HEPPNER GAZETTE TIMES, HEPPNER, OREGON, THURSDAY, DEC. 17, 1931.
PAGE THREE
PROPHETS
A man who was an officer In
France told me this story, which
la interesting and may be true.
He said that on November 10,
1918, a friend of his went Into our
headquarters and stopped beside
the desk of an officer who was en
gaged In statistical work. The of
ficer had been so busy with his
charts and figures that he hlad
hardly left his office for days.
The visitor said to him: "Well, I
guess it's about all over."
"What do you mean?" asked the
statistician.
"Why, the armistice will be de
clared tomorrow."
"Nonsense," the statistician ex
claimed. "This war is going on for
another five years." Whereupon
he drew out his graphs nad his
charts and proceeded to prove it
Here's another story, told me by
a banker.
In November, 1930, the ten lead
ing economists of the United States
held a secret conclave and took a
ballot on how long the business de
pression would last.
One of them said it would be
over in six months.
Four said It would last from one
to three yeara
The other five said it would last
from three to five years.
"If they are right, the outlook Is
pretty gloomy isn't it?"
I said it certainly was.
"There is just one Joker In the
story as I told it," he added. "That
the meeting was not held in No
vember, 1930. It was held in No
vember, 1920. And that depression
came to a close, as we now know,
In August, 1921."
Looking back ovor history, we
can see that prophecy has always
been a dangerous business. But as
between the optimistic prophets
and the pessimistic the balance is
in favor of the optimists.
Old Mother Shipton, in the early
1500's, prophesied that "iron upon
the Bea would float as easily as a
wooden boat" She foretold the
air-plane, the submarine, and the
telephone. She was suspected then
of being crazy, but she does not
look so crazy now.
John Law, of Mississippi Bubble
fame, sold shares in his vast con
cessions on this continent Specu
lation ran them up to wild prices,
and the ensuing panic ruined thou
sands. But those concessions rep
resented the richest part of the
United States. Even at their high
est prices they would be cheap to
day. I do not intend to join the ill
fated company of prophets. I mere
ly record my general agreement
with 'the late P. T. Barnum, who
said:
"If the truth were known I think
it would be found that in this wide
awake country more people are
fooled by believing too little than
ever were fooled by believing too
much."
GESTURES
A great many, perhapB most of
the things that are done by indi
viduals and groups, in and out of
politics, don't mean anything. They
are merely gestures, uusally for
self-advertisement They often puz
zle people who think there must be
a deep motive behind every human
action, whereas most of our actions
are motiveless.
"Jimmy" Walker goes to Cali
fornia to plead for the pardon of
Tom Mooney, convicted bomb
thrower. Why? A dozen explana
tions are offered, but so far as the
importance of the action is con
cerned it can be dismissed as a
mere gesture on the part of the
mayor of New York.
Fifteen hundred well-fed "hunger
marchers" converge on Washing
ton, mainly by automobile. A ser
ious Communist uprising? Nothing
of the kind; merely a gesture to
attract attention to a tourist group
that loves the limelight Folks In
tending to do serious things don't
advertise their intention in ad
vance. In judging human actions a safe
general rule Is that most people
who do things that get their names
into the newspapers, do them for
no other purpose than that to get
their names into the newspapers.
COLONELS
Just before his term of office
ended, on December 7, Governor
Flem D. Sampson of Kentucky
commissioned me a Colonel in his
staff. That was another gesture,
signifying nothing but the climax
of a jesting remark on my part
that the best seats In the grand
stand at the Louisville race track
seemed to be reserved for the Gov
ernor's staff. I don't know how
many state colonels there are with
these Kentucky titles, but at least
I'm in good company and plenty of
It
In France, when the Government
wants to make a friendly gesture
toward one of Its citizens or a visi
tor, it bestows the ribbon of the
Legion of Honor upon him. Italy
gives the title of "Commendatore."
Kentucky makes him a Colonel. All
of those are merely graceful gestures.
