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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 3, 1893)
ASPIRATION. Pallnn Mft,nJ Ho-1 ptv up the fight, Wlmi bunt tt to strive. If fmvr awl ever, lit ilie of one's utuitwt of pain aud endeavor Villi Ui cleave U) tbe rigiil, .still to follow Uw Uicbt, Ot fall from each height? What boots ttT Ota. better to climb and to ffcll. To strive aotl to rail, to tight and b slain, Tuao to grovel mntent ou the soul's lowest Slant. At U10 sprit's clear call WbuwiitirH not at nil Hluuibull begalll -Joseph U. Uilder Id Youth1! Companion. NEWGAG. It was not hi rani name or hi stage hunt), but It was tli one under which be wui bent known by thorn who taut knew bim. It bad been throwo at bliu In a cafe one night by newspaper man after tbe performance, and bad clung to him. its significance lay in ibe fact that hit "gags" supposedly comic things aaid by presum ably oomic men in nominal opera or bur lesque Invariably were old. Tbe man who bestowed the title opon him thought It a fine bit of Irony. Newgag received It without 'expressed ftwntnieut, but without mirth, and be bore iu repetition patiently an seasons went by. He whh accustomed to enduring calmly tbe jests, tbe indignities that were r lid ted by hiH peculiar appearance, his doleful expression, bin alow and bungling speech and movement, hisdiftideut manner. tie wan one of tbe forbearing men, tbe many who are doomed to continual suffer ing of a kind that their sensitiveness and timidity make It tbe more difficult for them to ttear. Undying ambition burned beneath bin undemonstrative surface; dauutles courage lay under bis lack of ability. He wax an extremely attar man, of ex traordinary height and the bend of bis shoulders gave tbe small bead a comical thru tit forward. His black bair was with out curl and it would tolerate no other ar rangvmeot than beittg comlted bock straight. It was allowed to grow down ward until tt scraped the back of Newgag's collar, a device fur i-onuealing the meager newt of Ihh neck. He bad a smooth, pale face, slanting from ear to mate like a wedge; anil tbe dimueHs of tbe blue eyes added to its in troMpecLive cast. He blushed, an a rule, when he met new acquaintance or watt ad dressed suddenly. He bad a gloomy look and a hesitating way of speech. An amus ing spectacle was bis mechanical looking ainile, which, when he became conscious of tt, passed through several stages ex pressive of emtiarraMxmeiit uutil bis uormal tnouruful aspect wa reached. As be usually appeared In a sack coat when off tbe stage, l lie lengt h of bis legs was divertiogly emphasized. After the fash km of great actors of a bygone gtue ra tion, be wore a soft black felt hat, dinged In tbe crown from front to rear. He bud entered "tbe prof tw4ou" from tbe amateur stage, by way of tbe ooiuic opera chorus, and to that chance was due bis being located iu the comic opera wing of tbe great histrionic edifice. He bad orig inally preferred tragedy: but the firnt con sideration was tbe gettiug upon tbe stage by any means. Having udustriously worked his way out of tbe chorus be bad been reconciled by habit to his environ ment and had come to anp ire to eminence tberein. He had reached tbe standing of a secondary comedian that is to say. a man playing secondary comic rules in tbe pieces tor which be is cast, lie was useful in such companies as went directly or in directly controlled by their leading come dians; for there never could be any fear of bis outshiuiug those autocratic personages. Only in bis wildcat hope did be ever look Bpou tbe center of tbe stage as a spot possi ble for him to attain. His means of evoking laughter upon the stage were laborious, upou bis part and mystifying to tbe thoughtful observer. He took noticeable pains to change from bis real self. It mattered not what were the nature of the part be filled, be invariably assumed an unnatural, strained, rasping voice; be stretched his mouth to its utmost reach and lowered the extremities of his line; he turned bis toes Inward (naturally bis feet described an abnormal outward angle) and bowed bis arms. Brought up ' in tbe school which teaches that to make others laugh one must never smile one's self, he wore a grotesquely lugubrious and changeless countenance, buck was New- gag iu his every impersonation. When be thought he was funniest he appeared to be in most pain and was most depressing. "My methods are legitimate, auybow," be would say when he had enlisted one's