The gazette-times., April 08, 1915, HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION, Page 16, Image 22

' 16
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
Stories the World Meets With Smiles
The Ferocious Giraffe.
AENAGERIE that had been exhibit
ing in a Missouri village was struck
by a cyclone and its livestock was blown
loose and flew away.
A menagerie that had been exhibiting
In a Missouri village was struck by a cy
clone and its livestock was blown loose
and flew away.
That same evening as the luckless own
er of the show was sitting In the village
Store, ruminating on the fortunes of life,
a colored gentleman poked his head In at
the door.
"Did you-all lose a gl-raffe?" he In
Quired. "Yep," returned the owner; "I sure
did. Have you found him?"
"Yes, sah; I done found him."
"Got him with you?"
"No, sah; I reckoned I better Inquire
first, sah, before I fotched him over."
"All right, you fetch him here and I'll
give you a dollar for your trouble."
"Yes, sah, but I reckon de trouble am
wuff mo' dan a dollar. Dat ole giraffe
am right smart rambunctious. He done
tried to bite me."
"What are you talking about? Gi
raffes don't bite! They kick. But you
bring him along and I'll give you two
dollars."
"All right, boss; I reckon you am mo'
familiar wid dat gi-raffe dan I be, but he
sure made signs like he would bite me."
The darkey departed and about a half
hour later there was a sudden commotion
on the front porch of the store, the door
was thrust open and in came the colored
man, puffing and wild-eyed and pulling
on a rope. At the other end of the rope,
squirming and snarling, was an enormous
Nubian lion "the fiercest lion in cap
tivity," according to trie show bills.
"Dar, mistah white man," exclaimed
the captor, throwing down the rope and
pointing to the lion "dar's you ole gi
raffe, and I tell you he do bite."
I'nder Oath.
Smith was one of the foremost engi
neers of his time. His one fault was an
Sheet Music Buyers
Accept This Offer
To responsible parties we will send
the latest Sheet Music en Trial.
Write for complete information to
day. The late song, "My Dreamy Rose,"
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Mack's Music Shop
347 Morrison St, Portland, Or.
When you eo to Portland you will
Attend the Theater
Tan will get the most for your money
by gollnflf to
THE BAKER
(Gpo. L. Baker, gr.)
On Broadway and Morrlwra Sts.
Home of tlie Famous B:ker Player.
Prices, 25c, 85c, 50e, 7"c. Mats., 25c, 50c
Matinee
8FNDAY, WKDNKHDAY, SAT lit DAY.
Always a new, play. High-class company
of real actors and actresses. Beautiful
scenic and stage effects. The Baker play
ers have been famous In Portland for 15
years and to see them Is a part of one's
visit to the metropolis.
The theater Is always a part of the busi
ness of a trip to Portland. At Broadway nod
!tark Streeta, HlKht In the Middle of the
' Hotel District, Will He Found the Orpheum,
the largest and newest theater In the North
west, and where there Is always a bill that
combines music, novelties and laugh-provoking
features. THE ORPHEUM IS AL
WAV8 WORTH WHILE.
GOING EAST or
COMING WEST
We Can Save You Money
Reduced rates on Household Goods, Pi
anos, Automobiles, etc. Through consoli
dated cars, insuring prompt delivery and
careful handling. Rates and Information
on Request.
Pacific CoastForwarding Company
201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or.
enormous bump of conceit. He completed
a piece of work for a large corporation
and was compelled to sue for his fee,
which was $25,000.
He was being cross-examined by coun
sel for the corporation:
"On what ground do you base your ex
orbitant charge for this miserable piece
of work?"
"On the ground that I am the greatest
engineer in the world."
After the suit had been concluded one
of Smith's friends came to him and, in
an admonishing tone, said: "Smith, you
should never make such statements in
public; allow others to acclaim you as
the greatest in your profession."
Smith answered: "I know It, and I
felt like a blooming idiot up there on the
stand but, blast it all, I was under
oath."
Passed Through at Xight. '
Some years ago a writer in Harper's
Monthly told of an old colored man,
Uncle Joshua, who was fond of boasting
of the travels he had been on with his
master. As the years passed he added to
the tale of his and "Marse Richard's"
travels every town and country whose
names he learned of until the Itinerary
was indeed marvelous in extent, and
whenever a new person entered the com
munity he immediately tried to find out
how much of the world he, or she, had
visited.
On the advent of the new school teach
er he was heard to accost Deacon John
son, a member of the board: "Well, dea
son, what kind of cullud lady do de new
teacher seem ter be?"
"She 'pear like a right smart little
yaller lady, she do."
" "Has she done much tijavelin', deacon,
as you knows of?"
"I nevvah axed her, but I hear tell et
how she done been through Latin, Algebar
an' But'ny."
Fncle Joshua was staggered for a sec
ond only, then recovering himself, he de
clared patronizingly: "Yes, yes, me an'
Marse Richard parse through all dem lit
tle places In de night time, but Marse
Richard low dey warn' wuth stoppin'
ovah fur."
Delivered the Goods.
When the topic turned to kids and the
good old happy school days, a smile illum
inated the features of Congressman Louli
Fltzhenry, of Illinois. He said he was
reminded of how little Willie delivered
the goods in the matter of constructing a
sentence.
One day the class In small-sized gram
mar was holding forth, when the young
sters collided with the word "notwith
standing." Immediately the teacher
dropped upon it as a ripe subject for an
example.
"Children," said she, with an Impres
sive glance at the class, "we have here the
word 'notwithstanding.' Can any little
boy or girl give me a sentence contain
ing it?"
Then came a moment of intense silence.
Every little mind was churning hard.
Then the hand of Willie Jones shot up
and vigorously wiggled.
"I've got one, Miss Mary!" exclaimed
Willie, on receiving recognition. .
"Very well, Willie," smiled the teacher
encouragingly, "you may tell it to the
class."
"The man's trousers were worn out
not with standing," was the triumphant
rejoinder of Willie.
Wa and lTg.
Governor-elect Whitman, at a dinner
in New York, praised the New Year reso
lution habit.
"A good habit," he said, "and a very,
very old one. It dates, In fact, from the
stone age.
"Dressed In the furs of wild beasts,
two men of the stone age, Wa and Ug,
met one New Year morning.
" 'Say, Wa,' said the first man, 'lend
me your crowbar, will you?'
" 'What for, Ug?' asked the second
man.
" 'I want to go home,' said the first,
'and turn over a new leaf.' " Washing
ton Star. '
Going Slowly.
It was Richard's first day at school.
At noon he rushed into the house, picked
up the treasured funny page of the paper
and scanned It with eager anticipation
in his face. A moment later he threw
It down and in a tone of disgust cried:
"Gee! That's a rotten Bchool."
"Why, Richard!" exclaimed his aston
ished mother, "what do you say that
for?"
"Well, I've been to It a whole half
day and I ain't learned to read yet.!'
Harper's Magazine.
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