POET
Nicholas Vachel Lindsay, tramp
ing the countryside and reciting his
poems for his meals and lodging,
was the nearest approach in our
time to the wandering minstrels of
the Middle Ages, the Bards and
Minnesingers who recited their he
roic epics in the halls of the great
or sang their ballads from house
to house. In that wise blind Hom
er, "father of epic poetry," recited
his Iliad and Odyssey in ancient
Greece.
Vachel Lindsay is dead. The
world has lost a real poet America
a great Interpreter of the national
spirit His splendid voice, with its
dramatic quality that made the
hearer seem to see the scenes he
described, has been preserved for
posterity in phonograph records
made at Columbia University.
Lindsay's greatest poem, in my
opinion, is "General William Booth
Enters Into Heaven." Reading it,
one hears the boom of the bass
drums in the Celestial brass band!
I hope that when Vachel Lindsay's
spirit entered into that Heaven in
which he so profoundly believed,
the angelic brasses blared for him,
too.
FARMERS
To hear politicians and uninform
ed city folk talk, anybody would
get the Idea that all of the farmers
In the United States were on the
verge of starvation. Anybody who
knows the facts about farming in
any part of the country knows that
mm
From Headaches
Colds and Sore Throat
Neuritis, Neuralgia
Don't be a chronic uffefer fawn
headaches, or any other pail. These
is hardly an ache or pain Bayer
Aspirin tablets can't eKevv, they are
a great comfort to women who suffer
periodically. They are always to be
relied on lor DreaKing up emus.
It may be only a simple headache,
or it may be neuralgia or neuritisi
rheiimntiam. Baver Asoirin is still
the sensible thing to take. Just be
certain it's Bayer you're taking)
it does not hurt the heart. Get the
genuine tablets, in this familiar
package lor the pocket
BEWARE OF IMITATIONS
They used to joke
about
"Chicken Feed"
But now it has come to be a
substantial source of Income
on the well managed farm,
this poultry money.
And properly so. Any man
with two hundred hens can
earn a supporting income
and keep out of debt We
know because some of them
. are our customers.
You can too Need any help?
Farmers
and Stockgrowers
National Bank
There Is No Substitute for
Safety
is nonsense. It is the "one-crop,"
speculative farmers who are con
stantly clamoring to Congress for
"relief."
I heard C. F. Collisson, farm edi
tor of the Minneapolis Tribune, tell
a group of New York business men
the other day how the efforts of
his newspaper, in ten years, have
cut down the wheat acreage in four
states and made the products of
the cow, the sow and the hen worth
several times as much as the wheat
crop was ever worth in its best
days. He suggested that butter and
eggs ought to be quoted on the pro
duce Exchange instead of wheat
They would be a better index of the
farmer's buying power.
TEETH
Eskimos have the best teeth of
any race of people, but when Es
kimo children are given candy
their teeth begin to decay, Profes
sro Waugh of Columbia University
told a meeting of dentists in New
York the other day. Other dent
ists agreed that too much reliance
should not be placed on the tooth
brush alone as a preventive of tooth
decay.
We are just beginning to learn
that Nature makes no allowances
for civilization. Our bodies are just
as primitive, and require just as
much exercise and just the same
food elements as those of the prim
itive folk who had nothing to eat
except what each for himself could
catch ro kill, dig out of the ground
or pick off a bush or a tree.
R. L. Benge was taken to Hepp
ner hospital the end of the week
for treatment He was reported to
be responding well.
Gilliam & Bisbee's
VARNISH DEAL
Saves You Money
With every quart of
QUICK-STEP VAR
NISH at the regular
price of $1.25 per qt.
you get a 3-inch bris
tle Varnish Brush
that sells at 60 cents.
This Quick-Step sale
continues for 30 days
only and will close on
the evening of Decem
ber 17th.
QUICK-STEP is the
ideal varnish for
floors as well as for
all kinds of wood
work. In addition to the
above we will be glad
to furnish you any
thing in the Paint and
Varnish line.
