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AA A 444 M A A A 4 A A A A A A 4 A A .
If
Reviewing- Her Conduct.
When a quite youthful and much
petted damsel named Ruthgoesawtiy
from home without her mother, she
is sometimes unmanageable, and al
ways on her return is interviewed as
to her deportment while absent. On
a recent occasion, after a round of
716118 she had made with a certain
doting and indulgent relative, Buth
was asked the customary question as
to whether she had been a good girl.
"Well, "she replied deliberately, as
if carefully balancing the evidence,
"I was pretty good, I think only
HicKea at my grandmother twice.
Now York Tribune.
A Very Old Family.
Bannister used to tell a story of his
navmg been introduced, with Mrs.
Bannister, to an elderly lady of ex
ceedingly "high notions." After the
presentation had taken place, the
lady asked a wit of the day who was
present:
"Who are the Bannistere! Are they
or gooo iamuyr
"Yes," said the wit, "they are
Closely allied to the Btairs.
"Ufl, saia uiay jLucretia, "a very
ancient family from Ayrshire, dates
back to 1640. I am delighted to see
your mends." London Tit-BitB.
A Bit of Fine Writing.
About 40 years ago a specimen of
microscopic penmanship was exhib
ited in America. It consisted of the
following inscription written upon
glass in a circle much smaller than
the head of an ordinary pin 1-623
part of an inch in diameter "Low
ell and Scuter. Watchmakers, 64 Ex
change St., Portland. Written by
Fermat at Paris, 1852." Boston Com
monwealth, Not Traveling Incognito.
"Miss Smiley is going to travel un
der an assumed name."
"You surprise me I"
"Yes, she is going to be married
next week and start on her honey
moon." Exchange.
Work Vor a Painstaking Jeweler.
Not very long ago a London news
paper announced that a jeweler of
Turin had made a tugboat formed of
a single pearl. The sail is of beaten
gold studded with diamonds, and the
binnacle lightat the prow is a perfect
ruby. An emerald serves as its rud
der, and the stand on which it is
mounted is a slab of whitest ivory.
The entire weight of this marvelous
specimen of the jeweler's craft is less
than half an ounce, but the maker
values it at f 1,000.
- v , forgot Himself.
I She My husband is a brute I
Friend All men are brutes, my
dear.
She Mine is simply abominable!
I asked him if he did not think you
were as pretty as I, and he said,
"Yes.'-New York Weekly.
A WUe Provision.
Mr. Baldie I have discovered that bald
ness in a wise provision of nature.
Philosopher That's a discovery surely.
"Yes. You have noticed doubtless that
lam bald as a billiard ball as far down as
the rim of my bat, but below that the hair
grows as luxuriantly as ever."
"Yes, that is usually the case."
"Exactly. Well, now comes my discov
ery. Barber shops are often drafty, you
know."
"Very frequently."
"Too true. Sure to give folks Influenza,
pneumonia and I don't know what all."
"Draft are always dangerous."
That's it. Well a baldheaded man can
have bis hair cut without removing us
hat."-New York Weekly. .
Mad a Baby of Bor.
He Charlie told her be would try and
make her happy. He said be would give
her a kiss for every tear she shed, r
She And is she happy?
He Apparently not. She Is weeping
continually. New York Herald.
. Hard on Boy. - . -Little
Boy I guess papa mutt V been
-bom growed up.
Uncle John Why tot
Little Boy He's always wantin me to
do tonutlnng sensible. Good News.
1
2
8
Beformlng a Man.
I believe that each one of us is con -nected
with divinity by a spark of
light within. In some it is a mere
speck of light; in others it is a steady
flame; in others a burning fire, and
the physical nature is a mere grate
which contains this fire. Perhaps the
man within whom the spark is very
small and feeble may conceive a mad
infatuation for some woman who be
lieves Bhe can reform him through
this love. But if he is merely infatu
ated with a woman in whom the di
vine principle is feeble his reforma
tion is liable to be on an unstable
foundation.
