HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SEOTTOIT
HI
By
Geo. Ban
McCtrtcheon
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION SERIAL.
A Fool and His Money
Copyright, 1913,
JSj Geo. Ban
MeCutcheon.
0
4$53$$e
SYNOPSIS OP PREVIOUS
INSTALLMENTS. $
In thfl ooeninff inet&lmnta nf A
Fool mil Bit Money," Geo. Ban lie-
Cntcheon't charming norel, aerial
rlghtt for which hare been specially $
obtained fur the Home and Farm $
Magasine Section, we learn of John $
Bellamy Smart, the young man who $
la telling thii itory. He haa Jut
written hit first novel, aid at the
arae time hat fallen heir to an im- A
mense fortune loft him by bit uncle.
Alter a visit to London, Smart
takes a trin on the River Danube. ft
After finding an old-world town, he $
omsovera an anelent eaatle, which Us s
pnrchaaet from itt owner, the Count. g
With hit secretary, Poopendyke, he $
takes potteation of the immente
Itrocture, which It inppoted to be
tenanted onlv hv the e&rtkfr mil 9
hit family, the Schmickt. Later Smart
rinds a woman who it in possession $
01 a wing ot the eaatle that it barred
to him. She grantt a brief interview,
but refutea to leave. The aervanta
appear to be In league with her, and 3
smart it in a quandary. Later he it
captivated by the wit and beauty of
the mysterious lady and no lonzer
urgei ner departure. He findt that S
the it divorced from a worthleia and J
scheming Austrian Oonnt, who wat $
awarded tne custody of the lady't
child. The Count demands a million
dollara from his rich American father-
in-law, wnen he would give it up. The
momer abducts the child and selects
the eattle at a hiding place. Smart $
leant trouble with the authoritiea.
but decides to atsist the fair divorcee, 3
aitnougn ane warnt him of the
danger. A number of visitors makes 6
it difficult to keep tecret the pret- $
ence of the Countest in the castle.
ELSIE invited all of ub to a welsh
rarebit party she was giving at
eleven-thirty, and then they got
to work at the bridge table, poor
George Hazzard catting in occasionally.
This left Billy Smith and me free to
make up a somewhat somnolent two
tome. I was eager to steal away to the east
wing with the news, but how to dispose
ot Billy without appearing rude was
more than I could work out. It was ab
solutely necessary for the Countess to
know that her ex-husband was in the
castlo. I would have to manage in some
way to see her before the evening was
over. The least carelessness, the small
est slip might prove the undoing of
both of us.
I wondered how Bhe would take the
dismal news. Would sho become hys
terical and go to pieces? Would the
prospect of a week of propinquity be
too much for her, even though thick
walls intervened to put them into sepa
rate worlds? Or. worst ot all, would she
reveal an uncomfortable spirit of brava
do, rashly casting discretion to the
winds in order to show him that she
Was not the timid, beaten coward he
night suspect her of being! Bhe had
once said to me that she loathed a
eoward.
I have always wondered how it felt
to be in a "pretty kettle of fish," or
a "pickle," or any of the synonymous
predicaments. Now I knew. Nothing
could have been more synchronous than j
the plural howdy-do that confronted me.
My nervousness mui.t have been out
rageously pronounced. Pacing the floor,
looking at one s watch, sighing pro
foundly, putting one's hands in the
pockets and taking them out again al
most immediately, letting questions go
by unanswered, and all such, are actions
or conditions that usually produce the
impression that one is nervous. A dis
cerning observer seldom fails to note
the symptoms.
Mr. Smith said to mo at nine-sixtecn
(I know it T.as exactly nine-sixteen to
the second) with polite conviction in his
fjniilc: "You seem to have something
on your mind, old chap."
Now no one but a true diplomat recog
nizes the psychological moment for call
ing an almost total stranger "old
ehap."
"I have, old fellow," said Ir im
mensely relieved by his perspicuity. "I
ought to get off five or six very im
portant letters to"
Ho interrupted me with a genial wave
of his hand. "Run along and get 'em
off," he said. "Don't mind mc. I'll
look over the magazines,"
Ten minutes later I was sneaking tip
the interminable stairways in the
sepulchral east wing, lighting and re
lighting a tallow candle with grim
patience nt every other landing and
luridly berating the drafts that swept
the passages. Mr. Poopendyke stood
guard below at the padlocked doors,
holding the keys. He was to await my
signal to reopen them, but he was not
to release me under any circumstance
if snoopers were abroad.
My secretary was vastly disturbed
by the news I imparted. He was so
startled that he forgot to tell me that
he wouldn't spend another night on a
pile of rugs with Britton as a bed fel
low, an omission which gave Britton the
opportunity to anticipate him by almost
giving mo notice that very night. (The
upshot of it was the hasty acquisition
of two brand new iron beds the next
day, and the restoration of peace in my
domestic realm.)
