HOME AND FA RM M AGAZINE SE C T IO N
12
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION SERIAL.
By
George B u t
McCutcheon
SYNOPSIS OF PREVIOU8
INSTALLM ENTS.
I a th e opening in stallm en ts of
“ A Fool and Ilia M o n ey ,”
Geo. B arr M cC utcheon’s ch arm
ing novel, serial rig h ts fo r w hich
have been specially o b tain ed for
the Home anil f a r m M agazine
Section, we learn o f Jo h n B el
lam y S m art, the youug m an who
is tellin g th e story. He has ju s t
♦ w ritten his first novel, and a t
♦ th e same tim e has fallen h eir to
♦ an immense fo rtu n e le ft him by
his uncle. H e is 35 y ears o f age.
A fte r a v isit to London, S m art
♦
tak es a trip on th e liiv e r D an
«> ube. A fte r fin d in g an old world
tow n, he discovers an ancient
«- castle, which he purchases from
« its ow ner, th e Count. W ith his
♦ secretary , Poopendyko, he tak es
* possession o f the im mense s tru c
tu re, which is supposed to be
ten an ted only by the care ta k e r
and his fam ily, the Bchmicks. To
S m a r t’s am azem ent, th e firs t
<• nig h t, he hears the cry of a baby.
«> Looking out a t a balcony one
<• n ig h t S m art sees th e w hite fig u re
♦ o f a woman silhouetted. He im
m ediately begins a h u n t fo r
c. Schm ick, th e caretak er, to solve
th e m ystery of who tho woman
- may be. W’ith th e Schrnicks he
endeavor s to b reak down a
heavily barred door into th a t aec-
tion o f th e castle, b u t fails. The
tion of th e castle, b u t fails.
S m art learns th a t souvenir h u n
<s> ters from New York are d e
♦ m anding to buy th e castle h eir
♦ looms. S m art ’• v isito rs dem and
>• to buy the curiosities o f th e can
tie although he assures them
♦ tim e and tim e again th ey are not
«• on sale. They th in k lie is hold
<tr ing out fo r a higher price. The
« Btory continues.
I-
/A
on th is ta b le ,” said Mr. Riley-
W erkbeiiner.
He
addressed
him self to a plum p young lady
w ith a disto rted bust and a tw enty
tw o inch w aist. “ Maude, w h at do
you know about the Roman-Teuton*«
tr e a ty ?
W e'll catch you now, my
” he went on, tu rn in g to me.
“ My d au g h ter is up in an cie n t his
to ry . S h e ’s an a u th o rity .”
Miss M aude appeared to lie racking
h er brain. 1 undertook to assist her,
” 1 mean the second tre a ty , a fte r the
fa ll o f N u rem b u rg ,” 1 explained.
‘ ‘Oh, ” she said, in stan ly relieved.
“ W as it really signed here, right here
in tl. h a llf Ob, fath er! We must have
th a t ta b le .’’
u are sure th ere was a tre a ty ,
M au d e* '* dem anded her p aren t ac
eusingly.
“ C e rta in ly ,” she cried. “ The Teu
to n s ceded Alsace L irra m e to— ”
“ Pardon me once m ore,” I cried, and
th is tim e 1 plead guilty to a blush,
“ you are th in k in g of the o th er tr e a ty —
th e one a t Metz, Miss Kiley W erkheiiu
er. This, as you will recall, an te d ates
th a t one by -oh, several y e a rs .”
