HEPPNER GAZETTE TIMES, HEPPNER, OREGON, THURSDAY, MAY 16, 1929. PAGE THREE jXrfJ &tl.lXlST9TlV BY FRANK P. VfiVKNi&f, j Fourth Installment WHAT HAPPENED SO PAS The Sheridan Dramatic Club, of which Tom Bibeck, the narrator, Maryella, the Kin ne carea ior, ana Jim uooper, nis rival, are members, are to give Pygma lion and Galatea at the Old Sodlers' Home, Mr. Hemrnlngway. huaband of one of the actresses, thinka Bilbeck la. In love with his wife. The escape of prisoners from the local penitentiary keeps Bilbeck busy at his newspaper work, so that he gets away from the dramatic group. But Maryella sum mons him, and starts telling the story of "Dollyanna" who believes that every thing that happens turns out to be for the beat. The players arrive at the Old Sol diers' Home, being greeted royally and meeting Pink Henwether and others. NOW GO ON WITH THE STORY Conversing with Comrade Hen wether had Its embarrassing draw backs at that. It is true It didn't matter what you said to him, but on the other hand he had the trick of ' pretending that he heard per fectly and replying to what he thought you said. Thus unexpectedly when I asked him to pass the bread he responded: "Yes. He has got a funny nose, hasn't he? That's Herb Ahlswede. But don't let him know you think so, because he is sensitive terribly sensitive. Until I learned to be careful about it I used to make him mad when I spoke about it." The forty-four caliber look which Comrade Ahlswede shot In his di rection would have pierced any thing but a rhinoceros-hide; but Pink Henwether prattled on ob viously: "It looks as if he drinks, don't it? But that can't be, because he ain't allowed to here at the Home. It's durn curious, and I've been puzzled about it ever since I came here eight years ago come next Septem ber." Comrade Ahlswede half rose from his chair with a durable-looking Ironstone-china cup in his hand from which he hastily gulped the coffee. I was torn between a desire to appear polite and an Impulse for self-preservation which was urg ing me to get under the table, when Colonel Stewart rapped sharply on the table and a neighboring hand drew Ahlswede back into his chair. "That's one thing I pride myself on," shouted Comrade Henwether, leaning closer so that I could hear him. "I am considerate, I am, and never hurt anybody's feelings if I can help it. No matter how funny a thing looks to me I shut up about It." Then changing the subject hast ily, he observed in a confidential shout: "That's a mighty pretty woman you got with you the blonde one, I mean. She ain't your wife, is she?" I shook my head frantically. "No? Well, I guess you are kind of sweet on her Just the same. I'm old but I can tell from the way you looked at her and the way she look ed back at you Well, I miss my guess if there ain't a wedding pretty soon!" Mrs. Hemrnlngway was blushing to her ears. Pink Henwether saw it. "Notice how she's blushing?" he obsreved. "I wonder if she could have heard what I was saying to you. If you want her, my boy, go in and win. I sha'nt stop you. If I was a little younger I am blessed if I wouldn't try it!" Colonel Stewart rapped on the table again, but Pink failed to hear it. Finally he sent one of the men who waited on the table with some kind of a message to my friend. The aide tapped Comrade Henweth er on the shoulder and motioned to ward the swinging door at the end of the room. Pink rose reluctantly. "I know what's the matter," he growled. "I got to eat my supper in the kitchen. I most always do." Then he laughed, a laugh of triumph. "But I fooled him this time! I got all through before he caught me!" Expostulating loudly with his guide. Comrade Pink Henwether was led away past the swinging doors to the kitchen, where a loud rumble from time to time reassur ed us that he still retained the powers of speech. CHAPTER V. "All for the Best" At eight o'clock the Soldiers' Home Band played an overture in the theatre, which was Improvised from the stable at the rear of the institution. I will do that band Justice. We had not heard them at their best out in the open. To get the full ben efit of their talent you have to get them in a small building where there is no escape either for you or the sound. Never have I heard so much music in so short a space of time. The curtain rose on Galatea and her apprentice at work. I did not have to make up until the first act was pretty well along, so I stood in the wings to watch. Maryella was resplendent in a flowing Greek robe and Mrs. Hemmingway's pearls, which added just the final touch to the Boft, glowing flesh of her neck. When I had finished my approv ing Inspection of Maryella I allow ed my glance to stray to Mrs. Hem rnlngway herself. She was dressed as