The gazette-times., May 13, 1915, HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION, Page 16, Image 22

16
IIOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
IsU
Stories World Meets With Smiles
An Incident at Liege.
EtES as I read of thn campaign
in Northern Belgium there comes
the memory of an incident which
occurred geveral years ago on the sta
tion platform at Liege.
In the company of two Americans,
who had been studying at German
universities-, I was traveling from
Berlin to Paris. We spent the night
at Liege, and in the morning were
on hand to take the Paris express.
As my knowledge of both French
and German was decidedly limited, It
fell to my lot to look after the hand
luggage, whilo my companions saw
to the tickets and the checking of
the trunks. While I was thus en
gaged, a well-dressed, portly gentle
man, of distinctly German type,
Stepped up and spoke to me.
I shook my head. "Xicht ver
steh," said I.
He tried again, and then I asked
him a question in my limited Ger
man. "Nicht versteh," he replied In turn.
We began to make gestures with
our arms. I repeated all the German
words I know, which were about
nine. They didn't seem familiar to
him. We began again to make ges
tures, but of no avail. Finally a
brilliant idea occurred to me.
"Parlez-vous Francaise?" said I.
"Oul, oui," he replied eagerly.
He mopped his brow, then said
something that sounded suspiciously
like French to me. '
"Je ne comprend pas," said I
Finally I managed to ask him a ques
tion. "Je ne comprend pas," said he.
And once more we began gesticulat
ing. - -
At this juncture I espied one of
my companions and hailed him with
relief. "Here, Robinson, for heav
en's sake, help this poor devil out!
I've been trying to find out for the
last 10 minutes what he wants."
The stranger literally fell upon my
neck.. "By cracky!" he cried, "can
you talk English?"
"You bet," I boasted. "I'm am an
American."
"Then, for the love of Mike, why
didn't you say so!" said he. "I'm
from Kansas City." K. R. In L. A.
Times.
Unbelievably Big.
English as she Is spoke in Eng
land opens ptttulls almost as numer
ous as those of a foreign language to
an American.
A Los Angeles society matron was
guest of honor at a London dinner
last Summer. Of course California
became the topic of general conver
sation and she was asked many
weird questions.
"Do pines grow In California?"
queried the host.
"Oh, yes, many varieties of them."
"What's the favorite variety?"
"the sugar pine, I think."
"How large Is the sugar pine?"
"Very often as much as sixteen
feet in circumference."
The Englishman gasped, then
stared at his guest as if suddenly con
vinced that he was entertaining the
Baroness Munchausen unawares. He
asked no more questions for the time
being. But after dinner he again
approached the American lady. "Are
they edible?" he said with explosive
suddenness. "Those big pines, you
know. Fancy!"
"Edible!" echoed the puzzled lady.
"How can a tree be edible?"
"But the pine Isn't a tree," per
sisted the Englishman. "It's a fruit.
With prickles, you know."
"Oh, I see. You mean a pineap
ple." "We call them pines here," ans
wered the Englishman stiffly. "Your
American language Is very strange."
L. A. Times.
An Inattentive Schoolboy.
Of course, little Johnny's full at
tention should have been upon the
recitation in history that afternoon,
but It wasn't. Through the window
he could see a squirrel scampering
up a tree and darting Into his hole,
only to poke his funny llttlo nose out
again presently and scuttle down for
another nut to deposit in his store
house. Wherefore, when the teacher
asked him a question, Johnny was
J Ever, packet of 1 K fl AX fill OQLJ vfe. f(l7)U Wr,U U
9 Morse's Seeds ,V&AA! Morse's 1915 i
j 3 (P (E (Q) fffif 'Hi u 6 jj
blissfully unaware that he had been
called upon.
"Johnny!" exclaimed the teacher.
"Johnny Jones!"
Johnny's head came round with a
jerk and so did his straying atten
tion. "Johnny Jones," said the teacher,
sternly, "I don't believe you've heard
a word I've said! If you can't pay
attention you can stay In after school,
and and give me your individual at
tention! I asked you how many years
has Captain John Smith been dead?"
"Huh," exclaimed the flustered
Johnny. "Dead? Why, teacher, this
is the first I've heard about his even
being sick."
Didn't Like the Taste.
Representative William A. Ash
brook, of Ohio, received an almost
tearful letter from a woman In his
district, imploring him not to send
any -more Government seeds or bulbs
Into their once tranquil home. It
seems that Ashbrook, not content
with sending a few radish and lettuce
seeds, had franked a large consign
ment of narcissus and tulip bulbs as
nuggets of good cheer to a few of the
more fortunate among his constitu
ents. One woman set only part of the
bulbs Into the ground and put the
others away for future reference.
Then she hired a new cook and short
ly thereafter gave a dinner, a feature
of which was to be a certain kind of
salad containing onions. Many a
thoughtful reader has doubtless
guessed by now what happened how
the bitter taste of the narcissus bulbs
inadvertently substituted for onions
complicated the feast and how all
was woe.
"We will not care for any more
Government bulbs," the woman
wrote to Ashbrook; "the flowers
could not possibly recompense for
the trouble we had over the salad."
Fred C. Kelly.
An Indelicate Remark.
"One cannot be too careful In his
remarks on some occasions," said a
young clergyman, In speaking of a
tour of inspection which he, in com
pany with older divines, made of a
penal Institution.
"The leader of our little expedi
tion, a truly good man, was so im
pressed by what he learned from the
story of one young man Imprisoned
for burglary that he felt he should
offer him some encouragement, of
what kind he hardly knew. So, after
many hems and haws, he delivered
himself of the following:
" 'Ah, my friend, we must not lose
sight of the fact that we are here
today and gone tomorrow.'
