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About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 22, 1914)
35 ITOME AND FAUM MAGAZINE SECTION Stories With a Smile The Teacher Taught. MISS NIXON, a charming society III girl, had spent the entire sum mer in trying to elevate the Bimple country people with whom she was boarding. When she was about to leave she said: "Good-by, Mr. Ingersoll. I hope my visit here hasn't been entirely without good results." "Sartin not," replied the old farm er; "you've learnt a heap since you first come; but, by neck, you was about the greenest one we ever had on our hands." Such a Compact. ' "'Ullo, Mrs. Murphy!" cried Mrs. Pinker to her neighbor at Bolton's Court "Why, you looks quite festive today. Wot's up?" "Wot? 'Ain't you "eared?" ex claimed the excited Mrs. Murphy "My son comes out today." "Today? I thought the judge gave 'lot seven years!" Tea, but they're lettin' 'im out two years earlier 'cos he's be'aved hisself so well." Mrs. Pinker held up her hands In pious approbation. "Well!" she gasped. "And what a comfort it must be to you, Mrs. Mur phy, to 'ave such a splendid son!" Taking It AH. "Before I agree to undertake your defense," said the eminent criminal lawyer, "you will have to tell me the whole truth. Did you embexile the $100,000 you are accused of having taken?" "Tea, sir," replied the accused man. "I'll not attempt to conceal the fact from you. I stole every cent of It" "How much of It have you still 1" "It's all gone but a couple of dol lars." "Young man," said the eminent GOING EAST or K . COMING WEST We can Sat you Monty ' Reduced rates on Household Goods, Pianos, SsBtoraobilea. eto. Through consolidated can burins; prompt delivery ud cartfai haadHnc. Bates and Information famished on request Pacific Coast Forwarding Company ; 201 Wilcox Building. Portland Oregoa BORROW THIS CAR FOR A YEAR A fnll year's nse at practically no cost perhaps you've never thought of It In this way before, but It's a fact nevertheless that today you can buy a re-built Win ton and after using It for a full season sell it -without a cent of de preciation. It's like borrowing a car from your friend for a year and return ing it to him after using it for 365 days. Every traded-ln Winton Six many of them come to us in part payment on new models each year Is given a thorough overhauling In the Winton shops and brought up to the regular Winton standard fine six-cylinder self - cranking automobiles. These In turn are disposed of to onr rapidly increased list of "used" car customers at exactly the price allowed for them when taken In exchange. In this way the buyer is able to pick up a Winton Six at about half the cost of the same car new and Is fully priterted by the com pany's guarantee that It will give the satisfaction for which Wlntoo Sixes are famed. Let ua tend you today our latest complete bargain list. THE WINTON MOTOB CAE CO. Portland, Oregon. Seattle, Wash. Spokane, Wash. lawyer, buttoning his coat about him and putting on his gloves, "you had better plead guilty and throw your self on the mercy of the court." "I'd do it if you say so, sir. What are you going to charge me for the advice?" "Two dollars." 1 , Grandmother's Story. Two old ladles were once talking of how small babies sometimes are when they are born. One old lady said, complacently: "When I was born, I was so small you could put me into a quart tank ard and shut daoun the lid. And the other old lady said, as tounded: "W'y, did you live?" And the first old lady said: "They say I did, and growed nice ly." Entitled to a Doubt One afternoon a man rambled Into the grocery store and in about two minutes his fine $7 trousers had wiped up a large quantity of fresh paint. "It's your own fault!" unsym pa thetically declared the groceryman. "Didn't you see that sign, 'Fresh Paint'?" "Yes, of course I did!" was the peevish response of the other. "But I didn't believe It!" "Didn't believe it!" said the gro ceryman, with a puzzled expression. "Was there any reason why yon shouldn't have believed it?" "Yes," quickly responded the man. "There Isn't a day that I don't come in this store and see something marked 'Fresh' that isn't fresh." The Last Straw. One day a Scottish boy and an English boy, who were fighting, were separated by their respective mothers with difficulty, the Scottish boy, though the smaller, being far the most pugnacious. "What garred ye ficht a big laddie like that for?" said the mother, as she wiped the blood from his nose. "And I'll fight him again," said the boy, "if he says Scotsmen wear kilts because their feet are too big to get into their trousers." The Curb. "Fortunes, thanks to our new trust laws, will never be made in the fu ture as they were made in the past." The speaker was Senator La Fol lette. He resumed: "Our new trust laws are the peo ple's cash register. You know, of course, the cash register story? "A young man said to an old one: " 'But, sir, isn't $8 a week rather low for this job?' " 'Low for it?' the old man an swered. 'Why, I started oa that very same job, back In 1879, at $3 a week, and today I own the business.' " 'Ah, yes,' said the young man, 'but your employer didn't use cash registers. Mine does.' " Washing ton Star. . Axes to Grind. Sir George Parish the English economist, said to a New York re porter: "There are world-wide prospects of good times. They who bewail bad times have no rhyme or reason to do so, except that they've got an ax to grind. "They remind me of the ragged urchin crying in the slums. " 'What are you crying for?' the rich lady visitor asked. " 'Dunno he replied. "Wotcher got?" Cold Feet During a marriage ceremony In Scotland recently the bridegroom looked extremely wretched, and he got so fidegty, standing first on one foot and then the other, that the "best man" decided he would find out what the trouble was. "What's up, Jock?" he whispered. "Hae ye lost the ring?" "No," answered the unhappy one, with a woeful look, "the ring's safe enough, but man, I've lost my enthu siasm." Snapping It Back. "Bruddren and sistahs," severely said good old Parson Bagster, glar ing omnlously at his congregation, "mo' dan one pusson widin de Bound o' muh voice will pay BO cents to go to de circus tomor' dat wouldn't dig up a single dime to he'p out de re vival dat as de yumble inst'ument in de hands o' de Lawd, I was con ductln" last week!" "Well, sah," replied Jim Dinger, the gambling man, who seemed to think the ministerial gaze was direct ed at him, "de revival had on'y one clown, whilst de circus adve'tises twenty." IT PAYS TO BUY A GOOD PIANO Cheap priees and special indncements should not influence the Piano buyer. Wo carry all grades of Pianos from $250.00 to $2,300.00, but only makes in which we have confidence and which we can recom mend. Our Pianos from $250.00 to $375.00 include several makes whieh are positively the best Pianos manufactured to sell at these S rices the lowest prices at whieh good dependable Pianos can e sold. "We carry only one line of Player Pianos; that of the Aeolian Company, makers of the world famous Pianolas. The Pianola is furnished in six different makes of Pianos. Writ Us for Catalogues and Prices. ShemanJSay & Go. Steinway, Weber and Other Pianos, Pianolas, Victrolas, and all the Records. PORTLAND, OREGON. WE ARE SO SURE OF THE QUALITY OF Gold Shield Coffee That we ask you to give Gold Shield a trial, feeling that you will then insist on Gold Shield when buying coffee. SCHWABACHER BROS. & CO., Inc. Importers and Boasters of Coffee Seattle, Waslv i v 1 LIFE HEALTH ACCIDENT Phone Main 1TM One Policy COM BINATION ONTRACT JBJ H V 1 1,11 " H I . II Clip thia Coupon and roall to the qihn tor run information. fill ration InourrM. Mam: rrv.m:amTnmKtxmmm AMraai XMfMTmiHMltMSW Oeeupatlwai usmt fclrthd..fc.'MMww at ImitraBMBllfaTMtee.1 JJSURANCB CO. HOME OFFICE SEATTLE, U. S. X.
