THE HERMISTON HERALD, HERMISTON, OREGON.
B rn n ia U iti
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^ f r a li)
P ublished every T hursday a t H er
m iston, U m atilla County, Oregon by
U aym ond Crow der, E d ito r and Man-
Mger.
U ntered as second elase m atter,
O eecn b er 1906 a t th e postotfice a t
H erm iston, Oregon.
Subscription Bates
F o r One Y ear
.— .....................»2.00
For Six M onths ........................... »1.00
Payable In Advance.
Classified or Local Advertising
10 cen ts per Hue for firs t Insertion.
M inim um ch arg e 25 cents. Subse
q u e n t In sertio n s 5 cents per line.
Ain’t She Got Fun
O ur office "d ev il" w as recently
disappointed in love. The jo lt Is re
sponsible for th e follow ing m use:
As she m arched up the ch u rch aslle.
W ith h er h usband to be by h er side.
T h e w orld w ill alw ays call her.
The modest b lu sh in g bride.
She sees in th e pews around her,
Joh n n y , h er h ig h school beau,
Tommy, w ho b o u g h t h er Bon Bons,
A nd h er seashore lover Joe.
T h ere’s billy, h er football hero.
W hom once she prom ised to wed,
C harlie and M ark, Jim m ie and Itoy,
H arold, Floyd an d Ned.
She knows th a t th e ir eyes are upon
her.
T here am id st th e solemn hush.
And preten d s she doesn’t see them
B u t ye, Gods, w ho w o u ld n 't blush.
KILLING THE GOOSE
E verybody seem s to he going crazy
on the su b ject of tax in g gasoline to
build roads. T he sum s v ary in
am ount from one cent a gallon to a
proposed 5 cen ts a gallon in th e state
of Oregon w here m otorists are al
read y paying a tax of 2 cen ts a g al
lon. It Is tru e th a t autom obiles ben
e fit gro atly by good roads b u t they
do not b enefit o n e-ten th as m uch as
ad jo in in g pro p erty or th e sta te as a'
whole, w hich th ro u g h a good road
system a ttra c ts thousands of to u rists
woh would never otherw ise e n ter the
rta te . It Is e n tirely possible th a t
' before th e y ear hus passed we w ill see
a proposal to lax every tire sold from
»1 to »5, or a proposal to udd a sales
tax of some »5 to »25 on every au to
mobile sold in addition to th e state
license tax. T he field for tax in g the
autom obile and oil Industry seems Io
be unlim ited hul like nil o th er p ro
positions w hich are carried to excess
th e aim so u g h t to be accomplished
w ill be defeated by the d rastic m eth .
> cds applied. W h at m otorist would
care to to u r in a sta te th a t had a re
p u ta tio n of ch arg in g n tax of 5 cents
a gallon on gasoline. W hile, 'th e
to ta l am a u n t he m ight pay would be
sm all, th e average m an h ates to be
held up and w ill steer clear of a
holdup proposition.
Joseph W ells, colored, w ho claimed
he once won th e K entucky Derby and
w as one tim e a mem ber of General
Nelson A. M ile’s body-guard, died of
pneum onia h ere at th e age of 115
years. He wan born in Louisville.
K entuckey In 1907. H is m other was a
slav e,— E ast Oregonian. Life m ust be
Ishort and sweet In the land of colon
els and m int julips.
A fter w attin g years for th e ir hero
to ap p ear some g irls will compromise
by m arry in g d ad ’s hired man.
GASSED BY THE STAN
FIELD SEWER-GAS
Wo feel sm all and Insig n ifican t
since B ro th er Cleveland, w ho edits
th e S tan field Sewer-Gas, gave us
special m ention In his last week’s Is
sue.
You see we a re m erely j ten
o’clock guy In a seven o'clock town
h u t we are able to d istin g u ish a false
alarm and o ur honest opinion Is th a t
Mr. Cleveland la a "B ig B en" w ith a
couple of w heels loose.
