the mutter of lint lime off thr iwaler on' unpaid hill your couipuin In fnut ltrcoitliii; it regular crtulllm) Itinmlnii bureaucracy, ruuulnj; lu n icroove and denf to tin appeal of re form There It no imp of your Irylnj; to luipucu tli trrlty of this Indict infill hy nlmUni; your official hood lu tin' lifili of your own diiln. "If you ulll pi-rnlNt In tbl kind of thins a nldrnirnd cmtrlnfrntlon of llur iHtpulitcv will Ik luiiiilui'iii Hint It will rivpilrr only n epnrk to let Icmwc tho iik of war In our tiildnl. Will you pnt-NUt In hiirtlntr tho cornonitniir of our pcrnonnl llhurty to )our wulllnh liiiuud of collrctorn thlmtJiitr for lt hlood? If you ixntlMt th flrt tiling you know )ou will hnvc tlio clinrlot of n Jiwly ludlwnnnt rorolullon roll inc nlotic lu our mldxt nuil cutiKhlnj: It tfclli rt It roll. "If your rnailly colloclont nr per iiiIIKhI to cotitliiiia coinlui; to our door with iiiiIiIunIiIiii: foo(tii. wltli clonk of hypocHilcnl compunction In tlwlr .mouth, nnd coiiimi pnyinctit from your puirona thl jiolley will rciralt In cuttlnjr tho wool off tho uttocp Hint ilny tho Koldcn use until you hnvo (iump(t1 It dry, niid then furowoll. ilonj; fnrcwull. to our vnuutod pro. Iicrlty." R cry body'. 1Lt Jv KiiaiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaiiaH til UlW'fli IV "HiBsJv -v ill1' 'P' ' 'ifx h ? Mlfl'PTHEt wftfeyMDr5i!lj mi, iJJJVVV Kra At tnwn who illod milt for nopa rntlon tiKnlnxt her inllltontilru him Imud and then klsMi'H anil Hindu up. Tho Colt huhy hrotiHht tho pnrentR tOKottior. Whin to Et Fruit. To ohtnlu tho uioHt tciiitlt from tho auci'iili'iit fruit they ahould bo eaten nt Hut end of the clilrf numl. llnnniuiN nrc nn rxcrptlon ntid niny bo eaten .wlili any uicnt. They nro very ac ri'ittuhto cut In thin ullcun nnd entrn .with breinl and tittttur. Htrwed fruit ,oflen Iiiivo their virtues waalcil through tM-lnu enteu nt the wroittf lluio iHlx or elcht Htewed prune half nn diour boforo linHkfnt nro beneticlnl: no nrn mewed nun or utewed applex .eulen iH'fore breakftut. levlel or titiKe cut Into thin allcctt o Hint the Juice I Net free, with ucur utrewn over tho "licet, nre not unllko pluij- npple nn form n hlu'hly emenelou nld u itiRefitlon, rirnpe 1iouia nover bo ttleu oxcept nfter tho chief men I of tho dny. Token when tho toinach bi compnrntlvely empty, they ro n mio chilly hnrwful frult-lmUy Doctor. ftultr of RutvU'o TltU. Tho k'vnerul nllulon to tho ruler of llulu an thuczur In, trlctly penklu((. Incorrect HI oftlclul tltlo U 'Vmpcror nnd nutocrnt." Czar Is tho old Ilu nlan word for lord or prince and uo obnndoned by Peter tho Orent on hi triumphal return from I'oltnvn, hi crowiilnj; victory orcr Cltnrlea XII. of Hwedcn. Hlnco then the Itintnlnn moo iia'li hnn been otllclally entltkil euv pcror, and nt tho cougrc of Vicuna In IfilO hi rlclit to tho lmierlnl term was'ndmltteU by tho power, with tho provUo that, thoucli ho wn emtKTor. bo had uo preceileuco over tho WIiirii of weterii Kuropo.-St. James' G- EClttf, Tho Mod ld. Ilomnn Ouldo (lmpreively) The mliif of tho ColUcutn! Seattle Man (ntoullied) Well, what do you think of that! Why, I aw photograph of Hint hen twenty yenrs ni,o. Ilomnn (Julde (loftllj)-Qulto likely, ulr. Sent tie Man Hut why In thunder nrcu't tho ruin clenn"! nwny nnd n mod ern Collteum erected? New Urlenu 1'lcnyuuo. Unlai. Towntcnd-Cflii a man llvo on SI a dnyT neern-Cennltily. unless he'a o riKllcal,a to luy itouiethlui; nnldo for u rutny day, keep up hi liiKurnnce, eat when bo' huncry, buy clotllea nnd pay bta bllln. CblcnKo News. Under tho Orator' Spell. JunIIco llrowcr mum once i;it'uUluff of the oratory of John It. Ornish. "I would uo homo nfter hearing Id clo ipioiica tlionnijjltly elnicd, but when my fill lu-r or mother nuked mo wbnt GoUk'h had Mild I could not tell them for the life of me, 1 roiiioiiiIxT once itl a Yalo couimiMiceuieut iiIouk In the tlfllc-H, iilKtitt the time Unit I wuxcrndu , nted there, An Incident lllimtratlnn the ' forc of H'rounl maniiollHiu. OoukIi I wn to deliver nn oration. lie mmiIco. of courne, ou temperance. There wn b dbttlUKUUIicd uiidleuci.'