15
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION SERIAL.
A Fool and His Money
By
Geo. Birr
McCutcheon
Copyright, 1913,
By Geo. Ban
McCutcheon.
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
story.
- SYNOPSIS OF PREVIOUS XNSTALLME2TT8.
?T. k..0.'."' J?!11??114?- ' "A .'01J " W" Money," Geo. Barr McOutcbeou's charming novel, we learn f John Bellamy Smart, the young man who is telling thii
discover , ancient rH u-hifh t , ilir k i i M fallen helr 10 lma,ense M left him by hi uncle. Smart takes a trip on the River Danube. He
taker and kU Z c i "i V, T '"""." Austrian count, with his eocretary, 1'oopendyke, He takea possession. It is supposed to bo tenanted only by the care-
toleave '?.. ..In't. , m" bmr.' Jl '" ia in possession of a wing of the castle that is barred to him. She grant, a brief interview, but refuse.
iromm'iimMJl,:', ' "d Smart U in Later be meets her and ii captivated by her wit and beauty. Ho finds that she is divorced
. ... ....... .. ., wu HIVUrUHU inn Rtn V M thO laflV llllt Th. fV,,m, rf.i..i a m. ,nn in Fin twill h,a riwh lnu-i,an fufhw.mJo m Kan
WOOM eivo it . Th. .hi)... 11.. -kilJ ..i-.T"r.-rr. " . u ' .. V" " I .imn urerreu
althoun-h ik. . ii. j ii,7j.... i . I 1 iecis tne castle as a Aiding place. Kmart fears trouble with the authorities, but docidcB to assist the" fair divorcee,
bawl come. I ,h fwi.L bM ""'S'" mkM " keP ' the presence of the Countess in the castle. One guest, familiar with the castle,
; lS ; f' Rmt i. "W",reV T,e WM'"m P but slams a door behind her. The visitor suspects Smart of an intrigue with the wife of hi.
ttl tulj leaves and Smart is relieved. The Count turns up again and asks for loan of money, but is refused.
(T or ten years! Beside, the whole
SN'T she worth waiting a year for
squabble will some to an end the mul
ct old maa Titus puts up the back million.
Awl the minute the Countess goes to him and
says she's willing foT him to pay it, you
take my word for it, he'll settle like
Hub. It rests with her."
"I don't quite get your meaning."
"She isn't going to let a stingy little
million stand between her and happiness."
"Confound you, do you mean to ay she'd
ak her father to pay over that million in
order to be free to marry " I did not con
descend to finish, the sentence.
"Why not!" he demanded after a mo
ment. "He owes K, doesn't he!"
I gasped. "But you wouldn't have kirn
pay over a million to that damned brute of
Count!"
lie grinned. "You've changed your song,
tny friend. A few weeks ago you were say
ing hs ought to pay it, that it would serve
him right, sad ' '
"Did I say that!"
'You did. You even said it to the
Countess."
"But not with the view to making it
possible for her to harry off and merry
again. Please understand that, i'red."
"He ought to pay what he -owes. He
gave a million to get one husband for hor.
Ha ought to give a million to be rid of him,
o that she could marry the nest one with
out putting him to any expense whatsoever.
It's only fair to her, I say. And now I'll
toll you something else: The Countess, who
has stood out stubbornly against the pay
sent of this money, ia now halfway inclined
to advise the eld gentleman to settle with
Tansowsy."
"She is!" I cried in astonishment. "How
do you know!"
"I told her I thought it was the cheapest
and quickest way out of it, and she said:
l wonder!' "
"Have you been discsssing her most
sacred affairs with her, you blithering "
"Bo, air," said he, with dignity. "She
has he en discussing them -with sit"
I have bo recollection f what I said as
I stalked out of the room. Hs called out
after me, somewhat pleadingly, I thought:
"Ask Britton what he has to ssy about
it"
Things had eoaae to a pretty pass Could
not a gentleman be polite and agreeable to
a young and charming lady whom eircum
stances had thrown in his way without hav
ing his motives misconstrued by a lot of
snooping, idiotic menials whose only test in
life sprung from a temperamental tendency
to belittle the big things an dcnlarge upon
the small ones! What rotl What utter rot!
Ask Britton 1 The moro I though of Poopen
dyke's injunction the more furious I grew.
What insufferable insolence I Ask Britton I
The ideal Ask my valet I Ask him what!
Ask him politely If he could oblige me by
tolling me whether I was in leva. 1 suppose
that is what Poopendyke meant.
It was the silliest idea in the world. In
0ie first place I was not in love, and in the
second place whose business was it but
mine if I were! Certainly not Poopendyke 's
and certainly not Ilritton's, certainly not
the Schmicks' I Absolute lack of any sense
f proportion, that's what ailed the whole
sally of them. What looked like love to them
benighted dolts! was no moro than a
rather resolute effort on my part to be kind
to and patient with & person who had in
vaded my home and set everybody includ
ing myself by the ears.