" 'You may be, sir," rejoined the
burglar, 'but I ain't.' "Harper's
Magazine.
Proud of Their Capacity.
Apropos of West Virginia's dry
ness, Mayor Rockwell, of Pleasant
Farms said:
"On account of Its high Summer
temperature the consumption of beer
in this state from June to September
When you go ts Portland yea will
want to
Attend the Theater
You will get the moft for your moaey
by going to
THE BAKER
(Oeo. U Baker, Mar).
On Broadway and Morrteoa St.
Rome of the Famous Baker Player.
PrlceV 25c, 85c, 50c 75c; Mat, ;se, 600,
Bfsrlnees
SUNDAY, WEDNESDAY, SATTTBDAT.
Alwayi a new play. High-class company
of real actors and actresses. Beautiful
scenlo and stage effects. The Baker
Players have been famous In Portland
for 15 years and to see them Is a part
of one'e visit to the metropolis.
GOING EAST or
COMING WEST
We Can Save Ton Honey
Reduced rates on Household Goods,
Pianos, Automobiles, etc. Through
consolidated cars, insuring- prompt de
livery and careful handling. Bates
and Information on Bequest.
Pacific Coast Forwarding Company
201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or. .
used to be remarkable. There were
some 111-advlsed West Virginians who
were even proud of It.
"Two such men, residents of Graf
ton, spent their Summer vacation in
New York. .Their first evening in
New York was devoted to roof gar
dening. On a cool roof garden, un
der the shining stars, they saw on
every side well-dressed people drink
ing Iced drinks through straws.
"This sight amused them, 'and,
when the waiter came for their or
der, the older Graftonlan said:
"We're from Grafton. Bring us
two buckets of beer and two gas
pipes.' " St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
She Wasn't Pretty.
We met him leaving his office dur
ing working hours, the other day.
"Where are you going at this time
of-' day?" we asked.
"Got to go to the train and meet
my wife's older sister who is coming
to make us a visit," he responded,
not very enthusiastically.
"Can't she get to your house with
out being met. You only live a short
walk from the station."
"Yes, that's what my wife sug
gested. But I'd rather meet her.
You see, if I meet her in public I will
have an excuse for not kissing her.
And If I meet her In my own home
I'll well, don't you see why I'm go
ing to the depot?" Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Accidentally.
"I wonder how so many forest flies
catch?" said Mrs. McBrtde.
"Perhaps they catch accidentally
from the mountain ranges," sug
gested Mr. McBrlde.
FREE LESSONS IN
Given With Our Couroes in
BOOKKEP1NG AND SHOHTIIAXD
by Mall.
STUDT SUCCESSFULLY AT IIOME
during? the Winter evenings under
the personal instruction of our ex
perts and get a practical business
education at little cost
ALL BOOKS AND SUPPLIES
FREE.
Write at once for full Information
and free sample lesson.
Central Commercial
College
Central Bldr.. Portland. Oregon,
v ;
H1LL-
MILITARY
ACADEMY
A Sleet Non-Sectarian Boarding and
Day Bchool for Boys. Military Dis
cipline; Small Classes; Men Teachers.
Careful supervision secures results
that are not attained elsewhere. Bend
for catalogue,
821 Marshall Street. Portland, Or,
Become An Expert Automobile Man
Our expert
Instructors
thoroughly
qualify you
In I to I
weeks.
Why plod along In sn underpaid position
when there Is a big Job waiting for you?
PACIFIC AUTO OAS ENGINE SCHOOL
Write for Particulars,
ff LINK'S Y.
R BUSINESS COLLEGE H
U. Portland, Oregon MM
is NOT BLEACHED
fe rtl
111 II J!
The
U17 A rTot
i-v the
WHEAT
A NATION'" RIIKAKFAST
KVEHYWHKHK 13c.
If your dealer does not handle,
Bend 15c stamps for regular sins
package by Parcel Post to
MORGAN MILLING CO.
OOLUKXUALK, WASU.
Doors. Sash Glass,
Mouldings, etc.
At Lowest Prices
Send for our Free
Catalogue and save
money on building
materials of all
kinds. .Fully fllua
trated and every
i r t i c 1 e priced.
Prompt shipments
everywhere.
Book of House
Plans
Showing 108 dif
ferent homes. Sent
postpaid on receipt
of 15c.
P. A. ROVIG CO.
1120 Western Avenue,
SEATTLE. WASHINGTON.
Fine Wheat Ranch
960 acres good land, 700 acres
fine wheat land, balance bunch
grass, pasture; 400 acres now In
Fall-sown grain; comfortable
building; on main county road,
close to school; 12 miles from
county seat and railroad; lo
cated in the best wheat section
of Eastern Oregon. Price $25
per acre; 14000 cash, balance
crop payments, t per cent. We
have good wheat ranches from
160 to several thousand acres.
Also stock ranches. Write us,
ACME REALTY CO.
401 KqtiKnble Imlldlng,
Tacoma, Wash.
Can Clear Your Land
Six ipMdi for til purposes, ill pmran tor ill rhtmin
Chtio tndablt modeli from W7.00 op, eonpUts,
Grimy attlogm and limited am prim now.
WritoA.J. K1R8TOC0.
r FRONT-!
HbOORSK
U AT THE
'J FACTORY p
g PRICE! P
! 24 Styles p
tlmS.LITKWa GUARANTEE CsaaVWJSJji