Scraps
HOW TO LIVE
LONGER
OUR COMIC SECTION
I JOHN CLARENCE FUNK
Events in the Live of Little Men
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THE FEATHERHEADS
Something to Look Forward to
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FINNEY OF THE FORCE
A Business Proposal
PROGRESS
"Well, tills was s peat day In ths
history of our Institution," said ths
president of Uis bunk, ss be met bis
wife.
Tell me about It, dear."
"The board of directors voted unan
imously to double the size of the bank
ing room so that we ran have 2a brum
'next-window' slifns, 10 mors than any
other bank Id the state I"
DEADLY ROMANCE
0!
Knew Nothing Mors Powerful
The Lswyer Of course, my dear
madam, the great thing In a case of
this sort Is to Introduce something In
to the evidence that will apieal to ths
Jury.
Client Oh, I shall change my areas
every day.
WHY HE WAS NOT KILLED
1 f n HCKiM'oAUTtlJ iMAM.LUCUVfy VW.MSO M4T M SMAOT
I J vouau wwii vou'as V as I toosmT voo was,
1 A vJoaXiW'uiSMWS- L'' VUJSSI--A COOKS ,tw.
I Ql V WiKHC 7 V I fcsXAUV t AlNYstfHuT-
fur8' Cr N V TiM TO 00 UTH M AtKV
fcuTSoMS dtwntMiw " ill 7 I J VtW ' A
tuStNUS OS m NATUB6, f V, I nMIV COPPtC. J
visabm' sbass ftoTuwS wiw y -y- Ull I cip
C3C: V, tcT
() WMMra Nwappr
tbs
She And you Jutnned from the bal
loon 7 Heavens, why were you Dot
kllledT
He Ths balloon hadn't left
ground.
Dueling
Old outline h pu4 wiy.
No man etucki brother.
Conttndcn r content, today.
To echo, 'You're nothrl"
Already Supplied
Angellns No, Edwin, I never thought
of tou In that way. But I U be s sis
ter to yon.
Edwin No, thanks I I bave slater
who swipes my clcarettes. socks, ties.
and frat pins, snd I csn't sfTord s
other.
NB sftcrnoon recently a man
drove bis family Into the coua
try. It was a beautiful day, spring
was arlts best, and ths trip was a
Joyful success. Around noontime the
picnic luncb was spread Dear an old
stons walled spring, tiers on the
back road the romance of days gone
by when father had been a boy on
the farm, returned to life. And the
water so sparkling, snd so clear 1
Now for the other side of the pic
ture. Two weeks later the parents
and the two children became sick.
Three weeks later all of them bad
cons through serious Illness, the
youngest child nnsuccesnfully. The
romance bad been sttractlvs but me
unseen typhoid germs had got In their
work. Things at ths spring bad not
been what they seemed to be.
City dwellers take pure, clear and
safe water as a matter of course.
Aren't they paying taxes snd water
hills for Just that thing? Very well,
anil very logical. But many orhaolt
forget that at the city line the nitra
tion plant and Its Intelligent over
teers cease to function. It therefore
does Dot pay to become too entbusl
sstlc over the old oaken bucket, the
spring by the wsyslde snd the antique
pump.
Quite true, some states, but Dy no
means sll of them, snnually check op
on the highway water supplies on the
main traveled roads for the protec
tion of the motoring public. They
even placard ss "Safe" or "Unsafe"
every Individual source of supply that
Is likely to serve the passing auomo-
blllst But even to these careful Juris
dictions the by-roads In sll pmbabll
Ity will be missed. Better go thirsty,
therefore. If the romantic water sup-
piles cannot present clear proof of
their safety.
In this connection, a word to conn
try dwellers. Have your individual
supply checked annually by a recog
nized laboratory. A small money out
lay will be necessary but It's notb
Ing compared to doctor bills or funer
al expenses. In addition, obtain and
study the literature published by yoar
state department of health on this
most Important subject Don't take
any chances on your water supply
do matter bow good It looks or tastes.
Acting upon this advice may save
Ulness and even death.
A DOZEN different things ma
cause a headache, but there a
Just one thin)? you need ever do to
get relict, liayer Aspirin is an
absolute antidote for such pain.
Keep it at the office. Have it handy
In the home. Those subject to fre
quent or sudden headaches should
carry Bayer Aspirin in the pocket
tin. Until you have uses' it for head
aches, colds, neuralgia, etc, you va
no idea how Bayer Aspirin can help.
It means quick, complete relief to
millions of men and women wno
nse it every year. And it does not
depress the heart.
SPIRIN
Ami' u th trmda of B7 Vmfjt
Farm Clubt Crew
The 4-H club movement, which baa
grown with leaps and bounds sines Its
lnceptlsn a few years sgo, took an
other great step forward during 1928,
according to the tabulation of county
agents' reports, made at ths Depart
ment of Agriculture. An Increase of
47.000 members over 1027 Indicated la
the total figure of 600,000. The esti
mated total of those who will com
plete their work during ths coming
year Is slso about 47,000 over last
year's figure.
QUACK, QUACK
Upitaadint Eicua
Mother (at dinner table) Jonnny,
sre you sure you wsshed your faeel
It doesn't look tike Uiat wben l wsso
IL
Johnny Well, mother, If 1 robbed
It aa hard as you do I d push myself
over.
WOULDN'T COUNT
"I'd sttend your church If there
wasn't such s buncb of crooks In the
eongregstlon."