“ T hank y o u ,” she said, quiet con
deerendingly. “ I was confused for a
moment. O f course, fa th e r, 1 c a n 't say
th a t it was signed here or on th is tab le
*< th e young man sa y a 1 only know
th a t there was a tre a ty . 1 do wish
y o u 'd come and see the fire screen I 'v e
fo u n d — ”
“ b e t ’s get th is ont of our system
f i r s t , ” said her fa th e r “ If you can
•how me sta tistic s and th e proper proof
th a t th is is the genuine tab le, young
Bern. 1 'll— ”
“ l*ray rest easy, s i r ,” I said. “ We
•a n tak e it up la te r on. The facts
a re — ’ ’
“ And th is P o n tiu s P ila te s e a t,” in
te rru p ’ . t Rocksw orth, lu tin g o ff tha
and o f a fresh cigar. " W h a t about it*
(lo t a m a tc h * '’
“ G at the gentlem an a m atch, B n t
t o n , " I said, th ereb y giving my valet
•n oppo rtu n ity to do bi* exploding in
th a pan try . “ I can only a ffirm , sir,
th a t it is co nun on h istory th a t l'o u tiu s
(M ata s^suit a portion of hut axils hero
A Fool and His Money
Copyright, 1913,
B y Geo. Barr
MeCutehaoa.
in th e six th century. I t is reasonable as glass. See w hat I did to ’em. Wo door opening into th e o u ter vestibule,
to assume th a t be sa t in th is seat, be can h av a ’em spliced and rew ound and 1 drew back my foot fo r a fin al aid to
ing an old man unused to d iffic u lt I 'l l h an g ’em on my wall. All I w ant locomotion. A cutely recalling th e fa c t
stairw ay s. H e— ”
is th e heads, an y h o w .”
th a t slippers are not designed fo r k ic k
He held up to view a headless m id ing purposes, I raised my foot, rem oved
“ Buy it, O rson,” said his w ife, w ith
au th o rity . “ W e ’ll ta k e a chance on iron and brassie, and triu m p h an tly the slipper and laid it upon a ta u t
it. I f it is n ’t th e rig h t thin g , we can w aved a splendid cleek. M y fav o rite se tiou of his trousers w ith all of the
sell it to th e second hand dealers. clubs! I could play b e tte r from a hang n elancholy force th a t I usually e x e rt
ing lie w ith th a t b eau tifu l brassie th an in slicing my drive o ff th e tee. I shall
W h a t's the p rice* ”
“ A thousand dollars to you, m ad am ,” w ith any club I ever owned and as for n ever fo rg et th e exquisite spasm of
th e iron, I w as deadly w ith it.
pleasure his p la in tiv e “ O u ch !” gave
said I.
He lit a cig a re tte and threw the me.
T hey w ere a t once suspicious. W hile
Then H arold passed sw iftly out of
th ey were busily engaged in looking m atch in to a pile of shavings. Old
th e seat over as the p o rters sh ifte d it C onrad retu rn ed to life a t th a t in sta n t my life.
Mr. R ocksw orth, reinforced by fo u r
about at all angles, I stepped over and a rd stam ped out the incipient blaze.
“
I
sh
o
u
ld
n
’t
consider
them
very
good
relu
ctan t m ercenaries in the “hape of
ordered my w orkm en to resume th e ir
o|ierations.
was b eginning to get clubs. H arold, if th ey break o ff like porters, w as ai vaneing upon me. Some
how I had a vague, but u n errin g in
sour and an g ry again, h av in g missed th a t ,” said his m other.
“ W hat do you know about clu b s?” stin c t th a t some one had fain ted , but
my coffee. Prom th e cu lin ary regions
th ere ascended a most ho rrific odor he snapped, and I a t once knew w hat I d id n 't stop to inqure. W ithout much
of fried onions. I f th ere is one th in g class he was in a t the p rep arato ry ado, I w-iested th e cane from him and
school.
sent it scu ttlin g a f te r H arold.
1 really resent it is a fried onion.
I f 1 w as ever like one of these, said
“ Now, net o u t! ” I roared.
I do not know w hy I should have felt
“ You shall pay fo r th i s ! ” he sp u t
th e way I did ab o u t it on th is occa I to m yself, God rest th e sage soul
tered, q u ite black in the face. “ G rab
sion, b u t I am m ean enough now to o f my U ncle R ilas!
