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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (July 4, 1890)
DR. C. H. BUCKETT,
OikicB: Between G. T. Cotton and
Peterson & Wallace.
Lebanon, - - Oregon.
J. K. WEATHERFORD,
Attorney - at -Law.
Office over First Natioual Bank,
ALBANY, v - - OREGON.
J. M. KEEXE, D. D. S.
Dental -:- Parlors.
Offtce: Breyrnan Bros., Building-,
STHours from 8 A. M. to j P. M.
V7. R. BH.YEU,
E. J. M'CAUSTEAND,
CIYIL ENGINEER SDHYEYOS.
-Draughting: and Blue Prints.
Office with Oregon Land Co., Albany.
Sewerage System and Water Supplies
a Specialty. Estates Subdiv;ded. Maps
made or copied on short notice.
(Successor to C IT. HMMffit )
Barber : and : Hairdresser,
STTAYTNG. HAIR CUTTING AND
Shamj or-itig in the latest and best
Style. Special attention paid to dressing
Ladies' hair. Your patron jge respect
4., TMa-'H .J'
ED. KELLEMBSEB, Pnjr
Fresh & Salted Beef, Pork, Mutton,
Sausage, Bologna, anvl Ham.
Basoij ar)d Card Uvjjays or) Jiaijd.
Main Street, Lebanon, Or.
$. S. PIMiSBlIHY,
OR ECO N
franyaiffr s&ya lie BattheW. X,. Donj
cue tKJltom, pal mm down as a zraui
17. L. DOUGLAS
jr. y a W a.-
f V 1 i
V i 1
. ' . - w
o i '
Beat in tlie world. Kiamtm his
SS.OO GEM'INK HANI-SEViI SHOE.
4.(M HA'0-EWKO WM.T SHOE.
w 3.50 rOIJCK AND EAR MICKS' SHOE.
. : i.5 KXTKA VAI.I K CALF SHOE.
tt-i.HH WOKKIXSMAX'S SHOE.
aOO aid 1.75 BOYS SCHOOL, SHOES,
. AU Uiade in -'oneress. Button and Lafe.
IV. L. DOUGLAS
W. In 1KL'GLAS. hROCKTOX, MASS
'Examine W. L. Douglas $2 Shoe 1
or Gentlemen and -Ladies."
1-irr Sale It C. C. HACK I. K1U A.X.
A Small Deer.
A remarkable little animal has been
added to the Iondon zoo. It is a deer,
though in size but a trifle larger than
a f ull-gi-owii cat. The cloven hoofs
proclaim its position in the mammalian
world beyond doubt, but it has no
horns. Iu the male two long canine
teeth project from the upper lip, and
thesa 4iei'liatd serve iu their stead.
MUCH THE NEWEST,
N083IEST AND LARGEST STOCK OF
ik tJ Ji
In the County, is now to be Seen on the Counters of
Iv. K. BIvAIN,
KWhen you want to "dress up," we would be glad to show
you through and make the right price.
MERCHANT TAILORING A SPECIALTY.
Mr. E. A. Schkffler, is an expert, and has charge of this de
partment. We guarantee satisfaction.
MY SPRING STOCK
DRY GOODS, RRESS GOODS,
Notions, Stockinet Jackets, Beaded Caps,
Ladies' and Children's Shoes,
Has arrived. I have also received ray Spring Stock of
MEN'S, YOUTHS' & BOYS' CLOTHING, FURNISHING COODS,
BOOTS, SHOES, ETC.,
Of which we carry a Full and Complete Line, and will not be un
dersold. Com and see ua, and we will treat you well.
O. W. SIMPSON,
ALBANY, - - OREGON.
THE YAQUIHI ROUTE.
ORE30N PACIFIC RAILROAD.
Oram EeYelopsst Csxpiij'. Steiisllp Use.
225 Shorter, 20 Hours Less Time
Than by any other Route.
FIRST-CLASS THROUGH PASSENGER
AND- FREIGHT LINE
From Portland and all points in the Willamette
Valley to and from San Francisco, Cat
OREGON PACIFIC RAILROAD.
TIME.SCEDCLE. (Emcept Sundays.)
Vr Albany iop. m. Vaqnina 645a.m.
Lt Corvaliis 140 p. m. Lt Corvaliis 10:35 a. m.
At Vaqnina 5:30 p. m. Ar Albany 11:10 a. m.
O. & C trains connect at Albanj and Corvaliis.
The above t-ains connect at Yaquina with the
Oregon Oevelopmem Company's line of Steam
ships between Yaquiua ana San Francisco.
I'm. S. F. Steamer.
Farallon July 1. Wiiamette V'y . .July 1.
Willamette Val'y. July 6. Farallon July 6.
Far?.llc. July ro. Willamette V'y July 10.
Willamette Vy. . July ijFarallon July 15.
Renrmber the Oreeon Pacific Popular Snm
raer Exccrsion. IjOw Rate Tickets are now
on sale from all Valley Points to Vaqnina and
This company reserves the right to change sa
ing dates without notice.
Passengers from Portland and all Willamette
Valley points can make cloe connection with the
trains of the Yaquina route at Albany or Corval
iis. and if destined to San Francisco" should ar
range to arrive at Yaquina the evening before the
date of sailing.
