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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (May 16, 1890)
DR. C. H, DUCKETT, f
E K N T-1 ST..
Oi i ick: Between G. T. Cotton and I
Peterson & "Wallace. ' j
Lebanon, . . Oregon. 1
J. K. WEATHERFORD, j
Attorney -at -Law. ;
Office over First National Bank,
ALBANY, - - OREGON.
J. M. KEEXE, D. D. S.
Dental -:- Parlors.
Office: Breyman Bros., Building,
SALE M, OREGON.
3"-Hours from 8 A. M. to 5 P. M.-
E. j- M'CAUSTLAND,
CIVIL ENGINEER SURVEYOR.
Draughting and Blue Prints.
Office with Oregon Land Co., Albany.
Seweracre System and Water Supplies
a Specialty. "Jstates Subdivided. Haps
made or copied 011 short notice.
fl. L McG'LRUE;
(Successor to C H. IIakmon )
3arfcer : and : Haiixlresser, I
SHAVING. HAIR CUTTING AND ;
Shampooing in the latest and best i
style. Special attention paid to dressing :
Ladies' hair. Your patronage respect-
fuilv solicited. !
ED. KELLENBERGER, - Projr , j
Fresh & Salted Beef, Tork, Mutton, j
'Sausage, Bologna, and Ham. j
Baooo aijd Card Muays oi Jaod.
Main Street, Lebanon, Or.
8. S. PIIiLSBUKY,
lit. , VA
TTan-3MMrtr savt f hu the W. t. Donna
Slio. a uhout Tiame and prtc liawuta oa
lb bottom, pot him down aa a frmud.
17. L. DOUGLAS
Beat In tke world. Kmititne lit
5.k cem'ixk haxk-sr.wed shoe.
4.00 h.andjsewku wki.t shok..
;lso police and farmkkv shoe.
K't.&O USTR VAI.rE ;ai.f shoe.
tti.OO and Ul.SS BOVS' SCHOOL SHOES.
11 niade in -(nkrrr.s Button and La.
V. L. DOUGLAS
G3 SHOE LAFDrcs.
Beat Material. Beet Style. Beat Flttinc
It IMt sold by yonr dealer, write
xamine W. L. Doutrtas S2 Shoe
for Gentlemen and Ladles."
for Sale by C. C. If A CMC X E"XA 3T.
The Shah'a Cousin a Ci-iminaL
The Persian Prince Kejkuban Dech- i
- man turza, a cousin oi the Shah, has
ju9t been convicted of counterfeiting in
Moscow, Russia, and has been con
demned to tire rears of hard labor in j
The largest lemon orchard in the j
world is in process of planting at San )
Diego, Cal. It will comprise iiiX) acrea. j
MUCH THE NEWEST,
NOBBIEST AND LARGEST STOCK OF
fx -I :
In the County, is now to be
Tv. K. BLAIN,
53When you want to "dress up," we would be glad to show
you through and make the right price.
MERCHANT TAILORING A SPECIALTY. -j
Mr. E. A. Schkfflkr, is an expert, and has charge of this dp-j
partment. We guarantee satisfaction.
MY SPRING STOCK
DRY GOODS, KRESS GOODS
Ladies' and Children's Shoes,
Has arrived. I have also
MEN'S, YOUTHS' & BOYS' CLOTHING, FURNISHING GOODS.
BOOTS, SHOES, ETC.,
Of which we carry a Full and Complete Line, and will not he uu
dersold. Come and see us, and we will treat you well.
O. W. SIMPSON,
ALBANY, - - OREGON.
THE YAQUINA ROUTE.
OEEGON PACIFIC RAILROAD.
Oregon EeTElcpiest Company 's steans.19 Line.
: 225 Shorter, 20 Hours Less Time j
i Than hy any other.Rotiie.
FIRST-CLASS THROUCH PASSENCER
.AND FREIGHT LINE j
From Portland and all points in the Wtilamctte j
Valley to and from Sau Franci-sco. Cat. ;
OREGON PACIFIC RAILROAD.
TIMR 8CF.DVLK, tRxccpt Snndaya I j
! I.v Albany itnp. m. I.v Vaquitia -Jt5 a. m. ;
i Lv Corvallis lnp. m. Lv CorvalHi to:,? a. m. -I
At Vaquina 5:30 p. m. Ar Albany n:n-a m. :
' O. & C trains conn tret at Alhan and Corvallis.