. Somewhat timorously I knocked at
the Countess' door. I realized that it
was a most unseemly hour for calling
on a young, beautiful and unprotected
lady, but the exigencies of the moment
lent moral support to my invasion.
After waiting five minutes and then
knocking again so loudly that the sound
reverberated through the empty halls
with a sickening elatter, I heard some
one fumbling with the bolts. The door
opened an inch or two.
The Countess' French maid peered
out at me.
"Tell your mistress that I must see
her at once."
"Madame is not at home, m'sieur, "
said the young woman.
"Not at hornet" I gasped. "Where
is she?"
"Madame has gone to bed."
"Uh," 1 said, blinking. "Then she
is at home. Present my compliments
and ask her to get up. Something very
exasperating has hap"
"Madame has request me to inform
m'Bieur that she knows the Count is
here, and will you bo so good as to
call tomorrow morning."
"What! She knows he's here? Who
brought the information!"
1 he bountiful Max, m 'sieur. He
bring it with dejeuner, again with
dinner, and but now with the hot water,
m'sieur."
"Oh, I sec," said I profoundly. "In
that ease, I sha'n't disturb her. How
er how did she take itt"
She gave me a severely reproachful
look.
"bhe took it as usual, m'sieur. In
that dreadful littlo tin tub old Con
rad" "Good heavens, girl! I mean the
news the news about the Count."
"Mon diou! I thought m'sieur refer
to But yes! She take it beautifully.
I too mean the news. Madame is not
afraid. Has Bhe not the good, brave
m'sieur to what you call it to shoul
der all the worry, not She is not alarm.
She reads m 'sieur 's latest book in bed,
smoke the cigarette, and she say what
the divil do she earc."
"What!"
"Non, no! I, Helene Marie Louise
Antoinette, say it for Madame. Par
don! Pardon, m'sieurl It is I who am
wicked."
Very stiffly and ceremoniously I ad
vised caution for the next twelve hours,
and saying good night to Ilelone Marie
Louise Antoinette in an unintentionally
complimentary whisper, took myself off
down the stairs, pursued by an equally
subdued bon soir which made me feel
like a soft-stepping Lothario.
ow it may occur to you that any
self-respecting gentleman in possession
of a castle and a grain of common
sense would have set about to find.out
the true names of the guests beneath
his roof. The task would havo been a
simple one, there is no doubt of that.
A peremptory command with a rigid
alternative would have brought out the
truth in a jiffy.
But it so happens that I rather en
joyed the mystery. The situation was
unique, the comedy most exhilarating.
Of course, there was a tragic sido to
tho whole matter, but now that I was
in for it, why minimize the novelty by
adopting arbitrary measures? Three
minutes of stern conversation with Ekie
Hazzard would enlighten me on all the
essential points; perhaps half an hour
would bring Toopendyko to terms; a
half a day might be required in the
browbeating of the frail Countess.
With the Sehmieks, there was no hope.
But why not allow myself tho pleasure
of enjoying the romantvc feast that had
been set before me by the gods of
ehaneet Chance ordered the tangle; let
ehanee unravel it Somewhat gleefully
I decided that it would be good fun to
keep myself in the dark as long as
possible!
"Mr. Poopendyke," said L, after that
nervous factotum had let me into my
side of the eastle with gratifying
stcalthiness, "you will oblige me by not
mentioning that fair lady's name in my
presence."
"Yon did not stay very long, sir,"
said be in a sad whisper, and for the
life of me I couldn't determine what
construction to put upon the singularly
unresponsive remark.
When I reached the room where my
guests were assembled, I found Mr.
Pless and the Baron TTmovitcb. engaged
in an acrimonious dispute over a ques
tion of bridge etiquette. The former
had resented a sharp criticism coming
from the latter, and they were waging
a verbal battle in what I took to be
five or six different tongues, none of
which appeared to bear the slightest
relationship to the English language.
Suddenly Mr. Pless threw his cards
down and left the table, without a word
of apology to the" two ladies, who looked
more hurt than appalled.
He said he was going to bed,' but I
noticed that he took himself off in the
direction of the moonlit loggia. We
were still discussing his defection in
subdued tones with the exception of
the irate baron when he re-entered the
room. The expression on his face was
mocking, even accusing. Directing his
words to me, he uttered a lazy indict
ment "Are there real spirits in your castle,
Mr. Smart, or havo you flesh and blood
mediums here who roam about in white
night dresses to study the moods of the
moon from the dizziest ramparts?"
I started. What indiscretion had the
Countess been up to!
"I don't quite understand you, Mr.
Pless," I said, with a politely blank
stare.
Confound his insolence! He winked
at me! "
CHAPTER VIII
I Resort to Diplomacy,
Y DEAR COUNTESS," said I,
the next morning, "while I am
willing to admit that all you
say is true, there still remains the un
happy fact that you were very near to
upsetting everything last night. Mr.