But, even so, what right had my secre
tary to constitute himself adviser and men
tor to the charming invader! What right
had he to suggest what sho should do, or
what her father should do, or what any
body should do! Ho was getting to be dis
gustingly officious. What he needed was a
smart jacking up, a little plain talk from
me. Give a privileged and admittedly faith
ful secretary an inch and he'll have you up
to your ears in trouhlo before you know
what has happened. By the same token,
what right had she to engage herself ia con
fidential chats with But just then I
caught sight of Britton coming upstairs witii
my neatly polished tsu shoes la one head
and pair of number 8 A tan pumps in
the other. Kot expecting to meet mo in
the hall, he had neglected to remove his
cap when ho came in from the court yard.
In some confusion, he tried to take it off,
first with one hand, then with the other,
sustaining what oue might designato as ab
sent treatment kicks on either jaw from
two distinct sexes in the shape of shoes. He
managod to get all four of the minto one
hand, however, and then grobbed off his
cap.
"Anything more, sir!" he asked, purely
from habit,
I was regarding the shoes with interest.
Never have I know anything so ludicrous
as tho contrast between my stupendous num
ber tens and the dainty pumps that seemed
almost babyish beside them.
Then I did tho very thing I had excori
ated Poopcmlyke for even suggesting. I
jsked Brittoul
"Britton, what's all this gossip I hear
going the rounds of the castle behind mi
back!"
Confound him, he looked pleased! "Tt't
quite true, sir, quite true."
"Quite true I" I roared. "What's quite
true, sir!"
"iBn't it, sir!" he asked, dismayed.
"Isn't what!" '
"I mean to say, sir, isn't it true!"
"My Jod!" I cried, throwing up my
hands in hopeless despair. "You you
wait I I m going to get to the bottom of
this. I want the truth, Britton. Who put it
into mat confounded head of yours that I
am er in love with the Countess! Speak!
Who did it!"
He lowered his voice, presumably because
I naa dropped mino to a very loud whie
per. I also had glanced over both about
dors.
"Begging your pardon, sir, but I must hi
honest, sir. It was you as first put it into
my eau, err.
"II" My face went the color of a eardi
nal's cap.
"You, sir. It's as plain as the nose on
your"
"That will do, Britton," I commanded
Me remained discreetly silent. "That will
do, I say," I repeated, somewhat testily
"D you hear, air!"
"Yes, sir," ho responded. "That will
do, you says."
"Ahem! I ahem!" Somewhat clumsily
I put on my noaeglaases and made a pre
text of examining his burden rather close
ly. "What's this you have here!"
"Shoes, sir."
"I see, I see. Let me have them."
He handed me my own. "The others, if
you please,1 I eaid, disdaining the number
tens. Aiay I inquire, sir, where you are
taking these f" I had the Countess' pum;i
m my nanos. Me explained that he was go
ing to drop mine in my room and then take
hers upstairs. "Yoa may drop mine as yoc
intended. I shall take care of these,"
"Very good, sir," said he, with such
positive relief in his voice that I glared at
him. He left me standing there, a small
pomp in each hand.
Five minutes later I was at her door, a
pump m each hand and my heart in bit
month. A sodden, inexplicable form of jfanic
tock possession of me. I stood there ready
to tap resoundingly on tho panel of the door
with the heel of a slipper; I nevr raised
my hand for the purpose.
Instead of carrying out my oiiginal de
sign, I developed an overpowering desire to
do nothing of the sort. Why go on making
a fool of myself! Why add fuel to the al
ready pernicious flaaief Ot course I was
not in love with her, the idea was prepos
terous. But, just tho same, the confounded
eerrants were beginning to gossip, and bock
tair scandal is the very worst type. It
was wrong for me to encourage it. Like a
ninny, I had just given Britton something
to support his contention, and he wouldn't
be long in getting down to the servants"
hall with the latest exhibit ia the charge;
against me.
Moreover, if every one was talking about1
it, what was to prevent tho silly gossip from
reaching the sensitive oars of the Countess!
A sickening thought struck me: Could it be
possible that the Countess herself suspected
me of being in love with berf A woman's
nity goes long way sometimes. The
thought did not lessen the panic that afflict
ed me. I tip-toed away from the door to a
less exposed spot at the bend in the stair
way.
There, after some deliberation, I came to
a decision. Tho proper thing for me to do
was to show all of them that thoir ridiculous
suspicions were wrong. I owed it to the
Countess, to say the least. She was my
guest, as it were, and it was my duty to'
protect her while she was in my house. The!
only thing for nn to do, therefore, was to;
stay away from her.
The thought of it distressed me, but it'
seemed to be tho Only way, and the fair one.
