Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (June 5, 1891)
The Wooing O't.
Buch brave, handsome f ce bad tbe laddie,
The lassie was sweeter than peaches ana
And the mooting- took place here, just over
--"And this iris tfcelr courtship on Valentine
HPloase rv me your hand, gentle Annie,
With a smile on hts Hps, and his face Try
While straightway yoa walk without danger
And your blue eyes will never be wet by a
"Here It Is," she said blushing and merrily
la ugh top.
'Tbongh I'm sure I can't see what you mean
by such hafnng.
Step with care and remember the plunk's very
The distance a trifle, still water runs deep."
Then he laughs, while a gleam In his blue eye
'You're a witch to be sure all my wishes de-
Then he kissed the red lips so tremulous and
And St. Valentine's woolngr Is full and com
plete. N". 8. Cox. In Galveston News.
A TR A fJFXl Y Oh KR KOK.S
It was after Mrs. Jeffries, stilt a
young and pretty woumn, was dressed
for dinner, and sitting at the window
with her embroidery, that she saw a
messenger boy crawl up the street,
stop to throw a stone at another boy,
and finally rung her door bell.
A moment after this Bella, the "up
stairs girl," brongbt her a note. It
was from her friend, Ed w inn Jones,
familiarly Ned. who had come from
afar to pay her a visit, and being tim
orous, had-decided to watt at the "depot
until she came to meet her. There
was do time to lose. Airs. Jeffries
gave a few directions to her cook, and
Half an hour after she had gone Mr.
Jeffries returned home and let himself
In with his latch key, wondering that
his wife did not come to meet him.
Mr. Jeffries had been a very jealous
man before he married. He confessed
it. He would not permit any one to
pay the least attention to his Emma
Jane. Even cousins of the first degree
made him suffer pangs of srief un
known when they called of Sunday
afternoons, and an uncle, who was
unusually young for that relationship,
while as yet unknown, had driven him
to the most serious thoughts of suicide,
for Emma Jane had kissed him in the
-Do you really think, Jefferson Jef
fries, that I can endure such conduct?"
his Emma Jane had remarked. "Is it
possible that any one can put up with
being followed around like that, and
stared at like that? Do you think I
will?" and then she had given him
back his ring, and he had ground it
However, he bought her another in
a month or so. and they made it up
and married; and Mr. Jeffries, warned
by the past, had behaved himself very
well, indeed, and he bad never yet
been jealous of his wife, when one
afternoon in August he came home
eartv to dinner aud found her "gone
"Bella, did she sny where she was
going?'1 asked Mr. Jeffries.
"No, sir," said Bella. "She gave
out the things for dessert and went out ;
in a hurry Toike, in her best things, !
just after she got ft note toike. brought
by a boy dressed like a tallygmph."
"Ah!" said Mr. Jeffries. I trust
her mother is not ill. It really seems
as though so met hi ug must have hap- ;
He went upstairs when he had said
this, and looked about him for the
message, which, doubtless, she bad
left lying somewhere. He could see
none. He opened the drawer in which
Emma Jane kept her trifles of lace and
ribbon and quilled mosiio, and still
saw nothing. But. glancing into the
waste paper basket, he discovered a
twisted paper, and, as it was the last
of the little heap, picked it ont and un
Spreading out the wrinkles, be put
bis glasses on his nose and read. And
as he read his cheek grew pale, for
these were the words:
- Tkarest Ejoea J asm Meet me on the Hew
Tork side of Twenty-tMrd street ferry. I long
to eee you after our long- parting'. Yours
very, very fondly. Nsn.
"Ned!" ejaculated Mr. Jeffries;
"Ned!" He ground his teeth and
clenched his fists. He could have
nowiea wiin ratre. out iwr iue uiuuu-
ettes which we ereneraiiv ooserve in
our -greatest agonies, lhis was tiie
end of it all then; Emma Jane had
gone to meet her old bean. Old or
new, who-eould tell? A lover, any
how. He tried to be calm; but he
could not believe himself mistaken.
He knew her brothers and cousins
well. They were Peter, Paul. Wil
liam. Elias, Samuel and James. Even
her father, who would not have signed
his first name, was Adoniram. There
was no way out of it.
"No end" but one." thought Mr. Jef
fries, as he sought for the pistol gener
ally kept on hand for possible burglars.
"I must follow them, find them, shoot
him first her next and myself last.
No one shall know why; but the trait
ress will know as she dies!"
He put the pistol in his pocket,
crowded' his hat over his eyes and
rushed out of the door. A Twenty
third street car was passing; be jump
ed into it and retired into a corner,
folding his arms.
"Fare!" cried the driver. Mr. Jef
fries mechanically deposited some
thing in the box and sank into his
seat and a black study again. A vol
ley of shocking reproaches from the
driver aroused him. He found the
passengers glaring at him.
Tve had this trick played on me
before," cried the driver through the
door. 'You're a nice one, ainTtfyou,
at your age, to put a coat button into
Mr. Jeffries received the remark
without an answer, and repaired his
error by putting a quarter into the
same aperture into which he had drop
ped the button.
"My belief is you are crazy," re
marked the driver.
"Aeh. yes!" responded an old He
brew lady, shaking her head.
Mr. Jeffries ouly groaned. What
was silver to him? He rode, the ob
ject of much comment.
Shortly after a friend entered the
ar. He was a man of jovial disposi
tion, and, as he said, fond of his joke.
After nodding and smiling in vain, he
bethought himself to poke Mr. Jef
fries in the ribs with the immense
knob of the handle of his umbrella.
Taking the passengers into his confi
dence by a knowing wink, he stole
forward and perpetrated his joke.
The "punch" was a hard one; the
result an explosion. If any one bad
tried to tire the pistol in that manner
he would hava failed. Accidentally
Mr. Joblings had done it.
Mr. Jeffries gave a groan, started up
and fell forward on his face, blood
trickling over his stocking. The car
was stopped, and policemen carried
Mr. Jeffries into a drug store. The
penitent Joblings was in custody, hav
ing voluntarily delivered himself over
to justice. The wound was not per
haps a dangerous ie, but Jeffries re
mained unconscious. Joblings accom
panied him to his home in a cab, and
having told the tale in a court of jus
tice, was permitted to go free on bis
"own bail. And just as Jefferson Jef
fries opened his eyes his Emma Jane
arrived at ber door in a cab. with a
trunk fastened on behind marked E.
