The gazette-times., February 19, 1915, HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION, Page 16, Image 16

16
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
Stories the World
Meets With Smiles
King Henry's Merry Wives.
THE English literature class of one
of the schools of Los Angeles
was recently requested to memorize
the titles of Shakespeare's plays.
One bright boy, called upon to re
cite them, began with the "Henry"
plays because those were the easiest
for him to remember. He rattled the
names off with much glibness and
ease. "Henry IV, Henry V, Henry
VI, Henry VIII and and Henry's
Wives of Windsor!" L. A. Times.
Good at Figures.
Sammy was not prone to over-exertion
in the classroom; therefore,
his mother was both surprised and
delighted when he came home ono
noon with the announcement: "I
got 100 this morning."
"That's lovely, Sammy!" ex
claimed his proud mother, and she
kissed him tenderly. "What was
it in?"
"Fifty in reading and 50 In 'rlth
metic." Philadelphia Public Led
ger. Strange Symphony.
A certain clergyman was the guest
of the Rev. Edward Everett Hale
overnight. In the morning he came
downstairs with a look of pleased
surprise on his face.
"What a delightful custom yon
have here," he said, "of chiming the
bells at midnight!"
"Yes," continued the guest, "I got
up and leaned out of the window to
listen. It was a pretty air they
played, although I did not recog
nize it."
"This," said Dr. Hale, telling the
story afterward, "was the first time
I ever heard of a fire alarm being
taken for a Bymphony." St. Joseph
News-Press.
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HILL
MILITARY
ACADEMY
Sentence Not Correct.
Reference to the good old school
days at a recent social session led
William Gillette to tell this story.
Some time ago the teacher of a
country school went to the black
board and wrote: "James can ride
the mule If he wants to." Then she
turned to the class before her and
bent her eyes on little Johnny Jones.
"Johnny," said she, pointing to the
blackboard, "is that sentence cor
rect?" "No, ma'am!" answered the
youngster, emphatically.
"Indeed!" responded the teacher,
considerably surprised. "Can you
tell me how it should read?"
"Yes, ma'am," confidently re
turned Johnny. "It should be:
'James can ride the mule If the mule
wants him to.' " Boston Advertiser.
A Sleet Non-Sectarian Boarding and
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821 Manhnll Street, Portland, Or.
Become An Expert Automobile Man
qualify you Vf ja"1
Two of a Kind.
Apropos of the "dryness" Into
which West Virginia has entered by
a prohibition majority of 90,000, H.
L. Kirk, the Mayor of Wheeling,
said:
"Well, for the next four years, at
any rate, you'll hear no such horri
ble dialogues In our West Virginia
barrooms as a man heard recently in
Parkersburg.
"This man saw two thin, pale,
nervous wrecks standing side by side
tossing off whiskies feverishly.
"The first wreck wiped his mouth
on the back of bis thin hand and
Bald:
" 'I'm just up out of a sick bed.
I've been awful sick. Snakes and
pink toads crawled all over me.'
"The second wreck started. With
a frown he regarded the first wreck
intently. Then he shuddered and
drew back.
" 'Why, man,' he said, 'they're
crawling all over you now!'" Bos
ton Advertiser.
Why plod along In an underpaid position
when there ! a big job walling for your
PACIFIC AUTO GAS KXOIKK SCHOOL
Write for Particular.
tWIW llth St Portland, Or.
were the feelings of the lawyer to
observe that appended thereto were
these lines:
"The finder of the missing cuff
link would deem it a great favor if
the owner would kindly lose the
the other link."
The Only Change.
"The old-fashioned dime novel has
disappeared from circulation."
"Yes. The same kind of a story
now costs a dollar and a half."
Too Fresh.
"How do yon tell bad eggs?"
queried the young housewife.
Said the-fresh grocery clerk: "If
I had anything to tell a bad egg, I'd
break It gently."
The Woman of It.
"Mabel, I'm drawn on the grand
jury."
"So am I, Gertrude."
"Our responsibilities will be
heavy."
"I realize that. What shall we
wear?"
Losers and Finders.
A lawyer having offices in a large
office building recently lost a cuff
link, one of a pair that he greatly
prized, says the Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph. Being absolutely certain
that be had dropped the link some
where In the building, he posted this
notice:
"Lost A gold cuff link; the own
er, William Ward, will deeply ap
preciate its return."
That afternoon on passing the door
whereon this notice was posted, what
Simple Request.
Two littla brothers had been
bathed and dressed and then sent
out to play In the hammock, says the
Literary Digest. They got In with
their heads in opposite directions and
lay quietly for a while, but soon
started scuffling. The younger be
gan yelling "Mamma, ma-a-a-ma."
The busy mother did not reply for
some time, but the repeated calls
forced her to answer. "What do you
want, Bobby?"
"I want you to make Charlie take
his feet out of my nice clean face."
i
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The Powder Without a Headache.
Walnuts Are Dollars
They are now selling; for the
highest price ever known and have
trebled in value in sixteen yearn.
We sold our first crop of 1200
pounda of grafted Vrooman Fran
quettes, from our ten-a re, six-year-old
orchard, at an average of
2oo per pound. This srailo was 98
per cent of the crop, and we sold
the 2 per cent at culls at 15c.
Do you know that these nuts sold
for more apiece than average ap
ple and weighed only one-fifteenth
as much7 We have trees for sale
grown from the scions cut from this
orchard that have first-clans roots
as well as top.
Do you know that we have a
seventeen-year-old orchard here Jn
the Northwest that netted $500 per
acre last year?
Write for prices and booklet on
walnut culture.
Ferd Groner & M'Clure
Ilillabnro, Oregon.
What Do You Think
OF THIS?
3,000,000 Acres
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and Montana Deeded Laade
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Yields 10 to 60 bu. wheat.
Oats, barley, flax, hay, etc., In
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Finest Inland Climate.
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Low fare Homeaeekers'
Excursions on first and third
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When yon go to Portland yon will
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Tou will gat the most for your money
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Morse's
Garden Guide for 1915
li lust off the rjreas.
It's a book every one
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