The gazette-times., August 10, 1916, Page PAGE TWO, Image 2

THK GAZETTE-TIMES. HEPPVFn ORE., THURSDAY, AUG. 10, 19!fi
TCT. TTVO
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Three Sizes of
iBUIGKSi
this year
Seven passenger, six cylinder,
55 horsepower - - $1635.00
Five Passenger, six cylinder, 45
horsepower - . - $1170.00 1
Five passenger, four cylinder, 0
35 horsepower - - $785.00 jj
These prices are F. O. B. Heppner f
BUICK DESIGN
BUICK VALVE-IN-HEAD POWER
The Tightness of the Buick Valve-in-Head motor and
not the enthusiasm of its salesmen has made the Buick
conspicuous for leadership.
This new four has a Buick Valve-in-Head motor (with
electric starter) which develops thirty-five horse power
on brake test and is so reliable for ruggtd service that no
eulogy is necessary among "men who know Buick."
Its lines are beautiful. . Finish and color are exception
al. Deep, tufted black genuine leather upholstery. Cov
ered floor and running board, with aluminum bindings,
give a trimness of appearance that is peculiarly Buick.
Body, hood, fenders and running gear are painted a
glossy, long-wearing black; wheels are black with white
stripes. Tires 31x4 inches.
SEE THE BABY BUICK AT THE HEPPNER GARAGE
ALBERT BOWKER, Local Agent
All Bnicks have the Delco lighting and starting system.
There is none better.
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1X3 XXI
Hitch a Mogul Jr. to Your Heavy
Housework
VOU have long wanted a clean, simple little engine
easy to handle on many jobs. Here it is the
Mogul Jr. 1-H. P. the proper engine for the housewife.
Let it take the dread out of wash day. Let it do your
pumping, running cream separator, etc. Make a Mogul Jr.
your drudge.
Mogul Jr. is mounted on trucks. It Is so simple that a
boy or girl can start and operate it a girl can move it.
It is throttle governed starts and runs on the magneto
no batteries are needed no switch to close no wires to
work loose or give trouble operates on gasoline or motor
spirits.
It is clean. The enclosed crank case covers the gears
and keeps all the oil inside where it belongs.
Every detail makes this the most satisfactory labor saver for the
housewife at a reasonable price. Don'Vdelay. Atf yotur IHC dtaUr
t show you a Mogul Jr. The larger sizes, 1 to SO-H. P. and tractor
S-16-H. P. to 30-60-H. P., are kerosene engines.
International Harvester Company of America
(bcecpontW)
Mogul Jr. engine arc tmld bj
VAUGHN & SONS
s
ICE CREAM SPECIALS
PURE -:- DELICIOUS -:- REFRESHING
TRY OUR STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM-Made from
fresh crushed strawberries. You will like it
SOFT DRINKS OUR SPECIALTY
THE PALM
HIGHEST GRADE OF CANDIES IN THE CITY
:-: SPICE :-:
2
wasn't going to write that much about I
the whole show."
Her Limitations. "Poor June!
She's run down another 'workingmau'
with a wife and six children!" "Well
she can't steer, eat chocolates, keep
her feet on six pedals and run down
rich and unattached bachelors exclu
sively, can she?" Puck.
A woman with a little wit sat Si a
public meeting between a bishop and
a rabbi. She thought she would be
clever, and said to the rabbi: "I feel
as if I were a leaf between the Old
and New Testaments." "Yes, madam"
said the rabbi, 'that page is usually a
blank one." Sunshine.
"Matilda, why didn't you send that
young man home sooner last night?
He stayed so long I didn't think he
was ever going home. How did you
entertain him?" "Oh ma, we indul
ged in light conversation." "Light
conversation? Well I guess you need
ed it. It was pretty dark in the par
lor." Florida Times-Union.
She weighed close upon 250 pounds
but she insisted on entering the
crowded car, and as she stood and
swayed with the movement of the
car she waxed sarcastic. "If there is
any gentleman in the car," she said,
"they would not allow no lady to
stand." And then little Dobbins got
up from his scat with a sigh. "Don't
De rss, ma sm," he sail'. 1 11 mnkt
one toward It."
Robert was having a very success'
ful year at college. He had scored
the winning touchdown in the big
game of the year, and was mentionad
by all the experts for the Ail-Ameri
can team. But Robert's father was
not satisfied. "I'm afraid, my sou,''
said he, "that you are not making
good use of your time at college.
lear very unsatisfactory reports about
your work." "Gee whiz!" exclaimed
Robert. "You must have been talk'
ing to one of the professors."
'Charlie dear," said young Mrs.
Torkins, "I have good news." "What
is it?" "The bank sent me word that
my account is overdrawn, and I look
ed in the synonym book and found
that 'overdrawn' is the same as 'exag
gerated." Washington Star.