"You shouldn't let that stop you
one mora wouiun i oe uouceu, i m
sura"
Juit So
A woman cannot drive a nail,
Sh haa a better plan.
h haa no nd to drive a nail
Wben ah can drive a man.
. The High Coat
The Tecs-Awful, ain't It, ths way
apartment rrnts bave gone up?
The Din II s a sname. reiiy lar
ceny wool gel you nowneru. iu
goita lift at lonst a coupia centuries
before they'll give you a cell In Ui
JulL
Know His Bualneas
"Is he s good rabbit dogr Inquired
lbs hunter.
"HI say he Is!" the dealer replied
vlth pride. "You should have seen
the way he went after my wife's new
sealskin coat!"
Family Avocation
"Is Miss Kreda at bonier
"No. she la out on her horse."
"Is Mrs. Smith InT
"No, she Is dying ths Atlantic"
"Is Mr. Smith Inr
"No, bs Is st the cookery class."
Vlw. It Views
"Tou can gul some mighty Interest
Ins vli-vts from the tops of our moun
tains," sn I (I the visitor from Colorado,
"Well." replied the City Host, "you
can also get sums mighty Interesting
ones st our wlmly comers, too."
Juitificatiou
The Artlt-Thls statue Is "The
Disk Thrower." Wonderfully Ufellks
Dose I
The Other Fellow Tep I I reckon
thnt disk Is one 0" thetn Jrss records
Uou'l blume blui a bit for chucking IU
THE barefaced assnmptlon of
scientific superiority displayed by
quacks should be snougb to settle
snyone. Add to this ths studio por
traits of the wizards themselves, and
the last vestige of appeal should be
gone. Cut, somehow, the thing works
Just ths other way.
The ability to toot their own boms
Is their only merit Having tailed In
the ethical practice of their profes
sionsmedical or dental. If. Indeed,
tbey possess even tbese qualifications
these egotistical gentry purchase
pace In newspspers (when they ran)
snd to this manner brazenly admit to
the world that tbey bave beaten It, In
cluding all the scientists snd leaders
of their chosen celling. Thus they
sre able to effect marvelous and hith
erto unknown cures for as low as a
dollar down I Which, It must be con
fessed. Is low Indeed.
And so It comes to pass that hun
dreds of thousands of dollars annual
ly are expended by people who still
believe In fairy stories. If this was
all there was to It, possibly no objec
tion would be made. If a fellow wants
to throw bis money sway, that's bis
business. But when It comes to throw
ing health away, then the matter as
sumes public Importance and a warn
Ing Is quite Justifiable.
la all fairness, quacks sometimes
cure people. But their main Interest
usually la In tbs money tbey can ex
tract not In the amount of health
they can bestow. As a matter of
fact, many Instances sre on record
where a physical condition haa been
aggravated for the sola purpose of
prolonging the cure.
Indeed, sometimes the outlook as
stated by this particular brand or
medico has been so unpleusnntly (and
untruthfully) tragic that the patient
upon hearing the verdict has straight
way left the otnee snd committed sui
cide!
The legitimate medical profession,
oa the other hand, Is the foundation
of the nation's health. Each comma
nlty has Its share of honest, well-In
formed and experienced practitioners.
Whst mors do you ocedl Can you
afford less!
If you are looking, therefore, for
"value received" snd health, don't
make friends with the quacks.
(A ISSS. WMlin Ntmpaptr Bnloa.1
Following Stars
Wise men sre slways doing what
ths Maid In ths Gospel story did.
They sre always following stars. .
It Is this following of at ii rl Ike Ideals,
Ideals of truth, Ideals of honor, Ideals
of duty, which Invests our common life
with dignity and meaning.
Poor Mother
"The street car service Is rotten,
Always overcrowded."
"Yes. but fnther, you got a seat.
didn't youT"
"Yes. but your poor mother bsd to
stand all the way."
Acidity
The common cause of digestive diflV
rultles la excess acid. Soda cannot
alter tbla condition, and It burns tut
stomach. Something that will neu
tralize the acidity Is the sensible
thing to take. That Is why physicians
tell the pubUc to use Phillips Milk of
Magnesia.
One spoonful of this delightful prep
aration can neutralize many times Its
volume In acid. It acts Instantly; re
lief Is quick, and very appsrent All
gas Is dispelled; all sourness Is soon
gone; the whole system Is sweetened.
Do try this perfect antl-seld, and re
member It la Just as good for children,
too, and pleasant for them to take.
Any drug atore has ths genuine, pre
scriptions! product.
PHILLIPS
r Milk ,
of Magnesia
yon
Owe Unaolveu Quoatioa
Driving Instructor Weu, do
understand the car nowf
Beginner Perfectly. There's only
one thing 1 ahould like to ask: Do
you put the water and ths gasoline
In the same hole!
A man may strongly sdvocata free
speech for others without necessarily
caring to listen to It.
WILL DO ALL IT
CLAIMS TO DO
BMiaMi aM
Mrs. Steele Says of Lydu E. Pink
haim'a Vegetable Compound
Pratt, W. Va. "I was so weak and
nervous that I was In bsd most all the
tuns and coudni
sit up and I ant
only 30 years old.
I saw your adver
tising In ft mags
slns and after I
bad taken three
dosas of Lydla H.
Plnkham'a Vege
table Compound I
could feel that I
was better. After
taking two bottles
I besan doing tor
work and I feel like a ssw woman, t
recommend ths Vegetable Compound
to my friends and say It will do all It
claims to do and more. I will gladly;
snswer all letters I receive." Mao.
8. EL Steels, Pratt. W. Va,
"' ' ii
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