. Ou the ntnire verv many of thu unernhle, notable men In .New Iluveu of that dny. A Inrye pnco una clear about the table, for CourIi liked to walk buck and forth nH ho talked, lie dencribetl how a drtiukiird had lionteu hi wife and came to hi climax with, 'Any man who would kick u woman ouuht to be kicked out of tho uulvorar "Ho utupliUKlzcd his uordx with u vigorous HiniRt of one foot, whereat overy pernon on tho fituce, lnteiikely wrought up by the orator, likewise kicked outward n did tSougu." Kan Hit City Journal. Flloht. "Woold you take $10,000 to fly from Albnny to New YorkT "Why not? Onr cnihlor took only 1,000 to fly to Europo." Hciving. lr. Cloiccoytio (dnrlns bin wlfo's .-Yiton)-Sho Rive, 'em UkIiIh, hIio Itlvw 'em mimic, he give 'em food, llowern. hauipni;iie. nnd that' what Klin calbi recvtvlitk'. London 'nMlltn. Prprd. Mllly Ho you think widowers mnko good liuibnndiiT llllly-8uro. They know what's coming to Uiont. Now York Time. Whtn Tabby RIm Her Oattlo Cry. Dexplte tho cut's voftmut. Inxlneti, (lulllnoM and purrlui; niulnblllty, tar plerclnt' wnrery lu the night bturtleu nnd oini(ierutei beyond nil bearing nol by lt loiidnertN, but by n certain vlelaun, welnl, half terrify lu;;, half In furhitlng note lu It that mnl.pi iu irlng to nriii with tho bootjack or other mibKtltutc fur tho boomerang, na thu wnrwboon of our tribal enemies did n century or centurle ngo, nay Dr. Wood llulodnou in Kuccoss Hag iixlue. One of Mark Twain' wlso old frou tlehunnu had caught thl nolo when he explained to the tenderfoot that mi Imnl Mikei-ch had rules of compoaltlon nnd grammcr, Just llko humnn speech, and that "tho reason a cat riles yo bo ulti't on account of tho uolRe Bho makctt, but ou account of tho alckonln' bad grammar sho ukch." And ho won right, for the grammar of sculp lifting and tlio whole alphabet of battle, mur der and sudden death Uuglcs and screams lu tho rasping cry. A Psrlstnt Ysnkto, To IHiiBtntte Ynnkeo pcnilnteticx Wall street titnKUitlu told the following ifory Iho other dny t "A new England Yankee who was a prlNoner ou n pirate ship In tho good old days wheu ;rli's loinned Iho seas lava my, becuufto of hi Yankoe attri buted, objectionable to hi captors, It was finally decided to maroon hlin on it desert inland with hut little fowl nnd ii collln to lomlud him of his In oviliihlo file. The Uliiud was found, nnd tho Now nngtander and the collln (vitro left olono on tho beach, while the plruto ship sailed niwiy. Tor several days nho snllcdnnd (urn became be calmed. For three days alio lay there Willi not n breath of ulr. On tho even ing of tho third day n black speck was iioIIchI on tho horlron. It steadily grow larger and soon was closo enough for tho men ou the ship to make out wlmt It was." Tho man of millions jmtiNiil for nn ItiNtiint nnd then wild, smiling, "it was thu Yankee in lilt collln, with half of tho lid in either hand rowing for home." Cincinnati Commercial Trib une. How to Quit Smoking. Do not light tlio flint cigar less than half an hour after breakfast. Thomuro dtlllcult this delay may be, the more need there is for a cure. The remain der of tho day smoke tho same as usual. It is only the first cigar with which wo aro dealing. Keep this up for a week, then lengthen the lntcrTOl to nn hour for another week, then inako It oiio and u half hours, two, two and a half, nnd so on. If you havo an "all gone" sensation, a long tnir for something and don't know what sort of feeling, eat an orango or1 apple or almost any kind of fruit, but don't smoke until the time Is up. Tlio nerves belntr deprived of their morning stimulant are crying for nourishment, which naturo is hastening to supply through increased appetite to supply digestion. By tho time the first cigar Is entirely eliminated tho euro is ef fected with jiO 'serious dcrnugemeut of tho heart or digestive apparatus. It now requires only a moderate will power to mako tho cure permanent Ht. Loula Post-Dispatch. A' occur In real IXb, T.fll 'Hint Is no reason