He says th a t wo are only a sage
b ru sh and ju n ip e r jo u rn alist. T here
Is no argum ent. We do not lay claim
to any spoclal Intellectu al g ifts along
th is line. B u t listen to th e g ig an tic
en terp rise In w hich Mr. Cleveland Is
Interested. W an t to hear? All rig h t,
w e'll tell you. B ut you m ust prom ise
• o control your em otions and try not
to lough. He publishes th ree papers.
Yes, hont lly. flow rem em bor you
prom ised not t ' - i t' If wo would
nam e th e n . Cn t
t! dtunftw ld; a n
o th e r a t U m atilla and the th ird Is nt
B oardm an. So yoti see h is claim as a
e r l t’e pert r o b l' •*»- In very well
founded. We have .the utm ost respect republic fb BShdJe persuuuliy som e of
for th e tow ns for w hich he p rin ts his the bone fragments.
"Thia happened upon the occasion of
parodies of Journalism . They ju s t
happened to be u n fo rtu n a te In hav « visit by Secretary of W ar Stimson
and party in 1911, also the year fol
in g "w ished o ff” on them a poor, be
lowing, when Secretary Knox end nu
n ighted,
ego tistical, blue ribbon merous parties made their ceremonial
“ boob” as a n editor.
trip around the Caribbean Circle,” the
He has offered to send us a spell report suj's. The w riter was present
ing book in o rd er th a t we may learn upon both occasions and admits, bul
to spell. If It Is a duplicate of the not without some self-reproach, that
book w hich he uses In w ritin g some he, too, bandied some of the bone
of his wise cackles, we advise him to fragments.
“It was th at fact," th e report con
" ju n k ” It an d su b stitu te a Sears'
tlnues, “which first suggested the Ides
lloebuck catalogue. If th is does not th a t It should be the concern of Pan-
im prove his spelling he m ig h t try Americana, the peoples of the twenty-
W ebster. We w ill quote from one of one republics occupying the territory
his sheets a n exam ple of some of the of North and South America, with
spelling th a t he g ets from th e book the co-or^ratlon of Canada, 4» provide
a suitable memorial and final resting
which he has offered to us.
In the last issue of The B oardm an place for Columbus In the ‘Cradle of
America,' as Santo Domingo Is called.
Q uicksilver, on page two, colum n one,
Popular Move.
in an artic le e n title d : "W e Get A
"A popular move It should be, and
R ise," we find th a t he h as spelled with Its palpably popular appeal Its
the word little In th is m an n er: failure would constitute a reflection
L-I-L-L-T-E. On the back page of the upon Pan-America. Poor, unfortunate
sam e issue in colum n fo u r th ere Is Santo Domingo cannot do It alone,
th e word fo rtu n ate . A ccording to though thirty years ago, at the four
th e Cleveland version it should be hundredth anniversary of the discovery
of America, a Ju n ta Naclonal was
spelled F-O-T-R-U-N-A-T-E.
duly constituted by Dominican govern
As a rule th e fellow who tries to ment decree to erect a monument In
m ake a "boob” o u t o f W ebster is so the cathedral. T hat much was accom
ig n o ran t th a t he th in k s B. V. D. Is a plished, hut at the tim e It was nrt-
derstood the arrangem ent was tem
branch of th e Elks.
He adm its th a t h e docs no t like porary. While the monument a t the
cathedral Is ornate. It Is nowise com
our b ran d of gram m ar.
m ensurate with the greatness of the
Now we are going to quote a few man, nor does It constitute a fitting
sentences from th e sam e issue of the or adequate homage for such a world
B oardm an paper to show you w hat character."
The report concludes with a state
M.r Cleveland believes co n stitu tes
ment th at the project abandoned on
good E nglish.
On page two. In th e same article account of the World w ar contemplates
above m entioned, and w hich ho the erection of a massive tomb, Its In
terior modeled after th at at Leg Inva
m akes th e assertio n th a t we "d is
lldes, Paris, with Its exterior patterned
p lay an u tte r lack of th e E nglish after the lint« of G rant's tomb, In
lan g u ag e," he co n stru cts one of his New York.