J.," and a young lady within in a
4ira colored cloth traveling suit. '-
- ' Mv dear, dear Jeffy hurt!" cried
the poor wife, as Bella told the tale.
"Oh, let me go to him!"
Away she rushed up the stairs to the
bedroom above and bent over her hus
"Jeffy, dear!" she sobbed; but. to
her consternation. Jeffersou opened
his eyes, looked at her, and said:
"Leave me, woman!"
It isn't a woman. It is your own
Emmy," sighed Mrs. Jeffries
"Take her away!" said Jefferson.
"Is he delirious, doctor?" asked poor
Emma Jane, trembling.
"No, madam." replied that gentle
"Then what does this mean?11 asked
the poor woman.
"Madam," said the doctor, the most
solemn of his profession, which is say
ing much, "mad jim. I have no desire
to pry into your domestic difficulties."
"My domestic difficulties? I never
had any. Oh, dear, dear Jeffy. speak
to your Emmy," sobbed Mrs. Jeffries.
But her Jefferson only replied by
saying in deep chest notes:
Crocodile! Take her away. The
sight of her is madness. Wilt no one
rid me of her presence?"
"Oh. Mr. Joblings, tell me what he
"Beg pardon, madam. I must re- ;
3uest you to retire," auswered Mr.
oblings, .all his nature apparently
turned to gall. "You alone know the
meaning of those awful words."
Poor Emma Jane. She rushed down
stairs when the door of her own room
had actually been closed upon her, and
told her incoherent story to her friend.
"I've seen him jealous before," she
said, "but not like this. . What can it
"What did jou doP Whom is he
jealous of?" asked the other woman.
"Oh, Ned, I don't know," sobbed
And Edwina Jones concluded very
naturally that Emma had been flirting
terribly with several individuals.
Thus, wrouged by all, even her
firlhood's friend. Mi's. Jeffries aban
oned herself to despair.
A bullet in the calf seldom kills, and
as it was extracted promptlv, the
wonnd healed and Jefferson Jeffries
began to recover, bnt he still refused
to see his wife; and on the first day of
his convalescence he summoned his
lawyer and sent him to Emma Jane
empowered to effect a separation.
"This letter is my reason," he said,
with a dreadful groan, thrusting the
crumpled note into his hand. "I was ;
on my way to shoot the fellow when
Joblings managed to shoot me. She
shall keep the house if she likes, but I
never wish to see her again."
With this message the lawyer sought
the unhappy lady, and in the presence
of Edwina Jones interviewed her.
"One comfort at least I shall get
from this," said Mrs. Jeffries, with
dignity. "I shall know my crime."
"Mr. Jeffries opines that this will
explain," said the lawyer, presenting
ber with the crumpled letter, which
with its signature suggested very
dreadful things indeed.
Emma Jaue took it in her hand,
looked at it. and then banded it to
"My letter!" cried Edwina. dumb
founded. The puzzled lawyer elevated his eye
brows. "I am called Ned' at home." said
Miss J ones. "Surely M r. Jeffries
knew that. Ob, Emma Jane, how I
have wronged you in my heart."
The lawyer.choking down his laugh
ter, returned to Mr. Jeffries' apart
ment and gave them to that gentleman
with dramatic effect. Never had he
more trouble in preserving the grave
dignity proper to his position, when
Jefferson Jeffries, clasping his hands
"Edwina JonesT Of course X knew.
But I forgot her very existence. How
I have wronged my wite! Wretch
that I am. can she ever forgive me?"
"Never!" Emma Jane decided. "Yon
have disgraced me Iwfore your friends,
before strangers, cast suspicion on me
and insulted me by word and deed. I
demand a separation."
Then she went home to her parents,
and Jefferson Jeffries was left alone to
reflect on his ridiculous conduct. He
was obliged to explain to the doctors,
to Jobliugs 10 everybody, and he suf
fered agonies of shame. He longed
for his Emma, whom he loved more
than ever, and he writhed tinder the
reproaches of her mother and father
and the menaces of her big brothers.
When he was able he used to ; alone
at midnight and stare up at his wife's
window, and by day haunt her steps
unseen when she went out walking.
At last he followed her to church one
Sunday. She was alone in her pew.
He entered and sat down beside her.
When the hymn was given out he
offered her his hymn book. Over it
their heads met.
Oh, Jefferson, how could j-ou?" she
whispered; but that evening she went
back home again. She felt that Mr.
Jeffries bad had his lessou. and would
profit by it for the rest of his existence.
Ned says they are the happiest couple
The Happiest Home.
If one's home is fair and fine, with
soft carpets, rugs, pictures, marbles,
china, with gentle service, luxurious
living, loving children, gracious wife,
should all the blessings that these
things give, even if one is the apparent
source 01 tnem nunseir. 11 as garnered
and secured them by clone effort and
self-denial, be kept to one's self alone,
like the bone the dog gnaws, and
buries till he can come back to it? It
is not privacy and seclusion that gives
a home its sacred ness. Far from it.
It is its happiness, its healthiness, its
helpfulness, its capacity to do good, to
impart that happiness and healthiness,
its power of lifting all the rest of the
world into its own atmosphere. Those
homes that are open to the homeless
are the sacred ones; the homes where
there is always a pillow for the weary,
always a spare place at the table for
the wanderer; the homes whose beauty
is shed abroad like the gracious dew
from heaven that Portia talked about.
There may be many mansions in
heaven, bnt he who thinks they are
mansions from which every other
beavenly habitant is excluded has
made a mistake in the place; it would
not be heaven then. However we may
dispute and declare that a man has a
right to be undisturbed in his own
house, yet we know in our inner con
sciousness that we all regard the man
who brings another home to dinner,
sure of a cordial greeting for him
there; who will not let the stranger
find his welcome 4n an inn on a holi
day when homes are dearest, who
throws open his house to the parish,
whose lights are always shining and
inviting as you go by his windows,
across whose door-step guests are
often coming and going, who loves his
home so much and finds it so complete
that he must have other people to luve
it too, and if they have nothing half so
choice, then share some brief portion
of it with them that man we all know
to be a good citizen, a husband honor
ing his wife, a Christian in deed what
ever he may be in faith, and withal a
gentleman. Harper's Bazar.
