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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 3, 1893)
Pallnn Mft,nJ Ho-1 ptv up the fight,
Wlmi bunt tt to strive. If fmvr awl ever,
lit ilie of one's utuitwt of pain aud endeavor
Villi Ui cleave U) tbe rigiil,
.still to follow Uw Uicbt,
Ot fall from each height?
What boots ttT Ota. better to climb and to ffcll.
To strive aotl to rail, to tight and b slain,
Tuao to grovel mntent ou the soul's lowest
At U10 sprit's clear call
WbuwiitirH not at nil
-Joseph U. Uilder Id Youth1! Companion.
It was not hi rani name or hi stage
hunt), but It was tli one under which be
wui bent known by thorn who taut knew
bim. It bad been throwo at bliu In a cafe
one night by newspaper man after tbe
performance, and bad clung to him. its
significance lay in ibe fact that hit "gags"
supposedly comic things aaid by presum
ably oomic men in nominal opera or bur
lesque Invariably were old. Tbe man who
bestowed the title opon him thought It a
fine bit of Irony.
Newgag received It without 'expressed
ftwntnieut, but without mirth, and be
bore iu repetition patiently an seasons
went by. He whh accustomed to enduring
calmly tbe jests, tbe indignities that were
r lid ted by hiH peculiar appearance, his
doleful expression, bin alow and bungling
speech and movement, hisdiftideut manner.
tie wan one of tbe forbearing men, tbe
many who are doomed to continual suffer
ing of a kind that their sensitiveness and
timidity make It tbe more difficult for
them to ttear. Undying ambition burned
beneath bin undemonstrative surface;
dauutles courage lay under bis lack of
He wax an extremely attar man, of ex
traordinary height and the bend of bis
shoulders gave tbe small bead a comical
thru tit forward. His black bair was with
out curl and it would tolerate no other ar
rangvmeot than beittg comlted bock
straight. It was allowed to grow down
ward until tt scraped the back of Newgag's
collar, a device fur i-onuealing the meager
newt of Ihh neck.
He bad a smooth, pale face, slanting
from ear to mate like a wedge; anil tbe
dimueHs of tbe blue eyes added to its in
troMpecLive cast. He blushed, an a rule,
when he met new acquaintance or watt ad
dressed suddenly. He bad a gloomy look
and a hesitating way of speech. An amus
ing spectacle was bis mechanical looking
ainile, which, when he became conscious
of tt, passed through several stages ex
pressive of emtiarraMxmeiit uutil bis uormal
tnouruful aspect wa reached.
As be usually appeared In a sack coat
when off tbe stage, l lie lengt h of bis legs
was divertiogly emphasized. After the
fash km of great actors of a bygone gtue ra
tion, be wore a soft black felt hat, dinged
In tbe crown from front to rear.
He bud entered "tbe prof tw4ou" from tbe
amateur stage, by way of tbe ooiuic opera
chorus, and to that chance was due bis
being located iu the comic opera wing of
tbe great histrionic edifice. He bad orig
inally preferred tragedy: but the firnt con
sideration was tbe gettiug upon tbe stage
by any means. Having udustriously
worked his way out of tbe chorus be bad
been reconciled by habit to his environ
ment and had come to anp ire to eminence
tberein. He had reached tbe standing of a
secondary comedian that is to say. a man
playing secondary comic rules in tbe pieces
tor which be is cast, lie was useful in
such companies as went directly or in
directly controlled by their leading come
dians; for there never could be any fear of
bis outshiuiug those autocratic personages.
Only in bis wildcat hope did be ever look
Bpou tbe center of tbe stage as a spot possi
ble for him to attain.
His means of evoking laughter upon the
stage were laborious, upou bis part and
mystifying to tbe thoughtful observer. He
took noticeable pains to change from bis
real self. It mattered not what were the
nature of the part be filled, be invariably
assumed an unnatural, strained, rasping
voice; be stretched his mouth to its utmost
reach and lowered the extremities of his
line; he turned bis toes Inward (naturally
bis feet described an abnormal outward
angle) and bowed bis arms. Brought up
' in tbe school which teaches that to make
others laugh one must never smile one's
self, he wore a grotesquely lugubrious and
changeless countenance, buck was New-
gag iu his every impersonation. When be
thought he was funniest he appeared to be
in most pain and was most depressing.