why Uicy should bo allowed on the stage," ho snld. Not tho 8m. On ono occasion when "The Mikado" was being rehearsed Gilbert called out from tho middle of tho stalls, "Thcro is n gentleman In the loft group not holding his fan correctly." Tho stngo manager appeared and explnlned. "There Is no gcutfemnn," ho said, "who Is absent through Illness." "All," came (ho reply from tho author in grave, matter of fact tones, "that is not tho gentleman I am referring to." Dundee Advertiser. A Silent Partner. NIbbItt That woman who Jnst went out Is tho partner of your joys nnd sorrows, I supposo? Ilufton Bbe's partner to my joys all right, but when It comes to rny Horrows she slips over to seo her mother. Very Dsvottd. "What have you tied that string around your linger for?" "My wife's away, aud thin Is to re mind mo Utat I promised to think of her every day." Toledo Ulnde. Chip of the Old Block. Caller (viewing Oio baby) Do yoa think he is going to resemble father? Mother I shouldn't bo surprised. II keeps mo up nights even now.Boston Transcript. Can You Blame Him? "Pa, what does 'skeptical' meanT "That describes n man's feellnf when a woman tells her age." New York I'ress. The long look within ourselves will euro us of a lot of ImpaUenca wIU ether folks. Ilenry V. Cope. A Crow's 8trtsaem. A crow had been captured by tho children In a nouthera family nnd brought homo and tamed. -They wcro very fond of tho crow and treated It with kindness. As in most houses whero thcro aro children, thcro was also a pet cat Tho cat nnd crow wcro not friendly. Ono day an .unusually jileo morsel was given to tho cat This the crow not only looked at with en vious eyes, but made several attempts to secure. The cat beat off each at tempt, however, and tho crow bad to resort to stratagem. Disappearing through the open door, ho returned In a few moments with a long string that had been raveled from a rag carpet I'lnclng this on the floor some llttlo dis tance In front of the cat, bo proceeded to wriggle It us ho hud scon tho chil dren do when playing with Uio cat' Tho cut Instantly jumped to catch the string. Tula was, of course, cxncHy what tho crow wanted, and bo pounced upon tho coveted morsel nnd flew away with It Harper's Weekly. Hanklns for Health. A Strict Dramatic Censor. Vienna once iHisscsscd tho strictest dramatic censor ever known la the person of Frant Hoe gel In, who held that post in the Austrian capital at tho beginning of the last century. Uoegellu published n manual for the guidance of censors. "A, pair of lovers should never be nllowed to appear on tho stage uloue. They must nlways lo accompanied by a third person of mature yenrs." Marriages out of one's claax wcro also strictly forbidden by Hoegelln on the stngo, and bo quotes nn Instance of a piny which he re-'j fused to pasa because tho author made tho hero. Count Vnlderanr, mnrry n snrdcuer'a daughter. "Such misalli ance bnve imfortunntplv been known Not For Fashion's Sake. Tbe criminal law of England was formerly marked by ladlscrkalBatunr soverlty. Theft of an article valued aboro 10 shillings was punished wltti destb. In writing aboat "Sweet nampstead and Its Associations" Mrs. fWblte records a pleasant thins of Lord Mausfleld, who, aa a rule, leaned to tho sldo of mercy. It waa Lord Mans field who directed a jury to find a stolon trinket less In value than 10 shillings In order that tho thief might escape capital punishment To this the jeweler who prosecuted demurred, asserting that tho fashion of the thlsujr had cost blm twice that money. "Gentlemen." replied the Judge, with grave solemnity, "we ourselves stand in need of mercy. Let us not hang a man for the fashion's sake!" Two Csn Play. """, "Walter," called tho Irato diner, "Micro seems to be a dollar on this bill I can't account for." "Oh, that's Jnst a Joke, sir." apolo gized tho waiter, "lust a bet tho ensh Icr nnd I have, ifl have It fixed right away, sir" "What do yon mean about n bet?" asked the diner, detaining him, "Well, sir. I bet the cashier .V) cents you would seo tho mistake, and