The situ atio n w as no longer humor him, you in fern al co w a id s!”
confess h at I hailed th e triu m p h al en
B ut the four porters slunk aw ay, and
try o f th a t pernicious odor w ith a mean ous. I could put up w ith an y th in g but
ucss of sp irit th a t leaves nothing to be th e m ishandling of my devoted golf Mr. R ocksw orth faced me alone. R u
clubs.
dolph and Max, thoroughly fed and
explained.
S trid in g up to him , I snatched the most prodigious, w ere b earin g down
“ Good g ra c io u s!” gasped th e aris
rem n an ts from his hands.
upon us, accounting fo r the flig h t of
tu cratic Mrs. B iley-W erkheim er, hold
“ You in fe rn a l c o b !”
I roared. the m ercenaries.
ing her nose. “ Do you smell t h a t ? ”
“ G et o u t! ” I repeated, “ I am th e
“ Onions!
My
G a w d !”
m iffe d “ H a v e n ’t yon an y m ore sense th a n to
smash
a
golf
club
like
th
a
t?
F
o
r
two
ow
ner of th is place, M r. R ocksw orth,
Maude. “ How I hate ’e m !”
cen ts I ’d break thia p u tte r over your and I am mad through and through.
Mr. R ocksw orth foigot his dig n ity .
h ead .”
S k ip !”
“ H ate ’e m ? ’ ’ he cried, his eyes roll
“ F a th e r ! ” he yelled in d ignantly.
“ I ’ll have th e law — ”
ng. “ I ju s t love ’e m !”
“ Who is th is m u ck er?”
“
L aw be h a n g e d !”
“ O rso n !” said his wife, tra n sfiv in g
M r. R ocksw orth bounced tow ards
“ I f it costs me a m illion, I ’ll g et— ”
him w ith a glare. “ W hat will people
me. his cane raised. I w hirled upon
“ I t w ill cost you a m illion if you
th in k of you* ”
him.
d
o
n ’t g e t ! ” 1 advised him, seeing th a t
I like 'ent to o ,” ad m itted Mr.
“ How d are y o u !” he shouted. The Le paused fo r w ant o f breath.
R iley-W crkheim er, p erceiving at once
ladies squealed.
1 le ft him stan d in g there, but had
whom she m ean t b y “ p eo p le.” He
I f he expected me to cringe, he w as the presence of m ind to w ave my huge
pu ffed out his chest.
m ig h tily m istaken. M y blood w as up. henchm en aw ay.
Mr. R iley W erk-
A t th a t in s ta n t th e carpenters,
I advanced.
heim er approached, b u t very p acifical
plum bers and stone m asons resumed
“ P aste mm, D a d !” roared H arold.
ly. He was p aler th a n he will ever be
th e ir in fern al rack et, w hile scru b
B ut Mr. R ocksw orth su d d e n ly 'a lte re d again in his life, I fear.
women, polishers and p a in te rs begau to
his course sn d p u t th e historic tre a ty
(C ontinued N ex t W eek.)
move in tim ately am ong us.
ta b le betw een him and me. He d id n ’t
“ H e re !” roared Mr. Rocksw orth.
stop th is b eastly noise! W hat the like th e appearance o f my ra th e r large
A horse show and a horse p .r a d e w ill be
fist.
attendant attractions.
deuce do you m ean, sir, p erm ittin g these
“
You
big
s
t
i
f
f
!
”
shouted
H
arold.
E ditor L ew A. f a t e s of the Polk County,
scoundrels to raise th e dead like th is?
