Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 26, 1915)
16 nOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION Stories the World Meets With Smiles Well, Well. fRS. RIPPLETOVS afternoon tea," said Mrs. Twlckenbury, "was a perfect Babylon of sounds." Christian Register. "M1 Crushed. "Don't keep pestering me." "Then you won't marry me?" "I wouldn't even be engaged to you at a Summer resort." Louisville Courier-Journal. Agreeable. "All flesh is grass, my brother," said Mr. Goodman. "I believe you are right," agreed Mr. Rounder. "I always feel like a bale of hay when I hit a closed town." Cincinnati Enquirer. To Make Sure. Mistress Why have you put two hot-water bottles In my bed, Bridget? Bridget Sure, mum, wan of thim was leaking, and I didn't know which, so I put both In to make sure. Lon don Punch. Of Course. "Swearing doesn't help to play the game," said the young minister on the golf link3. "Besides, it's very wicked." "It may be verra wicked, an' it may no help the playin,' but it's a gre-reat aid to conversation." replied the so phisticated caddy. Livingston Lance. Accustomed. Old Gentleman (who has just fin ished reading an account of a ship wreck with loss of passengers and all hands) He! I am sorry fur the poor sailors that were drowned. Old Lady Sailors! It isn't the sailors it's the passengers I am sorry for. The sailors are used to it. Hidden. "Boots by Smith, costumes by Rob inson, wigs by Jones, scenery by Dingbat," mumbled the man in the end seat. "What are you driving at?" "I'm trying to dig up who wrote the play." Louisville Courier- Jour nal. Speaking of Big Fishes. The late Justice Brewer was with a party of New York friends on a fishing trip in the Adtrondacks, and around the camp fire one evening the talk naturally ran on big fish. When it came his turn the jurist be gan, uncertain as to how he was going to come out: "We were fishing one time on the Grand Banks for er er for " ."Whales." somebody suggested. "No," said the justice, "we were baiting with whales." Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. There With the Answer. In a public school one afternoon the teacher was Instructing a class in physiology, and finally, in order to test the memory of the youngsters, she closed the book and began to ask questions. "Willie," she said, addressing a bright-faced boy near the head of the class, can you give me a ramlllar ex ample of the human body as it adapts itself to changed conditions?" "Sure!" was the confident rejoin der. "My Uncle Jake gained fifty pounds in less than one year, and his skin never cracked." Philadelphia Telegraph. Smart Grandson. A well-known man recently lent his grandson money to purchase a motorcycle. The money was to be paid back by installments, the ma chine to remain the property of the grandfather until the last payment had been made. The other day, while out riding, the boy met his grand father and jumped off his motor cycle. "Say, grandfather," said the boy, "who does this machine belong to?" "It belongs to me until you have made the last payment. That was the agreement, you know. But why do you ask?" "Well, I just wanted make sure," remarked the boy, with a grin. "Your motorcycle needs a new tire." Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. FREE LESSONS IN Given With Our Courses In BOOKEUPIXG A.ND SHORTHAND by Mall. STUDY SUCCESSFULLY AT BOMB during the Winter evening! under the personal Instruction of our ex perta and set a practical business education at little cost ALL BOOKS AND SUPPLIES FREB. Write at once for full information and tree sample lesson. Central Commercial College Ontral II I dr.. Portland. V : I I When you (a to Portland you will want to Attend the Theater You will get the most for your money by golnff to THE BAKER (Geo L. Baker. Msr.) On Broadway and Morrtsoa Sts. Home ot the Famous Baker Pluyers. Prices, :5c, 35c, 50c. Toe. Mali, 25c, SOC. Matinees SUNDAY, WEDNESDAY, SATURDAY. Always a new play. High-class company of real actors and actresses. Beautiful 8(enic