In Grateful Remembrance.
There is one gentleman in Newman,
Gra., who evidently does not consider
marriage a failure. He was married
about ten years ago and on each Christ
mas morning since he has presented
the minister who officiated at the cere
mony with a $10 gold niece.
WIT AND 1IUM01L
Kind words never die; uuklnd words
dou't die either. Somerville Journal.
A billiard is t uses chalk on his cue.
A fine lady uses it on her cuticle. New
She "You were at college, were yon
not?" He "Yes." She "A. B.P"
He "No. G. B." Harvard Lampoon.
There are three things that beat a
drum for noise one is a small boy and
the other two are drumsticks. Elmira
A good many of our so - called
swells" young men have nothing
about them to merit that title but their
heads. St. Joseph News.
Help a man out of a hole once and
he mav forget you when he is out, but
he will not fail to call on you the next
time he falls in. Atchison Globe.
Victim "Doctor, I'm troubled with
cold feet. What do you suppose causes
them?" Doctor "Cold weather. One
dollar, please!" Buffalo Express.
Tenor "Miss Soprano, who sang in
church this morning, has a very clear
voice. Is it naturalP" Basso "No;
His a choired." Harvard Lampoon.
'I thought you told me yonr father
was a retired "merchant?" "So he is.
When the Sheriff took possession he
had to retire." Indianapolis, Journal.
De Mascus "Is it true that Jaily is
off on a blow out?" St. Agedore
"Partly true, ves. He'sdead." "How?"
"Blew out the gas." St. Joseph News.
Tom "Come what may, I shall
never marry a woman who isn't my
superior intellectually." Jack "I wish
I could get a wife as easy as yon can."
First Yale Man "Harvard has just
secured a fossil ten thousand years
old." Second Yale Man "Whieh pro
fessorship has it been appointed to?"
Cochran "I suppose your name on
this umbrella indicates that it belongs
to you?" Gilroy "Which, the name or
the umbrella?" Cochran "The name,
of course." Puck.
Miss Angy New "Miss Oldun told
me that she' was afraid of the dark."
Miss Vera Cutting "That's strange.
I should think she would be more afraid
of the light." Puck.
Tommie "Papa, why do they call
very rich men millionaires?" Papa
'That refers to the number of poor re
latives who rise up to contest their
wills!" N. T. Herald.
There is only one sudden death
among women to every eight amoug
men. But then it's only a minority of
women who use the telephone constant
ly. St. Joseph News.
A flying-machine is being exhibited
in Chicago. Up to date there has been
no sort of use in keeping the "f" stand
ing at the beginning of its name. Shoe
and Leather Reporter.
In Darkest New York: "Why do
thev always take a prisoner's money
from him before locking him in a cell
at the police station?" "So as to pre
vent him buying his way out." Puck.
"What became of that Samuels girl
that Potterby was flirting with last
summer?" "You mean the girl that
Potterby thought he was flirting with.
She married him." Indianapolis Jour
nal. "How pleasant that lady looks! She
seems perfectly happy." "Yes; she
must either have fouud pure religion in
her own heart or the seeds of sin in the
heart of one of her neighbors." Boston
Why. you poor malarial mortal,
you! I thought you told me your
average health was good?" "So-1 did.
I run to chills one day and fever ths
next. The average is normal." Mun
The groundhog is the most knowing
weather prophet of the entire crowd.
He has sense enough to crawl into his
v?le when he predicts an installment
of bail weather. The others haveu't.
A wealthy man was asked not long
ago to subscribe to a worihv charity.
"I should like to contribute' said he.
"but I have $800,000 in the bank not
earniue a cent.aud I really can't afford
it." Boston Traveller.
Young Housekeeper (to butcher)
"Yon may seud a nice piece of roast
beef." Butcher "Yes. ma'am."
Young Housekeeper "And have it
very rare, please; my husband prefers
it that way." Harper's Bazar.
Farmer Peastraw "Well, son, what
did you learn at college?"1 Son "I
learned to fence, for one thing."
Farmer Peastraw "That's good; I'll
get some nails tomorrow, and we'll
have a bout. Munsey's Weekly.
"Is your nephew a practicing physi
cian.Mrs. McGuelley?" asked her visit
ing neighbor. "Yes, I b'lieve he is
practicing just at present, but he has
as good a show for learning as the
most of them." Washington Post.
"Now, we will suppose that one cab
driver goes eight miles an hour, and
that another one who can go only six
miles an hour has three hours the" start
of him. Where will they meet?" "At
the ale-house." Fltegende Blatter.
Stokes "If we could see into the
hearts of our best friends I fear we
should be shocked at the depravity we
saw there." Styles "I don't know.
Perhaps we'd feel unhappy to find our
friends not so bad as we thought they
were." Boston Transcript.
"How came it that when you broke
iuto the store you carried off a lot of
useless trash and left the money-drawer
untouched?" "O, Mr. Judge, don't
vou begin to scold me for that, I beg.
1 have heard enough about that already
from my wife." Fliegende Blatter.
Instructor (to class in horology)
What are the essential characteristics
of a good repeaterP" Mike (first-born
of an Alderman) ' Ability to vote
every half hour while the polls are
open and get out of the State before
the ballots are counted.11 Jewelers
Modern Girl "Father, I long to be
independent to rely upon my own ex
ertions for support. What trade or
profession would you recommend ?"
Wise Father "First-class cooks make
$5,000 a year." Modern Girl "I don't
like cooking. "It's too feuiiuine." N.
"What did Miss Leftover do when
she awoke and found the burglar in
ber room scream?" "Not much. She
transfixed him with her cold gray eye.
pointed to the door, and hissed: 'Leave
ine!" "What did the burglar do?" "He
explained that he had no notion of tak
ing her." Puck.
"Y-a-a-s," said Snipely: "I find that
I am quite the rage, you know. I have
any numbati of demands foh my auto-
fraphs." "No doubt," replied Shot
ins. "I myself hope to accommodate
two gentlemen who have waited some
time for my signature to checks."