No doubt she would expect sonic sort of an
explanation for the sudden iudiffereuce on -my
part, but I could attribute everything '
to an overpowering desire to work on. my
story, (I have a habit of using my work:
as an excuse for not doing a great many '
things that I ought to do.) ;
All this time I was regarding the small
ton pumps with something akino to poin In
my eyes. I could not help thinking about
the tiny feet they sometimes covered. By
some sort of intuitive computation I arrived
at the conclusion that they were ailorobly
small, and pink, and warm. Suddenly it
occurred to me that my present conduct was
reprehensible, that no man of honor would
be holding a lady's pumps in his hands and'
allowing his imagination to go too far. Ileso-'
lutcly I put them behind my back and
marched downstairs.
"Britton," said I, a few minutes later,
"you may take these up to the Countess
after all."
He hliaked his eyes. "Wasn't she at
'ome, sir!"
"Don't be insolent, Britton. Do as 1
tell you."
"Very good, sir." He held the pumps
up to admire them. "They're very cute,
ain't they, sir!"
"They are just like all pumps," said I
indifferently, and walked away. If I could
have been quite sure that it was a chuckle
I heard, I should havo given Britton some
thing to think about lor the rest of his
days. The impertinent rascal!
I'or some two long and extremely mo
notonous days I toiled. A chapter shaped
itself after a fashion. Even as I wrote, 1
knew that it wasn't satisfactory and that
I should tear it up the instant it was fin
ished. What irritated me more than any
thing else was the certain conviction that
Poopendyke, who typed it as I progressed,
also knew that it would go into the waste
paper basket.
Both nights I went to bed early and to
sleep late. I could not deny to myself that
I was missing those pleasant hours with the
Countess. I did miss them. I missed Rose
mary and Jinko and Helen Marie Louise An
toinette and Blake.
An atmosphere of gloom settled around
Poopendyke and Britton. They eyed me with
a sort of putboUc wonder in their faces. As
time went on they began to look poaitively
forlorn and unhappy. Once or twice I caught
them whispering in the hallway. On seeing
mo they assumed on air of nonchalance that
brought a grim smile to my lips. 1 was be
ginning to hntc them. Toward the end of
the second day, the four Schmicks became so
aggravating!- doleful that I ordered them,
ono ond all, to keep out of my. sight. Even
the emotionless llawkes and the perfect
Blstchford were infected. I don't believe
I've ever seen a- human face as solemnly
respectful ae Hswkes' was that night n't
dinner. Ho seemed to be pitying mo from
the bottom of his heart. It was getting on
my nervctf.
I took a stroll in the court yard after din
ner, ond I may be forgiven I hope for the
few surreptitious glances I sent upwards
in the direction of the rear windows in the
eastern wing. I ' wondered what she was
doing, and what she was thinking of my ex- i
traordiuary behavior, and why the deuce she
hadn't eetit down to ask ine to come up ond
tell her how busy I was. She had not made
a single, sign. The omission was not par
ticularly gratifying, to say the least.
Approaching the scrvonts' hall, I loitered,
t heard 'voices,' a mixture of tongues. Brit
ton appeared to ho doing the most of the
talking. Gradually I became aware of the
lact mat lie was explaining to the four
Schmicks the meaning of sn expression in
which must have been incorporated the
worus "tnnied him down."
Hswkea' the impeccable Hawkos, joined
in. "If I know anything about it, I'd aay
sho has threw the 'ooks into 'im."
Then they had to explain that to Con
rad and Crete!, who repeated "Ach Gott"
and oilier simpk expletivoe in aach a state
of misery that 1 could almost detect tears,
in their voices.
"It ain't that, Mr. 'Awkes," protested
Britton loyally. "Ho's lost his nerve, that's
wot it is. They alius do when they realizo
had they're hit. Turn im down! Kot.
mueli, Mr. 'Awkes. Take it from me, Mr.
'Awkes, he's not going to give 'er the
chownco to turn 'im down."
"Ach, Gott ! ' ' said Gretel. I will stake
my head that she wrung her hands.
"Women is funny," said Hawkea. (I hac"
no idea tho wretch was so ungrammatical.)
"You can't put your finger on 'em ever.
While I 'aven't seen much of tho Countess
during my present engagement, I will say
this: She has a lot mere sense than people
give' er credit for. Now why should sho
throw the 'ooks into a fine, upstanding
chap like 'im, even if be is an American!
She made a roitcn had job the first time,
mind you. If she has threw the 'ooks into
'im, as I am af eared, . I can't see whot the
deuce nils 'er."
My perfect footman, Blatehford, ventured
an opinion, and I blessed him for it. "We
may he off our nuts on the 'ole blooming
business," said he. "Maybe he 'as thrown
tho 'ooks into 'er. Who knows! It looks
that w'y to me." (I remember distinctly
that ho used the word "thrown," and I was
holf a mind to rash in and put him over
Hawkes, there and then.)