attention and appareut admiration across table bearing beer bottles and sand- wiches. "The people want horse play now adays. But when I've got to descend to that sort of tuiug I'll go to tne variety stage or circus ring at once or quit." "That's a bappy thought, old m aaid a comedian of tbe younger school one night, when Newgag bad uttered his wonted speech. "Why donl you quitr Such a speech sufficed to rob Newgag of his self puaseaaiou and to reduce bim to silence. He could not cope wnu easy, on- ' baud, impromptu Jesters. In truth, no cue tried more than Newgag to excel in "bone play," but his temperament or his training did not equip bim tor excelling in it; be defended the monotony, emptiness aud toilsomeness of bis humor ou tbe mound that it was "legitimate." One night Newgag drank two glasses of beer in rapid succession and looked at me wild a touching countenance. "Old bov." be said, in bis homely drawl. "I'm discouraged! I begiu to tbink I'm not in itl" "Wbr. what's wrongr" "Well I've dropped to the fact that after all these years In tbe business I can't make them laugh." 1 was about to say, "So you've just awak ened to that?" but pity aud politeness de tarrttd me. Everv one else had known tt, 11 these years. Newgag, to be sure, should naturally have been, as be was, the last to discover it. , Newgag thus went one step further than any comedian I have ever known. Having detected his ioahillty to amuse audienoea. be confessed It. People who know actors and read this, will aXrcadj have said that it ii auction and that Newgag's admission Is false to j life. Not so; 1 am writing not about come' Idians iu general, but about Newgag. That he had come to so exceptional a coo cession marked the depth of his despair. 1 tried to cheer him. i Nonsense, my boy! They . ive won bad part a. tiooutof comic opera. Y.ytragedy." I had spoken innocently i i sincerely. But Newgag thought I wa. jesting. In stead of his usual attempt at lofty callous ness, however, be smiled that dismal mar ionette like smile of his. That gaveme an Idea, of which 1 said nothing at tbe time. Several months afterward, a manager who is a friend of mine, was suddenly plunged in distress because of the serious Illness of an actor who was to fill a part in a new American comedy that the manager was to produce on the next night. "What on earth shall I dot" he asked. "Play the part yourself, as Hoyt does In such au emergency or get Newgag." "Whose Newgag?' "He's a friend of mine out of a position, I met him today very much frayed." "Bring him to me." Newgag was overwhelmed when I told him of the opportunity. "I never acted in straight comedy," he said. "I can't do it. I might aswell try to play Juliet." "He wants you only to speak the lines, that's all. You're a quick study, you know. Come on I" 1 bad almost to drag the man to the manager. He allowed himself, in a senu stupefied condition, tobeengaged. He took tbe part, sat up all night in his boarding bouse room and learned it, went to rehear sal almost letter perfect in the morning, and nervously prepared to face the ordeal of the evening. At fi oY-lock be wished to go to the man ager and give up tbe part 1 can never do it, be wailed to me, I haven't had time to form a conception of it and get up byplay. You see, it's an eccen tric character tiart a man from the country whom everybody takes for a fool, but who shows up strongly at the last I can t" Obi don't act it. You're only engaged in the emergency, you know. Simply go on and say your tines and come off." That n all I can do," be said with a du bious shake of the head. "If only I'd had time to st udy it !" Auiericau plavs have taken foothold and this premier of a new one, by an author of io previous successes, drew a "typical first night audience." Newgag, having alwudoued ail idea of making a hit or of acting tbe part any further t ban the mere deliver' of the speeches went, was no longer inordinately nervous. When be first en tered he was a trifle frightened and his un avoidable lack of prepared stage business made him awkward ami embarrassed lor time. The awkwardness remained, but tbe emlwrriuwneot eventually passed away. He spoke in bis natural voice and retained bis b1ual manner, n tien tbe ac tion required dim to laugh, be did so, ex hibiting bis characteristic perfunctory mile. He received a special call before the cur- taiu after the third act. He had no thought that It was lueaut for him until the stage manager pushed him out from the wings. He