Small Student "Pa, what's a pro
verb?" Pa "SoflBething that contains
a great deal of truth in a small space.
Like 'Barking dogs never bite." Small
Student "Is it true that barking dogs
never bite?" Pa "Urn! folks regard
it as true until brought face to face
with a barking dog; then they have
their doubts." Good News.
Housekeeper Now you've bad your
dinner, I suppose- you will rake up
those leaves. Hungry Higgins Who?
Me? No. indeed. Housekeeper But
von said you would. Hungry Higgins
But I Ued, madam; 1 lied. Aud I
sincerely hope this will be a warning
to you not to trust in fickle-hearted
man again. Indianapolis Journal.
"I gather," said the Boston lady,
"from the conversation of my nephew,
that firemen are in the habit of using
rubber hose at their labors." "Yes."
"That, I prestime.is so that they won't
fjet their feet wet." "And the" Boston
ady returned to ber book with an air
of entire satisfaction over having solved
a difficult problem." Washington Post.
STORIES FOR YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.
A Drtimer at the Club CnnJorM Cp 8om
Tales of Hardship.
He was sitting before a great fire at
the club, his eyes half closed, when a
friend roi:sed him.
"Dreaming, old man?" asked the
"Half dreaming, half musing," was
the reply as the young fellow stretched
himself. "My grandfather has been
telling of the hardships of early days,
and I was wondering what I'd tell my
grandchildren iu that Hue."
"Couldn't think of much, could yoit?"
"Well, I don't know. Hardship is
hardship only by comparison with lux
ury. The luxury of one age is the
hardship of the next. Now I con
jured up a picture of my grandchild
sitting on my knee asking me for a
Several men had gathered around
the arm-chair and one askedt
"Did you tell a story?"
"O. yes," replied the dreamer. I
remember I told him that about 1890 I
had a brother in New York. One day
I received a dispatch that he was dy
ing. I took the limited, and for twenty-six
hours I was in an agony of
doubt, fearful lest he should die before
I arrived. I dilated a little on the ter
rible suspense, and told how my ap
petite seemed to have left me."
'And what did the boy say?" asked
one of the party.
"The boy? O. he wouldn't believe
it at first; wanted to know if it was
possible that there was an accident that
delayed me. and if there was, why it
delayed me so long. He figured it out,
too. He said:
"Regular time from here to New
York, two hours. O, they couldn't
have delayed 3-00 twenty-four hours,
"And when I told him that twenty
six hours was the regular time he look
ed sorry for me and s:iid:
"'Poor gra ml pa. You must have
bad an awful hard time. And how
slow yon were in those days. Ate on
a traiu. too! Dear me, I can go from
here to San Francisco without getting
hungry! Didn't the pneumatic tube
"And then?" was the query as the
"Then I explained that the pneu
matic tube route wasn't in operation
at that time, aud drew out a little
more sympathy by telling him about
an exorbitant gas bill that I had re
ceived aud had to pay, because if I
didn't the company would cut off the
supply. O, but he' was surprised!
'"GasP he explained, 'what did yon
want of gas?'
"I explained that we used to light
our houses with gas and the boy
couldn't pity me enough; said it must
have beeu awful to have to depend on
gas for light.
"But it was when I told him about
goinjjr home one night when the elec
tric lights on Clark street went out
that his heart bled for me.
"You must have had a terrible
time, grandpa,1 he said. I wouldn't
have lived in those for anything.1
"My boy.1 I said, "we didn't here
the comforts then tbat we have now,
but those hardships are what made us
the hardy race that we are."
Then the dreamer asked the crowd
to leave him while he figured out an
other hard-luck tale for his grandson.
A MOON FLOWER.
Sensitive to Erarr Chmifa of the Lanar
Orb end Very Beantlfal
Arnold Brinkworth. who owns per
haps the finest private botanical col
lection in the country, and whose
greenhouses near Mount Sterling. Ky.,
are tilled with the rarest and most
delicate plants of all nations, is ex
hibiting with much pride, says the N.
T. Journal, a specimen of the fleur de
luue, the existence of which has often
been doubted, but which was sent Mr.
Brinkworth a few months uro by a
friend residing near Obydos. Brazil.
It was obtained for him from an
Indian who found it growing in a
swamp in the depths of the Amazonian
forests, and is the only specimen which
has ever reached this country alive.
Those who have been favored with a
glimpse of the curiosity say it is a
delicate, tenacious vine, covered with
small, glossy leaves of a bright and
very tender green, climbing to a height
of four or five feet, bearing here and
there a milk-white blossom of a disk
When the moon is at its first quarter
a distinct shadow or strain of a deep
yellow, which seems rather in than out
of the Oower, and corresponding to the
shape of the moon, makes its appear
ance on this disk and grows as the ptauet
does, nutil. when at its full sixu. the
yellow stain covers the entire flower. As
the moou begins to wane again this re
treats in the same ratio, and dually
disappears altogether, to return once
more 'as the new moou is seen to come
When the plauct sets the flower
closes and does not unfold until the
moon rises on the following night. It
pursues this course month after month
whether placed in the omjii air or kept
iu a hothouse, though under the latter
circuuistauces the yellow tint is much
paler and tmre undecided, while the
whitH surface takes on a dingv, un
healthy tinge. The plant subsist al
most entirely on air, its roots Iming
barely covered with a little moist
What a, Georgia "Cracker" Eats.
When money flows in stead ilv the
wage-earners buy the best cuts of meat
antf are liberal consumers of expensive
early vegetables and fruit. The dis
pensers of charity for a church, mora
trustful than prudent, gave a mill fam
ily professing to be in dire need orders
on a grocer for a certain amount week
ly, and were astounded to find that for
the meat and meal indicated the trades
m:u vas persuaded to substitute fruit,
nuts, and raisins. At every door chil
dren squat around a tin plate of syrup,
dipping in it big hunks of corn-pone
and smearing their yellow faces more
widely with each mouthful. The sweet
"perlatur" roasted iu the ashes is al
ways ready a great advantage where
the housewife "bees tired"1 from her
birth. In the cracker s kitchen lard is
the universal solvent. The tyrant of
his home, the key to his habits, the
blazon of his civilization, is the frying
pan. TA Century.
Poultry and Plums.