"My methods are legitimate, auybow,"
be would say when he had enlisted one's
attention and appareut admiration across
table bearing beer bottles and sand-
wiches. "The people want horse play now
adays. But when I've got to descend to
that sort of tuiug I'll go to tne variety
stage or circus ring at once or quit."
"That's a bappy thought, old m
aaid a comedian of tbe younger school one
night, when Newgag bad uttered his
wonted speech. "Why donl you quitr
Such a speech sufficed to rob Newgag of
his self puaseaaiou and to reduce bim to
silence. He could not cope wnu easy, on-
' baud, impromptu Jesters. In truth, no
cue tried more than Newgag to excel in
"bone play," but his temperament or his
training did not equip bim tor excelling in
it; be defended the monotony, emptiness
aud toilsomeness of bis humor ou tbe
mound that it was "legitimate."
One night Newgag drank two glasses of
beer in rapid succession and looked at me
wild a touching countenance.
"Old bov." be said, in bis homely drawl.
"I'm discouraged! I begiu to tbink I'm
not in itl"
"Wbr. what's wrongr"
"Well I've dropped to the fact that
after all these years In tbe business I can't
make them laugh."
1 was about to say, "So you've just awak
ened to that?" but pity aud politeness de
tarrttd me. Everv one else had known tt,
11 these years. Newgag, to be sure, should
naturally have been, as be was, the last to
, Newgag thus went one step further than
any comedian I have ever known. Having
detected his ioahillty to amuse audienoea.
be confessed It.
People who know actors and read this,
will aXrcadj have said that it ii auction
and that Newgag's admission Is false to
j life. Not so; 1 am writing not about come'
Idians iu general, but about Newgag.
That he had come to so exceptional a coo
cession marked the depth of his despair. 1
tried to cheer him. i
Nonsense, my boy! They . ive won bad
part a. tiooutof comic opera. Y.ytragedy."
I had spoken innocently i i sincerely.
But Newgag thought I wa. jesting. In
stead of his usual attempt at lofty callous
ness, however, be smiled that dismal mar
ionette like smile of his. That gaveme an
Idea, of which 1 said nothing at tbe time.
Several months afterward, a manager
who is a friend of mine, was suddenly
plunged in distress because of the serious
Illness of an actor who was to fill a part in
a new American comedy that the manager
was to produce on the next night.
"What on earth shall I dot" he asked.
"Play the part yourself, as Hoyt does In
such au emergency or get Newgag."
"He's a friend of mine out of a position,
I met him today very much frayed."
"Bring him to me."
Newgag was overwhelmed when I told
him of the opportunity.
"I never acted in straight comedy," he
said. "I can't do it. I might aswell try to
"He wants you only to speak the lines,
that's all. You're a quick study, you know.
Come on I"
1 bad almost to drag the man to the
manager. He allowed himself, in a senu
stupefied condition, tobeengaged. He took
tbe part, sat up all night in his boarding
bouse room and learned it, went to rehear
sal almost letter perfect in the morning,
and nervously prepared to face the ordeal
of the evening.
At fi oY-lock be wished to go to the man
ager and give up tbe part
1 can never do it, be wailed to me, I
haven't had time to form a conception of it
and get up byplay. You see, it's an eccen
tric character tiart a man from the country
whom everybody takes for a fool, but who
shows up strongly at the last I can t"
Obi don't act it. You're only engaged
in the emergency, you know. Simply go
on and say your tines and come off."
That n all I can do," be said with a du
bious shake of the head. "If only I'd had
time to st udy it !"
Auiericau plavs have taken foothold and
this premier of a new one, by an author of
io previous successes, drew a "typical
first night audience." Newgag, having
alwudoued ail idea of making a hit or of
acting tbe part any further t ban the mere
deliver' of the speeches went, was no longer
inordinately nervous. When be first en
tered he was a trifle frightened and his un
avoidable lack of prepared stage business
made him awkward ami embarrassed lor
time. The awkwardness remained, but
tbe emlwrriuwneot eventually passed
away. He spoke in bis natural voice and
retained bis b1ual manner, n tien tbe ac
tion required dim to laugh, be did so, ex
hibiting bis characteristic perfunctory
He received a special call before the cur-
taiu after the third act. He had no thought
that It was lueaut for him until the stage
manager pushed him out from the wings.