came back looking distressed. "Are they guytng me?" be asked the stage manager. The papers agreed next day that one of tbe hits of the performance was made by Newgag "in an odd jsirt which be bad con ceived iu a strikingly original way and im personated with wonderful finish and sub tle drollery." "What does it mean?" be gasped. I enlightened him: "My buy, you simply played yourself. Did.it never occur to you that in your own person you're uuconsciounly one of the drollest men you everaawr" Hut Ididn tact I" You didn't. And take my advice don't I" And he doesn't. Upon the reputation of his success iu that comedy be arranged with another manager to appear in a play written especial! for him. He is a pros perous star now. Whatever bis play or tart, be always presents tbe same person ality on the stage; and be has made that personality dear to many theater goers. He does not appear too frequently or too long in any one place; hence he is warmly welcomed wherever and whenever he re turns. He is classed among leading actors; and tbe ordinary person does not stop sufficiently loug to observe that he is no actor at all. This isn't exact ly art," he said to me the other night, with a tinge of self rebuke, but It's successl" And tbe history of Newgag Is the history of many. K. N. Stephens in Philadelphia Press. Mans Humor. Even narrow mi tided us has its humor us side. "He's nice enough." said an old farmer, a stanch churchman of the Isle of Man, speaking of an acquaintance, "but he's a Methodist not that he's on the 'plan' at all, but he's next door to tt." The degrees of comparison suggested here are delicious. The old fellow had no Intention of being amusing, yet was not by any means destitute of humor, as the following advice, full of worldly wisdom, which he gave to a peddler and local preacher, will testify. "I waas tell in bim," said he, with a twinkle In bis gray eyes, "people would be think iu far more of bim and bis things if he Joined the church, and maybe the bishop himself would buy somethin." London Saturday Keview. Hot CtMrljr Blind. A y ouug mau aud bie sweetheart wen walkiug down Woodward avenue. On the other side of the street was an old gentle man picking his way along with a cane. The young lady asked the young man If he knew the old gentleman was stone blind. "But," she added, "there is ou thing he can see as readily as we can." Young Man Indeed, is that possiblef Young Lady Yes, it's a fact. Young Man For goodness sake, what it ttf Young Lady-A Joke. Detroit Free Press. Destined for Great Uses. It is estimated by Swiss engineer that 400,000 bone power for electric transmis sion of power can be easily obtained iron) the waterfalls of that country. New York Journal GETTING IT DONE. tt Is a Htm pi Affair If You Only Know How. It's Htnuitm I can't get my wife to mend my clothes," remarked Mr. Bridie disgust edly. "I asked her to sew the buttons on this vest this morning, and she has never touched It." Yon asked her?" olwcrved Mr. Norris, with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Yes. What else should 1 do?" "You haven't been married very long. and perhaps you'll take a pointer from me," remarked Mr. Norris, with a fatherly air. "Never ask a woman to mend any thing. That's fatal." "Why, what do you mean?" "Do as I da When I want to have a shirt mended, for instance, I tAke It In my hand and hunt p my wife. 'Where's that rag bag, Mrs. Norriar ! demand fiercely. " 'What do you want the ragbag for? she says suspiciously. " 'I want to throw this shirt away. It's all worn out,' I reply. " 'Irft me see it,' she demands. "Rut I put the garment behind my back. " 'No, my dear,' I answer. 'There is no nse of your attempting to do anything with it It needs' " it me see it,' she reiterates. 41 'But it's all worn out, I tell you.' " 'Now, John, you give me that Bhlrtl' she says In bsy most peremptory tones. "I band over the garment. "'Why, John Norris!' she cries, with womanly triumph. 