Fruitgrowers who are troubled by
depredations of curculio may largely
decrease the pests by giving hens and
chickens free range of the orchard. A
good plan is to place hen coops under
plum and cherry trees very early in
the spring, and the chicks will take the
young beetles as they emerge from the
ground before they are able to ascend
the trees. Poultry and plums d well
together if the young poultry ia batch
ad before the bugs begin their work.
RETORTS TO LAWYERS.
Amailnr Answers of Witnesses When Vm.
der Kxnminnthtn In Court
It has sometimes happened that a
lawyer has. iu the language of the
street, "given himself away" to a smart
adversary, says CasselVs Saturday
Journal. Garrow did this once when
examining a witness in the court of
"Are you a fortune-teller?" he asked.
"I am" not," replied the man; "but I
can tell yours."
The shrewd counsel tripped, and was
"What is that to be?""said he.
"Why, sir," was the sly response, "as
you made you first speech at the Old
Bailey, so you will make your last
In like manner.arguing before a jury
of judges, an overs mart counsel stopped
short in his pleading. He was confi
dent of obtaining a successful result,
and Lord Newton vexed him by seem
ing to be in deep slumber. Addressing
the other lords on the bench, he said:
"My iortls.it is unnecessary to goon,
as Lord Newton Is fast asleep."
What was his consternation when an
"Ay. ay.11 cried the angry judge,
"you will have proof of tbat by and
And to the astonishment and chagrin
of the young advocate and the intense
interest of others, Newton luminously
reviewed the vase, and gave a decided
judgment against the too sanguine
Even the cleverest lawyers bare been
set down" in open court by equally
l)td you see this tree, that has been
mentioned, by the roadside?" an ad
'Yes. sir; I saw It very plainly.
"It was conspicuous, then?11
The witness seemed puzzled by the
new word. He repeated his former as
sertion. Sneered the lawyer:
"What is the difference Between plain
But he was hoist with his own petard.
The witoess smoothly and innocently
"lean see you plainly, sir. amongst
the other lawyers, though you are not
a bit conspicuous."
In another comical Instance the at
tack was directed asrainst the character
of the witness. But it recoiled.
"You were iu the company of these
"Of two friends, sir.1'
"Friends! two thieves, I suppose yon
1'hat may be so." was the dry re
tort, "they are both lawyers."
The blow that destroys the effect of
an adverse examination is occasionally
more accident than conscious effort.
In a trial not long ago a very simple
witness was in the box, and, after going
through his ordeal, was ready to retire.
One question remained.
"Now.Mr. .has not an attempt
been made to induce you to tell the
court a different story?"
"A different story to what 1 have
told, sir? '
"Yes; is it not so?"
"Upon your oath. I demand to know
who the persons are who have attempt
"Well, sir, you're tried as hard aa
any of 'em,11 was the unexpected an
swer. It ended the examination.
The Humors of the Boomerang.
No one who discharges a boomerang
for the first time has the faintest no
tion as to where it will land. If let
loose to a thoroughfare, it may navi
gMle around a corner, and take off the
hat of an unsuspecting promenader.
It my shoot into a carriage window,
and frighten the occupants of the vehi
cle out of their senses. It may soar
away over the houses and get lost, or
skim upon the surface of the pave
ment, and entangle itself among the
legs of horses. It may climb up a
stoop, go through an open door-way,
and wander around the interior of a
dwelling, breakiug mirrors or destroy
ing other valuable property before it
gets tired. And if it strikes anybody
it may inflict serious hurt, for its rapid
whirl gives it an immense force, so
that a blow from one f its ends may
cause death, even when it is flung
without much exertion of strength. I
have seen a pig killed in the island of
Formosa by a boomerang which ap
peared to he very lightly propelled.
Worst of all certainly most mortify
ing it may come straight back upon
the thrower, perhaps follow him with
a persistence which seems almost to in
dicate a deliberate intention, chase
him about, no matter how nimbly he
may try to escape, and finally double
htm up with a thump in the stomach,
and reduce him to a state in which no
boomerang could, for the time, be any
thing but an object of arersiou to him.
not even if it were made of a stick of
Out in the country, where broad,
unoccupied fields are accessible, ex-
!eriments may be undertaken upon a
arge scale; but caution is always nec
essary at the betrinuing. and when the
little curved stick is launched into
space it would be wise for all spec
tators, and the thrower as well, to
choose a protecting tree, and stand be
hind it, lest the missile perform its
favorite exploit, aud nl urn to the
point of departure, iiit-imuing every
living being in the vicinity. It is quite
capable of skipping round a tree, but
an alert 3-ouugstvr ought to be able to
dodge, aud keep himself out of harm's
way. Cows might be put to incon
venience, aud sheep would probably
see no fun iu the sport; but nobody
could expect a eow or a sheup to ap
preciate the humor of a boomerang,
in any case, the earliest attempts
should be with instruments of modeiv
ate dimensions, from which severe
bruises need not be apprehended. E.
H. House, in Harper's 1 oung People.
The Immortal Lincoln.
One of the most noteworthy features
of current literature is found in the at
tention being paid to Abraham Lin
coin. There has beeu a revival of i
terest iu the life of the great statesm
and never before have the eulog
been so sincere, so keenly percepti
or so unanimous. Doubtless the 1
cent publication of the Lincoln bi.
graphy has had something to do with
this', but the discussion is by no means
confined to one section. The Bun of
New York calls attention to the fact
that even the Scotsman, the leadr
conservative paper in Scotland h
given Lincoln au elaborate eulo"
calling him a man of immense i
dividuality, high virtue and great i
tellectual force;" aud, "at once stat
man and general," standing head and
shoulders above all the other great
men of his time." And the Scotsman
but echoes the expressions from all
quarters when it adds: "The splendor
of his fame is abiding and the whole
world has borne testimony to it.1'
Glued with Onion J aloe.
Paper may be securely gnmmed to
metal by the aid of onion juice. The
dials of cheap clocks used to be printed
on paper aud then glued to a zinc
foundation, but after a short time the
paper came off the metal. Now the
sine is dipped into a strong solution of
washing soda, and afterward is washed
over with onion juice. The paper is
then pasted 00, aud it is almost im
possible 10 separate it irom uie metal.