Passenger and Freight Rates
Always the I)wet.
For particulars apply to
C. H HASWKU, , C. C. HOOVE.
Oen'l Ft & Pass. Agt. Act g Ven. F. c P. Agt.
Oregon Devel'pm'nt Co ' O. P. K. K. K. Co.,
304 Montgomery St. Corvaliis.
San Francisco, Cal. ort-gon.
I.ea-e Corvaliis Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
6 a. m. Leave Albany 9:30 a. m.
Arrive Salem, Mondav. Wednesday. Friday, s
p m. Leave Salm, Tuesday, Thursday, Satur
day, 8 a. m.
Arrive Portland, ITuenday, Thursday, Saturday,
3:30 p. m.
Tave Portland Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
6 a. m.
Arrive Salem. Monday. Wednesday .Fridav. 7:15
p. m. Leave Salem, Tuesday, Thursday, Satur
day, 6 a. m. Leave Albany, 1 :io p m.
Arrive Corvaliis Tuesdav, Thursdav, Satiirdav.
3:30 p. m.
J. L. COWAN.
J. M. RALSTOX.
Bank of Lebanon,
Transacts a General BaniM BESiness.
ACCOUNTS KEPT SUBJECT TO
Exchange sold on New York, San
Francisco, Portland f.nd Albany, Oregon.
Collections made 011 favorable terms.
G. T. COTTON,
: DEALER IX :
Sroseries am Provision
TOBACCO and CIGARS,
Foreip and Domestic Traits, ;
Queensware and Glassware, Tramps and
Pay Cili for Kgga.
Main Str.et, Ltboon, Oregon.
The Great Chinese Puzzle.
Imagine a langiiajre devoM of rrarn
nar or syntax; unhampered by b-clen-sions,
moods, tenses, or inflections of
any kind; essentially monosyllable; in
which the slightest change of pitch in
the voice completely modifies the sen
tence; subject to no mles of logic or
construction; a language iM-trilied into
solid blocks, and representing human
thoughts as a mosiuc represents a
picture; a language which once written
can no longer be read, but mnst be
scanned and eveu then you have im
agined but a few of the "characteristic
peculiarities of Chinese.
It has often been said, it is still said
to-day. that the Chinese speak after the
fashion of children, direetly, straight
to the point, with an energy of ex
pression, a directness of purpise. and
a natural logic devoid of the artificial
ity of Occidental tongues. As an ex
ample of this child-like simplicity,
which we may be pardoned for think
ing peculiar, let us take the following
sentence. A Chinaman says to us:
"To have one (numerical particle)
widow wife lie to be religion
friend house within necessary to
use all to have although forsooth
not to count rich noble to ar
rive bottom to pass to obtain day
We see at once that iu his simple,
straight-forward way he meant to say:
"There lived a Christian widow who
possessed all that she needed: through
not rich, she hart enough to live upon."
If brevity be the soul of oui
children of to-day have certainly im
proved Upoa the Chinese rendering,
though how they might havtfexpressed
themselves fifty or sixty centuries ago,
when the Chinese language wast being
invented, we have, of course, no means
of knowing. If the parents of that
time at all resembled those of to-day,
they would have allowed the children
to prattle on unheeded uutil they'knew
; better, or sent them to bed or
i Well, whoever was "right, somebody
: was wrong. So much for the vaunted
J simplicity of Chinese. John Heard, Jr.,
' in Harper's Magazine.
Old Elder K was one of the "odd
sticks" one often heard of in the Con
! necticut valley half a century ago. Id
i his younger days he preached th
; gospel with great vigor and in a man
j ner calculated to strike terror to th
I hearts of all evil-doers; but as he grew
1 older his mental vigor waned with his
i physical forces, and it began to b
j whispered around that Elder K
! wasn't "exactly right," which was a
j polite and indefinite way of saying that
j his mind was going from him." He in
j sisted, however, in tilling the pulpit he
' had so long.filled until his friends ver
: compiled to keep him away by force.
One Sunday morning, when his stic
; cessor was about to begin his sermon
' Elder K surprised the congregation
! by marching down the aisle and up to
i the pulpit, where he began haranguing
I the congregation, regardless of the
I rights ami presence of his scandalized
1 Hei-e was a dilemma. The foui
1 deacons and others of the brethren
i hastily consulted together and Eldei
j K was gently remonstrated with,
I but all to no purpose. He flatly re
j fused to leave the pulpit., and kept right
i on preachiug a terrifying sermon.
Finally the four deacons, vigorous ;
j men in spite of their years, walked iu
: to the pulpit, seized the struggling and
; rebellious elder, and started out with ;
: him on their shoulders. When hall .
way down the aisle, he still further :
. scandalized the congregation by bawl- ,
ino out satirically:
i "How much better, after all, am 1;
treated thau my blessed master, for h ;
had but one ass on which to ride, whilo
1 have four! Halielooyer!" Detroit ,
A Frank Darky. j
There is an uncommonly frank and i
humorous darky porter on one of the j
Wagner cars that ply between Chicago I
and New York, says the New York
Sun. The other day when he appeared ;
before the passengers, brush in hand, j
to get them all to stand up and deliver 1
their quarters and half-dollars in the J
usual way.this is what he said: "Stand j
up ten L Drusn you otf, gemmen. lt
don't amount to Dothin1, and you may
not need it, but you want to let me sro
1 uivLiuuB, so M 10 jeei as 11 x j
esuaea what you're goia' to jive me.'" j
A Staling Interlude.