He came back looking distressed.
"Are they guytng me?" be asked the
The papers agreed next day that one of
tbe hits of the performance was made by
Newgag "in an odd jsirt which be bad con
ceived iu a strikingly original way and im
personated with wonderful finish and sub
"What does it mean?" be gasped.
I enlightened him:
"My buy, you simply played yourself.
Did.it never occur to you that in your own
person you're uuconsciounly one of the
drollest men you everaawr"
Hut Ididn tact I"
You didn't. And take my advice
And he doesn't. Upon the reputation of
his success iu that comedy be arranged
with another manager to appear in a play
written especial! for him. He is a pros
perous star now. Whatever bis play or
tart, be always presents tbe same person
ality on the stage; and be has made that
personality dear to many theater goers.
He does not appear too frequently or too
long in any one place; hence he is warmly
welcomed wherever and whenever he re
turns. He is classed among leading actors;
and tbe ordinary person does not stop
sufficiently loug to observe that he is no
actor at all.
This isn't exact ly art," he said to me
the other night, with a tinge of self rebuke,
but It's successl"
And tbe history of Newgag Is the history
of many. K. N. Stephens in Philadelphia
Even narrow mi tided us has its humor
us side. "He's nice enough." said an old
farmer, a stanch churchman of the Isle
of Man, speaking of an acquaintance, "but
he's a Methodist not that he's on the
'plan' at all, but he's next door to tt." The
degrees of comparison suggested here are
delicious. The old fellow had no Intention
of being amusing, yet was not by any
means destitute of humor, as the following
advice, full of worldly wisdom, which he
gave to a peddler and local preacher, will
testify. "I waas tell in bim," said he, with a
twinkle In bis gray eyes, "people would be
think iu far more of bim and bis things if
he Joined the church, and maybe the bishop
himself would buy somethin." London
Hot CtMrljr Blind.
A y ouug mau aud bie sweetheart wen
walkiug down Woodward avenue. On the
other side of the street was an old gentle
man picking his way along with a cane.
The young lady asked the young man If he
knew the old gentleman was stone blind.
"But," she added, "there is ou thing he
can see as readily as we can."
Young Man Indeed, is that possiblef
Young Lady Yes, it's a fact.
Young Man For goodness sake, what it
Young Lady-A Joke. Detroit Free
Destined for Great Uses.
It is estimated by Swiss engineer that
400,000 bone power for electric transmis
sion of power can be easily obtained iron)
the waterfalls of that country. New York
GETTING IT DONE.
tt Is a Htm pi Affair If You Only Know
It's Htnuitm I can't get my wife to mend
my clothes," remarked Mr. Bridie disgust
edly. "I asked her to sew the buttons on
this vest this morning, and she has never
Yon asked her?" olwcrved Mr. Norris,
with a slight shrug of his shoulders.
"Yes. What else should 1 do?"
"You haven't been married very long.
and perhaps you'll take a pointer from
me," remarked Mr. Norris, with a fatherly
air. "Never ask a woman to mend any
thing. That's fatal."
"Why, what do you mean?"
"Do as I da When I want to have a shirt
mended, for instance, I tAke It In my hand
and hunt p my wife. 'Where's that rag
bag, Mrs. Norriar ! demand fiercely.
" 'What do you want the ragbag for?
she says suspiciously.
" 'I want to throw this shirt away. It's
all worn out,' I reply.
" 'Irft me see it,' she demands.
"Rut I put the garment behind my back.
" 'No, my dear,' I answer. 'There is no
nse of your attempting to do anything with
it It needs'
" it me see it,' she reiterates.
41 'But it's all worn out, I tell you.'
" 'Now, John, you give me that Bhlrtl'
she says In bsy most peremptory tones.
"I band over the garment.
"'Why, John Norris!' she cries, with
womanly triumph. 'This Is a perfectly
good shirt. All tt needs Is a new neck
band.' "And the cuffs are ragged, too,' I an
" 'And new wristbands, and the button-
boles worked over ' she adds.
" 'Well, never mind what it needs. I don't
intend you shall bother with it. You'll
only waste your time. You'll never get it
to fit in the neck anyway,' I throw in as a
" 'That's jfcst like your extravagance,'
she cries. Tin going to fix that shirt.
