Heppner gazette-times., December 27, 1973, Page Page 2, Image 2

Pace 2 m iTU.lt OltK I. VKTTK TIMES, Thurvbi. Iieremfcer V.
Horse sense
HUK.STV.JINK.K ff
So it's New Year's, and I have it in my heart to be
charitable toward dogs and dog lovers everywhere ten joy It
now; it won t last!) Dogs are generally verboten in hotels
hut a lew vears ago I saw this sign a hotelkeeper had posted
in every room of his establishment: "I've been in business
lr Ki vears Never have I called on the police to eject a
disorderly dog. never has a dog set fire to a bed with a
rtgurette I have never found a hotel towel or blanket in a
dog s suitcase Sure the dog is welcome. IK YOUR DOG
WILL VOl'CH FOR VOL'. YOU MAY REGISTER."
(hue upon a time, down in the mining camps of
Chihuahua. Mexico, an unknown poet wrote a bit of
Chriximaswhimsv called "Merry Christmas. AmigosVThis
s a take-ofl on "A Visit From St Nicholas." It was first
published in a Texas newspaper about 30 years ago to the
delight of both Anglo and Mexican readers. Even if it's a little
late for Christmas, vou can still enjoy the poem; especially if
you can envision the voluble and demonstrative Mexican as
his enthusiasm rises the more he gets into the spirit of the
thing" I am aware that some agonizing liberal knothead out
there will come unglued with shouts of "racist!" for
humorously for mixing the languages, in which case he can
go to hell.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. AMIGOS!
Tis the night before Christmas, and all through the casa
Not a creature is stirring. Caramba! Que' pasa?
The stockings are hanging, con mucho cuidado,
In hopes thai St. Nicholas will teel obligado
To leave a few cosas. aqui' and alii.'
For Chico y Chica land something pr mi: i
Los ninos are snueeled all safe in their camas
(Some in camisas and some in pajamas.!
Their little cabezas are full of good things
Todos esperan que Santa will bring!
Santa is down at the corner saloon.
(Muy borracho since mid-afternoon :
Mama is sitting beside la ventana,
shining her rolling pin para manana.
When Santa will. come en un manner extrano.
Y mama lo manda to bed with a right.
Merry Christmas a todos y a todos good night!
A worthy New Year's resolution for the City of Heppner
is to revise its city ordinances and bring them up to date;
repealing those that are not being enforced and others that
clearlv work to the disadvantage of the citizens of the town.
For astart. there is Ordinance No. 353 passed in 1957 that
forbids a vehicle from unloading gasoline or petroleum fuel
' within the city limits if such vehicles have a capacity of more
than 1.200 gallons. This ordinance was. in the opinion of one
member of the common council, without merit and enacted
for "political reasons." Now the Union Oil Company has
served notice on Heppner and other towns in Oregon with
-similar laws that it will close down its small bulk plants and
will be unable to deliver gasoline within the city unless this
restrictive ordinance is rescinded.
Whatever prompted the common council to enact such an
ordinance is of no consequence now. The question is, will the
council repeal this ordinance so that city residents will not
lose a gasoline and fuel oil outlet which it desperately needs
at this time? If the city does not repeal the ordinance, Mike
Grav. Union Oil Company agent here, will be put out of
business on or before June 30. Gray has about 65 fuel oil
customers who may not be able to find another source of
supply, what with all oil distributors declining to take on any
new customers during the crisis.
Union Oil wants the city to permit its tankers, holding
from 5.000 to 8,000 gallons of fuel, to unload at service stations
inside the city limits. It is unprofitable to run trucks long
distances that carry only 1.200 gallons. These truck-tankers
have every safety device, and are checked regularly. Such
trucks unload in every major city in America, and it isn't
logical that their presence inside Heppner's city limits is an
more dangerous than their presence in downtown San
Francisco or Dallas, where they are permitted to operate.