B!x montlm aeo it wm," alt he
"It w-emsa century f etiwnuo
Slnco I .ere beneath thin very tree,
We wntched the moonlit mountain ranges.
1 hte this ehatterinjr, tlfttii)vr crowd.
That no profanes our silent river.
Tli- wiered rjmH whore once we vowed
A faith that should endure forever 1"
"And so me meet luratn," wild he,
"In the same phi-e where then .we parted;
How the old time come hnrk to met
The words tin lcrt us hroken-hetirted.'
Bwlft fell the aiiNwer from her inoiiih:
! ' Snoiik for vonrslf if vnn r,iiionilMr.
: The wind blows north thai ihon, blew muith, f
And June dies loug before Deetmiberl"
' "And does a woman') lienrt," Mid lie, f
' "L'hanico like the wind or summer weather? j
Yon moon In yet the ime. yon see.
That shone upon us here totrnther." I
; "Ah, no!" she sitd, "tliat miiiiuht moon !
Ilea mod with a rartiaui" ni'id and tender, j
; While this foruvts the wuriiith of Juno ;
In winter' fair and frozen splendor." !
j "And does that mean fnrewelir' aald lies !
"Is If a warnlnir to remember
That drenm of June can invrr r-e
Which dies In suoh a 1 1 i it Heerinber?
: Tour very words!" "Vet, evoti m," I
She said, controlling tours and luuphter, '
j "Do yoti forget Dett-iiiber snow
i Melts In the Juuo thut follows uTterf
i "But shall I poor stay?" said he, ',
Scarchintt her face with douht and wonder; ;
' "And if you care at all for me.
Why play at. keeplnir us acundor?" I
i "Itecause she smiled, while ot't Iv fell '
AtHve her ejestlu-lr dtp-f i'inif'l curtain
; "! did cot mean, at flrt, but well.
' Vou seenuni so odiously (-ertaln !" i
' Kuie I'm nam Osgood. '
: OUT IX THE STIIKET.
It was a wild night in November.
The wind rushed howling through the
streets of the great city, banging loose
shutters and shaking signs in a most
Stella Kay. a poor little country
waif, staggeied along curling before
the blast, her slender frame shivering
with the cold.
The clock in a neighliorhing steeple
struck the hour of midnight as she left
the main thoroughfare and turned
about by a 'long brick building with
A dark archway afforded relief from
: the biting blast, and as she stepped
within, a sense of giddiness overcame
her, and she sunk uncousciuus upon
: the cold pavements.
When she owned her eyes she found
; herself in the engine-room of the great
mill seated in an arm-chair.
A man was supyorling her head and
looking at her anxion-dy.
He w:is a young man twenty-live or
so, with a pleasant, brown-U-ardcd
He wore a big, shaggy overcoat, anil
' a cap pulled tlown over his ears iu a
most unbecoming fashion, but he had
' a pair of honest brown eyes, and Stella
took courage as she looked at him.
"I fear I have made jou a great deal
i of trouble." she said depivcatingly.
He made a gesture of dis-sent.
"You are better," he said, "now tell
me how yon came on tlie streets so late
on so wild a night."
"1 had no where to go." she said.
"The woman with whom I lived, up
river in X . died a fortnight ago.
"I came to the city and tried to get
work, but could not. My (Miai-din-jr
mistress turned me away because 1 had
no more money.
"1 have been everywhere to-day for
.work I couldn't get a night's shelter
without money to pay for it.
"I was half-dead with cob! and fa
tigue when you found me."
While she was talking the man pro
duced ;t tempting - looking samhvieh
; from a large tin pail and gave it to
"I am snre you have told me the
I truth," he said. You shall slay here
j to-night I am watchman here, la
the morning I will take you to tuy
I boarding - place. lVl haps 1 can find
work for v mi."
i "Yon are very good," returned Stel
' la, simply.
1 He tixed a resting place for her upon
I a pile of burlap in one corner, and
: then went out of the roonj. leaving her
j there alone.
j It was warm and clean there, aud
: Stella, utterly worn out, drifrei into
; But she was awake when Jack Il.ty
J den came for her in the gray morning,
1 and accompanied him trustingly.
I Jack commended her to the mercies
' of his landlady. Mrs. Tike, and after
j eating his breakfast went off to led.
I What was his indignation on getting
; op at noontime, to rind that Mrs. Pike
, had turned Stella out!
"I couldn't keep her, Mr. Hayden."
! she explained. "I intend to keep a re
j spectable house. The engineer says
; that she was there with you w hen he
arrived at the mill this morning; aud
according to her own story she was
wandering alout the streets when you
took her in.,r
Honest Jack Hayden stared at her In
speechless wrath for a few seconds.
"Couldn't you see that she was just
1 an innocent little country girl?" he de
; mantled. And you turned her into
the streets a dav "like this?"' waving
: his hand toward the window against
which the snow was fiercely driving.'
' 'How long has she been gone?"
"Just alKiut one minute," returned
Mrs. Pike, shortly.