The idea of throwing away a perfectly good
garment! I'll fix it so you can never tell
the difference And she does.
That's the way I get my clothes mend
ed." concluded Mr. Norris. "Just tell a
woman she can't do anything and then
stand aside and see how quickly it is
done." Brooklyn Life.
To Soothe Mi Savago Beast.
It seemed odd that It should have suited
the proud spirit of Mrs. Bowkmer to carry
home her sausage thus.
But to tbe canine population 'twas a caw
of muHie having charms. Truth.
The CauM of It.
Softly blew the June breeie through the
grand old woods. Feathered songsters flew
joyously from branch to urancn, tne rip
pling brook murmured an acoompaniment
to their vocal melody and danced coyly in
and out of the shadows, while the moss
covered monarchs of the forest themselves
waved their leafy plumes as if in applause,
aud the sun beamed his approval from an
"Laura," said George as the two strolled
along over the grassy carpet spread by na
ture's owu band, "In yon deep glen on the
farther side of this romantic stream, where
mossy ferns and but hark I Are tbe others
calling us? What noise noise Is that?"
"I think. George." answered Laura soft
ly, "it is the echo of those trousers of
yours." Chicago Tribune.
Bow Good Luck Is Woo.
Walking up Main street the other day
good looking, well dressed and intelli
gent appearing young man was observed
to stoop down and pick up a pin.
What did you do that ton inquired
an acquaintance, suspecting some miser
"That," replied the young man, "was
done to insure good luck for the rest of
the day. If you hud s pin with tbe bead
toward you, be sure and pick it up and
carry it about your clothes, and you will
then be assured of good luck during the
rest of that day. The day, of course.
ends at midnight But in order to have
tbe charm work you must be sure and
wear the pin somewhere about your
clothes. "Buffalo Express.
Meaning of Animal Kng ravings.
The turtle and the snail meant domes
tic inclination. A serpent indicated
wisdom, and with its tail in its mouth it
symbolized eternity. The owl was ra
flettion not wisdom, as is commonly
thought Bacchus engraved on a gem
was often accompanied by a parrot, rep
resenting the loquacious disposition of
the inebriate. Women oommonly wore
stones engraved with scorpions, spiders
or other poisonous things as protec
tion against like objectionable creatures.
A Heifer In a Bathtub. I
A numbrr of cattle were landed at
the Weeins lim whurf yesterday morn
ing. Their driver was Jttmcs Oroucher.
The animals seeming quiot, Unmcher
started to drive them without any
ropes. On reaching Conway street a
heifer, which had been moving along
very placidly, became very much ani
mated, and made things very interest
ing for the balance of the herd. The
street being too wide for her she danced
up an aHoy between 129 and lol Uon
way street. A gate blocked her way,
but only momentarily. Thronghitshe
went, and then another obstacle pre
sented itself. Mrs. Emma A. Poole, who
proved to be no more of a stop to the
heifer s onward progress than rort Car
roll would be to a modern man-of-war.
In a moment Mrs. Poole was knocked
to the ground, and in the kitchen it
went There some destruction of prop
erty wag committed, but not enough to
satisfy the heifer.
The dining room was next entered,
where the well known quadruped-in-a
china-shop scene was re-enacted. The
hallway was then taken in, and a lamp
was knocked down. The heifer wanted
to conquer higher worlds, so she went
upward into a bedroom. Here, tem
porarily, repose was sought on the bed,
bnt it fell nnder the animal's weight,
other damage being done during this
occurrence. From here, the weather
being warm, her heifership went into
the bathroom and hopped into the bath
tub. Mrs. Poole then commenced call
ing for help, and, with the assistance of
a bine coated soldier, drove the animal
out, and she at once sailed up Hanover
street and there entered another house,
but did no damage. The driver finally
caught the animal Baltimore Ameri
can. An Infatuated Tomcat.
Miss Ethel, daughter of D. W. Pease,
of West Carrollton. is the possessor of a
Maltese cat Early in the spring the cat
deserted his place in the house and took
np his abode with the chickens, remain
ing day and night in the chicken yard.