! GILLIAM & BISBEE
Reason for Failure of
Car Drivers Reported
Reasons for the failure of some
persons to pass the new operators'
examination and to receive a li
cense to drive an automobile in
Oregon are covered in a tabulation
prepared this week by Hal E. Hoes,
secretary of state.
"While 3,699 applicants have suc
cessfully passed the three parts of
the operators' examination and
have been licensed since July, a
number of persons have either
failed or neglected to complete the
steps necessary in the tests," states
Mr. Hoss. "Of these latter, some
failed the first time on the exam
ination relating to rules of the
road. These persons with a little
more study of the law would be
able undoubtedly to pass the exam
ination, but they have never re
turned to take a second examina
tion. We make every effort to help
them- and supply applicants with
questions and answers prior to
their examinations.
"Applicants are privileged to try
again and again if necessary un
til they successfully pass the tests,
and our examiners have been in
structed to aid in every way possi
ble the applicant who has difficulty
with any part of the examination."
Included in the group who have
not completed the steps required
are 5 persons who failed on the first
driving test These applicants are
perhaps taking further instruction
and may return t or examination at
a later date. Only a few have
failed on a second try at questions
on the rules of the road and on
their second trial at actually dem
onstrating their ability to operate
POISON
in Your bowels!
Poisons absorbed into the system
from souring waste in the bowels,
cause that dull, headachy, sluggish,
bilious condition; coat the tongue;
foul the breath; sap energy, strength
and nerve-force. A little of Dr.
Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin will clear
up trouble like that, gently, harm
lessly, in a hurry. The difference it
will make in your feelings over night
will prove its merit to you.
Dr. Caldwell studied constipation
for over forty-seven years. This long
experience enabled him to make his
prescription just what men, women,
old people and children need to make
their bowels help themselves. Its
natural, mild, thorough action and
its pleasant taste commend it to
everyone. That's why "Dr. Caldwell's
Syrup Pepsin," as it is called, is the
most popular laxative drugstores sell
" Da. W. B. Caldwell's '
SYRUP PEPSI IM
A Doctor's Family Laxative
jj
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33
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53
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In Step With Fashion
What a difference there is in footwear.
Your shoes must fit they must also compli
ment the rest of your clothing.
Peters "Diamond Brand shoes are tru
ly "In Step With Fashion" and the newest
styles are just adorable.
You will be surprised at the low prices
on this quality footwear.
IS
Bedroom Slippers for. All the Family
Give Footwear For Christmas
GONTY'S
m
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m
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iW:
a motor vehicle.
Failure to pass the vision tests
given by the division examiners has
kept several persons from complet
ing their examination. They have
been asked to obtain a certificate
from someone competent that they
would be considered safe drivers
and if possible to have their vision
corrected. This permits the per
son who falls to pass the depart
ment tests to get expert optomet
rical advice as to whether he is
able to see sufficiently to drive be
fore a license is refused him. Many
persons have learned for the first
time during the vision tests that
they have minor eye troubles,
which while not sufficient to pro
hibit them from driving are such
that the individual is glad to know
about them so that steps may be
taken to counteract any more ser
ious difficulties later.
At present 233 persons have
passed the tests on knowledge of
the motor vehicle laws and the
vision and hearing tests and are
driving with temporary Instruction
permits until they have sufficient
familiarity with the actual opera
tion of a car to enable them to take
the driving test. These permits are
good for 90 days and require that
the applicant have a registered
driver with him in the front seat
of the car while he is learning.
"An outstanding fact in the con
duct of examinations thus far,"
states Mr. Hoss, "is the revelation
that even those persons who have
failed to pass certain portions of
the tests have seen the value in
such examinations and have ex
pressed their satisfaction with the
law and the methods which have
been followed in carrying out its
provisions."
Ron G.-T. Want At.