before, .except that beneath the skirt of her tunic she was wearing voluminously ruffled pantalets which modestly covered the criti cized hiatus between the tunic and the ankle. She had said that she would fix her costume so that her husband would not object, and she had succeeded but at what a cost! I had Just barely become accus tomed to Mrs. Hemmingway's con cealed supports when Jim Cooper, the warrior, stalked on the stage. But what an altered gladiator he was! It was difficult to tell whether he was infantry or cavalry. His chest preceded him by at least eight inches. If you didn't look below the waist he would scare you to death. He advanced to Galatea and told her in manly tones that he loved her. She spurned him, and when he tried to embrace her she spurned him again in the same place, rather roughly this time. Something must have become unfastened or broken, because he stood for a minute panic stricken and then before our horri fied gaze his chest sank down slow ly and lodged conspicuously at his waist It's lucky he wore a waistband or I hate to think of the consequences. The plot of the piece was a triSe unfamiliar to most of our audience and the beauty of the lines was probably lost upon them. "It ain't as funny as 'Uncle Tom's Cabin'," vouchsafed Comrade Pink Henwether to the slide-trombonist, "but we won't let them know we think, so That's a durn pretty wo man the one that's In love with the fat fellow." I was getting ready to go out and break the big drum over his head when a number of his fellow veter ans made him subside by placing their hands over his mouth. They kept him quiet, too, until the beginning of the second act, when the curtain went up on me standing on the pedestal where the statue had been. Comrade Henwether took one look and exploded into merri ment I nearly burned up with anger. If it hadn't been for the play I would have jumped across the foot-lights ond choked the old fool. I tried to assure myself that It was all for the best; that I had to stand there- because otherwise I would probably have hud to appear In court for SPRING Condon, Oregon May 29-30-31, JJmiDiie 1-2 THERE WILL HE 150 OF THE FASTEST RUNNERS IN THE NORTHWEST ON THE TRACK. Come and spend the week. Plenty of good hotel and rooming accommodations. Plenty of entertainment for the evenings. A big dance at Rink Hall every night. Shows, conces sions, merry-go-rounds. FUN GALORE The People of Condon Extend to You a Most Cordial Invitation. AUSPICES CONDON RACE ASSOCIATION assault and battery the next morn ing; but it was difficult to do. "You can't fool me," said Hen wether in the tone of a subdued fog horn. "That ain't no statue. That's the fat fellow that sat next to me at dinner. I like him. He's funny. I'm glad they've got a clown in this show." We had to hold the performance while the put him out protesting, while they put him out protesting, door. "Ha! You'll be sorry you didn't let me stay. Wait until you want to play another piece. Where'll your band be without me to play the bass-drum? Besides, "I thought something like this would happen so I hid all the music!" Chuckling he was yanked through the doors. We picked up the threads of the story and tried to go ahead. I stood there with hands upraised and eyes fixed upon the spot where Maryella would enter. It was a hard pose to hold even for a few minutes, owing to the interruption I had been obliged to stand there in that strained position for considerable time. My arms began to feel like leaden weights and a spot on my shin started to itch. It seemed as if I couldn't possibly keep from bending over and scratching It It was maddening! "This is all for the best; it's all for the best," I kept repeating. "If it didn't itch I wouldn't know it was alive." But that didn't stop It It seems as if It would take forever for Maryella to make her entrance and kneel at the foot of the pedestal. How eagerly I waited for the words: "It's my dearest wish that my beautiful statue should come to life." I tried to think how It would be possible to make it plausible for the first move of a transformed statue to be that of scratching the shin. At last she crossed the stage. She knelt She looked up at me. She paused. It seemed as if the words would never come. What was the matter? I counted ten. At last I looked down at her. She was try ing to speak but could not Her eyes were fixed with terror on a spot above my head. I turned quickly. One of the borders or hanging pieces of scenery was ablaze! Yel low, licking flames were creeping over it like serpents. It had not gained much headway yet, but It was a difficult place to reach. I leaped from the pedestal. My first thought was for those old men crowded into the improvised audience-chamber. Whatever