Heppner needs Union Oil, its gasoline and fuel oil;
Heppner needs for Mike Gray to stay in business. If the
common council acts responsibly in behalf of the welfare of
the residents of Heppner, it will rescind Ordinance No. 353 at
the earliest possible moment.
Over in Multnomah County the Portland vice squad was
having a rough winter. Here was a crack vice squad, touted
as the best in the nation, and for a year and a half it hadn't
been able to arrest a single prostitute. Truly, the squad had
failed upon evil days. But the vices were ingenious, and
dispatched sheriff's deputies to San Francisco which has
alwavs boasted a goodly supply of the girls now coveted in
Portland The deputies told the girls of the vast amounts of
gold to be mined in Portland if only they would peddle their
wares there. "Think not (I can hear them saying now) what
vou can do for yout country, but what Portland can do for
you " The girls were given $600 air fare, and six of them
departed for the land of milk and honey. At Portland airport
they were met by sheriff's deputies, escorted to a motel room
engaged by friendly county taxpayers, and told to "get
cracking." They did. Whereupon they were arrested for
prostitution and procuring. One was fined $300 and run out of
town The other five posted bail, which they will no doubt
forfeit. "Authorities in San Francisco say the word is out in
the underworld that the Portland area is tough," Sheriff Bard
Purcell said in defense of his clear-out case of "legal
entrapment." (We believe you, sheriff). Entrapment means
it is illegal for an officer to fnducsomeone to commit a
crime and subsequently arrest that person for committing it,
but who cares? If the whoring business is so bad (or so good,
as the case may be) in Portland that the only way the vice
squad can function is to import its victims at taxpayer
expense taxpayers might consider abolishing the vice squad
for lack of viable vice. If this peculiar concept is accepted, it
may not be too long before the Portland homicide division,
unable to turn up a murder to engage its talents, would take a
bundle of tax money and import a "hit man" from Detroit to
knock of a non-controversial character in order to keep their
jobs alive. I understand the "make work for idle hands
philosophy, but this is ridiculous!
Over at Sweet Home the other day David Allen,
executive director of the Western Environmental Trades
Assn., was explaining to the Rotary Club the definition of an
environmentalist. "A land developer," he said, "is a man
who wants to build a single-family dwelling on the slopes of
Mt Hood next year. An environmentalist is a man who built a
single-family dwelling on the slopes of Mt. Hood last year!"
I hope 1974 is the year that Americans will stop asking
their teenagers what to do about world affairs while they tell
their senior cituens to go out and play . . . After seeing how
Heppner's getting rich off those pay-parking meters, now
come Pioneer Hospital doesn't install pay bedpans? . . .
There are three good reasons for being a conservationist-ecologist-environmenUlist
in 1974: 1. You will help prevent
the destruction of the world as we know it. 2. You will save
i iffy n ami it iVaT?
Mayor of Hardman
i
DEAR MISTER EDITOR:
"Tell me again how you fought to get back your prestige and power.'
A horse is a bird? Yes, a horse is a bird .
In 1972 the Harvard Law
School Bulletin published a
Canadian court case that may
explain why justice triumphs
because of the meticulous
research of law practitioners;
or. conversely, why it some
times fails to triumph because
of legal verbiage associated
with the business of law.
This court case. Regine vs.
Ojibway, Supreme Court of
Canada, attempts to answer
this question: Is a pony,
fortuitously saddled with a
feather piliow. a "small bird"
within the meaning of the
Ontario (Canada) Small Birds
Act?
Well, let's right right 'to t
nitty-gritty of this astqundiif:
case: " '
BLUE, J. : This is an appeal
by the Crown by way of a
stated case from a decision of
the magistrate acquitting the
accused of a charge under the
Small Birds Act, R.S.O.. 1960.
c.724. s.2. The facts are not in
dispute. Fred Ojibway, an
Indian, was riding his pony
through Queen's Park on
January 2, 1965. Being im
poverished, and having been
forced to pledge his saddle, he
substituted a downy pillow in
lieu of the said saddle. On this
particular day the accused's
misfortune was further
heightened by the circum
stance of his pony breaking its
right foreleg. In accord with
current Indian custom, tljb
accused then shot the pony' )
relieve it of its awkwardnesf.
