The gazette-times., February 11, 1915, HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION, Page 16, Image 22

HOME AXD FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
Stories World Meets With Smiles
16
King's Irivate JJarler.
AN undersecretary of the Spanish
legation told at a dinner party
a little story about the King
of Spain.
"King Alfonso," he began, "is fond
of taking motor trips incog. He
motored recently through a wild
region of Castile. He put up with his
modest entourage at a more than
modest inn.
" 'I am sure,' he said, laughing,
'that they won't know me here!'
"Well, they did not kuow him
there. They treated him like an or
dinary traveler. So much so, in fact,
that when he went to shave the next
morning he found there was no mir
ror in his room. So he went down
into the inn yard in his shirt sleeves
and there a chambermaid brought
him a broken piece of mirror, which
he set up beside the well and pro
ceeded to lather cheeks and chin.
"The girl stood chatting with him.
Finally she said in an odd voice:
" 'You are not just an ordinary
traveler, are you?'
" 'Why do you ask me that?'
laughed the King.
" 1 don't know,' said the maid.
'But there's something about you
perhaps you belong to the royal court
at Madrid?'
" 'Yes, I do,' he answered.
" 'Perhaps you work for his
Majesty himself.'
" 'Yes, I do."
" 'And what do you do for him?'
asked the pretty chambermaid.
" 'Oh, lots of things,' the King re-'
plied. 'I'm shaving him just now.' "
Worth the Trice.
An officer who is a member of the
G. A. R. tells the following: "In a
Phoenix hotel one night," he said, "a
number of veterans got into a dis
pute about the battle of Bull's Run.
The veterans all men of high rank
argued at length, but a quiet man
spoke up and said:
" 'Gentlemen, I happened to be
there, and I think I can settle the
point at issue.'
"And settle it he did. He settled it
In a masterly manner. The hotel
proprietor, much impressed, said to
him when he got through:
" 'My dear sir, what was your rank
In the Army?'
"'I was a private, sir, a full pri
vate,' was the calm reply.
"A short time afterward the pri
vate asked for his bill, since he was
about to leave, but the proprietor
said to him:
" 'Not a cent, sir! Not a cent! You
owe me nothing.'
" 'Why, how's that?' the other de
manded in bewilderment.
" 'I couldn't dream of charging you
sir!' said the proprietor warmly.
'You are the first private I have ever
met.' "
A Possible Chance.
A young man who received his
diploma in June has been looking
around successively for a position,
employment and a job. Entering an
office the other day, he asked to see
the manager, and while waiting for
that gentleman to become disengaged
he said to the office boy:
"Do you suppose there is any open
ing here for a college graduate?"
"Well, dere will be," was the reply,
"if de boss don't raise me salary to
'tree dollars a week by termorrer
night."
' Responsibilities.
"Didn't you ask me why I paid
rent instead of owning my own
home?" asked Mr. Crosslots.
"I made that inquiry," replied the
real estate man.
"Well, I'll tell you. When the roof
leaks or a shutter drops off it's
mighty handy to be able to ask your
wife not to bother you, but go and
tell her troubles to the landlord."
flectively. "I've got four men cen
soring plays, two inspecting the
gowns at a society function, and two
more supervising a tango tea. Tell
him I cm send him an officer in
about two hours."
Fourtoen-Karat Love.
Into a jewelry store there came a
shy, pretty young lady with her en
gagement ring, which had been
bought there and which she would
like to have changed.
The ring fitted her exactly and she
was greatly pleased with the noble
sentiment of the inscription. "What
e'er betide, let love abide"; but she
did not like its arrangement.
Examination showed that the
stolid, unimaginative old German en
graver had carved in the sentence
regardless of the ring-maker'B little
stamp of quality, and so It read:
"Whate'er betide, let 14-K love
abide."
A Milk Shortage.
While traveling through Alabama
a young salesman was one day forced
to dine at a farmhouse. Not being
very well satisfied with his meal of
corn bread and bacon, he asked if he
might have a glass of milk.
"No," replied his host. "Ah don't
reckon you'll find any milk around
here since the dog died."