As a Writer and gpeaker Ha Was Always
General Sherman was a manv-sided
man. He had run the entire gamut of
human experience. He hed been mer
chant, banker, lawyer, professor, street
railroad president, traveller, author,
orator, and soldier. Wherever he w
placed, his own individuality was cc
spicuous and pronounced. He ne r
failed to be intensely entertaining. E 9
methods were always original, aj I
even when unsuccessful they were 1
terest ing. He could not have been
commonplace if he bad tried.
His writings were as graphic as
Csesar's Commentaries. There was in
his composition an elegance of diction
seldom fonnd except in the works of
professional authors. He has con
tributed some of the finest specimens
of rhetoric to be found in modern
books. In his description of the de
parture bf the troops from Atlanta
given in his memoirs, his style rise to
His letters are all models In their
way. Nothing could exceed in grace
and touching pathos the reply he wrote
to the officers of his own regiment up
on the death of his son:
"The child that bore my name, an?
In whose future I reposed with iuoi
confidence than in my own plans 1 f
lifeT now floats a mere corpse, seek to
u grave in a distant land, with a weep
ing inouier. o rot her. ana sisters clus
tered about him. . . .But mv poor
Willy was, or thought he was! a Ser
geant of the Thirteenth. I have seen
uis eye brighten aud his heart beat as
he beheld the battalion under arms.
and asked me if they were not real sol
diers. Child as he was, he had the
enthusiasm, the pure love of troth,
honor, and love of country, whieh
should animate all soldiers. God onlv
knows why he should die so young."
As a speaker the same qualities of
style may be observed iu his more se
rious efforts. For instance, his refer
ence to tha flag in an address made at
a banquet to the veterans:
The prayer that every soldier ought
to breathe U that yonder flag should
be above him in life, around him in
death. What is that flag? A bit of
bunting, a bauble, a toy. You can buy
it for a few shillings" in the nearest
store. But once raise it as your stand
ard, and millions will follow it and d
under it, and a whole nation of p
t riots will rise up in its defence, ar
you wilt find behind it all the po v
that can be wielded by the reub te
After having listened to nearly all ui
General Sherman's speeches during the
last six years, have no hesitation in
ranking him second to no one as an
after-dinner speaker. While the pres
tige of his illustrious name intensified
the interest felt in what he said, yet I
believe that if he had appeared at any
banqnet unheralded and unknown, and
delivered one of his characteristic ad
dresses, it would have been conceded
that his speech was the hit of the even
ing. He had the art of beginuing with
some epigrammatic sentence or hu
morous allusiou to some current topic
spoken in a way which at once secured
the attention of the audience. He
mingled wit and pathos in a happy
blending which appealed to alt minds
and touched all hearts. As eloquence
is only another name for earnestness,
his serious utterances had all the pow
er of the finest oratory. He leaned
forward, gesticulated forcibly with his
long right arm. looked his he-trers full
in the eyes, and seemed to be speaking
into the particular ears of each in
vidua! before him. As a talker he 1
served to be ranked among the gre
converters of history, and, u nli
niauy gifted conversationalists, he p
aessed the rure faculty of being a go -.
listener. Even iu the midst of one 01
his most animated recitals, if some one
interrupted him to add a remark, he
would stop, look at him good-naturedly,
aud noil approval. His lips, too.
would often move in unison with the
s 1 leakers, as if "marking time" to the
music of his words. Get. Horace Port
er, in Hnrp r'a Weekly.
Story of Ie Brasaa.
"No one who has ever seen De Braa
sa on his travels." said Stocklemann,
to a correspodent of Goldthwaite's
Geographical Magazine, conld fail to
recognize that he was born to be an
explorer. I shall never forget the
time I met him farnp the Rwilu River.
One day I came to a tribe that seldom
saw white men. They were not very
hospitable, but finally decided to sell
me food. I got on "rather friendly
terms with them, and they allowed me
to camp in the village. Suddenly I
observed a commotion among the na
tives. A few carriers emerged from
the forest, ami. with them was a
slender, sad-faced, poorly clad white
man. He was the governor of the
French Congo, and he was off on one
of his long tramps. De Brazxa ap
proached the natives and asked them
'"No.1 they said gruffly, you can't
get any food here. We have one white
man here already. Yon had better go
on your way.1
"The explorer said nothing. He
simply ordered his carriers to lay
down their loads in the middle of the
village. Then one of his men unpack
ed the astronomical and other in
struments, and the explorer set about
making observations for position and
altitude. The strangest sight the na
tives ever saw was this white man
studying his instruments and figuring
away on a bit of paper. They con
cluded that be was not a person to be
trifled with, and that his theodolite
was a powerful fetich. Soon a crowd
gathered around, but the explorer
frightened them away by his gruff
manner and impatient gestures.
"Get away from ine. Clear oat!
Don't you see I'm busy? Let me alonef
"At length he finished his work.
Some natives had been cooking their
evening meal near by. Their meat
and vegetables which had been boiling
in a pot were ready, and the group
gathered around and" twgan to eat. De
Brazza arose, took a tin plate and large
spoon, quietly walked np to the pot,
helped himself lilwrally without say
ing a word to anybody, sat down by a
tree and regnled himself with native
cookery. He know just what effect
his actions had produced upon the na
tive miud and just what to do. Then
he told the villagers his men were hun
gry and must be fed. The natives
ave them all they could eat. for who
are oppose a great medicine man who
carried such a remarkable fetich a a
theodolite? De Brazza slept in the
village that night and next morning
he paid the natives well for what they
had giveu him and took his depart
ure." Typewriter Tor the Blind.
A young woman teacher of the blind
in Austin, Tex., has invented a type
writer for the use of those deprived of
sight. The new invention is said to be
a great improvement over any writing
machine for the blind now in ne, in
that only one hand is necessary for its
operation, leaving the other free to do
A woman who figured as a pauper
men receiuiv in 0:1 n rruuuiscu, leaving
$6,192. which she had accumulated by
begging. Three benevolent societies
that had befriended her to the amount
ot $840, $895. and $905 respectively
have begun suits to recover the sums.
named from her estate.
A PET 'CATOR'S MISHAP.