The accused was thi
charged with having breaettejtl
the Small Birds Act, s.2f
which states: ?
2. Anyone maiming, in
juring or killing small birds Is
guilty of an offence and
subject to a fine not in excess
of two hundred dollars.
The learned magistrate
acquitted the accused, hold
ing, in fact, that he had killed
his horse and not a small bird.
With respect. I cannot agree.
In light of the definition
section my course is quite
clear. Section 1 defines "bird"
as "a two-legged animal
covered with feathers" There
can be no doubt that his case is
covered by this section.
Counsel for the accused
made several ingenious ar
guments to which, in fairness,
I must address myself. He
submitted that the evidence of
the expert clearly concluded
that the animal in question
was a pony and not a bird, but
this is not the issue. W e are not
interested in whether the
animal in question is a bird or
not in fact, but whether it
is one in law. Statutory
interpretation has forced
many a horse to eat birdseed
for the rest of its life.
Counsel also contended that
the neighing noise emitted by
the animal could not possibly
be produced by a bird. .With
respect, the sounds emitted by
an animal are irrelevant to its
nature, for a bird is no less a
bird because it is silent.
Counsel for the accused also
argued that since there was
evidence to show accused had
ridden the animal, this pointed
to the fact that it could not be a
bird but was actually a pony.
Obviously, this avoids the
issue. The issue is not whether
the animal was ridden or not,
but whether it was shot or not,
for to ride a pony or a bird is of
no offense at all. I believe that
counsel now sees his mistake.
Counsel contends that the
iron shoes found on the animal
decisively disqualify it from
being a bird. I must inform
counsel, however, that how an
hundreds of endangered species from extermination. And 3.
You'll finally have a reason not to buy your wife a fur coat . . .
If the Common Council exists to carry out the will of the
people, why haven't those parking meters been taken out?. . .
I don't want to ruin your New Year, but have you considered
that, what with the way children are rebelling these days,
they may tell us to pay off the national debt ourselves? . . .
For 1974 Boeing has resolved to build jets faster than the
Arabs can blow them up . . . Unemployment will be wiped out
in 1974-going to call it "released time" . . . Readers who have
1973 unbroken New Year resolutions have only five rhore
days . . "Dear U.S. Postal Service: I am writing this penny
postcard that I bought for eight cents to tell you people what a
wonderful job you're doing controlling inflation." . . . Well,
Happy New Year. I'm dying to find out how it's going taturn
out!
COW POKES
By Ace Reid
animal dresses is of no
concern to this court.
Counsel relied on the de
cision in Re Chicadee. where
he contends that in similar
circumstances the accused
was acquitted. However, this
is a horse of a different color.
A close reading of that case
indicates that the animal in
question there was not a small
bird. but. in fact, a midget of a
much larger species. There
fore, that case is inapplicable
to our facts.
Counsel finally submits that
the word "small" in the title
Small Birds Act refers not to
"Birds" but to "Act," making
it The Small Act relating to
Birds. With respect, counsel
did not do his homework very
well, for the Large Birds Act.
R.S.O., 1960, c.725, is just as
small. If pressed. I need only
refer to the Small Loans Act,
R.S.O., 1960, c.727. which is
twice as large as the Large
Birds Act.
It remains then lo state my
reason for judgement which,
simply, is as follows: Differ
ent things may take on the
same meaning for different
purposes. For the purpose of
the Small Birds Act. all
two-legged, feather-covered
animals are birds. This, of
course, does not imply that
only two-legged animals
qualify, for the legislative
intent is to make two legs
merely the minimum re
quirement The statute there
fore contemplated multf leg
ged animals with feathers as
well. Counsel submits that
having regard to the purpose
of the statute only small
animals "naturally covered"
with feathers could have been
contemplated. However, had
this been the intention of the
legislature, I am certain that
the phrase "naturally cov
ered" would have been ex
pressly inserted just as
"Long" was inserted in the
Longshoreman's Act.