Superimposed on the
sentences In th is m an n er: "h e don’t tomb Itself would be a beacutf tower,
know 2 and 2 is 4." We are surprised about 300 feet In height. In the top
th a t Vi critic, such as he claim s to be, of which would he a great light as
would be guilty of a m istake of th is an aid to navigation.
n atu re. A ccording to the ru les of
W an t Ads B ring R esults
E nglish he shotild have said: he
doesn't know 2 and 2 a re 4. C ontinu
in g he says: "w e w ill send him ."
Should be: we sh all send him . A gain
"m ay post him self." C orrected: may
Inform him self. Can you Im agine SEELEY. FAMOUS IN THIS SPECI
anyone displaying such gross Ignor ALTY, CALLED TO PENDLETON
ance step p in g fo rth and ad m ittin g
F. H. Seeley, of C hicago and P hilla-
he Is a critic? P ath etic, Isn’t It? We
dclphla,
th e noted tru ss expert, will
suggest th a t B ro th er Cleveland p re
sen t specimens of some of his " p e r personally be a t th e P endleton H otel
fect E n g lish ” to an elem entary and will rem ain in P endleton W ed
school to be posted in th e class room nesday only, Jun. 24th. Mr. Seeley
as an example of ignorance and Its rays: "T h e Sperm atic Shield w ill not
only retain any case of ru p tu re per
terrla b le effects.
We were inform ed upon coming fectly, b u t co n tracts th e opening In
to H erm iston th a t th is m aster of 10 days on th e av erage case. T his
E nglish was a sm all fry and space result effected d u rin g the day— the
was too valuable to answ er an y of rep air continues of Itself th ro u g h o u t
his how ling. T his h as been proven to the n ig h t d u rin g sleeep w hile all
us. Wc have slo tted him all of the (tra in Is removed. B eing a v ast ad
tree adv ertisin g we a re able to give. vancem ent over all form er m ethods
H ereafter If he desires additional —exem plyfyiug in sta n ta n e o u s effects
publicity we shall have to m ake a Im m ediately appreciable and w ith-
itandlng nny stra in or position no
charge of ten cents a line. T h is Is our
m
atter th e size or location. L arg e or
reg u lar ra te p e rta in in g to ad v ertis
difficu lt cases, or Inclsslonal ru p tu res
ing of th is sort.
W ith his th ree p ap ers Mr. Cleve (follow ing operatio n s' specially so
land claim s to cover th e field. B ut licited. T h is in stru m en t received the
when he tells you th a t he covers the only aw ard in E ngland and In Spain,
field Just rem em ber w hat they cov producing resu lts w ith o u t surgery
er th e field w ith back home on the injections, m edical tre a tm e n t or p re
script Ions.W arning— All cases should
farm .
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RUPTURE EXPERT HERE
COLUMBUS’ BONES
NEED REAL TOMB
Plan for Great Monument Over
Discoverer’s Neglected Re
mains Is Revived.
IS PAN-AMERICAN PROJECT
be cautioned against the use of any !
elastic or web truss with understrap, |
as same rest where the lump is and
not where the opening is, producing
complications necessitating surgical
operations. Mr. Seeley has docum ents
from th e U nited S tates govern m en t
W ashington, D. C., for inspection. He I
will be glad Io dem onstrate, w ith o u t |
"barge or fit them If desired. Busl-
iess dem ands p revent stopping a t any ,
other place In th is section.
Start the New Year
Right
i «Just Received.!
in
Stock
s
Nice Soft Pine
Table Tops
S u b s c r ib e N o w
and
Table Legs
-to the-
Regulation Sizes
Hermiston
Herald
and keep informed of
the events and happen
ings in your commun
ity.
Inland Empire Lumber Company
8
Phone 331
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“ The Yard of Best Quality
H. M. STRAW , MGR.
Excluiré Representatives of National Builders Burean
W ashington.—Reorganization of a
movement among Pan-American na
tions to provide a suitable memorial
and final resting place for Christopher
Columbus, the mail who gave “the New
World to the Old," has Iween reported
to the Wur departm ent by William E.
