THE GAZETTE-TIMES, HEPPNER. ORE., THURSDAY, OCT. 7, 1915
PAGE TTmEE
PROFESSIONAL COLUMN
Dr. H. T. ALLISON
Physician & Surgeon
Office In Gunn Building.
HEPPNER, OREGON
Dr. N. E. WINNARD
Physician & Surgeon
Office' in Fair Building
HEPPNER - - OREGON
Dr. F. N. CHRISTENSEN
DENTIST
Offices over the
New PoBtof f ice.
HEPPNER, OREGON
A. D. McMURDO, M. D.
Physician & Surgeon
Office In Patterson Drug Store
HEPPN"ER :-: :-: OREGON
Dr. JOHN B. DYE
DENTIST
Room 16, lone Hotel, lone, Ore.
C. E. WOODSON
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
Office In Palace Hotel,
Heppner, Oregon
SAM E. VAN VACTOR
ATTORXEY-AT-LAW
Oltce on west end of May Street
HEPPNER, OREGON
S. E. NOTSON
ATTORXEY-AT-LAW
Office in Court House, Heppner.
F. H. ROBINSON
LAWYER
IONE :-
-: -: OREGON
Knappenberg & Johnson
ATTORNEYS
AND COUNCELORS AT LAW
IONE
;-: OREGON
CLYDE and DICK WELLS
SHAVING PARLORS
Three doors south of Postofflce.
Shaving 25c Haircutting 35c
Bathroom in connection.
PATTERSON & ELDER
2 Doors North Palace Hotel.
TONSORAL ARTISTS
FINE BATHS SHAVING 25c
J. H. BODE
MERCHANT TAILOR
HEPPNER :-: :-: :-: OREGON
W. L. SMITH
ABSTRACTER
Only complete set of abstract
books in Morrow County.
HEPPNER :-: :-: :-: OREGON
'Tailoring That Satisfies"
LOUIS PEARSON
MERCHANT TAILOR
HEPPNER :-: :-: :-: OREGON
F. M. DYE, M. D.
DENTIST
Permanently located in Odd Fel
lows Building, Rooms 4 and 6.
HEPPNER, ORGEON
THE CONFECTIONERY
HARDMAN, OREGON
WILL SERVE ICE CREAM HERE
AFTER ON SATURDAYS AND
SUNDAYS.
COMPLETE LINE OF CONFEC
TIONERYFRUITS IN
SEASON.
W. H. AYERS, Proprietor
Telephone your orders to Hum
preys Drug Co. for the sawing of
your wood. lm-
When
you
need
Jug3"
two-vision
lenses be
sure to get
KRYPIW
AV LENSES xv
(Worn by over 250.000 people)
Forin all olhertwo-vision lenses
there is a line or scam between
the near and far vision portions
that makes the wearer look less
than his best, and unmistakably
brands bim or her with a sign
of aire.
Kryptoks are double-vision lenses
mat look exactly uuereguiarone
vision leases because there arc
no line s or scams 10 them.
Dr. Winnard can supply
these lenses
Satisfaction guaranteed or
money refunded.
VJhat Are
YOU Worth
From the
(UP?
It Isestimnted that
the average man is
worth $2 a day from
the neck down whnt
$ he worth from the
oeck ufif
That depends en
tirely upon training.
If you are trained so
that you plan and
direct work you are
worth tea times as
much as the man
who can work only
under orders.
The tsUrnatliMl
twnitofldinn Schtoli
jo to the man who is
struggling along on
small pay and say to
him, ' We will train
you for promotion
right where you are,
or we will quality
you to take up a
more congenial line
of work at a much
higher salary."
livery month sev
eral hundred stu
dents voluntarily
report advancement
as the direct result
of I. C. 15. training.
You need not leave
your present work,
or vour own hom.
Mark this coupon at
once and mail it.
iBleraallioal csrrottoailcace sthMls
i Mtme eipixiu. Miiimui ittrtner or n gamin ii my
, part, how i can tjuaiily fm the position,, trade, or
profession before which I have marked X.
Automobile Running
Poultry Farming
Bookkeeper
Stenogmpher
Advertising Man
Show-Card Writing
Window Trimming
Commercial lllnstitit.
Industrial Designing
Arrbltectural Drafts.
CbemUt ( Spanish
Languages J rVt'iich
Bmktng 1 fiernwn
CKIISrviciil Italian
r.k'itrii nl Wirt'tnnn
KlcclriialFtn."i;-cr
Mi'clianli'ol Draftsman
Mct httniLiI Krtgineer
'I c-lephuuf kxpert
Stationary Engineer
Textile Manufacturing
( ivi'I l-'ngiuetT
Building Contractor
ArrhiKTt
Concrrtc Constrnct'n
rh'iititntf. Steam Fltt'g
Mine Foreman
Mhu- SupiTtnU-ndoiU
Name
I St. & No..
I CUy
. State
J.N.McKinneURteMgr.
202 McKay Bldg., Portland
REDFRONT
Livery & Feed
Stables
WILLIS STEWART, Proprietor.
First Class Livery Rigs
kept constantly on hand and
can be furnished on short no
tice to parties desiring to drive
into the interior. First class
Hacks and Buggies
Call around and see us.
