16
Stories With a Smile
OME em ployers in New York City
—liko some em ployers in other
cities— are not as polite to th eir
office force as they si nul l bo, oven
though some o f th e i’ forces may be
o f th e fem inine gender. Much o f it,
however, is more th e rm u lt o f care
less speech th an bad tem per, and in
such cases it may be cured. One such
6iaployer in C ourtlaudt stre e t ias been
cured. At least ho says he has.
I t happened thus: lie had tak en in
a new stenographer, a very quiet,
steady young woman of about 25, and
very efficien t. B ut ho ncvLr thought
of th at. As soon is he got used to
her he fell into his h ab it o f blurt-
ing out an y th in g th a t come to his
m 'nd when ho was not pleased, and
one day she asked him a question he
th o u g h t she should know
“ Oh, s a y ,” he snapped a t her,
“ any dam n fool ought to know
th a t! ”
It is not an origin'll expression by
any means, and the girl had prob
ably heard it many tim es, though
I iss bly not in sucn a personal man
i:er, b u t she was equal to it. She
looked him cquaro in the eyo, un
a raid , and still the lady.
“ Yec, ”
she
replied
pleasantly
e .i'u g h - “ you seem to know it, but,
you see, I'm not i dam n fo o l.”
I t gave a .tew tu rn to the expres
sion which had not occurred to him
before, and lie was staggerm l but he
knew sho had him and lie was gentle
i.ian enough to apologize. Now he is
iiucli more par icular in his office
language and says ho is /la d she
called him dov.u as she did.
S
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
l i f teen seconds Jo n es and th e red
faced p< rson took a 10-Lorsepowcr dis
liko fo r each other. Then the w retch
ed tones made his firs t serious mis
take. He c f th e ruddy complexion
banged the tablo.
“ W hy on e arth d id n ’t you follow
my b a d ! ” be shouted.
“ I f th ere : t one man in th is world
today whose odious exam ple I would
not fonow in any circum stances you
are the m a n !” reto rte d Jones, With
dignity.
A fter th a t th e jolly pastim e pro-
ceeded. Then Jones pu t his foot in it
again, and again th e rubicund one
’ ashed th t t ble.
“ C o uldn’t you see me calling fo r a
"1 ade or c lu b » ” be boomed. “ H a v e n ’t
J’ou
a ^dack su it, man »
“ Yes, I h a v e ,” said Jones, rising
from th e tab le, “ and I ’m jolly well
hanging on to it to* your f u n e r a l!”
I
velops th e m athem atical powers. To
jo u r son figures and num bers, order
and system will be a conglom era’e
mass of n o th in g n ess.”
“ Then he c a n 't work in my of
fic e ,” said the fa th e r sadly, “ but he
ough to be g re a t a t m aking up the
summer tra in schedules for suburban
railroads.
disappear in a cloud of dust. T hey
sudd rnly cam e across the tr a il and
held th eir noses.
“ Thim m otors m ost cost a heap of
m oney,” said Jo e ; “ the rich is fa irly
burning m oney.”
“ Ay, in deed,’ ’ sn iffed M ike, “ and
by the smell of it it must be th a t
ta in te d money we hear so much ta lk
about ”
A Crushing Reply.
When Mr. C rockett offered his first
He Insisted.
book to a certain firm of publish
T
here
was
a
young
lady of Siam ,
ers, they returned it w ith a curt note
inform ing him th a t there was “ no Who said to her fond lover, K iam ,
“ I refuse to be kissed,
m arket for this sort of w o rk .” In
B ut if you insist.
the corner of the note was the index
H eaven know s you are stronger th an
m ark “ No. 3S6C.”
I a m .”
Some tim e later, when Mr. C rockett
had become fam ous, this same firm
w rote asking him to allow them to
publish his next book. Mr. C rockett,
who had carefully preserved th eir
form er rude le tte r, politely replied by
One Means of Support.
asking them to refer to th e ir own le t
Miss Campoell, th e Sunday school te r book under the sign “ No. SM C .”
teacher, discovered, to her horror, th a t T h at closed th e correspondence!
some o f the sm all m em bers of her
class had tak en as lite ra l tru th s the
M ight W ed a Bachelor.
tales of ancien t god and goddesses
A little girl of six sa t looking
Big Values
which ’ they had read in a c h ild 's th o u g h tfu lly nut of the window of
in Used Cars
mythology a t school.
her home the other day. H er m other
She eterinined, if possible, to do asked the cause of her seriousness.