The cook and the movies We us
ually spend three months at our cot
tage in the country. Would you be
willing to go with us? No, mum, I
would not. With good help 1$ pre
fer working ror someDoay eise ana
keeping close to the moving picture
shows. Detroit Free Press.
A . 1
Tearing along the street, my friend
Mr. .who is but a little known
poet and novel writer, encountered
nie with flashing eyes and threaten
ing mein.
I stopped him and asked: "What
ever is the matter?"
"The matter is," he rejoined furi
ously, "that I am going to his house
to punch his head."
"Who's head?"
"Why, that scoundrel's, the painter
J . Owing to personal grudge
against me, he has made me ridicu
lous in the face of the world."
"How is that?"
"Why, I have just come from the
Permanent Exhibition of Painting3.
He has exhibited a picture there call
ed 'The Allegory of Sleep.' A man is
in an armchair with his head down
inclining on his breast and his arms
dropping. He is asleep profoundly,
and holds, clasped in his right hand,
a half opened book the last volume
of my poems, with my portrait on the
cover."
A military officer once bet an ath
lete that he could not hop up a cer
tain long flight of steps two at a
time.
The athlete accepted the wager and
made the trial, to find there were
forty-one steps to the flight, and that
after making twenty hops he had lost.
He paid up, but accused the other
of shart practise.
"Sharp practice!" was the retort
indignant. "Well I'll make the same
bet with you that I can do it."
The other expecting to win his
money back, assented. The officer
then hopped up forty steps in twenty
hops, and, hopping back one, finished
in the prescribed manner, and won
the wager.
Little Girl (Severely)-I used to like
you, Mr. Jinks, but I can't any more
now I know you're a horrid German
Jinks. Nonsense, my dear. What
put such an. absurd idea Into your
head? Little Girl. I heard auntie
telling mother you were a regular
ladykiller. Passing Show.
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Larry Harris In an unguarded mo
ment accompanied some friends on a
yachting trip down the coast, during
which rough weather was encounter
ed. Finally the genial Larry was dis
covered hanging on for dear life with
scarcely enough interest remaining to
care whether port was made or not.
"Feeling pretty sick, old man, aren't
you?" said one seasoned salt, sympa
thetically. "Sick?" he moaned.
"Why, thousands have died who were
not half as sick as I am now."
One Sunday morning Mr. Moody,
the revivalist, entered a Chicago drug
store, distributing tracts. At the
back of the store sat an elderly and
distinguished citizen reading a morn
ing newspaper Mr. Moody approach
ed this gentleman and threw one of
the temperance tracts upon the paper
before him. The old gentleman
glanced at the tract, and then looking
up benlgnantly at Moody, asked:
"Are you a reformed drunkard?" "No
sir, I am not!" cried Moody, draw
ing back indignantly. "Then why
the devil don't you reform?" quietly
asked the old gentleman.
Molly, the new Irish girl, was one
of those heavy-handed creatures who
was forever dropping or breaking
things. Hearing a crash of glassware
one morning, her mistress called in a
resigned voice from the next room:
Well Mollie, what are you doing
nowv i ain t doin notnin', mum.
It's done."
One Saturday night a lady who pos-
a fruit and vegetable shop hur
ried to serve her last customer, a very
red-faced woman.
She asked for two cents' worth ot
vegatables, and wanted a piece of
everything.
When she had been given what she
desired, she politely asked if they
could be wrapped In a piece of paper
and tied with a string.
The shopkeeper turned to her quite
calm, and said.
Wait a minute, and I will run
across to the butcher's for a bone
and I think that will complete your
Sunday's dinner."
One night a traveler in the South
secured accommodations at the only
dwelling In sight the log cabin of an
old negro. When bedtime came the
old darkey asked him to join in the
family prayers. So he knelt down
with the members ot the household
upon the hard puncheon floor. The
negro closed his eyes and threw his
head back and opened his mouth and
began. He began with Genesis and
worked gradually downward, and
prayed for twenty minutes without a
pause. The traveler's knees were
hurting him like the toothache and he
got desperate. He nudged the per
son nearest to hlra, a twelve year old
boy, who had his head on a chair seat
and was peacefully dozing through
the ordeal. "What is it boss?" whis
pered the picklnlnny, waking with a
start. "How long is this prayer goin'
to last?" he whispered back. "Has
daddy gone took de chillen of Isrel
'croast de Red Sea yit?" "Not yit.
"Well, den," he whispered back,
"we'en be get to de Red Sea he's just
half done."
The night that David Belasco pre
sented in Chicago, "The Case of
Beck," a play having to do with dual
identity, two dramatic critics met In
the lobby of the treatre after the sec
ond act. "Say," inquired one, "isn't
there a medical world that describes
this play a scientific description
word?" "Yes. Psychotherapeutic."
