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About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 12, 1914)
HOME ANT FAT?M MAGAZINE SECTION Stories With a Smile Not Their Stylo. HE young man who eats all I 'roun the circuit ran against this quick-lunch Incident re cently. A fastidious person made his way charily into the place. A tumbler of murky water was thumped before him by a young woman on the other Bide of the counter. "What's yours?" "Coffee and rolls, my girl." One of those iron heavy, quarter Inch thick mugs of coffee was pushed over the counter. The fas tidious person seemed dazed. He looked under the mug and over it "But where is the saucer?" he queried. "We don't give no saucers here. If we did some low brow'd come pilin' in an' drink out of his saucer, an' we'd lose a lot of our swellest trade." He Wanted Information. Christie Macdonald, the actress, re lates the following anecdote: "A drill sergeant was drilling the re cruit squad in the use of the rifle. Everything went smoothly until blank cartridges were distributed. The recruits were instructed to load their pieces and stand at 'Ready!' and then the sergeant gave the com mand: 'Fire at will!' Private Lunn was puzzled. He lowered his gun. 'Which one is Will?' he asked." Spirit of the Auction. An auction was under way, and the room was crowded. An excited man burst through the gathering and,, reaching the' auctioneer, whis pered rapidly. The auctioneer nod ded, held up a hand for silence, and said: ' ' "I am informed that a pocket-book containing $500 in bank notes has been lost in this hall tonight" , A hush fell over the assembly. "Because of the valuable docu ments it also contains," continued the : auctioneer, "the gentleman will offer $50 to anyone who returns It, and no questions will be asked. Silence once more reigned in the hall. Then a man in the rear spoke up.: "I bid $100." ' Used to Entertainments. A couple arrived one evening at a music hall in London with a very young baby. BORROW THIS CAR FOR A YEAR A full year's nse at practically no cost perhaps" you're neref thought of It In this way before, but it's a fact nevertheless that today you pan buy a re-built Win ton and after using It for a full season sell it without a cent of de preciation. It's like borrowing a car from your friend for a year and return ing it to him after using it for 366 days. Every traded ln Winton Six many st them come to us in part payment on new models eaoh year is given a thorough overhauling In the Winton shops and brought up to the regular Winton standard fine six - cylinder self cranking automobiles. These In turn are disposed of to onr rapidly increased list of "used" car customers at exactly the price allowed for them when taken in exchange. In this way the buyer Is able to pick up a Winton Six at about half the cost of the same car new and is fully protected by the com pany's guarantee that it will give the satisfaction for. which Winton Sixes are famed. Let us send you today our latest complete bargain list. THE WINTON MOTOB CAB CO. Portland, Oregon. Seattle, Wash. Spokane, Wash. "I'm sorry," said the manager, firmly, "but you can't take that baby into the hall." "Why not, sir?" asked the aston ished father. "Well, It might cry and create a general disturbance." "Oh, lor' no, sir!" was the prompt reply. "Baby's used to going to en tertainments, 'e la. Why, 'e was as good as gold at 'is gran' pa's funeral yesterday!" No Place for a Woman. "Well," remarked the proprietor of the Junkville general store, as he closed the cash drawer and resumed his place behind the stove, "the women want to vote at the polls to morrow." The moralist twisted a plug of black tobacco between his molars and proceeded to chew himself Into, a logical frame of mind before reply ing: "Cain't say I approve. Tain't re spectable. Whut's the world comln' to, anyway? Woman at the polls! 