• 'A u sed car bou<ht from tha
st oy th is b elief by simple logic and
“ O h,” she replied, “ I was ju s t
W inton Company ia w orth 30
with th is end in ’ -jw she asked:
per
cent more than ita duplicata
th in k in g th a t when I g ro w up to be
“ Who was it, A m elu , th a t support a big lady I ’m a g o in ' to get m arried
anyw here olae.” W e hear thia
statem ent every day. The rea
ed tho world on his shoulders»”
and have three ch ild re n .”
son ia plain when it ia remem
“ A tlas, m a ’a m ,” th e littlo g irl re
bered that no traded-in car la
Tho p aren t
w as surprised
and
plied, prom ptly.
offered
here for sale until it has
amused.
been thoroughly overhauled in
“ T h at is c o rre c t,’’ said the te a c h
“ Weil, you will be very fo rtu n ate ,
our
own
shops b y W inton ex
er. “ Now, children, th in k . I f he was in d eed ,” sho replied.
perts and brought up to tha
supporting the world oil his sho u ld en ,
W inton standard of automobila
Then the little girl again lapsed
of course he could not be stan d in g into thought. F in ally she said:
excellence.
on it. Now, w hat supported A tla s » ”
“ B ut you can never tell, mother.
I f you can apprertate what
“ I k n o w ,” cried Amelia. “ He m ar I m ight m arry a b ach elo r.”
thia enhanced ralne means yota
w
ill
send NOW for our come
ried a rich w ife !”
»
*
pleta list of high grads ‘‘used
Playing It Safe.
ear bargains.
Came Down G ently.
The
w
ife
of
a
sm
all
farm
er
in
It goes w ithout sayin g that a
G lad y s's m other was e n te rta in in g v is
H r. U rban was alw ays lato to d in
re-built ear o f high-grade manu
P erthshire, S cotland, some tim e ago
itors,
when
suddenly
th
e
door
was
flung
ner. Ila iv e l on Hie Fort Worth
facture which has been operated
w ent to a chem ist in the “ F a ir
only 10 per cent of ita real m ile
ln t'ir .r b a n and arri ed home one even open and in burst G ladys like the p ro C ity ” w ith tw o prescriptions—one fo r
age,
to s t can be purchased at 50
ing, as u ;ual, tw enty m inutes behind verbial w hirlwind.
per cent of the original price
‘ My dear ch ild ,” said th e m other, her husband, the other fo r her cow.
la n d , 'lie w ite was en te rta in in g Mr.
w ill prove far more satisfactory
F inding she had not enough money
and much leas expensive than
and M rs. F o rtu n e . Freeting the guests rebukingly, “ I never heard such a noise to pay for both, the chem ist asked her
a
cheap ear bought new.
as
you
made
coming
dow
nstairs.
Now
w ith effu siv e cordiality, lie said:
which sho would take.
“ I f I lia l know n this pleasure was go right back and come d ow nstairs p ro p
V ery little money w ill NOW
“ Gie ine the s tu ff fo r the co o ,”
buy one o f th ese rebuilt cars
in sto re .’or me 1 should certain ly erly. ”
said
she;
“
the
morn
w
ill
do
weel
that w ill give the beat u t i l i s e -
G ladys retired, and a few moments
have arran g ed my business so as to
enough fo r him, puir body. Gin he
tion in both service and appear
la te r re-entered the room.
Lo c i homo c u rlie r.”
ance.
Send today for our latest
‘ Did you hear me come down th a t ■cere to dee 1 could sure get an ith er
com plete bargain list.
“ Why, i.e rry , ” sighed his wife, “ I
m
an,
but
I
’m
no
sae
sure
th
a
t
I
could
|tim e, m am m a»” she asked.
t e l l y o u .”
“ No, d e a r,” replied the m other. g et a n ith er to o .”
—THE—
“ 1 beg -our pardon, love; but you
“
N
o w , w hy c a n 't you alw ays behave
WINTON MOTOR CAB CO.
ere certa in ly m istaken th is time. You
Had Bad Odor.
like th at» You came d ow nstairs like a
Portland. Oregon.
l to llll’.!t:nn it. I
W ith a roar like a g ig an tic rocket
Spokane, Wash. Seattle, Wash.
lady
th
e
n
.”
I he w hole, however I am glad you
“ Yes, m am m a,” said G la d y 's d u tifu l the 100-horsepo.ver m otor car tore
aid. It is a delig h tfu l u rp rise .”
down the road. Jo e and Miko saw it
Mrs. U rban w as a sp irited woman. ly, “ I slid down the b a n is te rs .”
This u n ju st accusation cam e c ar over
N ot a D irect A nswer.
thro w in g lit r courtesy. Her lips part
A law su it was recen tly in full |
cd, th en shut decisively; but a slight
swing, and during its progress a w it
frown lingered on her forehead.
L ittle Tommy r°au her fee«. He ness was cross exam ined as to the
knew all about his f a t h e r ’s poor mem h ab its and ch aracter of th e d efen d
cry, and he felt it his du ty both to ant.
“ Has Mr. M------ a rep u tatio n lo r
refresh it and to defend his mother.