Pllllaui, receiver-general of Dominican
customs. Mr. Pllllam 's report says
the project was relaunched recently
and Is commended to the sym pathetic
consideration of Pan-Americans every
where.
Open Coffin for Visitor»,
The remains of Columbus were
brought to Bunto Domingo from Sjialn
hi 1540, the report says, adding that It
has been the practice lately to open
the casket and permit high dignitaries
or distinguished visitors to the Island
The Herald
carries one of the best
Want Ad columns of
any weekly paper in
the state.
W E ARE NOW IN OUR NEW LOCATION
(form erly occupied by H erm iston Light £ I ov <5 Co.)
A nd prepared to give th e best of service in our line.
‘Gift. T i.t
La»t”
WM. H. OGDEN
E c h o F lo u r M ills
Echo, Oregon
: -If you want to buy
--If you want to sell
--If you want to trade
You find the opportun
ity in The Herald ad
vertisements.
Jeweler and
Watch Maker
•M A N U F A C T U R E R S O F
High Grade Patent
Blue Stem Flour
The Superior Product of Scientific Milling
Makes Better Bread
Try a Sack
DEALERS IN GRAIN AND FEED
Home Office, 117 N. D earborn St C hi
cago.
We have juat received a new
ateck of Utah coal. You will
find this good coal free from
slack. Start the new year
right by using Tum-A-Lum coal.
R. A. B row nton, Manager.
Dr. Mellenthin
SPECJAUST
in Internal Medicine for -he past
eleven years
DOES NOT OPERATE
Will he at
D0RI0N HOTEL
Saturday, February 10th
Office Hours: 10 a. m. to 4 p. m.
The Herald
is the medium by which
the merchants tell the
citizens of the com-
munity of their busi
ness.
7 he Hermiston H erald—$ 2 .0 0
SUBSCRIBE NO W
WEST END FARMERS
Have learned that The Herald prints the
best butter wrappers. We have the large
size, 9 by 12 inches. Our prices are—
ONE DAY ONLY
No Charge for Consultation
Dr. M ellenthln Is a reg u lar g rad u
a te In m edicine and su rg ery and is
licensed by th e s ta te of Oregon. He
vlaita professionally (he more Im
p o rta n t tow ns and cities, and offers
to all who call on th is trip free con-
ru lta tlo n , except th e expense of
tie a tm e n t when desired.
A ccording to his m ethod of tre a t
m ent he does not o p erate for chronic
appendicitis, gall atones, ulcere of
th e stom ach, tonsils o r adnolds.
He has to his cred it w onderful re
su lts In diseases of th e stom ach, liv
er, bowels, blood, skin, nerves, h eart,
kidney, bladder, b ed w ettlag . c a ta rrh ,
weak lungs, rh eu m atism , sciatica, leg
ulcers and recta! ailm ents.
If you have been a ilin g for any
length of tim e and do not get any
b etter, do not fall to call, as im proper
m easures ra th e r th an disease a re very
often th e cause of your long standing
trouble.
Remember above date, th at consul
tatio n on th is trip w ill be free and
th a t hla treatm en t is d ifferen t.
M arried women m ust be accom
panied by th e ir husbands.
it
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P. S.—Every statement in this notice
hag been verified before the Federal
and State Courts.—F. H. Seeley.......
COMING TO
PENDLETON
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8 Let us show them to you 8
Coffin at Santo Domlgo la Now Opened
So Vialtera May Handla Relic»—
Plan Beacon Light for
Navigators.
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Watch the display
advertisements for the
alter- Christmas
bargain offers
T h e H e r a ld
is $2 per year, or$l for
six months, payable in
advance.
100 for $1.25
200 for $2.00'
300 for $2.60
500 for $3.75
Many are buying them in the larger quan
tities, but we are here to’serve you all. If
you want only a few we have them with
out the name. These we sell as follows
-12
30
62
100
for 10 cento
for 25 cento
for 50 cento
for 80 cento
“The Home of Good
THE H E IIB S T O N HERALD