"Gee whiz!" exclaimed the first. "I
Having come into sudden wealth,
and feeling that he owed it a duty to
himself and his fellow-men to climb,
a man who had been engaged in some
queer business transactions induced
one of the younger members of a
rather exclusive club to put his name
Some of the old guard fell to dis
cussing the applicant. "I can't place
him," said one. "Is he a member of
any other clubs?" At this juncture
another member, who had suffered
heavy financial losses through the
sharp, not to say questionable, prac
tices of the applicant, declared:
Club? Why that fellow would be
rejected by the Y. M. C. A.
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HEAL E
TATE:
We are offering a house and lot in Lents,
Oregon, for sale or trade.
This lot is 50 by 150 and has a number
of vonim- fruit trees on it. Will trade
for a small place near the mountains
or for Heppner property. A'ould trade
for work horses, broke or unbroke.
Price tor this property is $1200.00.
A Good Eight-Room Dwelling,
Barn and other outbuilding's, fruit
trees and 'S acres of land in Heppner
at a bargain. This can be bought on
time and if you want it and can give a
good note you don't need any money.
127 Acres of Land
Fair house, good barn, G acres in of
good alfalfa land, some good farm land
on the hills. Running water all the
season. A dandy little poultry and
dairy ranch for Side cheap.
We have other good properties for
sale. Come and see us if you
want to get bargains.
Sraead & Crawford
Real Estate and Fire Insurance
Office in the Fair Building
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The INDEPENDENT GARAGE
CHALMERS AGENCY and Service Station
A complete line of Automobile Accessories and
Supplies keptconstantlyrpn hand
Painstaking Service
Satisfactory Work .... Expert Mechanics
Tires and Tubes Vulcanized. Batteries Recharged
Electrical Equipment. LIVERY SERVICE AT ALL HOURS.
PHONES: SHOP 572; RESIDENCE 552
Located; on North Main Street
HEPPNER
OREGON
There was recently brought before
a police magistrate in the South an
old darkey who had fallen foul of a
bulldog while in the act of entering
the henhouse of the dog's owner.
"Didn't I Rive you ten days last
month for the same offense?" asked
the magistrate. "It was the same
henhouse you were trying to get into.
What have you got to say for your
self?"
The darkey seemed perplexed.
"Yo' honah." he said, "yo' sent me to
the chain gang fo tryin' to steal some
chickens, didn't yoo'?"
"Yes; that was the charge."
"An' don't de law say yo' can't be
charged twice with de same offense?"
"That no man shall be twice placed
in Jeopardy for the identical act yes."
"Den, yo' honah, youse gotta let
me go, suh. I was after de same
chickens, suh."
Willie came to his mother with an
expression of anxiety on his face.
"Ma," he said, "If a poor hungry
little boy was to come to the back
door and ask for something to eat,
would you give him that piece of pie
that was left over from dinner?"
"Yes, Willie, of course I would," said
the mother. Willie's face cleared.
"All right," he said, "Just wait a
minute till I run around to the back
door."
Two mothers--each with her bhild
visited the Chicago Art Museum.
As they passed the "Winged Victory"
the little boy exclaimed, "Huh!" She
ain't got no head." "Sh." the hori
fled little girl replied, "That's Art
she don't need none."
LicensedEmbalmer Lady Assistant
J.L.YEAGER
FUNERAL DIRECTOR
Phone Residence Heppner, Oregon
The managing editor wheeled his
chair around and pushed a button in
the wall. The person wanted enter
ed. "Here," said the editor, "are a
number- of directions from outsiders
as to the best way to run a newspap
r. See that they are all carried out."
And the office boy, gathered them
all into a large waste basket, did so.
It was a very fashionable concert
and the artists very well known ones,
but the two young thin.;. were too
busy with picking out their peculiar
ities to licar the music.
In the midst of a beautiful selec
tion the pianist suddenly lifted his
hands from the keys and one of the
young things was heard to say clearly
"I wonder if that hair is Ma own?"
The old man who sat beside her
was slightly deaf, but lie turned with
a benevolent smile.
"No, Miss," he imparted pleasant
ly, "that is Schubert's."
"I done haf to go out collectin foh
de missionary society," she explained.
"But I have work for you to do,"
said Mrs. Burns,, "and you need all
the money you can get."
"I know," said the old mammy,
"but I done haf to collect foh de mis
sionary society."
"What do you get paid for collect
ing?" asked Mrs. Burnus.
"I don't get paid," said Mandy.
"I only gets what I collect."
Mrs. Burns had found some house
work for an old negress, but after
working a day or two Mandy said she
must quit.
6 lots 40x90; 1 lot 60x110; 1 8
room dwelling, woodshed and other
outbuildings; 1 6-rotm dwelling.
woodshed and other outbuildings; 1
barn, used for livery stable, 64x64.
This property Is in a small eastern
Oregon town and is for sale at $1600
cash or will trade for Heppner prop
erty, Morrow county wheat land, or
would trade for an auto. Owner's
business calls him away and he Is
desirous of closing a deal on this
property before leaving. Further
particulars will be given by calling
on us.
SMEAD & CRAWFORD.