11
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
Verses Grave and Gay in Tone
Why She Chora Him.
She chose him of all the crowd
. . Of men that came and went;
His voice was low, his tie waa lond.
But she was well content.
The first man's education was
Perhaps more finished and
Another's manners gave her cause
As being much more grand.
Another's garments fitted him;
Another's hair was curly;
Another's name was "Arthur" Jim
Was chosen by this girlie.
And not for wealth and not for love
Was Jim by Mabel choaed -But
that he was the one man of
The whole lot that proposed I
Boston Traveler.
Why Cats Go Wrong.
The melancholy days are come,
The saddest of the year,
Of houses closed and doorbells dumb
And windows dark and drear.
Now Dives to his country seat
Has hied himself away,
And Tabby turned into the street
Must shift as best she may.
No more the cushion soft as silk,
The catnip ball no more;
No more the saucer full of milk
Behind the pantry door.
Nor shall she break her fast to prey
Upon the lean church mouse;
The good Lord, too, has gone away
And closed his city house.
(Myself when young onee showed my
face
Therein, when, huge and shrill
The sexton came "I feel the place
In frosty weather still.")
.When. Dives hies him back once more
To hit town house, oh, shame!
Tabby will greet him at tbe door,
But not no, not the same.
The Ubiquitous Girl.
There 's pretty girls in erery port
i That fronts upon the foam,
For I've made love in Labrador,
. In Cairo and in Rome,
I've kissed the girls of London Town
And sweet to kiss were they.
But Burmah girls are just as sweet
And 'Frisco girls are gayl
There's always eyes to sparkle bright
And hearts a-beating warm,
There's lips the man who's bold may
kiss,
And waists to fill an arm;
The maids are fair in Argentino
Stories at Which You
Will Smile
TiTJ are to go up to O'Brien's
farm," said the doctor, "get np
and go to bed with the birds, mow
and pitch the bay, Bhuck the corn, and
all that sort of thing. And you'll cut
out the booze, absolutely, and "
"Oh, yes," said the patient wearily,
"I expected that."
"And one cigar a day."
"Oh, doc not that!"
. "One cigar a day," reiterated the
doctor inexorably.
"Oh, very well."
Six months later the patient returned
to report.
"Well, how did you like itf "
"Fine business, doctor. I'm fit as a
fiddle. Me for that early to bed and
early to rise thing. It's great."
"Liked it all, ehf "
"Everything bat the one cigar a day.
That pretty nearly killed me."
"The tobacco habit" began the
doctor.
''At my age, doctor, it's no joke to
take up smoking."
THE stage drivers in Yellowstone
Park are bothered considerably by
tbe foolish questions asked by
their passengers, and often reBort to
satirical answers. Once a lady tourist
who seemed deeply interested in the
hot spring iniuired:
"Driver, do these springs freeze over
in winter! "
"Oh, yes, yes; a lady was skating
here last winter and broke through and
get her foot scalded."
And dainty in Japan,
Thero's girls to love in all the world
If you 're a proper man.
And who's the fairest of the fair!"
Well, hang me if I know!
Sometimes I think she lives in France
Sometimes in (,'allao;
But take 'em north and take 'em south,
And take 'em east and west,
Of all the girls in all the world
The last one is the best.
Thankfulness.
Imprisoned bird, how canst thou sing
As if 'twas early morn
And from the blue o'er sparkling fields
luy song was bornl
Thy world is now a little cage
Hung on a dusty street,
And with the sound of heavy wheels
Thy strains compete.
Ah, if thou canst from just the rays
That on thy prison fall
Find and float forth thy happiness
So may we all!
So may we all for little things
rour out our hearts tn praise
And in the sun of what we have
Find singing days.
Butting In.
While walking down the street one day
I heard a damsel squeal.
I tried to stop the runaway
And spoiled a lengthy reel.
I saw a brutal fellow shove
A child beneath a van.
I saved her, to the horror of
The moving picture man.
At every turn you may invade
The moving picture realm.
Let others play the hero's trade;
Don't butt into a film.
Before and After.
When Bessie was a bashful maid
And turned her back on me,
I only had to rest myself
'Till she turned back, you see.
But now when Bessie turns her back,
My exercise begins
She wants her shirtwaist "buttoned
up"
With forty hooks and pins.
"And don't forget the collarette,
The Bides must not be slack
The lace must not be puckered up"
When Bessie turns her back.