and stage effects. Ths Baker Players have been famous la Portland for 15 years and to see them Is a part of one's visit to ths metropolis. GOING EAST or ' COMING WEST We Can Save Yon Money Reduced rates on Household Goods, Pianos, Automobiles, etc. Through consolidated cars, insuring prompt de livery and careful handling;, Kates and Information on Request. Pacific Coast Forwarding Company 201 Wilcox Building-, Portland, Or. THE GEORGE GOGGLE Is Worn and Indorsed by Automobillsts Muntera Golfers Fishermen Buitill Playeri Metswrretlats Laborers Engineers Firemen Farmers Mill Workers Stonecutters Harvesters Threshers Motormen Three Colors: CLEAR SMOKED AMBER No Equal at Any Price Protect your eyea from sun, wind, dust and injury Automatically adjust to your fare. Flexible Will bend but not break. Protection No danger from broken glass. Full Vision Unobstructed; will not fog. Non-Refracted Prevents any eye strain. puir7 iiu ion iu Bai. Featker-Yt eight Weighs less than 1-S-ounce. Hailed Postpaid for 25 Cents.' Dealers Wanted. Commerce -Utility Corporation 413 Panama Building, Portland, Oregon. How to Clear Land The experience of hundreds of men who have cleared land is at your disposal. Write us regarding character of your soil, kind of stumps and when trees were cut. We will give you some practical informa tion that puts you under no obligation. FREE to readers of this paper. Trojan Powder Co. Railway Exchange Dldg., Portland, Or. The Powder Without a Headache. TRADES Your Farm ALL KINDS OF HOUSES TC TEASE FOR FARMS. T. J. LONG 520 Henry Building, Portland, Oregon. HOW TO GET 320 ACRES FREE Do You Want a Homestead? Lint of Government lands in each state subject to homentead and for what best adapted. Also deacription ol Oregon bv counties. Send for 240-pagt, book, "Advantages of Oregon " Price SI cents, postpaid. R. C FISKE 410 Panama Blih Portland. Or. Fine Willamette Valley Farm 880 acres, 10 miles from Lebanon, on Bantlam River; 1 mile to school and sawmill. ISO acres rich bottom land. 180 acres hlil land all in pasture; fenced and cross-fenced. 100 acres in cultivation. Fine creeks and springs. 300 prune trees, family orchard, all kinds of berries. 12 acrea In clover. S-room house, large barn and all outbuildings. On R. K. D. and cream route. Hood roads In thickly settled section. Will ex change this for a smaller place In Willamette. Valley. This Man Wants a Willamette Valley Farm Has 920 acres, 9 miles from Matlow, Eastern Oregon. 1 mile to school. 400 acres sowed to wheat. 4i0 acres more ready to plow. 120 acres bunch grass. Rolling, but lies fine. All under fence. 6-room house, large barn for 24 horses, and other outbuildings. Good well and pump. Good roads and II. V. D. With place go 14 horses, 1 cow and calf, 40 hogs, 7 sets harness, 4 new wagons, S header boxes, 3 gangplows. 2 harrows, all other Implements and some grain. 30 per acre. This is a going pluce and now Is the time to go Into the wheat business. To Exchange For Western Oregon or Washington Stock Ranch. 82 0 'acres in Alberta. 100 miles northeast of Calgary in Red River District 135 acres broken. Balance in prairie. All A-l land. Wheat runs 40 bushels to the acre. 300 rods ot hog-tight fence. (30 per acre. The Poor Man's Chance I have several tracts from 5 to 20 acres right, at the town of Mlddleton, Oregon. IS miles from Portland on S. P. Electric. Can be purchased for 1175 per acre, 10 per cent down, balance in five years or a longer time if desired at 6 per cent Interest. These tracts lie fine, no rock or gravel; soil of great depth and very rich. .John E. Howard, 309 Chamber ot Commerce, Portland, Oregon Phons Main 8716 LIFE HEALTH ACCIDENT IN c One Policy niviPLETE UlYlBINATION Q i ONTRACT O-l Ml INSURANCE CO. Clip this Coupon and mall to tlis lioine Office for full information No obligation Incurred. Name; Address; ' . Occupation: Agre nearest birthday .Amt. Insurance Suggested HOME OFFICE SEATTLE, U. S. A. tl Wr;. &njaBE (&(HlfmlS ffiJDSSSSiSi n Garden Guide 1 Just off the press. MAILED FRRE.