'This Is a perfectly good shirt. All tt needs Is a new neck band.' "And the cuffs are ragged, too,' I an swer mildly. " 'And new wristbands, and the button- boles worked over ' she adds. " 'Well, never mind what it needs. I don't intend you shall bother with it. You'll only waste your time. You'll never get it to fit in the neck anyway,' I throw in as a final clincher. " 'That's jfcst like your extravagance,' she cries. Tin going to fix that shirt. The idea of throwing away a perfectly good garment! I'll fix it so you can never tell the difference And she does. That's the way I get my clothes mend ed." concluded Mr. Norris. "Just tell a woman she can't do anything and then stand aside and see how quickly it is done." Brooklyn Life. To Soothe Mi Savago Beast. It seemed odd that It should have suited the proud spirit of Mrs. Bowkmer to carry home her sausage thus. But to tbe canine population 'twas a caw of muHie having charms. Truth. The CauM of It. Softly blew the June breeie through the grand old woods. Feathered songsters flew joyously from branch to urancn, tne rip pling brook murmured an acoompaniment to their vocal melody and danced coyly in and out of the shadows, while the moss covered monarchs of the forest themselves waved their leafy plumes as if in applause, aud the sun beamed his approval from an uuclouded skr. "Laura," said George as the two strolled along over the grassy carpet spread by na ture's owu band, "In yon deep glen on the farther side of this romantic stream, where mossy ferns and but hark I Are tbe others calling us? What noise noise Is that?" "I think. George." answered Laura soft ly, "it is the echo of those trousers of yours." Chicago Tribune. Bow Good Luck Is Woo. Walking up Main street the other day good looking, well dressed and intelli gent appearing young man was observed to stoop down and pick up a pin. What did you do that ton inquired an acquaintance, suspecting some miser ly trait. "That," replied the young man, "was done to insure good luck for the rest of the day. If you hud s pin with tbe bead toward you, be sure and pick it up and carry it about your clothes, and you will then be assured of good luck during the rest of that day. The day, of course. ends at midnight But in order to have tbe charm work you must be sure and wear the pin somewhere about your clothes. "Buffalo Express. Meaning of Animal Kng ravings. The turtle and the snail meant domes tic inclination. A serpent indicated wisdom, and with its tail in its mouth it symbolized eternity. The owl was ra flettion not wisdom, as is commonly thought Bacchus engraved on a gem was often accompanied by a parrot, rep resenting the loquacious disposition of the inebriate. Women oommonly wore stones engraved with scorpions, spiders or other poisonous things as protec tion against like objectionable creatures. -Jewelers' Weekly. A Heifer In a Bathtub. I A numbrr of cattle were landed at the Weeins lim whurf yesterday morn ing. Their driver was Jttmcs Oroucher. The animals seeming quiot, Unmcher started to drive them without any ropes. On reaching Conway street a heifer, which had been moving along very placidly, became very much ani mated, and made things very interest ing for the balance of the herd. The street being too wide for her she danced up an aHoy between 129 and lol Uon way street. A gate blocked her way, but only momentarily. Thronghitshe went, and then another obstacle pre sented itself. Mrs. Emma A. Poole, who proved to be no more of a stop to the heifer s onward progress than rort Car roll would be to a modern man-of-war. In a moment Mrs. Poole was knocked to the ground, and in the kitchen it went There some destruction of prop erty wag committed, but not enough to satisfy the heifer. The dining room was next entered, where the well known quadruped-in-a china-shop scene was re-enacted. The hallway was then taken in, and a lamp was knocked down. The heifer wanted to conquer higher worlds, so she went upward into a bedroom. Here, tem porarily, repose was sought on the bed, bnt it fell nnder the animal's weight, other damage being done during this occurrence. From here, the weather being warm, her heifership went into the bathroom and hopped into the bath tub. Mrs. Poole then commenced call ing for help, and, with the assistance of a bine coated soldier, drove the animal out, and she at once sailed up Hanover street and there entered another house, but did no damage. The driver finally caught the animal Baltimore Ameri can. An Infatuated Tomcat. Miss Ethel, daughter of D. W. Pease, of West Carrollton. is the possessor of a Maltese cat Early in the spring the cat deserted his place in the house and took np his abode with the chickens, remain ing day and night in the chicken yard. He soon formed an attachment for an old black hen, which was reciprocated, and the two became inseparable. Thns matters went on for some time, when the hen, remembering that the usual season for multiplying and replenishing her species had arrived, selected a nest in