We cater to the
Commercial Travel
ers and Camping
Parties
and can furnish rigs and driv
er on short notice.
HEPPNER . . . OREGON
X 1
FROM "JUDGE"
A Failure.
Appeal to their higher ideals, their
honor, their affections, and she thot
she would try it on small Bill.
"If you do not study more, I can't
promote you, and you will be separat
ed from your friends, who'll go to the
next grade," she said.
"Huh! These kids ain't my friends.
Say, Miss Lee, I got a friend what
rides with the ash man," Bill began
with pride, hut was interrupted.
"Isn't one of the little girls your
sweetheart, though?" Miss Lee ques
tioned.
"Aw, a feller can have a gilr, can't
he?" Bill demanded, his ears red.
"Certainly; its very nice that he
should. How will you like it, how
ever, to see her go away from the
room?"
Bill shrugged in a manner which
Miss Lee was sadly forced to regard
as typical of the unregenerated male.
"Aw, by next year," he said,
"there'll be a fresh flock o' chickens
runnin' 'round."
I I I I
Got All the News.
"Why don't you subscribe to my
paper, Uncle Hy?" asked Editor Josh
Lotts of the Smileyville Express.
"It would be useless extravagance"
replied Farmer Hyperbole Medders.
"My wife belongs to the Chautauquy
Club, the Sewin' Circle and the Mis
sionary Society."
9 I 9 9
Taking No Chances.
"Upson, old man, you shun krink-
ing water almost as If you were
scared of it."
"I am," shuddered Upson Downs,
the promising but not paying young
business man. "A doctor told me
more than eighty per cent, of my
body is water already, and I'm afraid
to dilute myself any more."
I t ! I
Chopping Him Off.
"Ah, how do you do, sir!" deferen
tially began an imposing looking
stranger, extending his card. "Have
I the pleasure of addressing Mr. J.
Fuller Gloom."
"Not being able to diagnose your
sensations I can't say about the pleas
ure part, but I'm Gloom," returned
the well-known pessimist. "I note
by your card that you are Mr. G. D
Newsance, representing Klutch &
Skinner, publishers of subscription
books. It is a fact that admits of no
contradiction that I am one of the
very few people In this community
of sufficient culture to appreciate the
rare and ornate literary work which
you are introducing. And permit me
to add that I am of sufficient intelli
gence not to care a tinker's anathema
about them. Good Day, Mr. New
sance!" (ill
The Reason,
"This dog of ours," said Mrs. Jones
to the Sabbath dinner guest, "is a
most peculiar animal, he runs away
very often and stays for days but
lie always comes home on Sunday."
"Why is that? Why does he
choose Sunday to return?" asked the
guest.
"I really don't know," Bmiled Mrs.
Jones, tenderly stroking the dog's
sleek brown head. "Some Strange
canine intuition, I suppose."
"Canine nuthln'," sniffed little
Johnny Jones. "I 'spect he knows
that Sunday's the on'y day we have a
decent meal."
8 9 11
Unnecessary Exertion.
Pullman Porter Next stop is yo'
station, sah. Shall I brush yo' off
now?
Morton Morose No; it is not nec
essary, when the the train stops 1 11
step off.
9 9 I 9
He Needed Help.
A boy walked into the office of the
telegraph company at Chicago and
asked for a job. He said his name
was "Missouri."
The manager happened to want a
messenger boy just at that moment
and gave him a message that had to
be delivered in a hurry.
"Here's your chance, my boy,"
said the manager. "These people
have been kicking about undelivered
messages. Now, don't you come back
until you have delivered it."
A little while afterward the tele
phone rang. On the other end of the
wire there appeared to be a building
watchman, somewhat terrified.
"Have you got a boy they call Mis
souri?" inquired the watchman.
"We did have 10 minutes ago," re
plied the manager.
"That Missouri feller came over
here and said he had to go to one of
the offices. We don't allow no one
up in that office at this hour, and I
told him he couldn't go."
"Yes, yes," said the manager.
"Well," said the watchman, "he
said he would go, and I had to pull
my gun on him."
"But you didn't shoot him," ex
claimed the manager.
"No," meekly came back the re
sponse over the wire, "but I want my
gun back." Philadelphia North Am
erican. T 8 9 I
A Soft Answer.
A tramp approached a certain
Downs home the other evening, rap
ped on the back door, aud when the
lady of the house appeared, he began
to clear bis throat preparatory to
telling his hard luck story.
"Get away from here," said the wo
man. "I never feed professional
bums."
"But, madam, I am not a profes
sional bum," said the tramp. "I am
a psychologist traveling in the inter
est of science. I read character at a
glance. In looking Into the Boulful
depths ot your beautiful eyes, I read
there that you are by nature a kind-
hearted, gentle, generous woman.
It Is these noble impulses and the
contemplation of charitable deeds
that keep you looking so young and
handsome."
"You poor, tired hungry man,"
said the woman. "Come inside and
I will give you some breakfast:"
Moral Diplomacy is mightier
than the sword. Downs (Kans.)
Times.
9 9 9 9
Why.