'Twon't be fittin' place for a woman." "Why?" "Because I'm goin' to git drunk er'n a b'iled owl and raise all man ner o' trouble!" Beginning Karly. "Father," inquired the little brain twister of the family, "when will our little baby brother be able to talk." "Oh, when he's about S, Ethel." "Why can't he talk now, fath er?" "He is only a baby yet, Ethel. Ba bies can't talk." "Oh, yes, they can, father," In sisted Ethel, "for Job could talk when he was a baby." "Job! What do you mean? "Yes," said Ethel. "Nurse was telling us today that It says In the Bible: 'Job cursed the day he was born.' " ' Shrewd Old Man. "You're an old married man. What do you do when your wife be gins to scold?" "Encourage her. I talk back discreetly, of course. I say tantalis ing things. I make foolish excuses. I stammer and get husky." "But doesn't that make her a good deal madder?". "Of course, it does. That's the Intention. I want her to get so mad that she won't have any voice left to ask me for money." : ."Gee, I wonder if I'll ever get as hardened as that?" , i Dad Surrtred the Loan. A Brockton clubwoman was calling on a friend the other afternoon when the little daughter "of the hostess came into the room. - The visitor, remembering that her - hostess's mother, who had been making a long visit, had returned home that day, said to the little girl: "Well, were you , sorry to have grandma go home today?" "Yes, I was," replied girlie, "very sorry. And so was mama. But I was looking at papa at the break fast table and I couldn't see but what he was as cheerful as ever." Explaining a Phenomenon. Uncle Zack is an old colored man who lives in a certain little town in North Carolina, where he Is regard ed as quite an oracle by the other members of his race. Once an earthquake shook the town and as soon as the natives got over their scare enough to discuss the why and wherefor of the shock, they cornered Uncle Zack and de manded an explanation. "Well, I'll tell you. Hit's like dis," he explained. "About once in I Send today ' x for this sale catalogue free, If you are Interested In bay la? 1ns; registered stock. At this first annual fall sale, to be held Wednesday. November It, 1914, we wtlLsell one of the tlnast strings of Tt Holsteln - Fretsian Registered Cattle, Including milch cows, heifers, bulls ana bull calves to be foand In the Pacitlo Northwest All are pure bred, reg istered Holstelns. Writs today for descriptive cata logue, terms, transportation, etc, to CARNATION STOCK FARM. Seattle, Wash.. 936 Henry Bldg. ram Located at Carnation, Wash. (on C, M. & St P. a R.) In Sno qualmie Valley, 15 miles from Seattle by auto via Ktrkl&nd. 'Sale starts promptly at 11:30 Wednesday, November 11th, 1914. Auctioneers: Clue & Llnbanter. so often de atmosphere Happens ter come in vl'lent contact wid de hem iphere, and de result Is we has a earthquake." To make glassware glisten, wash and rinse in hot water, then plunge into cold water in which a handful of starch has been -dissolved. Drain the glassware on towels until per fectly dry, then polish with a dry cloth. u mil BULBS, ROSES, TREES TOR FALL PLANTTNO BEST STOCK IN THE WEST. W hare no agents. Guarantee our and prepay charges. Don't buy until yon read our NEW OFFER. Free 64-page Catalog Ne. SO Tens AIL rf9i0eond&v poSTtVVNO.OStSV , GOING EAST or COMING WEST We can Son you Money Bedneed rates on Household Goods, Ptaaan, Automobiles, etc. Throng consolidated oars tnsuiinf prompt deliver? and eaxafal kandllng. Rates and Information furnished oil request, Pacific Coast Forwarding Company 201 Wilcox BuildiDj. Portias J Oro rnncess note! s"u Portland, Oregon. i'lBEPBOOF. Rates SOe, 75o. fl and $1.50 per day! S2.50 per week; with bath, (3.50 and up. All outaide rooms. Under Personal Supervision ot Own era. THE HOUSE OF WELCOME. KING OF THE WOODS". DRAG SAW With or Without Bun Saw Attachment Wnl saw 20 to 40 cords ol wood per day at cost oS 41.00. PULLS ITSELF np the steepest HILL tod over 4W toughest pound. Costs lest than other nsakea, One man writes be sawed 50 neks ta IU hours. Another sawed 40 cords in 9 boon. There's nm veu ought to know. Write for FREE est. slog containing hill description with testimonials1 from entnusuuoc users. WKIIC IKJUtKI. i w i m lk vj.i i I u IU A IT PAYS TO BUY A GOOD PIAHO , - ; - Cheap priees and special inducements should not influence the Piano buyer. - We carry all grades of Pianos from $250.00 to $2,300.00, bnt only makes in which we have confidence and which we can recom mend. -. Our Pianos from $250.00 to $375.00 inehide several makes which are positively the best Pianos manufactured to sell at these priees the lowest prices at which good dependable Pianos can be sold. We carry only one line of Player Pianos; that of the Aeolian Company, makers of the world famous Pianolas. The Pianola is furnished in six different makes of Piano. Write Us for Catalogues and Prices. P Sherman May & Go. Stein way, Weber and Other Pianos, Pianolas, Vlctrolaa, and all the Records. PORTLAND, OEEOON. LOTS HEALTH ACCIDENT Phone Main ITM One Policy COMBINATION ONTRAOT jB J S 1 .a., MO 1 1T Clip this Coupon nasi mail to tan Bs NaoMi SUBANOBOO, 1 dwjati VsTwrranim nisMsjMiaujaaajan ara4 MftMtfw.aii.nw SAB1 Njtnrt HOME OOTCBSEATTLH, V. & X.