Be Geta Lost far Six Alontlm In ,
Some six months ago a prominent
citizen of Ocala liethought to himself
that he wanted a small alligator to
keep as a curiosity and to show to
some friends of his whom he exected
from the north this winter, says a
letter from Ocala. Fin., to the SL
In a few days he hail an opportunity
to gratify his wish at a very moderate
price, and taking up the crate in which
"Enoch" was eaged. started proudly
home with his prize.
"The 'gator was as playful as a Mal
tese kitten on a sun-shiny day. He
soon learned to know what his name
was, and would come whenever culled.
He would eat out of his master's hand,
anil in fact so endeared himself into
the hearts of his master and mistress
that they Vied with each other to See
who could catch for him the must and
fattest Hies ami roaches rare and de
licious tid-bits for alligators.
"Enoeh" became so completely do
mesticated, so much like one of the
family, and was growing so large for
his age, that his master and mistress
determined to g're him his liberty,
and so ''Enoch wa turned loose aud
allowed to meander armiud the gar
den. His most especfcil delight w;t- to
crawl up 011 the roof of the woodshed
and. stretching his scaly anatomy over
the ridge pole so that the sun could
strike all parts of him at once, he
would close his dreamy eyes arid lay
low for flies aud June bug's until din
But, alas for pmr Enoch!' N:ir
his eage was an opening to :i tare
sewer-piK. ami one day. in making a
snap at a grnxi-hnpwr. he missed ids
footing aud fell in.
At dinner lime no Enoch'1 ap
peared. . The master and mitte.'s did
not know what to think of his abseiiee.
but. supposing tbat he had curled up
and went to sleep in the wash tub or
ash barrel, they would not worn ; but
when nig 'l came and no Ewrt-h"
they Inrcame truely alar mini. and. with
lanterns in hand, sen tired the entire
premiss, but no "Enoch'1 con hi t
Weeks msed. The master and mis
tress hail foiien over the first parox
isms of griefs hut they still ha! a
warm spot in their hearts for their I' ml
'gator, their "Enoch."
Just six months from the day
Enoch" was lost a workman was re
prtirittjf a ner-pie on Ocklawaiia
a Venn.. T- e pipe had become stop
ped up and he was trying to 11 ml out
the ea-.se. Putting his arm up the
pie to see if he could feel the ob
struction, he was horrified to feel some
thing lake I old of it tike a vise. His
teeth shattered, his hair tood straight
tt-on his head, and if was only by a
mistily effort that he eouid attract the
Attention of a bystander, who came to
his rescue. They decided the best way
was to make the thing let jo. but. fail
ing iu this, their only hope was to pull
the thing, whatever it was, out The
bvstauder took hold of the workman,
and the workman planted his feet
against the sidewalk, and then they
pulled. How it hapirened they uerer
knew, but something suddenly gave
way and I her lntii fell or. r each other,
and by the time they got the sand ont
of their eyes all they could see was a
4-foot "gntor walking leisurely away
and blhtkiiiff his eyes as if be wasn't
used to the ligtit.
The "ator was "Enoch. He was
recognized bv a p'ece of blue ribbon
that i.is mistress bad tied anmml his
neck. Six months' life in a sewer
hadu't any luid effect upon htm or dim
med his memory, and the same day,
an hour later, he gladdened the hearts
of his former ntatr and mistress by
crawling majestically into the yard
and taking up ids uhl otiarters.
"Enoch"' will nt-er go near Un
ewer opening agato.
Tbe Emperor Napoleon's Roav
It was dark, and down a retired
street in Paris a man rode alone on
horselutck. says the Youth's Companion.
Sudden I v the man stopped as if fright
ened. Then a mau arose from the
pavement in the middle of the street
and jumped to one side with a cry.
The rider was angry, and exclaimed:
Are you drnnk, man, that yoa lie
a bout in the middle of a dark street to
get vourself run over?11
"Vou might better lend a poor fel
low a hand than scold in tbat way.11
exclaimed the other. "I had. 300 francs
in gold in this bag, carrying it to pay
a bill for my master, and, tbe bag has
broken and it is all lost over the street.
If yon have some matches they will do
me more good than yonr curses."
"It's no easy task to find lost money
on a night like this,1 said tbe rider,
dismounting. "I have no matches,
bnt perhaps I can help yon. Have
you any of tbe pieces left?1
"Only one,11 replied the unfortunate
fellow, with a sob.
"Give it to me," said the other.
The poor man hesitated, but the
stranger repeated the words in a tone
of authority, and the last coin was
handed to him.
The stranger whistled and a great
Spanish mastiff stood beside him. He
held the coin to the dog's nose, and
leaning to the rough pavement said:
The dog sniffed the gold piece and
began the search.
One, two. three; he began bringing
In the coins and dropping them into
his master's hand, while the poor ser
vant stood by in silent wonder.
Thirteen times he returned with a
20-franc piece. Then, after a long
search, be came back empty, with a
grunt that seemed to say: "There are
"We are yet lacking one piece," said
the stranger. "Are yon sure there
were lust 300 francs?11
"Sure as sure can be, sir, the ser
"Then look in the bag again. There
must be one left there.11
The man looked and sure enough
found tbe last gold-piece still there.
"Ob, sir!" he exclaimed, as tha
stranger sprang into his saddle, "yon
are my deliverer. Tell me your name
that my master may know who has
done him such a service."
'I have done nothing, said the
stranger. "Tell your master that the
one who helped you was a verv erood
-and intelligent dog by the name of
it was some years afterward, when
France had seen troubled times and
the royal family was no more, tbat the
master was teams the incident to
party of friends, one of whom had been
employed in tbe palace.
"Joie! Joie!' be exclaimed. "There
never was but one dog of that name
and there never was a more remarkable
aud faithful dog than he. He always
accompanied his master when he went
in disguise about the citv."
"Who was his master? they all
The reply was brief: "The Emperor
Plays the Piano at &G.
it is not impossible to hod ladies of
not more than 60 years old who Jet
their pianos stay unopened because
they say they are too old and thett
fingers are too stiff to play any more.
But people who pass along a Winthrop
iiuujc, 11 i rtjjMineu, oicen heai
llllisin frnm ninn I B 1
Matilda Sewall. who. though 96 years
wu uie sain ana energy
girl. Kenuebee JwruaL
HOWS THIS T
We offer On Hlinrtrert mwanf fhrm
esse of catarrh thjUunnMh mivii h, t,kin
Hall's Catarrh Cure.
r. 4. CUE NET a CO., Props., TolAdo, O.