I The above titins connect at Vaquina witi the ;
I Oregon Iievclopment Company's line of Stram- ;
j ships between Vaquina and San Francisco. j
! SA1L1XO DATKS.
j steamer. Fra. S.F. Steamer. Fm. Yaq'naJ -1
Farallon" .Mav sTwilameite V"y . May 4 :
: Willamette Val'y May 9. Farallon ...May 9. j
; Farallon . Mav 14. Willamette V'y Mav 14 ;
j Willamette V'y. May 20. Farallon . " M:y 30' j
This company reserves the right to change sail- j
ng dates without notice. i
j Passenifers from Portland and all Willamette j
! Valley points can make close connection with the
' trains of the Yaquina route at Albany or Corval- j
, lis, and if destined to San Francisco should ar
i range to arrive at Vaquina the evening lefore the j
date of sailing.
I Passenger and Freight Rates
I Always the Ixiwest.
I For particulars apply lb
i C. H HASWELL. ! C. C. HiN'.rF.
j Oen'l.Ft ft Pass. Agt. I Act'g ".en. F. t P. Agt. ;
j Oregon Ilod pm nt Co : o, P K. K. R. Co.,
: 304 Moul$rom ery St. r Corvallis,
! San Francisco, "Cal. Oregon.
NORTH WH ND.
Leave Corvallis Monday, Wednesday, Friday, '
6 a. ni. Leave Allmny q:V a. m.
Arrive Salem. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, j
p m. Leave Salem, Tuesday, Thursday, Satur
day, S a. m. 1
Arrive Portland, jTuesday, Thursday, Saturday,
3:jo p. m
si t th 101 r
Leave Portland Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
6 a. m.
Arrive Salem. Monday, Wednesday Friday, 7:15 :
p. m. Leave Salem. Tuesday, Thursday, Sattir- :
day. 6a. m. Leave Albany, 1:30 p ni.
ArrivetCorvallis Tuesdai-, Thiirsday, Saturday.
3:30 p. m.
J. L. COWAN.
J. M. RALSTON".
Bank of Lebanon,
Transacts a Gsueral Banking Business.
ACCOUNTS KEPT SUBJECT TO
Exchange sold on New York, San !
Francisco, Portland and Alhatiy. Oregon. !
Collections lua.Ie 011 lavoraiile terms.
-: DEALER IK :-
rocsries aim Proviso.
TOBACCO and CIGARS,
Foreip and Domestic rrnits,
Queensware and Glassware, Lamps and
Lamp Fixtures. '
Pays Caah for Egga.
Main Street, I.b.non, Oregon.
THfT Tr Til?
Seen on the Counters of
inet Jackets, Beaded Caps
received my Spring Stock of
STANLEY'S MARCH THROUCH AFRICA.
Th Plctnrqn Cunlnri. Which
companird th tirrat Kxplurrr.
On the march from camp to ramp
Stanley and his c-hoirt fnllowiujj of
picket!" pciTa.! ami sohlicrs cut a pic
turesque and pnimiiu-nt tirnre in the
long procession tr nearly it thousand
people in Indian file 011 the winding
African road. Thirty or forty men of
the expedition had Iwn rewarded with
flaming red blankets for good service,
and had lieen promoted by Stanley to
the honor of carrxing hi tent and per
sonal effects. Stanley rde a very
good donkey, which was presided over
by a young man with a red turlmn,
red knee-tireevhes. and red shirt, and
seemed particularly proud of the ex
alted position to w hich lie had on his
personal merits climbed. Isehind the
donkey streamed the great exploivr's
red-blanket brigade, with Iwixes. tent,
etc, ou their heads, and with the red
blankets proudly trailing to their heels
behind. The scarlet brigade, with Mr.
Stanley on the donkey in the lead,
hurried ntin . passing ihe others as a
fast train passes a slow one, and usual
ly reached camp in advance. If the
sun was shining Stanley hoisted a big
greenish umbrella. The rvst of Stan
ley's jKop!e were divided into com- ,
paniesor divisions, of each of which ail
officer had command and was responsi- .
ble for certain goods.
Of the Europeans Stanley, Emin, ;
Casati. Jephson. aud lionny i-ole don- !
keys; Parke. Stairs and Nelson walked.
Parke had never ridden a step of the :
way across Africa. Two picked car- I
riers conveyed Kniin Pasha's little girl
in a litter, and of the Egyptian and
mongrel women some rode donkeys,
some walked, and some were carried
ou stretchers. j
Meu and women carried infants on :
their shoulders, though not always, for i
one of the sad sights of the daily inarch
was poor little pickaninnies of 6 or 7 ;
years old, sore-footed and weary, hob- 1
bling along and crying all the time to ;
be carried. What a time it must have j
been to these small miserable trudging j
along day after day on the endless ;
road, thirsty, hungry, tired, stubbing
sore toes, stepping on a thorn now and
then, weeping and snuffling, losing
sight of their mothers if the3' had any.
jostled and passed by rude, brutish ;
men, who wished them dead and out ;
of the way oor little wretches!