Therefore, a horse with
feathers on its back must be
deemed for the purposes of
this Act to be a bird, and a
fortiori, a pony with feathers
on its back is a small bird.
Counsel posed the following
rhetorical question: If the
pillow had been removed prior
to the shooting, would the
animal still be a bird? To this
let me answer rhetorically: Is
a bird any less of a bird
without its feathers?
Appeal allowed.
The mail pouch
"Wul, don't unite him yet, he went craiy tryin'
to figure out if the cow markets goin' up 'er
comin' down!"
EDITOR:
About three weeks ago you printed another one of your
editorials condemning the work of environmentalists. This
letter is not a rebuttal to your arguments against the ecology
movement. What I am concerned with is your reference to
the Tillamook Burn and its cause. Your editorial claimed
that the fire was caused by nature and not man. I assume you
meant to use this as some kind of argument against the forest
conservation movement and ecology in general. However, if
you intend to use this as an argument you better get your
facts straight about the Tillamook Burn.
The reality of the fire is that it was not caused by one of
nature's lightning storms, it was caused an irresponsible
logging operation in the Gales Creek Canyon area of the
Wilson River in west Washington County. On Aug. 14, 1933 all
logging operations had been ordered closed because of
extreme fire danger. However, the superintendent of this
operation decided that a few more minutes would make no
difference. He ordered one more log to be pulled out by cable.
The cable rubbed against the wood and the log itself rubbed
against another dry, windfall log and the result was the
Tillamook Burn which burned 270,000 acres. Later in 1939 and
1945 two more fires occured in the same general area mostly
as a result of poor or non-existent conservation measures. It
wasn't until after the third fire in 1945 that the state was
finally convinved by conservationists to reforest the area and
protect it with conservation methods.
I would suggest that if you intend to keep up your wild
attacks on the ecology movement that you better make sure
the facts you are using are correct and not simply ignored.
My facts are derived from:
a. "Oregon Times and Trails" by Joan and Gene Olson.
Printed in 1965. Pages 142-152.
b. "Historical Sketch of the Great Tillamook Burn,
Printed for the Tillamook County Chamber of Commerce by
the Oregon State Board of Forestry.
V ALAN BECK,
1 lone.
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I reckon by the lime you git this piece. M mter Uu M
Christmas- will be past and you'll be ready to settle down fer a
vea"'. work to p.y frr H. Hut the fellers a. the count ry store
Saturday nifiht final go! the Christmas spirit, and I d like lo
report on some of what was said. 1 '
m off. Republican Fd IWi"l p-rpl a morilorlum ,,
mi politics fer the session, after he had a kind word fer ;.
rimira.,. Ed id all of em is dead wrong. '
.bout even that some of em mean well some of he I . ie.
Clem Webster didn't lake kindly to that kind of a .
compliment, so he reported that Ed's old lady is having lo ,
make his shirts by guess these days cause Ed has heard so ,
much about tapes he won't allow even a tape measure in the ..
h General speaking, the fellers stuck lo their annual
di usln ofpeace on earth and good win toward mw.
regardless of political party. Zeke Grubb wrapped up he
feeling when he said he hadn't gone lo bed hungry a night ln .,
173 and he had no big complaints. Zeke w as of the mind that ,
most folks that is hollering got bit by (heir own dog ,.
Actual, went on Zeke. the more things change in this old ,
world, the more they stay the same. As shore as nflat on he
said, the next time our Congressmen stand fer el ion ,
thev re going lo promise the voters ever thing but higher ,
taxes. And folks still will have to choose between one bunch ;
that's out and wants in. and another bunch that s in and .
wants to stav in. And every year. Zeke said, we git more .
evidence on whv a politician will spend 150 million to run fer a ,
office that pays $200,000 fer four years and offers no
opportunities fer advancement.
