Tuesday. January 4. IQ2I
Two
THE HKPPNER HERALD, HEPPNER, OREGON
Uncle alfe
I'ltOI-'KSSIO.VU, CARDS
S. E. NOTSON
ATTOP.XEY-AT-LAW
Office in Court House
HEPPNER, OREGON
Dr. R. J. VAUGHAN
DKNTIS'I.
Permanently located in Odd
fellow's building
IJEITNKR, OREGON
DR. A. D. McMURDO
PHYSICIAN and Sl'KCKO.V
Telephone 122
Office Patterson's Drug Store
HEPPNEK, OREGON
F. A. McMENAMIN
I.ASVYKIt
Office Phone Main 6 43
Residence Phone Main 6C5
Huberts Building
HEPPNER, OREGON
DR. CLYDE R. WALKER
PHYSICIAN ami SCIIOKO.V
Phone Connections
IONE, OREGON
WOODSON & SWEEK
ATTOK.VEl'S-AT-LAW
Masonic Building
HEPPNER, OREGON'
SAM E. VAN VACTOR
ATTOK.N E Y-AT-LAW
First National Bank Bldg.
HEPPNER, OREGON
WATERS & ANDERSON
I IKE IXSCKAXCE
Successors to
C. C. Patterson
HEPPNER, OREGON
r--w i rvf s.in
WATEIIMTY HOME
I am prepared to take a limited
number of maternity cases at my
home in east Heppner and assure
best attention to all patients. Write
or phone, MRS. G. C. AIKEN, Hepp
ner, Or., Box 142. Phone 396. 23tf
- ,? n
Adequate Punishment for Motorist Who
Kills and Then Speeds Away.
By LAMBERT WALTERS, Laredo, Texas.
No punishment could be too severe for an autornobi'ist who kills
a person and then deliberately drives away in the hope of escaping. The
laws of Texas make this a felony, but there should be a punishment to fit
the crime. What is needed is a drastic law, fixing a punishment as severe
as can be fixed under the Constitution, for speeders who crash into a
pedestrian or another car, kill one or more persons and then speed away.
The law should be so severe that the first person caught after it went
into effect would form an example that would deter motorists in the fu
ture, from taking any chances and, when they do have an accident, from
shirking responsibility by running away.
Traffic accidents are largely duo to pedestrians. But the accident
that happens out on the open road is, with very few exceptions, the fault
of the motorist. I hope to see the Texas law in this respect strengthened,
and I think every state in the Union would be doing a general good to
humanity by passing laws against this practice as drastic as they can be
made under the Constitution.
Let Us Show You
Our Line of
Plows
Brails,
Seeders
and other
seasonable farm
machinery and
implements
Peoples Hardware
Company
IRONIES OF LIFE I
WpOMUELSON made a talk to the '
A Commercial club, on 'Business
Efficiency,' " observed the retired mer
chant, "and the next day his store was
closed by the sheriff." j
"Life is full of such ironies, doggone
it," said the hotel- j
jsPWv. keeper. "Low;
aown jokes are '
being played on
the best of us, al
most every day,
and I often won
der what sort of
an evil genius is
behind it all. j
"I used to know j
a man who was a
wonderful horse '
breaker. He used
to give public ex
hibitions, taming
man-killing brutes,
and the way he could make them eat
out of his liand, half an hour afteT
being formally Introduced to them, was
a sight worth going miles to see. He
always had immense crowds at his ex
hibitions, and It seemed that his future
was assured. But one day he was
Ioafiing around a livery stable, just
because he liked the atmosphere of
the place, and an old, weary hack
horse reached out a long, crooked limb,
handed him one with It, and broke his
leg.
"lie had to go to a hospital for a
while, and when he came out, his oc
cupation was gone. He was as good a i
horse breaker as ever, but people '
, wouldn't pay their hard-earned money
'. to see the exploits of a conquering ,
hero who had been manhandled by an ',
' old hack horse. You must admit that
there was some sardonic intelligence
1 back of such a joke as that. If the
1 man had been hooked by a cow, or run '
i over by a traction engine, or chewed j
! up by an honest watchdog, it wouldn't ;
have hurt his renown and prestige,
l But, no ! A blnmed old relic of a horse I
had to put him out of business, j
"A long time ago, a very Important i
case was tried In an Irish court. The :
people were greatly wrought up over
It, and the courtroom was crowded.
When It was announced that the jury
was ready with a verdict, the judge
addressed the audience, saying he
knew there was much feeling over the
case, but the hall of justice was no
place for a display of It, and If there
was a least sign of jlWurbance when
the verdict was mfy, nown, the guil
ty parties would be arrested.
"The jury brought In Its verdict, and
the people heard It In silence, but just
then a whole doggone gallery, with
about a thousand people In It, came
crashing down, and the noise could
have been heard forty miles out at sea.
After the Judge's solemn warning
against a disturbance, the fall of that
gallery has always seemed to me like
a painful Joke.
"A long time ago, I was called upon
to address a crowd of voters on the
living Issues of the day, and I framed
up a speech that would have been a
credit to any orator. I swiped It from
Roscoe Conkllng, and I have always
Insisted that he was one of the 'great
est of American speakers. The house
was full of refined and cultured peo
ple, and I was determined to make the
hit of my life. I was just getting
warmed up to my work, when the
lights went out, and the hall was
plunged In black darkness. There's
nothing makes a man feel more Idiotic
than to have the lights shut off at
such a time. The women In the audi
ence were giggling, and the men hnw
hnwlng. It seemed funny to everybody
hut me.