Jack whirled at this, and catching
his hat and overcoat from a nail in the
hall, went out of the house like a cy
clone. Which way?
He looked" up and down the street,
struggling into his overcoat.
One way led to the river.
He fancied he saw a slender figure;
in the gray suit which she wore, mov
ing slowly in that direction; accord
ingly he tore away after it.
He overtook her just as she reached
There was a feverish flush on her
cheeks, and a wild look in her eyes.
bhe burst iuto tears at the sight of
He chafed her little cold hands in
. his great paws, and tried to shield her
from the storm.
, "Hold up a bit, little girl," he said,
: after a moment's rapid thought. "I
don't see but you and I wili have to
Stella gave a little gasp,
j "I know," he went ou. it seems kind
o' queer and sudden; but I can't have
you starve or drown yourself." I'll
1 never eat another blessed meal with
; Mrs. Pike, and I've lieen thinking how
' nice it would be to go to house-keeping
i with a nice little woman to bake my
: bread and s w on ni- buttons. I've
: often thought so; but then I don't
know many women, and never seemed
; to feel inclined to ask any one of these
1 do know. We sort o need each oth
er don't j-ou see? Now, I must be at
the mill at 5 o'clock.
"If you come with me to the magis
; trate's office we'll be married right
away; then I can take j-ou to a hotel,
i and send my truuk there, audto-mor-:
row we'll hunt up a tenement and go
to housekeeping. What do you say?"
"I say, yes," she faltered, "and the
Lord help me to do my duly by you."
"1 guess He wilt, my dear," said
Jack, tucking her hand uuder his
It was so strange so like a dream
to Stella, even though they were mar
ried by a stupid old justice in a stuffy
little office, and went house-hunting
together next day in tho most prosaic
Soon they were settled in a cozy lit- j
tie tenement, where Stella astonished j
Jack anew each day by some (to him) I
wonderful accomplishment, iu the art j
of housekeeping. i
As for Stella, all her heart went into j
his keeping. j
Three months spodby happily enough i
evening, Jack, having jammed
his hand at the mill, came home unex
pectedly. Letting himself Into the front entry,
he stopped on the rug transfixed.
Tho sitting-room door was ajar, and
he coultl see his wife in tins arms of a
tall, slim young man, w hile her lips
were upraised to his.
A few seconds Jack stood like a statue,
and then iu a sort of stupor he blun
dered out into the night again, leav
ing the door wide open.
Stella, feeling the sudden draught,
went into the entry and closed the door
wondering how it had opened.
On the following moruiug Jack did
not return home as usual.
Just as Stella began to think that she
must go and see if anything had hap
pened to him. the postman left an en
velope for her.
On opening it she found a check for
$.100, made payable to Stella V. Hay
den, and signed by her husbaud.
What did it mean?
She knew that $.100 was half of Jack's
little savings in tlie bank; but w hy did
he send it to her now, aud why did he
not come home?
The tall, slim j-oung man was with
her vet; and having listened to what
Stella had to say, he went directly to
Here his worst fears were confirmed.
He returned to Stella.
"They tell me at the mill that Har
den left there last evening, and were
much surprised to hear that he had not
been r.t home. I have been puzzling
over it all the wav back, ami have
come to this conclusion do you re
member iinding the front door oeu
last evening? Your Jack must have
come home and caught us kissing each
other, ami straightway concluded that
I was an old lover."
"Hut what should bring him home
at that time?" queried Stella, iu utter
dismay and misery.
Why, the Imok-keejKT was there tn
the ofliee last night, and he said that
Harden jammed his hand aud came
home to have it dressed."
Oh. Jack, Jack." cried Stella,
throwing herself down upon the sofa.
"What a terrible mistake! '
The youug man wisely made no at
tempt to cheek the storm of sobs aud
tears which followed.
He waited until she was quite worn
out and quiet, and then he said:
"Keep up a good heart, little sister;
we'll find him iu time. Iu the mean
time I will take care of you."
Hut they did not liud him.
Weeks and months went by. A baby
boy came to Stella, but the father was
not there to welcome the small
It was a bright, January day, quite
mild fur the season, ami the brown
limbs of the trees along the curbings
made a pretty net-work against the
bright blue of the sky.
Stella moved slowly down the quiet
street, thinking: how like Jack was the
little fellow who strutted so bravely
along, lifting his chubby feet very
high, and squealing out his delight in
Pride mnst have a fall.
Carl stcpjH'd on a bit of ice present
ly, and down he came w ith much em
phasis on the brick pavement.
'Oh, dear me, set a life!"' he ejacula
ted, as a big. broad-shouldered mau
with brown lieard raised him up.
This man had eves just like his own,
but Carl did not know it.
His mother did though, and Carl was
very indignant when s.'ie flew at the
man. laughing, aud sobbing, aud cry
ing wild! v:
"1'se 'touished, mamma!"' cried Carl
severely, pulling at her dres.
The big man stared at the babv, and
"Stella, whose loy is this?" he asked.
"Yours, Jack!" cried Stella joyfully.
Don't he l$k like you? Aud oh.
Jack, it was all a mistake. It was my
brother Charlie whom you saw with
me. I thought him dead, for I had
heard nothing from him for years. He
had been out in the mines and has
made money baby Carl and I would
have sutfered had he uot eared for us."