Hokus Why do you liken Hard-
uppe to the busy bee? He isn't par
ticularly industrious, is he?
Pokus Oh, no; it isn't that. But
nearly everybody he touches gets
stung. Town Topics.
9 8 9 9
Sure He Did.
Deacon Susie, I am sorry your
papa was not at meeting.
Susie Please, no, sir; he went out
walking in the woods.
Deacon I am afraid, Susie, your
papa does not fear God?
Susie Oh, yes, sir; I guess he
does; he took his gun with him.
Buffalo Currier.
"WHO'S WHO IN SOCIETY"
One of the funniest farces in film
is George Klelne's "Who's Who In
Society" which will be shown at the
Horn' theater on Friday and Satur
day, October 8 and 9. It is a genu
ine Kleine comedy and lives up to the
high reputation set by its charming
predecessors' "Officer 666" and "The
Commuters."
Mrs. O'Brien, newly rich, vainly
aspires to social prominence, an am
bition in which her common, chess
loving husband does not sympathize.
Pretty Mary Ellen, the daughter, and
a Jap butler constitute the household.
One day, Mrs. O'Brien sends out
invitations to a party which the Van
Dusens and Van Astorbilts refuse to
attend. While she is mourning this
loss, an automobile breaks down in
front of the house and a slender
young man who Introduces himself as
Lord Algernon Ste. Clair seeks refuge
while his car awaits the repairman.
Mrs. O'Brien, scenting a noble match,
promptly invites him to stay for the
party.
MeanVhile a rough-looking charac
ter alights from an automobile, and
after a careful inspection of the
house, rejoins his friends and disap
pears. An hour later, immaculately
groomed, he enters the club of which
O'Brien is a member and, finding the
solitary old Irishman playing a lone
some game of chess, offers himself
for partner. In this way he obtains
an invitation to attend Mary Ellen's
party.
In due time the guests arrive, con
sisting of the goodhearted but il
literate Flanagans, their two child
ren and the stranger. There im
mediately commences a vigorous suit
for the hand of pretty Mary Ellen on
the part of Lord Aigy and the stran
ger. Mary Ellen shows her prefer
ence for the stranger.
That night weird things happen.
The stranger who has been invited to
spend the night, slips into the library
in time to see O'Brien much excited
over the appearance of a white hand
that has deftly poked through the
portiers in search of the electric
switch. In another instant the stran
ger throws O'Brien to the floor and
Lord Algy, revolver in hand, stands
over them. There is a scuffle and the
stranger disappears, gun in hand,
through the French window. An hour
later Lord Algy, in his room, cau
tiously draws a string of pearls from
his pockets, only to turn and face
the gun of the stranger, who raises
his head from the back of Lord Al
gy's bed.
There follows explanations and the
stranger shows his badge as a govern
ment secret service agent, long in
search of the crook known as Lord
Algy. O'Brien rejoices and Mary
Ellen slips her hand into that of the
"stranger," while Mrs. O'Brien, thor
oughly disgusted, hurls a volume of
"Who's Who In Society" into the
waste basket.
Property Changes Hands,
Two Important realty deals in local
property were made this week, when
Henry Vance purchased the residence
property of John Sprouls in West
Heppner. The consideration was
$1000. Edgar Matteson bought three
lots in Morrow's addition to the town
of Heppner from John Barry for
$850.
Mr. and Mrs. Norman Florence re
turned Saturday evening from a trip
of two weeks which took them to
Portland and other northwest cities.
Frank and Howard Anderson,
prominent farmers of Eight Mile,
were business visitors in Heppner
Tuesday.
WANTED By man and wife, a
position on stock farm, sheep pre
ferred. Thorough knowledge of
sheep. No children. Inquire at this
office.
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1080 ACRES OF DEEDED LAND
FOR SALE
ONE OF THE BEST
COMBINATION
RANCHES IN
THE COUNTY.
370 acres of this is wheat land now in culti
vation. The balance is pasture land,
well watered, with government land
adjoining. 130 acres fenced
hog-tight.
$14,500
Good Terms
CONSULT
SMEAD & CRAWFORD
Heppner, Oregon
GET THE UP-TO-DATE STYLES, AND
The Best In Workmanship And Fabric
PEARSON, The Tailor
Is now located in his new quarters on Main
Street, and is displaying the finest line of sam
ples of Fall and Winter suitings ever brought
to town. Step in and look them over and make
your selection early. :- :- -:- -:- .;.
CLEANING, PRESSING, REPAIR WORK
HEPPNER WOOD YARD
E. E. BEEMAN, Prop.
Dealer In
Wood and Coal
Leave orders with Slocum Drug Co. or phone Main 60.
Choice Flour, Feeds, Wood, Coal and
Posts, for Sale by
HEPPNER FARMERS' IMON
WAREHOUSE CO.
Handle Wheat and Wool. Highest
Price Paid for Hides and Pelts.
For a Game of Ten Pins
VISIT THE
. -. NEW BRUNSWICK
SANDERSON & CRAWFORD, PROPS.
Pocket Billiards
UPPER END OF
A. A.
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and a Good Time
MAIN STREET.