"I thought I knew where the little
table was. thnt held the pitcher of Ice
water, and I moved toward It, and
fell over n chair, and flattened my
nise against the edge of a piece of
Scenery. When the lights were
flashed on again, as suddenly as they
v.ent out. the audience bohcd the
silver tongued orator on his hands and
fences, climbing slowly to his feet, nnd
t-ylng to mold his nose Into its origi
nal shape.
"I never saw such a delirious crowd
In my life. Some of the women
l.iughed themselves into hysterics, and
t"u fool men weren't much better.
They never heard the balance of that
eration, nrul the last part was the
test."
F. R. BROWN
agent for
GUARANTEED LOW COST LIFE
INSURANCE; FIRE, HAIL, ACCI
DENT AND HEALTH INSURANCE
TWO UOOD KKiHK'CKS IX HKri'.NKK IX1 SAI.K. riUCKD
UK i I IT.
Office Upstairs in Roberts Building
Phone 643 Heppner, Oregon
Alliteration.
Alliteration occurs sometimes In the
writings of the ancients, but not. It Is
supposed, designedly, as they regard
ed all echoing of sound as a rhetorical
; Wemlsh. Cicero, In the "Offices," has
this phrase: "Senslm sine sensu aetas
Vnesclt;" and Virgil in the "A-
oeld," has many marked alliterations.
! William Mathews.
Try, Try Again.
"Lortarox was telling me that he
j has been trying for six months wtth
1 out success to get passage to tee the
battlefields of France."
"Evidently the wind has changed,
fie spent tw years trying not to see
them, with success." The American
Legion Weekly.
THE HEPPNER HERALD, ONLY $2.00 A YEAR
SPECIAL
A fortunate purchase of a
large assortment of
Monopo
le
Jams
reserves
enables us to price same at
or 3 Jars for $1.00
Considering the price of fruit
and sugar this is indeed a bar
gain worth taking advantage of
rocery Co
Ail Kinds of Eats for the Holidays
RECOGNIZED AN OLD FRIEND
Countryman Visiting in City Had No
Fur of Being Harmed by
"Thrashing Machine."
An elderly countryman stood on a
Broadway curb with more fear In his
heart than he had ever experienced In
his home county and more than his
son had experienced In Argonne forest.
To him the crossing of that crowded
street was truly the "great adventure."
In the middle of It were two lines
of tracks, up and down which hurtled
great "tanks" of street ears Jugger
nauts, seemingly Intended for the sole
purpose of crushing his aged limbs
should be venture Into their path.
On either side of them were endless
lines of chugging trucks, with an oc
casional horse-Urawu vehicle, and
dodging In and about were touring
cars and autos of nil kinds.
Now and then the sharp whistle of
a traltic policeman would spell safety
to the acrobatic and Initiated, who
dashed across the street, skillfully
dodging traffic, which turned the cor
ner In a way no one but an old Xew
Yorker can understand, and even he
cannot explain.
Finally there rumbled down the
street a steam roller used In asphalt
pavement work, belching clouds of
smoke hut attracting no attention. The
old countryman was electrliled. Iteso
lutely he deserted his shore of safety
and plunged across the street In Its
very path.
"Huh," he grunted as he reached the
ether side. "That's one .thing I ain't
afraid of. They used to scare horses
when I was a kid ; used to make a man
out of the thrashing crew walk ahead
of them. I know they won't hurt you.
but I don't know what these other
things will do. Never expected to see
a thrashing engine here, but you never
can tell. Xew York's a great city, all
right." New York Evening Sun.
CHARLES CHICK EXTEKTAIXS
Charles Chick, a student at the
University of Idaho, who 19 spending
the holidays with his parents, Dr.
and Mrs. C. C. Chick, entertained las-t
Tuesday evening with a select danc
ing part at his home. Ten couples,
mostly of the college set, were pres
ent and a delightful evening was reported.
Greatest Revenue.
The Internal revenue bureau. In the
fiscal year ended June W, made the
greatest annual tax collection since Its
establishment In lOi
Choice Cuts of the
Best Meats
EVERY HOUSEWIFE WANTS TO SERVE THE
best in Meats to her family. . She can be assured she
is doing so if she buys her Meats at this shop which
is conducted in conformity with modern methods of
sanitary marketing.
And Dew Drops.
Struck by the notice "Iron sinks"
In a hardware shop window, a wag
went Inside and said that he was per
fectly aware of the fact that "Iron
sank."
Alive to the occasion, ttM smart
shopkeeper retaliated:
"Tea, and time fllea, but wine
vaults, sulphur springs, Jam rolls,
grass slopes, music stands, Niagara
falls, moonlight walks and holiday
trips, scandal spreads, standard
weights, Imlla rubber tires, the organ
stops, trade returns, and"
But the visitor had bolted. After
collecting his thoughts he returned,
and showing his head at the doorway,
shouted :
"Yes. I know, and marble busts 1"
Science und Invention Magazine.
Central Market
McNAMER & SORENSON, Props.
THE BRICK.
McAtee CO. Aihen, Props.
Confectioneries, Cigars
Soft Drinks
POOL
YOU ARE WELCOME
it i
4J