Don't mention it little woman
you break me all up."
Anil Jaek kissed her right there, to
the irreverent hilarity of two ragged
gamins who were watching him from
Babv- Carl rode, home in triumph on
Jack's shoulder, and gravely an
nounced to his Uncle Charlie:
"l'se got a dandy uew pap:u" Fain
tly Story I'tijH'r.
The Girls Do the Courting.
In the Ukraine, Russia, the maiden
Is the one that does all the courting.
When she falls in love with a man
she gees to his house aud tells him the
state of her feelings. If be recipro
cates all is well, aud a formal mar
riage is duly arranged. If, however,
he is unwilling, she remains there hop
ing to coax him into a better mind.
The poor fellow cauuot treat her with
the leat discourtesy or turn her out,
for her friends would be sure to avenge
the insult His best chance, therefore
if he is really determined that he won't
is to leave his home and slay away as
long as she is in it- This is" certainly a
very peculiar way of turning a man
out of the house" and home. On the
isthmus of Darien either sex can do the
courting, with the natural result that
almost everybody gets married. There
is not quite the same chance where the
girl has to bide the motious of a hesi
tating or bashful swain
Dying in Parisian Hotels.
It is dangerous to let a man die in a
hotel in Paris. A queer French law
enables the landlord to present his bill
to the relatives for the death. Several
liundred francs was the item recently
demanded from an Americau family
for the decease of one of its members
in a well-known hotel. The sum would
have been three times as great if the
person had died of a contagions dis
ease, aud doubled if the deceased was
a prince or a member of any rich, old
aristocratic family. The allowances by
the judges, however.are geuerally much
less than the claims of the landlords.
Farming in Spain.
In Spain farming i conducted in a
very primitive way. Uraiu is cut with
a small reaping-hook aud thrashed as
in the time of the Cu-sais that is, by
tramping about with asses hitched to a
stone-boat. The plow is a crooked
stick, pointed with iron. In the towns
are to be seen heavy wooden carts
drawn by oxeu. Most of the carrying,
transferring, etc., is done by donkeys.
Sand, brick,, lumber in fact almost
everything that has to be moved is
carried ou their backs. These animals
are used all through Spain, aud for
every purpose, iu the same way in
which we use the 111 iu the almost im
passable canyons of the Rocky moun
tains. The Hotel Columbia.
The mammoth new American hotel
in London, ou the site of the Waterloo i
house, will be worked at a rental by '
an American syndicate, and is expected
to be opened eighteen mouths hence as '
the Hotel Columbia. j
One of the great feats of the railway
engineering of tho time is being per
r . 1 1 .
lormeu in noriuern tueeusianu. a
line is being constructed from Cairns to
the tin mines of Herbertstown. It is
costing; $200,000 to $250,000 per mile.
A whole range of mountains has to be
crossed, aud the trains will pass over
perilous precipices aud yawning
n WIT AND HUMOR.
It Is a wise man who knows enough
to keep It to himself. Puck.
A "short" speech "Lend mc a quart
er till to-morrow." Pittsburg Chroni
cle. The bartender spends much of his
time in drawing to a full. H ashing Ion
When a man lets his face fall it
rarely breaks iuto a smile. Baltimore
If you crack a Kentucky chestnut
you are sure to find a Colonel. Haiti
How we admire the man who hap
pens to catch us wheu we are doing a
good deed on the slv ! Atchison Globe.
The man who thinks quick aud
speaks slow will bo very api. to get
along iu the world. Hew Orltaiis Pica
yune. Don't treat a man with contempt be
cause he is poor. Simply have noth
ing to do with him. Philadelphia In
quirer. Strange as It may seem, a man fails
to support his wile wheu he is most
disjiosed to sup porter. binghamtcn
In this age of sharp rivalry tlie man
who permits his wits to go wool gath
ering is very liable to get worsted.
The rooster is one of the most tidy
of all members of the auimal kingdom.
He always carries a comb witn him.
Eulogies prououncd in celebntion
of the virtues of the dat.arted may be
characterized as foam ou the fuueral
bier. Boston Tranxcrijit.
Another attempt has been discovered
to kill the King of Corea, but the
would-be-assassin was frustrated in his
matt Corea. Ponton IL-ratd.
"Familiarly breeds contempt." Don't
acquire the habit of permitting your
auger to get you, too often, besides
y o u rse I f . Ptiiladclph in Press.
Riches sometimes fail to bring pop
ularity. It's uot alwavs the mau with
the latest roll that "sets 'em up the
ofteuest. Philadelphia Inquirer.
"Where do you suppose the Sultan
gets all the ladies lor his harem?"
"Dunno. M;ij be he patronizes the
Merchant of Venus." -. J'. .fun.
"You say your friend died of con
sumption, quick consumption, 1 pre
sume." Well, hardly. He lived iu
Philadelphia." Minneapolis Tribune.
"Ma, the minister is coming."
"What makes vou think so? Did you
see him?" X'o; but I saw pa take'lhe
parrot and lock it up iu the stable."