The man who has felt the divine
within the woman appealing to his
better nature, who has felt the holy
spark within his soul fanned into a
larger flame by her influence, who
has felt her spiritual influence above
her physical charms, that man may
be reformed and stay reformed al
though his past may have been worse
than that of the prodigal son. And
yet I think that the spiritual nature
which enabled him t respond to this
woman's love could have saved him
by its own upreaching force per
haps. The woman was merely a
mouthpiece for the divine to call to
the divinity within him and enable
it to gain the ascendency. Ella
Wheeler Wilcox in Ladies' Home
Journal.
The Art of Garnishing.
The scientific branch of cookery
comprises the devising of dishes and
sauces. The artistic branch consti
tutes the art of garnishing, and this
plays a most important part in the
outcome of the kitchen, as by means
of it dishes please the eye before they
please the palate. First impressions
go a great way, and when one sense
is captivated by an agreeable and in
viting appearance the dish must be
bad indeed which fails to stand the
more searching ordeal of taste. Be
sides, people who suffer from jaded
appetites have a better chance of eat
ing their dinner when the dishes
which are put before them are pleas
ant to the sight
Art, however, is not a thing to be
taught You may show a man how
to mix colors, but you cannot teach
him how to use them. I will only
explain that what in cookery is
meant by garnishing is not the tra
ditional parsley of the cook. The
one and great thing to avoid as much
as possible is the using for purposes
of garnishing things which are not
eatable. Philadelphia Press.
Comfort For the Unsueeessfal.
If we are money makers, it is to
the exclusion of something else ; if we
have gentleness and refinement,
those qualities unfit us for becoming
money makers. The late Daniel
Dougherty met at Narragansett Pier
a very charming young man one
evening, and afterward asked me if
he was poor or if he had inherited a
fortune. "Why do you not ask me
if hehasmadeoner'Irejoined. "Be
cause I know he hasn't," replied Mr.
Dougherty, who, as every one knows,
was a very keen observer of human
nature. "He is poor, or, if he is not,
his money was inherited," insisted
Mr. Dougherty, and when I pressed
him for a reason for his assertion he
said. "He is too refined, too cul
tured, too altogether charming ever
to have made by his own exertions a
fortune or even a competency beyond
a mere living," which was a perfect
diagnosis of the young man's position
in life. Boston Home Journal
A leading Question.
Miss Pinkerly Isn't It a pity that all tr
good looking people can't be bright, and
all the bright people good looking)
Young Tutter-Yes, indeed It Is, Miss
Pinkerly. But tell me, It you had your
choice, which would you bet Life.
Too Personal.
Mrs. Flockton I wonder Is it truef Peo
ple say that you sometimes go to sleep over
your sermons.
Parson Dulleigh Peoplc.Isuspeet, Judge
me by themselves. Boston Transcript.
30 CALLED UNLUCKY DAYS. I
"'") Days tu the Year Are Sulil to Blight
tile Lives ot Heedless Lovers.
There are certain dates upon the
calendar w hich cannot be fixed upon
for "the happy day," because hoary
tradition has decided otherwise, ii
the subtle fover of matrimony is
working in your brain, consult the
following list of unlucky days and be
governed accordingly: .Tun. 1, 2, 4, 5,
f, 10, 15; Feb. 0, 7, 18; March 1, 6, 8;
April 0, H; Mny 5, 0, 7; June 7, U;
July S, 19; Aug. 15, 11); Sept. 6, 7-,
Oct. 0; Nov. 15, 16, and Dec. 15, 10, 17.
These particular days are warranted
to blight the lives of the truest lovers
ever seen.
But they are not the only snares
which threaten the matrimonially in
clined. Read this little verse:
Monday for wealth,
Tuesday for health,
Wednesday the bast tiny of alii
Thursday for crosses,
Friday for losses,
Baturda)- no luck at all!