I'less saw you quite plainly. The moon
was very full, you'll remember. For
tunately he was too far awav from your
window to recognize you. Think how
easy it might "
"But I've told you twice that I held
my hand over Pinko's nose and he just
couldn t bark, Mr. Smart. You are
really most unreasonable about it. The
dog had to have a breath of fresh air."
"Why not send him up to the top of
the tower and let hira run around on
the"
"Oh, there's no use talking about it
any longer," sho said wearily. "It is
all over and no real harm was done.
am awfully sorry if thev made it un
comfortable for you. It is just like him
to suggest something well, scandalous.
And the rest of them are dreadful
teases, especially Mrs. Smith. They love
anything risque. But you haven't told
me what they said that kept you awake
all night."
My dignity was worth beholding.
"It was not what thev said to me,
Countess, but what they left unsaid. I
sha'n't tell you what they said."
"I think I can make a pretty good
guess "
'Well, you needn't!" I cried hastily,
but too late. Sho would out with it.
'They accuse you of being a sad, Bad
dog, a foxy bachelor, and a devil of a
fellow. They all profess to be very
much shocked, but they assure you that
t's all right not to mind them. They
didn't think you had it in you, and
they 're glad to see you behaving like a
scamp. Oh, I know them!"
As a matter of fact, she was pretty
near to being right. "The more rea
son for you to be cautious and circum
spect," said I boldly. "Tray think of
my position, if not your own."
She gave mo a queer little look and
then smiled brightly. (She is lovely!) i
"111 promise to be good," she said.
I only ask yon to be careful," said
I, blunderingly. She laughed aloud-
her merriest, most distracting gurgle.
"And now will you be good enougS
to tell me who I am?" she asked, after
a few minutes. "That is, who am I
supposed to be?"
"Oh," said I uneasily, "you ar
really nobody. You are Britton 's wife."
"What! Does Britton know it?"
"Yes," said I, with a wry smile.
"He took a mean advantage of mo
in the presence of George Hazzard not
an hour ago, and asked for a raise in
wages on account of his wife's illness.
It seems that you are an invalid."
"I hope he hasn't forgotten the baby
in his calculations."
"He hasn't, you may be sure. Ho
has named the baby after me."
"How original! "
"I thought it rather clever to change
Rosemary's sex for a few days," said -I.
"Moreover, it will be necessary for
Britton to take Max's place as your
personal servant. He will fetch your
meals and "
"Oh, I can't agree to that, Mr.
Smart," she cried with decision.' "I
must have Max. He is "
"But Britton must have some sort
of a pretext for "
"Nonsense! No one cares about
Britton and his sick wife. Let well
enough alone."
"I IH think it over, Countess,"
said I weakly. 1
"And now tell me all about Mr.
Pless. How is he looking? Does he
appear to be unhappy?" There was a
curious note in her voice, as of anxiety
or eagernesSj it was hard to tell which.
In any case, I found myself inwardly
resenting her interest in the Bneering
Hungarian. (1 had .discovered that he
was not an Austrian). There was a
queer sinking sensation in the region
of my heart, and a slight chill. Could
it be possible that she But no! It
was preposterous!
"He appears to be somewhat senti
mental and preoccupied. He gazes at
the moon and bites his nails."
"I I wish I eould have a peep at
him some time without being "
"For heaven's sake, don't even con
sider such a thing," I cried in alarm,
' ' Just a little peek, Mr. Smart, ' ' b)m
pleaded.
"No!" said I firmly.
"Very well," she said resignedly,
fixing me with hurt eyes. "I'm sorry
to be such a bother to you."
"I believo you'll go back to him,
after all," I said angrily. "Women
are all alike. They "
"Just because I want to see how un
happy he is, and enjoy myself a little,
you say horrid things to me," she
cried, almost pathetically. "You treat
me very badly."
"There is a great deal at stake,"
said I. "The peril is well, it's enor
mous. I am having the devil's own
time heading off a scheme they've got
for exploring the entire castle. Your
hus your ex-husband says he knows of
a secret door opening into this part of
the"
She sprang to her feet with' a sharp
cry of alarm.
" Heavens! I I forgot about that!
There is a secret panel and heaven
save us! it opens directly into my,
bedroom!" Her eyes were very wida
and full of consternation. She gripped
my arm. "Come! Be quick! We must
pile something heavy against it, or
nail it up, or do something."
She fairly dragged me out into the
eorridor, and then, picking up her
dainty skirts, pattered down the rickety
stairs at so swift a pace that I had
some difficulty in keeping her pink
figure in sight. Why is it that
woman can go downstairs so much fas
ter than a man? I've never been able
to explain it. She didn't stumble once,
or miss a step, while I did all manner
of clumsy things, and once came near
to pitching headlong to the bottom.
Wo went down and down and round
and round so endlessly that I was not
only gasping but reeling.
(To Be Continued.) v "
Russia this year has more than twi
million acres planted to sugar beota,
Last year the total acreage was slight
ly over a million and a half.