V. J". Hun.
Zola announces that in a few years
he will devote himself exclusively to
the stage. Iu the meantime the stage
should get out an injunction. Balti
However much the American girl
may satirize the foreign "Lord," it is
observed that, whatever her profession,
she clings with hooks of steel lo the ti
tle of "Lady." Puck.
Briggs "What would be an appro
pi iate preseut for me to give lo my
typewriter girl?' Braggs "If ehes
auythiug like mine I wuti.J recommend
a spelling-book." lerre Haute i,x
pre&x. It is & little rough on the criminal.
They get tlie weakest minded, most ig
norant men jRissible for the jury, and
then seak of Uy ing the poor unfor
tuuate by a jury of his peers. PoMon
Mrs. Simpson "So your servant has
runoff. How foolish iu her to leave a
good home like this, D.m't you thiuk
she'll regret it?'' Mrs. sisopsou
"Yes; my husbaud weut w ith her."
llarjorie "Aren't you afraid that
Tour Uagrant coquetry may drive some
of your admirers to ilesH-ration?"
Ethel "It is a matter of indifference
lo me so long as lliey doa't die iu the
WiTe (to husband at the end of a
"spat") "The fools ain't all dead yet."
Husband "They ain't, eh?'' Wife
"No, or I would have the amount of
your insurance policy before this."
She You are such a solitary man,
Mr. Silby, I should think you would
get lonesome." He "U. no. I enjoy
being by myself." See (thoughtfully)
"I don't see how you can." Burling
ton Free Press.
The consistent minister will not
preach steadily for two hours upon the
iniquity of lying ami then blandly ask
one of the leading uiemler's of the con
gregation how lie liked the sermon.
Harry "And dearest, do you think
of me all the day long?" Dearest "I
did. Harry; but the days are getting
longer now, and of course well, you
know that that must make some differ
ence." Boston Transcript.
Mr. Lookahead "Does my daugh
ter give you any eneourageineut sir?"
Mr. Donothing "Why. yes. she savs
your business Is increasing so that 3-ou
can soon support us in the style we
both like." Munsey's Weekly.
"I am well aware." said the tramp
to the facetious gentleman he had ac
costed, "that one swallow does uot
make a summer; but 1 would like to
have enough to mitigate the rigors of
the present climate a little." Puck.
Mr. Lushforth '-You never help
me on with my coat like you used to iu
the days of our honeymoon." Sirs.
Lushforth "No? And' I never had to
help you off with your boots iu those
days," either." Terre Haute Fxpress.
"I swear bv those tall elms in yon
dep park '' he commenced, but she
interrupted him. "Swear not by them,"
she said imploringly. "Why not?"
. "Because those trees are slippery
elms," she said simply. Boston Bcaeon.
Husband "Maria, you are an awful
long time in giving me the change
out of that $20 bill I gave you last
Thursday." His Wife "You should
recollect. Jack, that I used to clerk in a
down-town store." Detroit Free Press.
Wife (to hubby, who has been out
the night before) "Why, my dear,
what makes you look so sour this
morning?'' Hubby "I drauk three
glasses of milk last night and got
caught in a thunder-storm coming
home." N. Y. Herald.
"After all," said Do Broot's little
wife as she sat down -to rest after fin
ishing every bit of an arduous round of
housework," "there's no place like
home." "No," said De Broot as he
picked up his hat, "and I'm dog-goned
glad of it-" Merciant Traveler.
Mrs. Potts "And you sny Mr. With
ers never swears when things go wrong
around the house?" Mrs. Withers
"Very seldom, at least. The only
thing that will make him swear is to
liud one of Bob lngersoll's wicked
speeches in the Sunday paper." Trre
Lawyer "You say you think the
witness is a wholesale liar. What do
you mean by a wholesale liar?" Wit
ness "Well, he is a mau who would
not tell a single lie for a nickel, but
would tell a dozen for a half dollar; or
a dozen dozen 'gross' falsehoods, you
know for $0." Detroit Journal.
McFingle--'Do j'ou know that seedy
looking individual over there?" Mc
Fangle "Yes. He's the inventor of
one of the most wonderful and useful
engines in the world." "Indeed! And
who is that handsomely dressed, pros
perous looking man to whom he is
talking?" "O, he invented au oil can
ilJ&EWS STMTOKMSiQtta BOOK.
DON'T DELAY INZ SECURINGI.TERRITORY.
Finest Book on Earth for the Farmer, $tockmariand Blacksmith
far rtUnltrgurtaad Agents' Termnpplf to
G. L. PEABLEE, 307 Saijscme St., $39 Frai;eiseo,Qal.
to use on tjie eugiue invented by the
Other." -V. X'. Hun.
I get up at daylight" repeated the
early rising crank, for the W'Jth time.
"1 can't see how any one can want to
lie iu bed after the' have woke up.
Then I " "Cut out of the house as
soou as possible, 1 suppose?" put iu the
tired listener, for the sake of saving
something. Certainly.' "What a
relief it must be to your family." '
Worms That Kat Steel Rails.
For the last two years the German ;
government has been making inquiries '
into the life, history, and ravages of ;
one of the most remarkable worms !
known to exist, says the St. louis He- j
public. This w onderful creature, whose j
gluttonous appetite is only satistied ;
after a feed on common steel, was '
brought into notice by an article in the :
Cologne Gazelle iu June, liH7.
