The gazette-times., March 05, 1915, HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION, Page 16, Image 16

HOME AND FARM . MAGAZINE SECTION
Stories World Meets With Smiles
16
Wouldn't Be Ignowd.
ELSIE Is a self-willed child. One
evenlne while her brother was
studying his lessons, she asked him
something. Gettine no reply, she
repeated ner question, and again re
peated it with increasing petulance.
Her mother said rebukingly: "Don't
annoy your brother, Elsie. Can't you
see that he's busy?"
"I know," replied the child; "but
he might at least have said: 'Shut
up!'" Boston Transcript.
Xatnrally Wild.
Reporter I hear a wild man was
seen roaming about In a swamp here.
Native Yes; he was a city man,
trying to locate a choice building
lot he'd just bought!
Easily.
"Do you believe woman will ever
be able to outstrip man? she asked
"It isn't a matter for speculation,"
he replied. "She done It." Chicago
Record-Herald.
Defining the Disease,
"I've cared for several persons,"
she explained, "but I never have loved
anyone so that I would have been
willing to give up my home and work
for him If necessary. That la real
love, Isn't It?"
"No; that isn't real love. That is
softening of the brain." Chicago
Kecord-Herald.
Words and Deeds.
An eminent Methodist bishop was
advocating a more liberal loosing of
the purse strings, and during a ser
mon one day told his congregation
that at one time he sent an article
to a paper, in which he said: "We
pray too loud and work too little."
The Intelligent compositor did a
most satisfying job, and when It ap
peared It read:
"We bray too loud, and work too
little."
"I let It go at that," said the
bishop. "The fact Is, I believe the
printer was right, and I never ven
tured to correct him." National
Monthly.
Easily Reduced.
A surgeon at Johns Hopkins Hospi
tal is fond of stories in which the
joke Is on the doctor. He tells this
one:
One patient fancied there was
something the matter with his heart.
His physician made a cursory exam
ination, disclosing a large swelling in
the patient's cardiac region.
"There certainly appears to be. an
extraordinary swelling right here,"
said the doctor, tapping with his fin
ger on the patient's side. "We must
reduce this at once.
Whereupon a fain smile appeared
on the patient's worried countenance.
"Oh, doctor," he exclaimed, "that
swelling Is my pocket book. Please
don't reduco it too much!"
Pigs Were Worth Money.
An eminent New York artist noted
for the beauty of his etchings tells
one on himself.
It appears that one Summer while
sketching In New England he made a
study of a farmer's barn. The farm
er happened to appear and paid he'd
like to have the sketch. "If It Isn't
too expensive," he said cautiously.
"Oh," said the etcher, whose works
bring a stiff price in the metropolitan
market. "I won't charge you any
thing for the sketch, but" his eye
lighten on the pigpen "I'll tell you
what. You can give me one of those
nice little pink pigs paying there,"
The farmer frowned. "Why, man!"
he exclaimed, "do you know what
those pigs are worth? They're worth
a dollar apiece!"
Prayer and Politics.
It is difficult for the fervent parti
san to avoid politics, even In the pul
pit. There are those, too, who never
try. Among them was Father Taylor,
the Boston sailor preacher. He was
once conducting a Sunday-morning
service a few days before the state
elections, and he took the opportunity
of offering up a fervent prayer that
a man might be chosen for Governor
who would rule In the fear of God,
who would never be afraid of the
face of day, who would defeat the
Morse's
Garden Guide for 115
Is Just off the press.
It's a boon every
should have.
MAILED ntEK
K
! It's a book every onegjw
II should have. II
A MAILED FREK 1 1- '
ringleaders of corruption, who would
defy his own party If It yielded to
wire pullers, who . Suddenly
Father Taylor paused. Then he
brought his prayer to an abrupt con
clusion. ' Oh, Lord," he exclaimed,
what s the use of boxing the com'
pass in this way? Give us George
N. Brlggs for Governor. Amen!"'
London Chronicle.
Unkind Criticism.
"I go to those concerts merely to
Kin time."