Why pay $50.00 to be located when you can get the same service
“ W hy, p a p a ," he piped, “ d o n 't yoa being abnorm ally la z y » ” asked coun
and inform ation fo r $3.00! We have located several hundred on home
recollect» Mamma told you to be sure sel, briskly.
steads in W estern C anada th e last past 10 years and have alw ays charged
“ Well, sir, i t ’s th is w ay— ”
to come borne early to n ig h t becauso
F ifty Dollars for location fee. We have decided to change onr system.
“ Will you kindly answ er th e ques
th e F o rtu n es were going to be here,
Instead of having you come to our office and wo personally tak e charge
tion ask ed » ” stru ck in the irascible
and you said, ‘ Oh, tho devil!* ”
of you and locate you, we will give you the inform ation by mail for
lawyer.
Three ($3.00) Dollars. We know where th e best lands are th a t are open
“ Well, sir, I w as going to say i t ’s
fo r filing and settlem ent. We will give you full inform ation telling you
Ceremonious.
where to go, where the land is, w hat kind o f land you can get in varions
th is way. I d o n 't w an t to do the
I f th ere is one th in g a commercial
parts of W estern Canada. We will inform you w here you can get all
gentlem an in question an y in justice,
trav eler dislikes more th an another
prairie or all tim ber, or w here yon can get p artly p rairie and p artly
and I w o n 't go so fa r as to say, Sir,
it is elab o rate cerem ony; and if the
tim ber land. The claims will be close to railroad and town. Level black
th a t h e 's lazy ex actly ; b u t if it re
sp irit o f his profession is in him he
loam soil, only 12 to 15 feet to w ater, creeks through m any of the claim s
quired an y v o lu n tary work on his p a rt
Will d irect you to lands adapted for grain raising, on lands best for
generally fin d s some w ay to let his
to digest his food- why, h e 'd die from
raising cattle, or on the best mixed farm in g lands in W estern Canada.
prejudices be known.
lack of nourishm ent, s i r .”
A ny one of these claim s is w orth a life tim e of saving to yon. Will
One evening a trav elin g salesm an
give you inform ation regarding maps, plats, ete. Will give you the
from C incinnati happened to sit down
name and address of a reliable land guide in the vicin ity where you
H is F u tu re.
a t a hotel tab le in company w ith half
w ant to go th a t will put you on the land. Will give you full inform a
“ The child is otherw ise in p erfect
a dozen s ta te legislators, who talked
tion regarding the location of the railroad, how fa r it has been built,
h ealth ,
said th e g re a t physician,
w ith excessive fo rm ality.
I t was
where it is in operation, ete., ete., and how to get your H om eseeker's
“ Will th e gentlem an from H ardin do “ b u t I reg ret to say th a t he is a f
rates and tic k e ts; and all inform ation concerning price, term s and lease
flieted
w
th
a
curious
m
ental
de
ren t on all Hndeon Bay L ands in W estern Canada. T his all for $3.00
this»
and “ Does the gentlem an from
fie ie n c y .”
which rem it us by P. O. money order and we will give you th e inform a
F ran k lin w an t t h a t ! ” the ordinary
“ E x p la in !” groaned th e unhappy
tion to get a H om estead th a t will m ake you independent.
form of d irect address being care
fath er.
fully eschewed.
“ The p ie trriu s mueilo of th e medul
F or n early 'en m inutes th e commer
73 SIXTH STREET, PORTLAND, OREGON.
cial tra v e le r su ffered in silence. Then la gexinkus has never appeared in his
i
ain.
T
h
at
is
th
e
nerve
th
a
t
de-
he turn ed to th e w aiter and said in
rrodded His Father's Memory.
HO M ESTEADS
In S u n n y A lb erta, W e ste r n C an ad a
C A N A D IA N
deep, o rato rical to n e::
“ W ill th e gentlem an from E thiopia
please , ass the b u tt e r ! '
The remedy was effectual.
The Trump Suit.
Jo n es d id n 't w ant to play cards:
never had w anted to play cards in his
life and said so. B ut to no purpose.
H is objections, eonscient ons and other
wise, were w aived or one side by
th e red faced person who was look
ing to r a p artn er.
Jones took his seat at th> card
table. Before they had been playing
Phone Main 17»«
LIFE
HEALTH
ACCIDENT
HOM ESTEAD
CO.
C lip th is Coupon and m a ll to th e Boa
O f f i c e fo r fu ll In fo r m a tis a .— M e
e b lls a tlo n In c u rre d .
N am e:
• • • • • • • • • » • • • • • • a rt
" O r t e P o l i c y
p O M ^IÏtO N
V O N T R A C T
3"1
^ A *e n e arest b ir t h < a p .........................
Amt. In s u ra n c e B u s t eoted
NSURANCE CO.
HOME OFFICE—SEATTLE, Ü. 8. A.
t