Hyman has a deep seated grudge
against the latter part of the week.
No good and sufficient reasons can lie
advanced for this partiality, but as
marriage is not often an affair of the
reason it would lie well perhaps to
respect the caprices of its particular
deity.
Having learned the particular days
to be avoided, the feverish lover may
think that he can breathe freely.
Not yet I The plot still thickens. He
has yet to learn that the old Romans
started the idea that June was at the
top notch as a propitious month for
matrimony, and that May was cor
respondingly below par. This com
plicates matters even more, but the
tangle is still further aggravated by
the moon, that potent factor in all
human affairs.
If the individual who is credited
with inhabiting the laud of green
cheese were a woman, it would help
out the theory that a wedding should
be celebrated only when the moon is
full. That would gratify a woman's
proverbial desire to have a good view
of such affairs. At any rate such is
the superstition that nothing short
of the full light of the sanguine
moon can dispel the clouds which
seem to hang over the voyage of
wedded lite.
Probably by this time the lover
who would a-wooing go is in the
depths of despondency, but the end
is not yet. Here is another warning
which cuts the matrimonial season
down to still narrower limits:
Marry In Lent,
And you'll live to repent
No wonder that unhappy marriages
are so common and the divorce law
yers so sleek and well fed. There
seems to be ho forgetnienot crop of
days "that grow for happy lovers."
But if the lovers are really determined
to wed they can probably, out of all
these unlucky conditions, sift some
day to which no penalty attaches, and
having settled that point turn their
attention to other utterances of Sibyl
line tradition. New York Sun.
Perpetual Motion Reward.
I am often asked the question,
How much money do the different
governments of the world offer for
the discovery of perpetual motion?
To all such I invariably give this an
swer: There is no patent law relative
to perpetual motion machines. Nei
ther is there a fixed sum of money of
fered by any government for the in
vention of such an unheard of con
trivance. As early as 1775 118 years
ago the French Academy of Sciences
refused to even consider the claims
of the so called perpetual motion in
ventors. A valuable reference work
before me in making mention of
those who ore experimenting in that
direction says: "They have an idea
that some immense govemment re
ward has for years been laid aside
for the successful inventor. Unhap
pily this idea is as fallacious as the
grand delusion itself." St Louis Re
public. Booth's Loss When Barrett Died.
Mr. Barrett's death, for which Mr.
Booth was entirely unprepared, was
a terrible shock to the survivor and
a blow from which he never fully
recovered. The gentle spirit of
"The Man of Airlie" seemed to haunt
in the most pleasant way his old
apartments adjdining those of Mr.
Booth at The Players, and more
than once after Mr. Barrett had
passed away, when some heavy truck
in. the street had jarred the building
and caused the strings of the auto
matic harp upon his closed door "to
play sweet music," Mr. Booth has
turned his sad face toward it and
has said with a smile, "There comes
poor Lawrence now." Harper's
Weekly.
Hearing up under It.
"So you have failed In business again,"
said Parson Guileless to Mose Shaumburg,
"Yes, for finef ten cent on der tollar."
'"It Is hard on you, my friend, but re
member whom the Lord loveth be obasten
eth." "Ish dot sof I only viflh be vould hurry
up and punish me again dot vay." Texas
Sittings.
Miss Yonngbnd Genruo says he pro
posed to some one the other nlKht.
Miss Olilhoy Well, 1 wasn't the one.
Miss YouiiKbred 1 thought not. Ho said
he got jilted. Truth.
Uow a Young Doctor Ulagnosed.
Young Doctor to Patient Let me look
at your tongue, li'm troubled with dys
pep Patient Not abit. I can eat sole leather.
Young Doctor Let me feci your pulse.
H'm wakefulness at night?
Patient Sleep like a top.
Young Doctor Let oie sec your tongue.
H'm dizziness and pains in
Patient No.
Young Doctor Let me feel your pulse.