"Iu any case," said Britton, gloom in his
voice, "it's a most unhsppy state of af
fairs. He's getting to be a perfect crank.
Complines about everything I do. Ho won't
ave is trousers pressed ond he 'asn't been
shsved since Monday."
I stole away, rage in my soul. Or was
it mortification! In any event, I had come
to au irrevocable decision: I would shin
the whole lot of them, without notice, before
another day was gone.
The moro I thought of the way I was
being treated by my own servants, and the
longer I dwelt upon the ignominous figure
I muat have prcaeiited as the hero of their
back-door romance, the angrier I got. I was
an object of concern to them, an object of
pity! Confound them, they were feelinir
sorry for mo because I had received my
conge, and they were actually finding fault
with me for not taking it with a grin on
my face!
Before going to bed I went into the loggia
(for the first time in three days) and,
keeping myself pretty well hidden behind
a projection in the wall, tried to get
glimpse of the Countess' windows. Failing
there, I turned my steps in another direc
tion and soon stood upon my little bal
cony. There was no sign of her in the win
dows, although a faint light glowed against
the curtains of a well-remembered room near
the top of the tower.
Ah, what a cosy, jolly room! What a de
licious dinner I had had there! And what a
supper! Somehow, I found myself think
ing of those little tan pumps. As a matter
of fact, they had been a source of annoyance
to me for more than forty-eight hourB. I had
found myself thinking of them at most in
opportune times, greatly to the detriment of
my work as a realist.
It was cool on the balcony, and I wu
abnormally warm, as might be expected. It
occurred to me that 1 might do worse than
to sit out there in the cool of the evening
and enjoy a cigar or two three or four, if
necessary.
But, thought I sat there until nearly
midnight and chattered my teeth almost out
of my head with the cold, she did not appear
at her window. The aggravating part of it
was that while I was shivering out there in
the beastly raw, miasmic air, she doubtless
was lying en a luxurious couch before
warm fire in a dressing gown and slippers
r.h, slippers! reading a novel and think
ing of nothing in the world but her own com
fort! And those rascally beggars presumed
to think that 1 was in love with a selfish,
self-centered, spoiled creature like that! Kub
bishl I am afraid that Poopendyke found me
in a particularly irascible frame of mind
the next morning. I know that Britton did.
I thought better of my determination to
discharge Britton. He was an exceptionally
good servant and a loyal fellow, so why
should I deprive myself of a treasure simply
because the eastern wing of my abode was
inhabitated by an unfeeling creature who
hadn't a tliought beyond fine feathers and
bonbons! I was B3 rharitubly inclined to
ward Hawkes and Blatehford, who were in
my serve through an influence over which
I did not appear to have any control. Thej
would havo to go.
"Mr. Poopendyke," said I, after Blateh
ford had left the breakfast room, "I want
you to give notice to Hawkes and Blatehford
today."
"Notice!" he exclaimed incredulously.
"Notice," said I, very distinctly.
He looked distressed. ' 'I thought they
were most satisfactory to you."
"I've changed my opinion."
"By Jove, Mr. Smart, I I don't know
how the Countess will take such high
handed ahem! You see, sir, she she was
good enough to recommend them to me. It
will '-be quite a shock to "
"By the Lord Harry, Pred, am I to
"Don't misunderstand me," he msde baste
to Bay. "This is your house. You have
perfect right to hire and discharge, but
but Don't you think wou'd better con
sider very carefully " He seemed to be
finding his collar rather tight.
I held up my hand. "Of course, I do not
care to offend the Countess Tamowsy. It
was very kind of her to recommend them.
We we will let the matter rest for a few
days."
"She has informed me that you were espe
cially pleased with the manner in which they
served the dinner tha other night. I think
she said you regarded them as incomparable
diadems, or something of the sort. It may
have been the champagne."
My thoughts leaped backward to ttiot won
derful dinner. "It wasn't the champagne,"
said I, very stiffly.
"Do you also contemplate giving notice to
the chef and his wife, our only chamber
maid!" "No, I don't," I snapped. "I think they
were in bed."
He looked at me as if ha thought I had
gone crazy. I wriggled uncomfortably in my
chair for a second or two. and then abruptly
announced that we'd better cot to work. I
havo never ceased to wonder what construc
tion he could have put on that stunid slin
of the tongue. (To Be Continued.)
To clean an oil painting, peel and
grate a raw potato and mil it with
enough cold water to make a thin
paste. Rub the picture with this.
using a small sponge, then sponge
with clear cold water and dry with a
fine cloth. Only a small portion
should be done at a time.
To clean children's white kid top
ped shoes, rub them with a cloth
dipped in milk and then lather with
a good white soap. Rub in well and
set in the air to dry. This softens U
well as cleanses the kid.