A WOMAN living in an aristocratic
section a mile and half from her
grocer went to the phone.
"This you, central! Four, five, lour,
please."
This you, Mr. M.f Fleaso charge
and send 10 cents' worth of animal
crackers, and pick out the elephants, as
the baby is afraid of them."
E maneuvers of the SwisB army
were at their height.
A dark figure stole out of the shadow
of a cheese bush.
"Who goes there!" asked the senti-
nol.
"A friend," came the answer.
"Step forward and give the counter
sign."
The dark figure pulled a black bot
tle from his pocket and gave it to the
sentinel. The latter smelled the con
tents and put the bottle to his lips.
"Pass," he commanded, and the
stranger passed within the lines.
The stillness of the grave settled
over the Alps.
A Gentle Hint
I was speaking with your father
last night," said the young man.
Oh, were you!" answered the sweet
young American, lowering her eyes,
"What were you talking about!"
"About the likelihood of war with
Moxico. Your fathor said if there was
war he hoped it would bo short."
"Oh, yes; I know papa is very much
opposod to long engagem ints. "
"Sho's all the world to mo!" he cried,
And at his heart did clutch.
"It's quite apparent," 1 replio'l,
"You haven't traveled much."
"Why do you continually tell me you
were detained downtown on business!
I despise a lie."
"Well, I continually tell you your
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cooking is good," retorted the husband.
'You accept that one all right
enough."
The Popular Fad.
'Well, this will be your son's last
year at college and football."
"Yes."
"Of course you're glad. Ho'll soon
settle down to something practical and
useful. "
"I'm afraid not."
"Eh!"
"No. He expects to be a sociolo
gist."
Not What She Expected.
HE WAS a shy young man, but on
his way home from the city he
managed to screw up his courage')
sufficiently to enter a jeweler s shop
and purchase a small gift for the lady
of his heart. This, he hoped, would pave
the way to the popping of the great
question. That night he called at her
house and found her alona. Producing
a small square box from his pocket, he
said, nervously:
"1 have ventured to bring you a
small present, Miss Finn, but I am
afraid that perhaps it will not fit your
finger. Will you try it on!"
"Oh, dear!" said the girl, blushing
most becomingly, "this is quite unex
pected. Why, I never dream 1 that you
really cared enough "
Poor fool! Instead of grasping the
opportunity in both hands, he opened
the box and produced a thimble!
Then the thermometer dropped about
10 degrees,
) n
Sociable Scenery.
THE NEW summer boarder gazed
over the picturesquo New Hamp
shire landscape then slowly fading
out of sight, and noted the absence of
houses.
"It's beautiful! Grand!" said ho to
the boss farmer, who was standing close
by. "But nren't you lonesome so far
from the v'llago and no neighbors!"
"Lonesome!" echoed the farmer, in
genuine astonishment. "Why, on a
clear day wo can see Mt. Washington. ' '
Butler
Wash.
IN SEATTLE
Cuisine Unexcelled.
OVERALLS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Keep Kids Kleen
Tli mo practical, healthful, playtime
cartnenti ever Inmitcd for children 1 ,
to 8 yean of age. Made In one piece !
with drop back, Easily alipped on or
Off. Easily washed. No tifttt
elastic bandi to flop drculation
Made In blue denim, tnd blue and
white hickory ttripea for all tbe
year round. Also lifhter weirht
material for summer wear. All
rarmenu trimmed with fast red or
blue estate. Made In Dutch neck
whh elbow ileerea and high
neck and loaf aleeres,
75c the suit
If your dealer cannot itipply you,
we will lend them, charges prepaid
on receipt of price, 7Sc each.
A New rprr If They
Suit iRLL Rio
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i FOR YOUR DEN
Beautiful College Pennants
Yale and Harvard, Each 9 in. x 24 '.-
. Princeton, Cornell, Michigan
Each 7 in. x 21 in.
All best quality folt with felt head.
ing, streamers, letters and mascot ex
ecuted in proper colors. This splendid
assortment sent postpaid for GO cents
and o stamps to pay postage. Bend now.
HOWARD SPECIALTY CO.
Dayton, Ohio.
GOING EAST or
COMING WEST
We can Save you Money
Reduced rates on Household Goods, Pianos,
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insuring prompt delivery and careful
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Bates and Information furnished on request,
Pacific Coast Forwarding Company
201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Oregon
n