"Well, I'm sure you often find It
being murdered there." Baltimore
American.
Failing.
"Yes," said the old man, "I find
my strength Is falling somewhat. I
used to walk around the block every
morning, but lately I feel so tired
when I'm halfway round I have to
turn and come back."
Didn't Need One.
Goodheart "I've got you down for
a couple of tickets; we're getting up
a raffle for a poor man over the
way."
Joakley "None for me, thank you.
I wouldn't know what to do with a
poor man If I won him."
Useless labor.
"My dear," remarked Jones, who
had just finished reading a book on
"The Wonders of Nature," "this real
ly is a remarkable work. Nature is
marvelous! Stupendous! When I
read a work like this It makes me
think how puerile, how Insignificant
is man."
"Huh!" sniffed his better half. "A
woman doesn't have to wade through
four hundred pages to find out the
same thing." Judge.
It's a Good Letter After All.
Someone has advanced th nnlnlnn
that the letter "e" Is the most un
fortunate letter In the English alpha
bet, Decause it is always out of cash,
forever In debt, never out nf itannr
and in hell all thn time. Vnr initio
reason, he overlooked the fortunates
of the letter, so we call his atten
tion to the fact "e" Is never In war
and always In neaee. It la tho ho.
ginning of existence, the commence
ment of ease and the end of trouble.
Without It there would hn nn moat
no life and no heaven. It is the cen
ter of honesty, makes love perfect,
and without It there could be no edit
ors, aevus nor news. t ourtn Estate.
Not Very Filling.
The critic's roast.
The printer's pi.
The cake of soap.
The feast of reason.
The spice of a Joke.
The glass of fashion.
The reply that's tart.
The toast of the town.
The salt of the earth.
The meat of the question.
The wine of exultation.
The food for reflection.
The fruits of repentance.
Tho spirit of an occasion.
The taste of one's quality.
The milk of human kindness.
The water of a precious stone.
Town Topics, New York.
Was Some Funeral.
A Parsons colored woman, accord
ing to the Parsons Sun, attended a
funeral in Independence a few days
ago, and when she returned she told
a number of her friends about her
trip and the services which were held
for the late departed. "Yes, It cer
tainly was some funeral. It was the
handsomest I ever went to, and I
ain't missed many since I came to
Parsons 11 years ago. The services
was beautiful, the flowers was sub
lime and the preacher wore a dress
suit. But the climaxes come after it
was all over that Is, the burying
part. Sam's wife it was Sam that
died, you know took us back to the
house from the graveyard and maybe
she didn't serve a swell funeral din
ner! Never sat aown to notning
finer. Yes'um, we had chocolate ice
cream, soda pop and fried chicken.
And we all said poor Sam would have
sure had fun if he could have been
at that feed. You know fried chick
en always was Sam's long suit. Poor
Sam !" Topeka State Journal.
f:' : iC". -' ; : . ? .. ''-
1 'Vi 5 V " 1
THE MOORE
STUDIO
ELKS BUILDING, PORTLAND
ARTISTIC PHOTOGRAPHY
AT
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Copy of this advertisement
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Doors, Sash Glass,
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G ERONT
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P. A. ROVIG CO.
1120 Western Avenue,
SEATTLU, WASHINGTON.
When, you go to Portland yon will
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Attend the Theater
Tou will ret the most for your money
by going to
THE BAKER
(Oeo. L. Baker, Mitr.)
Om Bromdwar and MoriiMB Rt.
Home of the Famous Baker Players.
Prices, 25cf 35c, 60c, 7c. Mats, 25c, Wc.
Mai tneee
SUNDAY, WEDNESDAY, SATURDAY.
Alwayi a new play. Hlffti-class company
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Sheet Music Buyers
Accept This Offer
To responsible parties we will
send the latest Sheet Music on
Trial. Write for complete in
formation today.
The late song, "My Dreamy
Rose," is yours for five 2-cent
stamps.
Mack's Music Shop
347 Morrison St., Portland, Or.
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8.1', Sixth St., Portland, Orrson.
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