happen ed, there must be no panic. I stepped to the foot-lights. "Colonel Stewart," I said, "will you please Instruct your bugler to call assembly and draw your men up for inspection outside? Please hurry." The colonel saw that there was some unusual reason for my re quest and did as I asked. The fam iliar blare of the bugle brought the old soldiers instantly to their feet and they filed out in orderly fashion at the word of command, not know ing what it was all about. I told the women of the company to get out as quickly as they could just as they were, and asked the men to help me put out the fire if possible, and save whatever prop erty we could. The hope of extinguishing the blaze soon vanished. All water-connections in the stable were frozen up and there were no chemical ex tinguishers. We tried to beat out the flames, but owing to the loca tion above it proved impossible. By the time we decided to aban don the building the fire had spread to the- dressing-rooms, and we could save nothing but a few things that were standing around the stage. Jim Cooper managed to rescue the barge and I got out with the papier mache statue of myself. No one was hurt. We stood, a disconsolate array. watching while the barn burned. There seemed no one to blame for the occurrence of the fire, which had doubtless been caused by defec tive insulation in the electric wir ing. As we had not put that in ourselves, there seemed no reason why we should be considered at fault "It's all for the best," said Mary ella brightly. "I didn't know my lines in the last act anyway." Jim Cooper was standing deject edly with the handle of the barge in his hand. The padding which was supposed to be on his chest had settled down once more and he had moved it around in back of him out of the way. It was a curious looking place for one's chest "I suppose it is all for the best," he said, "but I wish I had been able to save my clothes. The Greeks must have designed this costume of mine for summer weather." "If you're cold," I said, "think of me!" "I suppose everybody thinks I started that fire," complained the voice of Comrade Henwether. "But I didn't. The way I get blamed for everything that happens around here ought to be reported to the President of the United States!" CHAPTER VI. Jogging Back. The light snow which had been falling all day had been succeeded by a heavier precipitation. The air was thick with falling flakes that loomed black as they dropped between us and the blazing stable. As the Are burned itself out we be came more keenly aware of the cold and at Colonel Stewart's Invitation It costs very little to recondition a MODEL T FORD THE Ford Motor Company is making a new car, but it is still proud of the Model T. It wants every owner of one of these cars to ran it as long as possible at a minimum of trouble and expense. Because of this policy and because of the investment that millions of motorists have in Model T cars, the Ford Motor Company will con tinue to supply parts as long as they are needed by Ford owners. So that you may get the greatest use from yonr Model T, we suggest that you take it to the near est Ford dealer and have him estimate on the cost of any replacement parts that may be necessary. You will find this the economical thing to do because a small expenditure now will help to prevent costlier repairs later on, increase the value of the car, and give you thousands of miles of additional service. For a labor charge of only $2.60 you can have your generator put in first-class condition. A new universal joint will be installed for a labor cost of $3. Overhauling the carburetor costs $1.50; steering gear, $3.50; radiator, $7.50. A complete overhauling of the rear axle assembly runs be tween $5.75 and $7 for labor. An average price of $22.50 covers the overhauling of the motor and transmission. These prices are for labor only because the need and number of new parts depend on the condition of each car. The cost of these parts is low, however, because of the Ford policy of manu facturing and selling at a small margin of profit. Feiu) Motor Company we returned to the main building of the Home to get warm. We made a fine motley picture with our combination of Greeks and old soldiers, to say nothing of myself in white tights and white face make-up. "The stable was fully insured," Colonel Stewart assured us, "and we never kept horses in it anyway." (Continued next week.) Good summer range for 30 or 40 head of cattle. Inquire of Frank Wilkinson, Heppner. 9-10. Oh, Boy! They're Good! Have you tried our delicious ice cream so das, Sundaes, or milk shakes? Ice cold drinks of all kinds at all times at our fountain. 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