UNEMPLOYMENT W HAft
ABOUT is CAUSED BY
SM5W SHOVELFCS UxKlH
FOR JOBS IM R0&1M
Stock Fire Insurance Companies
are represented by Capable
Agents in your community
PER CENT
ofalL IF DRIES
occwl. in. hxrmjzA
V
To reduce these hazards, Stock
Fire Insurance companies
through the National Board
of Fire Underwriters and other
organizations maintain many
helpful services.
STOCK
FIRE INSURANCE
considers the protection of
homes and communities no
less important than the pay
ment of losses. .
THE NATIONAL BOARD OF FIRE UNDERWRITERS
85 John Street, NEW YORK
CHICAGO, 222 West Adams Street SAN FRANCISCO, Merchants Exchange Bldg.
A National Organization of Stock Fire Insurance Companies Established in 1666
Hpp
We've searched the finest markets
to bring yon the leuon'i moat
galatable foods foods fairly teem
lg with healthfulness. Fire,
wholesome ..candies, ..too satin
mixes, ..chocolates, .from ..drops,
crystallised oremes, crispy peanut
brittle candy so delicious it fair
ly melts in your mouth 1 All e-s
pecially priced for holiday needs.
This is the year to make dreams
come true, to have all thou won
derful treats you always wanted,
with no bug-a-boo of extrava-
Sance to mar your enjoyment
ome, shop and save I
Prices Effective Sat., Dec. 19, to Thurs., Dec. 24, Inc.
BACON
POWD. SUGAR
COFFEE
SHORTENING
MILK
Eastern Corn Fed,
medium weight
well streaked
XXX Grade
to top oft your
fine cake.
MacMarr. Hepp
ner's favorite
White and fluf
fy and always
fresh.
Federal Brand,
a western prod
uct tall tins.
Lb. 20c
5 Lbs. 45c
3 Lbs. 95c
8 Lbs. 83c
15 tall tins 98c
POP CORN
Jolly Time, it always
pops.
5 Lbs. . . 39c
PEEL
Citron, Lemon, Orange
Per Lb. . 29C
MINCE MEAT
The finest we ever sold.
2 Lbs. . . 29c
CURRANTS
Maximum Brand .
1 5-oz. Pk. 19c
PUMPKIN 2 No. 2 Tins
For those delicious pies I yC
OYSTERS
5-oz. tins Blue Sea rOC
SHRIMP 21
5-oz Tins, fancy pack JmjC
OLIVES 21r
Large tins, fancy ripe aOC
XMAS CANDIES
Our Candies are all pure sugar
products made in our own fac
tory in Lot Angeles one of the
finest in the west.
C A TIM MTY sleadid flavor nd variety ATI )?
Ottilia 1VI1A of color- pure product. M LDS. H0s
BROKEN MIX
Ho better mix candy can be
found anywhere.
2 Lbs. 29c
0. F. CHOCOLATES, P. N. BRITTLE 2 OCn
MONSTER GUMS Y0V u o DC
FRENCH MIX The ?Zr v 2 Lbs, 39c
CHOC CHERRIES KiSCT Per Box 45c
ancy
Fancv Box Chocolates the beit monev can bnv. fil ..Lh. fim 89c
good mixture
favorltte kinds.
MIX NUTS f.
WAT MTiTC . "
PEANUTS
BRAZILS
ALMONDS
HAZEL NUTS
Fancy No. l's
Very
economical
1931
Crop
Soft
Shelled
2
2
2
Ore.
gon
of your S A
3 LBS. fJUl
sise, 2 libs. 37o
1 Lbs. 550
Lbs. 29c
Lbs. 33c
Lbs. 35c
Lbs. 45c
SQUASH r.010" Per Lb. lc
CR. BERRIES wJTPerLb.l5c
CRACKERS rrST Cdy 29c
Mayonnaise L Per Pint 29c
4 Lb.s 45C
3 Doz. 39c
A TC Q Fancy and full
Ur 1 EjkJ of syrup
Medium
Size
ORANGES
106 N. Main St FREE DELIVERY Phone 1082