For some time preceding the publi- :
cation of the account -mentioned the
greatest consternation existed among
the engineers employed on the railway
at Hagen, on account of the accidents i
which always occurred at the same
jdaee, proving that some terrible de- ,
feet must exist either in the material or
the construction of the rails.
The government became interested
and sent a commission to the spot for i
the purpose of maintaining a constant 1
watch atthes)ot where the accidents- j
one of them attended with loss of life ;
had occurred, lt was not, however.
until after six mouths had elapsed that '
the surface of the rails appeared to be
corroded, as if by aeiti. to the extent
of over 100 yards."
The rail was taken up and broken,
whereupon it was found to be literally :
honeycombed by a thin, thread-like ,
gray worm. The worm is said to lie j
two centimetres in length and of about ;
the bigness of a common knitting- "
needle. It is of a gray color, and on
the head it carries two little sacs or
glands, tilled with a most powerful 1
corrosive secretion, which is ejected i
every ten minutes when the little de- '
mon is lying undisturbed. This liquid
when squirted upon iron renders that '
metal soft and sjongy. and of the color
of rnst, when it is easily and greedily j
devoured by the little lusect- "There '
is no exaggeration." says the official ;
report, "iu the assertion that this crea- j
ture is one of the most voracious, for ;
it has devoured thirty-six kilograms of
rails in a fortnight." .
A DOC AS A MAIL-CARRIER.
Tha C'anlna Swmi to Reallz the Import. '
um of Hla Mission. '
The way the dog became a mail-;
carrier was as follows, says a letter in
the Ohio Farmer: One day the post- f
master wanted to send a word to his j
brother at Bismarck, but did not want ;
to make the trip. It occured to him to
try the dog. lie wrote a letter and
tied it around the dog's neck, pointing j
thedoir's nose toward Bismarck anil;
then told him to go. He trotted off aj
short distance ami then turned about !
to see what else was wanted. Some of ;
the small Itovs showered stones at him !
and he ran on to Bismarck. Next day ;
he returned with an answer tied on his '
neck and he showed that he bad been
well treated. The experiment was re- i
pealed, each time with success and ad
ditional dignity on the part of the dog. j
As soon as it became known that !
Dorsey could le deended upon re-;
' quests were constantly made by the
, miners to send their mail by htm. The
; loads soou increased, and it became i
! evident that they could not tie on all ,
1 the letters. The miners then ordered
a handsome little mail-bag and fitted it :
to the dog's shoulders, lt is fastened .:
around bis chest by one strap, and -arouud
his body back of the forelegs,
by another. He has never missed a ;
trip for about three years or lost a i
letter. Now. when the stage comes iu. j
he gets up, stretches himself, walks to
, the postollice. waits to have the mail
' slrapjied on him, and starts off as soon :
as he is told all is ready. He will go a ;
long way around to avoid meetiug a
stranger, seeming to realize the iiu- 1
portaiice of his inissiou.
Sam Summers, the negro prodigy, :
was in Shelbyville yesterday, says the
Louisville Commercial, and as usual
entertained a large crowd, who were :
testing him with all kinds of mathe
matieal problems. Summers is a i
colored man. 34 years old. without the .
slightest education. He can not read ;
or write and does not know one figure ;
from another. He fs a common, every- i
dayjarm-haud, and. to look at him
aud watch his actions, he seems to tie
about half-witted, but his quick and
invariably correct answer to any ex-
ample in arithmetic no matter" how j
didieult. is simply wonderful. With j
the hundreds of tests that he has sub-'
mitted to not a single time has he -failed
to give the correct answer in
Some examples given him yesterday
were: How much gold can lie bought ;
' for $ ivl in greenbacks if gold is worth ;
$1.63? Multiply 597.312 by 13 5-8. If;
: a grain of wheat produces seven grains,
I and these be sown the second year, i
; each yielding the same increase, how,
i many bushels will be produced at this :
i rate in twelve years if 1,000 grains ;
; make a pint? l"f the velocity of sound
. is 1,142 feet per second, the pulsation '
! of the heart seventy per minute, after :
seeing a flash of lightning ' there are ;
i twenty- pulsations counted before yon
, hear it thunder, what distance is the
' cloud from the earth, and what is the I
: time after seeing the flash of lightning ,
' uutil you hear the thunder? A com-
I mission merchant received seventy ;
j bags of wheat, each containing three:
I bushels, three pecks and three quarts;1
i how many bushels did he receive? Aud
j With Robinson's, Ray's, and other;
i. higher arithmetics before them, those j
: who have tested him as yet have been j
unable to liud any example that, with '
, a few moments' thought 011 his part,
1 be is not able to correctly answer.
i Most of the old houses on lioth sides '
j of the Tiber, at Home, have been re-
I moved, line embankments of masonry j
i have been erected, slightly deepening ;
j ami widening the river to au average
i width of sixty-live yards, ami ou top of .
i the embankments, on both sides, es- ;
j plaiiades are formed as tin the Thames j
j embankment at London. . One of the ;
j new bridges crossing' the stream is j
: thirteen a ids wide, and near it at-'
either end. ntaud new buildings seven j
stories hili. completely, fhuiling out j
the views of the Jauii-uli.ni aud Sau
The shoemaker will do work which
is beneath other people.