"Since the dog died!" echoed the
stranger. "What's that got to do
with it?"
"Why," replied the farmer; "who
do you-all reckon's goin' to go and
fetch the cow?" Philadelphia Pub
lic Ledger.
Useless Request.
"Now, Tommy," reprimanded his
mother, "don't let me catch you
throwing any more stones."
"Well, what will I do when the
other fellers throw 'em?" asked
Tommy.
"Just come and tell me," his moth
er replied.
"Tell you!" he exclaimed in aston
ishment. Why. you co-dn't hit the
broad Bide of a barn." Lippincott's.
Taking No Chances.
Dinny was taking dinner with Ho
gan at a brilliant cafe. They weren't
accustomed to eating at such a place,
but they got along fairly well. When
they had finished the waiter said:
"Shall I bring you a couple of
demitasses?"
"Not on yer life," exclaimed Dinny.
"Our wives might come In an' sea
us slttln' wld them."
When you a to Portland Ton will
went to
Attend the Theater
You (at the moat for roar mtmtf
by going to
THE BAKER
(Geo. h. Baker, Mgr).
Oa Broadway and MorrUea, 8ta.
Home of tha Famoua Baker Players.
Prlcea. 25c, 83c soc, 75c: Matt, 2Sc, 60a,
Matlneee
SCHDAY, WEDNKHDAY, SATURDAY.
Alwaye new play. High-clan company
of real acton and aotreuei. Baantlful
acenlo and stage effect Tha Baker
Playera have been famoua In Portland
for IB yeara and to tee them la a part
of ona'i vialt to tha metropolis
If. C. of I..
Employer "Want more pay? Why,
I only hired you last week."
Office Boy "Yes, but it costs me
more to live now! I used to let my
mother cut my hair 'fore I got this
job."
IttiNy Days.
"Gent uptown telephones for an
officer at once. Burglar in the
house."
"Let me see." said the captain, re-
GOING EAST or
, COMING WEST
We Can Save Ton Money
Reduced rates on Household Goods,
Pianos, Automobiles, etc. Through
consolidated cars, insuring: prompt de
livery and careful handling. Batei
and Information on Bequest.
Pacific Coast Forwarding Company
201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or.
Buy it now
Get what you will need
in the Spring, now, and
help pass prosperity
along.
KEEPTHEGREATNORTHWEST
THE LAND OF PERPETUAL
CROPS
The Northwest is noted for abundant yields. Our land's
natural richness in plant food is agricultural history.
Yet, once upon a time New England was noted for its record fruit
shipments. Now it is known for its worn-out land.
Farms now covered with "For Sale" signs mark the penalty of
taking away the land's ability to produce.
The land is the great Northwest's backbone. Take away its
strength and its functions will soon become paralyzed weakened
worn-out "New Englanilized."
BEAVER BRAND
ANIMAL FERTILIZERS
"A FERTILIZER FOIl EVERY SOU,."
Prevent your land from wearing out. The guaranteed analysis
ahows tha proper proportion of animal ammonia, nitrogen, phosphoric
acid and potash thai revives strength gives new life enables the
next crop to feed upon the necessary sustenance for a good healthy
harvest. Insure against poor crops Increase your lanfs producing
ability by ordering this famous fertiliser NOW. Fertilizer booklet
F48 free. Tells about fertilizers, their application and results they
produce (or others.
This Metronome FREE to Students
It regulates your counting and is indispensable
in leaching time.
LEARN TO PLAY ANY
INSTRUMENT AT HOME
r
Our new extension course indorsed by prom
inent musicians.
One moni'u free lessons to get you started.
bend tor t ree Catalogue.
American School of Music
STH AD A1VKEXY STS.
PORTLAND, OR.
When in Seattle j
Is F RYE
SEATTLE'S FAVORITE HOTEL
Only Three Blocks From Depots and Docks
BATES THAT ARE RIGHT
$1.00 Per Day and Up
i) Morse's Seeds l VOsAt iiilA)X 5 VyU J1 Morse's 1915 M
r