the poultry house and made known her intentions in the tisnal way. She was at once supplied with the necessary eggs and commenced business. This, it was supposed, wonld end the rather strange flirtation and Tommy wonld re turn to his mat on the porch, bnt not so. Jndge of the surprise of the family on going to the poultry house the next day to find that Ins catslnp had taken pos session of the adjoining nest with the nest egg and was sitting in the most ap proved fashion. tor. Dayton (O.) Her ald. A Gaudy Uniform. Warden Aull has adopted a novel method of keeping track of such con victs as are continually planning to es cape. Thursday morning he surprised three of the most incorrigible by dressing them up with a flaming red flannel blouse and cap. Across the back of the blouse in plain view is a broad white strip of canvas marked in large, plain letters, "Convict No. ." The pants are the regulation stripes. It was a great surprise to the convicts. As they marched to the canal they were subjected to a great deal of raillery. The warden says these three have kept the officers and gnards busy for snme time trying to keep run of them. With these suite on they can be easily watched from the various posts and their every movement noted. AU who attempt to escape hereafter will be treated in like manner. Folsom (Cal.) Telegraph. ' Georgia's Profits from Fruits. The Georgia fruit crop is a big thing thiB year, and everybody is interested in knowing what the growers will make out of it In the peach and grape crops alone conservative estimates show that about 500 carloads of peaches and 100 carloads of grapes will leave the state for foreign markets during the present season. The estimated receipts for the peach and grape crops combined are $750,000. Reports show that the peaches are well formed, of good size and perfectly sound, and this, together with the de crease in yield from last year, makes good prices and ready sales an assured fact Other important fruit crops will largely swell the total sales, and lots of summer money will be put in circula tion where it will do good, Columbus (Ga.) Enquirer-Sun. A Fine Point of Law. The ideas of the colored man in the south are somewhat confused ou some subjects. An old Texas negro applied to a lawyer to bring suit against Uncle Mose for 110 bor rowed money. "You must have a witness who saw you lend him the money." "Boss," replies the colored agriculturist after a minute's pause, "ef I brings two witnesses what seed me loan him de $10, kin I make him pay me back 180?" Texas SifUngs. . Attn Fair. Ellen Do you see that woman talking so excitedly to the young lady typewriter? What do you suppose is tbe matter with her? John-Ob, she is tbe one who is going to deliver a lecture this afternoon on "Why Woman Should Receive the Same Wages as a Man," and she is kicking about paying the young lady's price for typewriting her speech. Uoston courier. NO CAPTAIN'3 TABLE FOR HIM. Be Tlmniiht That the Ills Man of the Nhlu Ate with the Deck lUmls, He wiu pacing the promonmle deck of l omru steamer. One of bis eyes was blackened, and his red none aud swollen features wore a careworn expression. Tbe breeze played gently with the toils of bis long ulster, and he could scarcely keep Ins feet. A sudden lurch of the ship sent him sprawling on the deck In front of one of the passengers, who helped bim up and asked him if he were sick. "No, my friend, he answered gravely, , but I'm afraid I've made a big mistake. Ever crossed the ocean before?" "Two or three times," was the n.odeBt answer. Well, then," he continued, "perhaps you can tell ine whether I was right or wrong." "How was itf ' "Well, vou see It was this wav.'' The other day was appointed United States consul to a little port over here across the Dond. I'm on my way there now. 1 took cabin passage on this boat aud I was hav ing a tiptop time until today. Tins morn ing I had just sat down to breakfast when a big waiter came up behind me, and said he, I beg pardon, sir, but tbe captain re quest that you lie seated at his table.' What's tbatf said 1, 'sit at tne captain's table. Not much, sir. I'm no plug of a , ., common sailor. I'm a United States con sul. I paid for first class passage on this . craft and I'm going to have first class grub. Sit at the captain's table! You must be crazv. man. No, sir, I'm going to sit right here and take my meals like the1' other first class passengers. I'm a gentle man. I'm an American sovereign, sir. ana I stand ou my rights. The next thing you'll want me to go down and take pot luck with the coal beavers, rm no steer age passenger. If you don't believe it here's my ticket 1 aon't eat witn sea captains, do ypu see?' Everybody at the table began to iook astonished like, and the waiter said: 'I'm sorry, sir, but orders is orders. I wouldn't dare tell the cuptaiu that you had refused to come to his table. He would be much insulted, sir.' 