he bet you wouldn't, so I win, sir." "Huppose 1 hadn't noticed It?" "He'd have got the dollar, ulr." "Oh, I see. Giro me your pencil." And hewroto a few Hues on tho back of tho bill, folded It up nnd luiudcd It to ho waiter. "Tnko that to the cash ,ler." The waiter leaned over the cashier's shoulder n be unfolded the pawr. it read: "I'll bet you T that when you send this back you don't find me." And they didn't IJpplncott's. Prsetlesl Hlp. "Mister." whined the mendicant with tho wooden leg. "can't you help a poor okl sailor wot has had his Jeg bitten off by a shark'" "DenV tnoJ" exclaimed the kind hearted professor. "I believe I can, my poor man. Come around to tbe col lege." After hobbling along for ten Mocks tbe professor led the way through an Iron gate nnd up to his study. "Here you nre, rny poor man. Now, don't say I never gave you anything." Tbe beggar almost toppled oer with astonishment. "W-whafs that, sir?" "Why, that's my latest book on 'Sharks and Their Ways.' If you have that book with you when you fall over board next time you won't lose tbe other leg. You'll know Just bow to dodge them. Good day." Chicago News. Orvvnatts nvnv) There is n story of Crockett of "Stlcklt Minister" frtnio to the effect that when ho offered bis first volume to a Scotqh firm It was returned, with a polite notfl assuring him that (hero was no market for that sort of thing. The letter wns marked "No, 3lMlb." in later years when tho same publishon asked him for one of his manuscript!! ho politely requested them to refer to their provlbus correspondenco with hi m marked "300b." One of Tom Hood' Last Jokes. Shortly before IiIh death, being via lted by a clergyman whoso feattlrc.4 as well as language wore more lu gubrious than consoling, Howl looked up at him compnsslonntely and suld, "My dear sir, I am afraid your re Hglon doesn't agree with you." rianche's ltemlulscences. Forco of Habit, A street car conductor who recently embraced religion was called upon to take up the Kunday morning offering. He did very well until he came to a boy. "Young man," he snld sternly, "you will hnve to pny half fare." Stopping It. "Willie," said his mother, "aro you making the baby cry?" ".Win." replied the boy. "I'm boldln' ray hand over her mouth to mako her Draperies We carry a very comsteto ltao of draperies, lace curtains, fixtures, etc., and Co all class of upholstering. A special man to look after this work exclusively and will Rive as good service as Is possible to st la even the largest cities. Weeks k McGowan Co MaoMahon'a Epigram. When Marshal MacMahoa la th Crimean campaign took the Malakoff by storm and wrote 1)1 celebrated dis patch, "J'y aula; J'y reate" ("Here I am; here I stay"), these words made blm famous all over the world. Yet his friends said that the worthy sol dier had written them In the most matter of fact manner, with no thought of phrase making. The most surprised person over the success ot this epigram waa MacMahoa himself. Helping Her Out "Have you a young chicken? I aja rather green nt cooking." "Such being the case, madam, don't you think you'd better have an oM, experienced fowl?" Louisville Courier Journal. Mirth. Harmless mirth is the best cordial against tbe consumption of Hie spirit Wherefore Jesting is uot unlawful. If it trcsruasctb uot in quanUty, quality (u season. Fuller. Ignorance when It Is voluntary la crlrolual. Johuson. FANS They are healthful F F Tbey sure ssudtary 4 A Tbey are comfortable Tbey cost one-half ceat aa hoar to ru NN They are Jast the this to J- keep jroar customer la 1 good hataor Xaea way aet bay eaeT Call at the Electric Building 209 W.?st Main and Examine the Large Stock ROGUE RIVER ELECTRIC CO. I P LUMBER l- i n SHINGLES h 1 , DOORS """ ',", -. i WINDOWS KAisOMINE ?Y UUL'iJ COMPANY LARGEST STOCK OF LUMBER IN SOUTHERN OREGON l i i i f i 1 1 . 1 j . F CEMENT PLANTER PANTS OILS ROOFING BUILDING PAPER !.. .,-,. J IM I . t ,..4aMta-i i4.i-if ffi Mm? i .ijMyf i" saaMHaMaatha V a1"?!! 7 if!i'i'f. s fl ? 4 .t v tim i 5M ui m w J .'! S ' 4 ' M i S 4& t f1i i i