He soon formed an attachment for an
old black hen, which was reciprocated,
and the two became inseparable. Thns
matters went on for some time, when
the hen, remembering that the usual
season for multiplying and replenishing
her species had arrived, selected a nest
in the poultry house and made known
her intentions in the tisnal way. She
was at once supplied with the necessary
eggs and commenced business. This, it
was supposed, wonld end the rather
strange flirtation and Tommy wonld re
turn to his mat on the porch, bnt not so.
Jndge of the surprise of the family on
going to the poultry house the next day
to find that Ins catslnp had taken pos
session of the adjoining nest with the
nest egg and was sitting in the most ap
proved fashion. tor. Dayton (O.) Her
A Gaudy Uniform.
Warden Aull has adopted a novel
method of keeping track of such con
victs as are continually planning to es
cape. Thursday morning he surprised
three of the most incorrigible by
dressing them up with a flaming red
flannel blouse and cap. Across the
back of the blouse in plain view is a
broad white strip of canvas marked in
large, plain letters, "Convict No. ."
The pants are the regulation stripes. It
was a great surprise to the convicts.
As they marched to the canal they
were subjected to a great deal of raillery.
The warden says these three have kept
the officers and gnards busy for snme
time trying to keep run of them. With
these suite on they can be easily watched
from the various posts and their every
movement noted. AU who attempt to
escape hereafter will be treated in like
manner. Folsom (Cal.) Telegraph.
' Georgia's Profits from Fruits.
The Georgia fruit crop is a big thing
thiB year, and everybody is interested in
knowing what the growers will make
out of it In the peach and grape crops
alone conservative estimates show that
about 500 carloads of peaches and 100
carloads of grapes will leave the state
for foreign markets during the present
season. The estimated receipts for the
peach and grape crops combined are
Reports show that the peaches are
well formed, of good size and perfectly
sound, and this, together with the de
crease in yield from last year, makes
good prices and ready sales an assured
fact Other important fruit crops will
largely swell the total sales, and lots of
summer money will be put in circula
tion where it will do good, Columbus
A Fine Point of Law.
The ideas of the colored man in the south
are somewhat confused ou some subjects.
An old Texas negro applied to a lawyer to
bring suit against Uncle Mose for 110 bor
"You must have a witness who saw you
lend him the money."
"Boss," replies the colored agriculturist
after a minute's pause, "ef I brings two
witnesses what seed me loan him de $10,
kin I make him pay me back 180?" Texas
. Attn Fair.
Ellen Do you see that woman talking
so excitedly to the young lady typewriter?
What do you suppose is tbe matter with
John-Ob, she is tbe one who is going to
deliver a lecture this afternoon on "Why
Woman Should Receive the Same Wages
as a Man," and she is kicking about paying
the young lady's price for typewriting her
speech. Uoston courier.
NO CAPTAIN'3 TABLE FOR HIM.
Be Tlmniiht That the Ills Man of the
Nhlu Ate with the Deck lUmls,
He wiu pacing the promonmle deck of
l omru steamer. One of bis eyes was
blackened, and his red none aud swollen
features wore a careworn expression. Tbe
breeze played gently with the toils of bis
long ulster, and he could scarcely keep Ins
feet. A sudden lurch of the ship sent him
sprawling on the deck In front of one of
the passengers, who helped bim up and
asked him if he were sick.
"No, my friend, he answered gravely, ,
but I'm afraid I've made a big mistake.
Ever crossed the ocean before?"
"Two or three times," was the n.odeBt
Well, then," he continued, "perhaps you
can tell ine whether I was right or wrong."
"How was itf '
"Well, vou see It was this wav.'' The
other day was appointed United States
consul to a little port over here across the
Dond. I'm on my way there now. 1 took
cabin passage on this boat aud I was hav
ing a tiptop time until today. Tins morn
ing I had just sat down to breakfast when
a big waiter came up behind me, and said
he, I beg pardon, sir, but tbe captain re
quest that you lie seated at his table.'
What's tbatf said 1, 'sit at tne captain's
table. Not much, sir. I'm no plug of a , .,
common sailor. I'm a United States con
sul. I paid for first class passage on this .
craft and I'm going to have first class
Sit at the captain's table! You must
be crazv. man. No, sir, I'm going to sit
right here and take my meals like the1'
other first class passengers. I'm a gentle
man. I'm an American sovereign, sir. ana
I stand ou my rights. The next thing
you'll want me to go down and take pot
luck with the coal beavers, rm no steer
age passenger. If you don't believe it
here's my ticket 1 aon't eat witn sea
captains, do ypu see?'