H'm easily tired, with an indisposition to
mental uxertion of any
Patient No.
Young Doctor Let me see your tongue.
H'm headache and stiffness of the
Patient Haven't had a headache in 35
years.
Young Doctor Let me feel your pulse.
H'm you are using too much tobacco.
Patient Never touch it in any shaiie.
Y'oung Doctor Let me see your pulse
er l mean your tongue, ii'ni too much
confined to your desk. You need fresh air
and
Patient I'm a letter carrier.
Y'oung Doctor Lot me feel your tongue
that is, I should say your pulse. H'm you
have a tlml feeling come over
Patient Never.
Young Doctor Let-me see your never
mind, your tongue, feverish at times,
with a desire for water.
Patient No, beer.
Youug Doctor Do you drink beer?
Patient Oh, yes.
Young Doctor To excess?
Patient-No.
Young Doctor Tell me how many glasses
a day?
Patient Sometimes more and sometimes
fewer.
Young Doctor I thought so. We mem
bers of the medical profession are seldom
deceived In our diagnosis of a case.
Patient Am I in any danger, doctor?
Young Doctor No Immediate danger,
but It's lucky you called me inl Yankee
Blade.
No lloulit or it.
Queried. I wonder who originated the
word "ueupeckeil.
WlttlcuH Om't say. The llrst rooster 1
should imagine. Vogue.
An Absorbing Occupation.
"Your husband doesn't go out nights
any morer"
"No. I've bought him a meerschaum
pine tocotor." Truth.
KIDNEY,
Bladder, Urinary anil Urer DIhimi, Dropay
Gravel and JJiabetet are cured by
HUNT'S REMEDY
THI BE8T KIDNEY
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AtJTH T onvK on the Kidneys, Mver
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tion.and l!l HKK when all other medicines
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ftl, II Bit A IX lHIIUlT.
OUR BUSINESS IS
selling Groceries at
wholesale prices direct to
the consumer,' All we
want to say Is this : If
you really want to buy
your GROCERIES as
they should be bought,
send for our price list.
Same will be mailed free
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COOPERS LEVY,
Seattle, Wash.
DON'T SB FO0MD
by the demur who
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I
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SH1LOH8 BELLADONNA PL AST Kit Ao.
CATARRH
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UNEQUALED.
CAH PRICES
To Introduce enr Powder. w have d
tfrmiDttltodUtrlbntoajriong the cnnim
ra a number of CahII PKIZK6. To
tbeperaonorolubnturnlni untlielarmat
BamovrorcvrttilcMsMODor before June 1.
ltftH, wewii(nTecaihprtEoraioo, nrj
ftotlienextlarimt, numerous oUaerorlM
raafiugiroaia5u)t)761N VAtilL
O0SSET 4 DEVERS, PORTLY Of.
TaliTrsds Mirk is on tlx best
WATERPROOF COAT
SSKJS4 In the World !
,r A. J. TOWER. BOSTON. MASS.
HAVE
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Ike pcnplrttlan.Qstuao Intonan Itoliiuc
When warm, TiiU form iiti BLIND,
BIJUUUfU or PHOTHUD1WQ
TtKLD ATONCKTO
DR. BO-SAN-K O S PICE REMEDY,
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" JIU.,KKKR"T Il.I.IIMINATOB.
IT IN II I (I II PIKK TKHT.
IT lit lit- UN1FOKM QUALITY.
We wiKntnlAa n tn k.
OBAUS or lUOHIXiTIMI OIU Ask lor It.
STANDARD OIL COMPANY.
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THE
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w im is.iicu iti hid lumr-Bi ui mi
coiwumerH, It if I vet Hie lowest oaab quotation
ssssiis ill mi: iuven iJiV, n Wi juyg
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JONES' CARH STI-IDF
180 Front Btreet, - Portland, Or.
-sr"-i"iiiT imissnfi
km m as tJS
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Widen
W Ptao'a
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UBout by