We. the tindftl-Nl mml ham Irnnwii V J rrharm
for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly
honorable In all baainmui ti-AnMf tlnna. nnrl (In.
andallr able to carry out any obligation made
west a Tkuax, Wholesale lnimr1st. Toledo, O.
VALDtno, KiNNAS c M astiv, Wboltsale Drus
gistft, Toledo. O.
Ball's Catarrh Chm it (tn intniBii !).,
directly upon tne blood and mucous surfaces ot
uiv Bjawm. i eanmoDiaiB sent free, nice 75c,
per bottle. Sold by ail druggists.
Bussia has ordered 3.000.000 new
rifles from a French factory.
Fifteen Jews were killed and twenf.v-
five died of starvation during the
lie eri time is rtlottinir in (.nch ofrmt
that Hionolvte hm ritlnrwl tmcrtinl
law in Port au Prince.
Ex-Queen Natalie baa ten fnrr-lhlv
expelled from Servia.
The body of a fif teen -vearibl rwvu-
with his throat cut ami hi Imm nut.
off, a new knife and a saw were found
in a Dag in tne river at Liverpool
May 19. -
Six thousand London tallora Am on
Tbe Canadian millera
figuring up the stock on hand and
are astounded to find they will have
to import wheat or stop work unless
the harvest is unusually early.
A waterspout burst in the Tilileries
garden at Paris May 22, uprooting
trees and tearing up lawns and path
ways. The Best Spring Medicine and
Eeautifier of the Complexion in
use. Cures Pimples, Boils,
Blotches, Neuralgia, Scrofula,
Gout, Rheumatic and Mercurial
Pains, and all Diseases arising
from a disordered state of the
FOB MLE BY ALT. DKUCOIST'S.
J. R. GATES & CO.. Propr's.
417 BAN SOME ST.. SAX FRAJf CISCO.
BLAKE, M0FPTTT & TOWN 14,
WDIRM .199 RiUM Df
Card Stock, Straw smd Madera Board.
U to tit I
18 scale injuring yoor trees and di figur
ing yoar fruit ;
Istlte mildew threateaing- joar grapes anl
Is tbe curb-leaf m&kinp; your trees weak
An; jwr Peara and Apples wormy and kid-
er8 to sieht:
Are tne blossoms dropping and frees losing1
Tlten ttae for the destruction mad premitloa
ttukt wah wbJcb can be aa effectively
applied In laminer a In winter.
THE LIL COMPOUND.
CIS CALIFORNIA - ROQ3I O,
And Printer? Warehouse,
The fa-rorfte Printer' SarrolT Boom of tha
Pacific Coast. Prompt, Square and Pro-
aad Rule all oa tbe Poiat Sjaleia. Mo obeo
none coast Aanra ros
Cottnera T7. S. Type Foundry. Mew York.
Barnhart's G. W. Type Foundry, Chicago.
Benton, Waldo & Co'a Seif-Spacinx Type.
Colt's Armory Inpd tTntrersal,
Chandler and Price Gordon Presses,
Peerless Presses and Cnttens
Bcononiic Paper Cutters,
Simons' Cases and Fnrnrtare.
Golding's Preswes and ToeVs.
' Sedgwick Paper Jouera,
Pace's Wood Type.
Inks and RoHera,
Tablet CoiaposiUoa, Bte
NEWSPAPERS ON THE HOME PLAN.
Complete Outfits and the Smallest Orders
meet wits the same careftri and prompt
attention. Specimen books mailed oa a 4 H-eation-
Address all orders to
HAWKS & SHATTUOK,
K Washington St.. San Francisco.
ORK AT K fc 1
A'kyonr dealer fr it. r vrr for f"----iCi r-i.l; r t
Petalnma Ipcubator fa. p-1- t
Cut 4 feet, 3 inches. - $75.00
Cut 15 feet, - 82.50
Cui J6 feet. - - - 90.00
Will cut wbexe any outer Mower can.
Baker & Hamilton
- San Francisco, Cal.
Gone to Pieces.
Market tor Fralt In Lower, 1
Table Peaches. 2 lb tins, per dosen. .93.10 US
Table Apricots, 2.10 25
Table Grapes, - .. 1 1 so
Table Plums, - ..140 155
Table assorted. Regular packs ..... 1.75 185
Pie, gallon Una. assented 3. 00 3 25
Pte, Plums 3 00
Pie frnlt assorted. Regular packs 1.10 1 as
Pie Grapes, Plums, Fears, Apples 1 00
Pie Sqoash 00
Asparagus, eqoaro Una..... :
Cider as wanted, by the Un, dozen case, or ear
load we want your trade; are sligE&s at the bot
tom In price, and at the top la quainy. Send for
new list tree.
Smith sCat-h Store, 415 & 418 Front St., S.F.
E3 11 O I XJSj f-f C3 TEL,
(Under new Uanagement.) "
Baal. St.. bet. Montgomery A SanaooM, j. R
Conducted on both the European and American
ptsn. This favorite hotel Is under the experi
enced management of C HARLK8 MONTtMtSI
UY, and la as good, If not the best. Family and
Business Hen's Hotel tn San Franctace. Home
com torts, cuisine unexcelled, first elasu nemos,
and the highest standard of reApectblilty guaran
ted. Board and room per day l-26 to $2. sin
gle rooms 50c to W. Free coach to and from hotel
. JORDAN CO'l
Educational Museum of Anatomy-
Kasiavad tu their m Bulltiinc loft
MUfUucT aTHKW, bat. th and Tth, S T '
Enlargwl, where thousand uf lnirut .
electa may be Mm. culiavtad la Kuroi a ,
coat of t,ooo. Tttlala tha onlj Mueetiix
thta aids tt tbe Barky Kouauii,! Kt
Mahed jraara. ; nt) taugat i,, .
wotuterfnny j.-a ar maOe. and how uroie .
Btckncas and dlaeaaa. Em rune. ftr iarfiaa
jad gBnilamas, S5 eta. Vrivato Oatoa.
m mm a. BJSBS.