'Then let him get insulted.' said I, getting a bit riled. 'It's none of his business where I sit. 1 don't have to eat with my social inferiors. I'm going to sit right here, and if you don't take yourhand off my shoulder I'll paste you one right be tween the eyes.' "'But you don't understand' he be gan, and put hiB hand on me again. fVith that I got up and hit him. He struck back and we clinched, rolled over on. the j floor and gouged each other. A lot of the ' waiters run up and parted us. I got up and left tbe room without any breakfast. Just as I went out I heard somebody ro-. mark that I was the biggest fool that . ever stepped off dry land. 'Now tell me, stranger, is a man a fool because he stands up for his rights?' " 'Certainly not,' answered the other pas senger, 'but don't you know that it iB con sidered a great honor to be invited to the captain's table? It 1b an honor accorded only to people of high social rank or offi cial position. -The captain's table is con-' ' Bidered the finest iu the dining room.' "in the dilling rooml' he gasped. 'Then it ain't down In the forecastlel Ah, now I catch on. What a tarnal fool I've been, anyhow. I'm going to get the biggest deck band on board to kick me all over the ship and then I'm going to my stateroom, and I won't stick my nose outside until we get to Queenstown. Goodby, my friend.' " Hew lork tribune. Literary Inspiration. 'Do you know." said the author, "I am a firm believer In inspiration, and I believe it Is far more common among authors than most people suppose. The poets by no means monopolize it. In almost every author's work there are sentences, scenes or chapters that are genuine inspirations, born of the moment, Hashing upon the author's mind without the least warning. In my owu case many of the best things I have written have come to me in that way. See here, let me show you how I work," and he took a long blank book from his desk. "This is the kiud of a book I write the first drafts of my Btories in before hav ing them copied ou a typewriter. You see, I write on only one side of Cue page, while on the other side you will see occasional lines hastily jotted down di agonally across the page. Thou are my inspirations, and they come aiout in tnis way: While 1 am writing suddenly an idea will nop into my head, often utterly irrelevant to the particular part of the work on which I am engaged some scene later on In my story, or it may lw only a sentence or two the happy expression of some thought. I turn instantly aud jot it down on the opposite page, then go on wit h my work, and when I have reached tne point in my story where my 'inspiration' is needed I turn back and copy It, used to try to remember these things, believing that when I wanted the sentence the association of ideas would bring It back to me, but I found that unwise. These little 'inBpirutions,' in my case, are very fleeting, aud 1 have to uail them at once or they escape." New York Epoch. Borne Curious Book Titles, In the Sixteenth century we find' the greatest extravagance displayed in tbe titles of books. These may be taken as ex amples: "The Spiritual Snuff Box, to Imd Devoted (souls to Ubrlst" auu " lue spir itual Seringa for Souls Steeped In Devo tion." A work on Christian charity pub lished in 1587 Is entitled "Buttons and Button Holes for Believers' Breeches." The editor of this paper has Father La Chaucie's work entitled "Bread Cooked on the Ashes; Brought by an Angel to the Prophet Eligiah (Elijah) to Comfort the Dying." Another was Issued with tha curious title of "The Lamp oil S, Augus tine, and the Files That Flit Around It." The following very attractive title ap peared In a book published at Newcastle tn 1005: "Some Beautiful Biscuits Cooked in the Oven of Charity and Put Aside for the Fowls of tbe Church, the Sparrows of the Spirit and the Swallows of Salvation." St. Louis Republic. , Bad m Better Job. Employer (impulsively) Miss De Pinkie Clara, will you marry mef Pretty Typewritiat Whatf And glv up my twenty dollars a week salary f Not muchr-Mew York Weekly. Wlw,