Everybody at the table began to iook
astonished like, and the waiter said: 'I'm
sorry, sir, but orders is orders. I wouldn't
dare tell the cuptaiu that you had refused
to come to his table. He would be much
insulted, sir.' 'Then let him get insulted.'
said I, getting a bit riled. 'It's none of his
business where I sit. 1 don't have to eat
with my social inferiors. I'm going to sit
right here, and if you don't take yourhand
off my shoulder I'll paste you one right be
tween the eyes.'
"'But you don't understand' he be
gan, and put hiB hand on me again. fVith
that I got up and hit him. He struck
back and we clinched, rolled over on. the j
floor and gouged each other. A lot of the '
waiters run up and parted us. I got up
and left tbe room without any breakfast.
Just as I went out I heard somebody ro-.
mark that I was the biggest fool that .
ever stepped off dry land. 'Now tell me,
stranger, is a man a fool because he stands
up for his rights?'
" 'Certainly not,' answered the other pas
senger, 'but don't you know that it iB con
sidered a great honor to be invited to the
captain's table? It 1b an honor accorded
only to people of high social rank or offi
cial position. -The captain's table is con-' '
Bidered the finest iu the dining room.'
"in the dilling rooml' he gasped. 'Then
it ain't down In the forecastlel Ah, now I
catch on. What a tarnal fool I've been,
anyhow. I'm going to get the biggest
deck band on board to kick me all over the
ship and then I'm going to my stateroom,
and I won't stick my nose outside until we
get to Queenstown. Goodby, my friend.' "
Hew lork tribune.
'Do you know." said the author, "I am
a firm believer In inspiration, and I believe
it Is far more common among authors than
most people suppose. The poets by no
means monopolize it. In almost every
author's work there are sentences, scenes
or chapters that are genuine inspirations,
born of the moment, Hashing upon the
author's mind without the least warning.
In my owu case many of the best things I
have written have come to me in that way.
See here, let me show you how I work,"
and he took a long blank book from his
desk. "This is the kiud of a book I write
the first drafts of my Btories in before hav
ing them copied ou a typewriter.
You see, I write on only one side of Cue
page, while on the other side you will see
occasional lines hastily jotted down di
agonally across the page. Thou are my
inspirations, and they come aiout in tnis
way: While 1 am writing suddenly an
idea will nop into my head, often utterly
irrelevant to the particular part of the
work on which I am engaged some scene
later on In my story, or it may lw only a
sentence or two the happy expression of
some thought. I turn instantly aud jot it
down on the opposite page, then go on wit h
my work, and when I have reached tne
point in my story where my 'inspiration' is
needed I turn back and copy It,
used to try to remember these things,
believing that when I wanted the sentence
the association of ideas would bring It back
to me, but I found that unwise. These
little 'inBpirutions,' in my case, are very
fleeting, aud 1 have to uail them at once or
they escape." New York Epoch.
Borne Curious Book Titles,
In the Sixteenth century we find' the
greatest extravagance displayed in tbe
titles of books. These may be taken as ex
amples: "The Spiritual Snuff Box, to Imd
Devoted (souls to Ubrlst" auu " lue spir
itual Seringa for Souls Steeped In Devo
tion." A work on Christian charity pub
lished in 1587 Is entitled "Buttons and
Button Holes for Believers' Breeches."
The editor of this paper has Father La
Chaucie's work entitled "Bread Cooked on
the Ashes; Brought by an Angel to the
Prophet Eligiah (Elijah) to Comfort the
Dying." Another was Issued with tha
curious title of "The Lamp oil S, Augus
tine, and the Files That Flit Around It."
The following very attractive title ap
peared In a book published at Newcastle tn
1005: "Some Beautiful Biscuits Cooked in
the Oven of Charity and Put Aside for the
Fowls of tbe Church, the Sparrows of the
Spirit and the Swallows of Salvation."
St. Louis Republic.
, Bad m Better Job.
Employer (impulsively) Miss De Pinkie
Clara, will you marry mef
Pretty Typewritiat Whatf And glv
up my twenty dollars a week salary f Not
muchr-Mew York Weekly.