Confound ’em, I stopped them once. A fterw ard s it occurred to me th a t this Oregon, Observer sign alizes his assum ption
of tho editorial function in D allas. Oregon,
in
elegant
appellation
may
have
been
H ere! You! Ie>t up on th a t, will y o u ? ”
m eant for his fa th e r, b u t a t the tim e 1 by presenting hia paper under a new and
I moved forw ard apologetically. “ I
vastly mure a rtistic heading.
took it to be aim ed a t me.
am a fra id i t is not onions you smell,
L afayette, Oregon. V isito r : A little d au gh
B efore H arold quite knew w hat was ter of the editor w rites from A lberta: “ My
ladies and g en tlem en .” I had taken
and brother have paid one-half cent
my cue w ith su rprising quickness. happening to him, he w as prancing hnbby
apiece for some a lfalfa seed. T hey are to
“ T hey are raisin g the dead. The place down th e long hall w ith my bony fin be planted ten feet a p a rt.” Now w hat do
gers g rasping his collar. Coming to the you know about that !
is fairly alive w ith dead ra ts an d — ”
“ Good L o rd *” gasped Riley W o rk
heirner. “ W e ’ll g e t th e bubonic plague
hi re. ’ ’
“ Oh, I know o n io n s,” said Rocks
w orth calm ly. “ C a n 't fool me on
onions. T hey arc onions, a i n ’t they,
C a rrie ? ”
“ They a r e ! ” said she. “ W hat a
p ity to have th is w onderful old castle I
* !’■
Pains caused by Rheumatism in
actu a lly d e v a sta te d by w orkm eu! I t is
3
1,8 'a rio u s f o r m s . Neuralgia
an outrage— a crime. 1 should th in k
and Muscular Pains, Sprains or
th e ow ner would tu rn over in his
any skin inflammation or irritation, tan be relieved by
grave. ”
U nhappily, I
am
the o w n er,” ]
Sulphurro, BECAUSE—
m ad am ,’’ raid I, slyly w orking my foot
back in to an elusive slip e-r.
SULPHURRO is an antiseptic and germicide for
“ Yon ou^hi. to be asham ed o f your
internal ami external use. Taken internally it enters
s e lf,” he said, eyeing me coldly w ith
the blood, cleansing it of the impurities, ‘‘uric acid”
a h ith erto unexposed lorgnon.
and germs which cause the pain. Sulphurro Baths re
“ I a m ,” said I. “ You q u ite took
lieve pain anti inflammation because the pores absorb
me b y surprise. I should have made
this healing and beneficial antiseptic ami germicide.
m yself more presen tab le if I bad I
know n— ”
SULPHURRO insures pure blood and a healthy
“ Well, l e t ’s move on u p s ta irs ,’’ s a id .
skin and pure blood is the first essential to health—and
Rocksw orth. A ddressing th e porters, he |
relief from aches and pains.
said: “ You fellow s get th is lo t of
s tu ff to g eth er and IT tak e an option
on it. I ’ll be over tom orrow to close
the deal. Mr. Mr.— Now, w here is the
old F lo ren tin e m irro r the Count was
“ I am pleased to tell yo . I have derived g reat bene
C itin g ii* a b o u t? ”
f it from the use o f Sulphurro. I have been a g reat suf
“ The C o u n t? ” said I, frow ning.
fe re r from chest and internal pains and by ta k in g sul
’ ‘ Yes, th e real owner. You c a n 't
phurro found re lie f .”
s tu ff me w ith y o u r ta lk about being
8. G UILD FORD,
the p ro p rieto r here, my friend. You I
199 ('e m wall Road, N o ttin g Hill, London, England.
see, we happen to know th e C o u n t.”
■
They all condescended to laugh at
tne. I d o n 't know w hat I should have
said or done if B ritto r had not r e
INFLAMMATION YIELDS TO
tu rn ed w ith a box of m atches at th a t
in s ta n t—sulphur m atches w hich added
subtly to th e grow ing illusion.
Almost sim ultaneously th ere appeared
in th e lower ball a lanky youth o f eigh
FOR KAIÆ BY ALL DRUGGISTS
teei . He was a loud voiced, im perious
sort of chap w ith at least th ree rolls
to hi* trouser* an d a plum colored cap.
“ Say, th ese clubs a re th e real stu ff,
• i rig h t, ail rig h t. T h e y ’re as b rittle
Relieve Pain and Remove
llP 1
SULPHURR O