EXPERIENCED COUNTY CANYASERS
fJEl lE PRICED
To make a success when they have under
taken the sale of
CUT THIS OUT
I us w ith
10 cents and receive ten samples that
will make you more money in a ureek
than anything ever offered. Something
new, durable and profitable. !?end at
once to Noktuwkstkks SCH'I.T Co., Hn.
3J5 First Street, Portland, Oregon.
STAR COMPOSITION CO.,
-:- and -:-
PADDING! CEMENT ETC.
Roller Casting a Specialty.'
1 107 Fourth SL, East Portland, Ot.
"SEND DOWN 113."
How a Parrot Caused a Railroad Aceidsut
In tlie Far VV-t-
Out in the far west on one cold nigl.t
in January a horrible accident oc
cured. Suow several feet in depth
covered the ground.
The little town of B was perfectly
quiet, and not one of its inhabitants
dreamed of the scene of disaster that
would soon be witnessed. The small
station house was for the time deserted,
says the Philadelphia limes, the
station-mater having gone to the store
not far distant. Poll sat all alone in
the cozy little station house, ever and
mon talking to herself. "Polly want
a cracker; Pretty Poll. Pretty Poll."
Then with a wise shake of her head she
flew to a shelf that was just above the
telephone, rang, and receiving the an
swering ring shouted, "Send down 113."
Then flying back to her perch she was
quietly sitting there when the master
returned. There was no telegraph
in that part of the country and Poll hail
often watched her master talk through
the telephone to the station-master at
Jerome, a small town not many miles
distant. In about half an hour the pas
senger train was due. When it was
nearly time for the train to eome the
station-master thought that he heard
the noise of a train in each direction,
but concluding that he was mistaken he
did not trouble himself to lookout. In
a few minutes the passenger train
passed np, but it did not stop, and in
another moment a fearful crash was
heard, a piercing shriek rang out npon
the night air, and then piteous groaus
were heard. Snatching op a lantern
the station-master hurried out. A fear
ful scene was before him. The freight
train attached to the engine 113 had
eome into collision with the passenger
Fifteen pacngers and both en
gineers were killed and five passengers
were injured seriously. Ju a short
time the whole town w as astir. The
injured were cared for aud an engine
arrived and pushed the broken cars ou a
6ide track. Much exeitemeut prevailed
through-out the town. The people
wondered who it was who had tel
phoned the station-master at Jerome.
They did not solve the mystery for
many a long day and both station
-masters Terr nearly lost their situa
tions, but as nothing could be proved
against them they were allowed to re
main. One evening in June as the
station-master at sat dozing in his
chair he was aroused by hearing the
telephone ring. Looking np he saw
Poll sitting on the shelf above the tele
phone and heard her call out in hel
shrill voice: "Send down 113."
At last the mystery had been solved.
Nature's Kin a Provision.
The color of a great many animals
evidently serves to conceal them eithei
in the depths of the forest or in the
open plain. Thus, in the arctic regions
animals cast the russet coat of summer
for the suowy one of winter, and some
peculiar Alpine species nudergo
similar changes. The ermine, the hare,
and the polar fox are examples, whiie
the ice bear, which is supreme in the
northern waters, and therefore does
not require a protection of that kind,
by being white is enabled more easily to
approach its prey. Several birds, like the
ptarmigan, also change their plumage,
and the young of seals are born w ith
white pelts, which they change for
darker ones as soou as they are capa
ble of living independently of their
On the other hand, the summer
feathers of the ptarmigan are well
adapted for a bird roosting on lichen
covered rocks, while the heather-hued
plumage of the grouse, like the similar
coat of the partridge, is equally favor
able to their escaping the notice of
ruthless enemies. London Standard.
Tlie Timber of Maine.
Five hundred million feet of logs are
cut in the State of Maine annually.
Tlie name Pine Tree State was acquir
ed years ago, but Spruce Tree" State
would now be more appropriate. Al
though shere are millius of pine yet
standing, the palmy days of that tree,
in a commercial sense, "long since de
parted, aud the spruce, prolific aud
hardy, is the mainstay of the lumber
trade. Whatever the case may be in
other States Maine has nothing to fear
from the denudation of her uplands.
The sproce U n prolific tree, reuewing
its growth in a few years, thus tilling
up the gaps made by the lumbermau s
ax, and soon producing a second
growth or aftermath. Many townships
on the Penobscot have beeu lumbered
over twice and some three times, while
in Hancock county there is more tim
ber standing to-day thau there wa
twenty years ago.
Kresh Water Pearls.
In the last tweuty years more than
$100,000 worth of" pearls have leen
found in the United States in that
family of niollusks known as --niiios.'i-or
fresh water mussels. iii same that
abounded at one time in the rivers o
A !5iS Wildcat.
Peter SkifT.a veteran hunter of North
Kent, Conu., recently shot a wilde.it
live feet long that weighed forty
pounds. It was the biggest wildcat
that has been shot in the state. Skiff
killed the auimal iu the air as it was
springing at hiuu -..
A farmer livioff between MareelVne
and Brooktieid, Mo., found tlurty-seveu
bee trees during last summer aud faJl.
aud as a eousequeuce has ou had more k
than bnrrl of "trained bouey. . V