The truth is. Zeke declared. Americans want to believe in
their Guvernment. and he said in matters of faith he had
found vou usual can believe what you want to .
Fartiiermore, broke in Bug Ilookum. they is a heap going
on in the world that don't do our faith In our country much .
K.Mid but he. fer one. was thankful that this year, fer thaJirst
time in manv Christmases. we ain't involved in shooting war.
W e can leave them world problems fer Kissinger and stick to
big news like where a U.S. Court of Appeals has cut down on
the distance a photographer has to keep from Jackie .
Kennedv Onassis. Where he was to stay 150 feet away from
her. he "can now git within 25 feet jest in time fer holiday
PIAndethis is a good time of year to report where this .
housewife that has eight younguns has took a job as a deputy .
sheriff so she can git some peace and quite. And the idee of
saving energy bv cutting our liquor making is being hit hard
bv folks that sav thev need a dram of that kind of energy to
git them through these football games in 10-below weather. .
Yours truly,
MAYOR ROY. .
Substantial
mysters
at IRS s
BY
LESTER KIXSOLVING
SUBSTANTIAL MYSTERY AT I.R.S.
When it comes to revoking the tax exempt status of. small t
organizations, the Internal Revenue Service seems to be as ,
diligent as when resuscitating old tax returns of critics who
have been fingered by the White House.
IRS has, for example, recently revoked the tax exemption
of The Fair Campaign Practices Committee, headed by ,
Charles P. Taft of Cincinnati, a president's son with,
impeccable credentials of integrity. Their reason? When this
committee releases information about a candidate's unfair :
campaign practices, this is "in effect a statement on behalf ,,
of the candidate's opponent."
The "Christian Echoes National Ministry" of Oklahoma's
rotund right-wringer, the Rev. Billy James Hargis, recently
lost its tax exempt status as well. And the National Council of
Churches (which Hargis usually portrays as a gathering of,
Satanist Bolsheviks) was so appalled by the IRS action that it
filed a brief as amicus curiae ( friend of the court ) supporting
Hargis' appeal of the revocation--an appeal that was
unsuccessful, 1 :i
" According to the IRS, such small and disparate,,
organizations as Taft's and Hargis' have not adhered to .
Section 503 (c) (3) of the IPvS Code, which provides tax
exemption to organizations: -'4
"No substantial part of the activities of which is carrying
on propaganda or otherwise attempting to influence'
legislation and which does not participate in or intervene
(including the publishing or distributing of statement's) on;
behalf of any candidate for public office."
Just what is the precise meaning or definition of the word
"substantial" in this regulation?
That is a very important question, among other reasons
because at the recent Conference of U.S. Catholic Bishops in
Washington, during a press conference, there was MR un
challenged reference to "hundreds' of thousands of dollars
spent by the Bishops in trying to obtain laws favorable to
parochial schools.
Astonishingly, however, IRS itself admits that regarding
the meaning of "substantial": "; ' "
"There is no simple rule as to what amount of activities is
substantial. The one case on this subject is of very limited
help. The case of Murray Seasongood v. Commissioner ( 1955)
held that attempts to influence legislation that constituted
five percent of total activities were not substantial." (IRS
Manual MT 11671-56) ! '
This criterion means that if the Southern Baptist
Convention were to decide that from its 1972 total income of
more than $1 billion that $50 million should be invested in a
Congressional lobbying campaign to bring back national
prohibition, they could do so and remain tax exempt.
But if church-going lovers of beer and barleycorn, such as
Lutherans and Episcopalians, were to respond with a like
amount to lobby against such an horrendous (and totally
hypothetical) idea, they could lost their denominational tax
exemptions. For from their much smaller denominational
treasuries, a matching sum would constitute far more than
five percent.
This law, under which IRS operates, is therefore patently
discriminatory against small denominations, and favors,
therefore, the ecclesiastical giants. It resembles a contention
that equity could be attained regarding contributions to
political campaigns Jf all contributors were limited lo five
percent of income - whether Joe of Joe's Junk Shop or
General Motors.
JU