Then there were Wanyamvezi por
ters bringing ivory, who had joined
the caravan for safety to the coast; ,
Emin's Egyptian officers, and a motley
assortment of negresses from the '
Equatorial Province, wives and concu- j
bines of the officers and soldiers, some
in the primitive costumes of their
country and tribe, others wearing '
clothes. Altogether these various ele- ;
incuts must have swelled the total to
uearly a thousand souls. S. T. World.
A Ietrlttel ;fant.
Joseph Sweshenger, who resides near 1
Stanford, writes to the Hiiu.r I'rtss par- ;
ticulars of a wonderful discovery he
recently made in an unfrequented !
mountain near his residence. The dis- .
covery consists of a petrified man, with j
all his limbs in a perfect state of preser- :
vatiott. The body stands by a massive J
bowlder, of which it seems to hal e j
become apart, and can not lie removed j
without considerable labor and excuse. 1
A liny stream of water flowing from a
spring above falls dircetly upon the
head of the body, after passing over it
loses itself in 1 he su iron tiding rock. The '
Ixidy measures 6 feet aiid 1 inches from
the crown of the head to the soles of
the feet, ami is well proportioned, the !
chest and limbs being of ponderous
widlli and size. The features are of a 1
severe Roman type, surmounted by a :
broad, high forehead aud a luxurious
growth of hair, which is as lirni as
rock itself. A beard reaching to the !
waist completes a picture which inspires '
a feeliug of awe and reverence in the
beholder. Certain hieroglyphics are ;
cut uiou the rock, a true copy of which '
Mr. Sweshenger promises to" send us. j
Thus far he has kept the discovery a j
secret, but will in due time divulge its j
locality. It is, indeed, a wonderful j
discovery, indicating as it does that the I
first inhabitants of this country were '
giants. 1'acoma News.
Last year Germany granted only
8,921 pensions.against England's 9,779,
and the United Stales' 20.420. The
number granted in Germain has fallen
off i'it m live 3 ears.
What la a Gentleman?
What I a ntlrman! laltsthln
JW-ked with a crfi!n, chain and a ring.
lVressod In a suit of Inimnciitat" style,
Snort ttiit an e tvRlaas. a Hap tint! a smMe:
Talking-of race and enncerta ami hulls,
Fvenlng scmlillea and afternoon call.
fttintttiiH: lihtisn f at "at home'' aii'l linxar.
Whistling niaxuika and smoking clgarst
What la a ge ntlpman flay, la It on
Boasting of comiuest and deeds he has
One wlm unhliishlnirlr glories to sneak
Things which should vail up a Hush to hla
One who, while rnllliifr at action unjust.
Robs some joung heart of lis puruncsa antl
9mrn to steal money, or Jewels, orwentth.
Thinks It DO wrong 10 take honor hy stealth?
Whattsagw'tlemanr la It not one i
K Hewing Instlnciivel.v wlml he should shun, j
Sealcinp no word Hint could Injure nr pain.
Spreading no scandal an t dc-i niiur no atalnr j
One wlio knows how to 1 lit each at Ids eau.
Mi-tviinrsuccessiiiil.v niwaya to piee
One wlio can tell by a frlance at your cheek
When to be silent aud when ha aliould p. akf
What Is a trentlemnnr la It not one
Honestly eating the bread lie lias won.
Walking In nprtirlilmwa. fearing Ids Hod.
Leaving no stain on the path he haa trod;
Curing not whether hla coat may 1 e old;
Prixlng alnoenty far almve goldr '
Keeking not whether his hand may be Imrd '
Stretching it boldly to graap Its n-wanlr
What la a gentleman Par. la It birth
Make a man nolile or adds to hla worth?
! there a family tre to lie hud
Shady enough to rmnccal what la bad
Seek out the man who hits clod for his guide.
Nothing to tremble at. nothing to hide. i
He he a noble or lie he In trade.
Me is a gentleman Nature bus made.
. THE QUEKX WINS, j
Thebnstille had not vet fallen. The '
thoughtless youth of the French arlstoo- !
racy still danced through the saloons ;
of the royal castles. Maurepas still
reigned prime minister the same
i friend of humanity w ho made the com-
; passionate decision concerning the peo- j
i lie's welfare; Why build hospitals. ;
'an not the people die 011 the roads if!
1 This ei ening Maurepas had the honor
of being permitted to lead the beaut i-
1 ful Marie Antoinette to the card-table, ;
but, complaining of a severe headache j
as they passed through the saloon, the
good queen excused him from further
attendance that the pain might not lie '
' Increased. As he n as hastening back '
through the ante-chamlier to the danc
ing hall, where the king was taking his :
: coffee, lie perceived lieiicalh the gobelin
taiestrr of the famous Louvois window
a man in citizens' dress, who regarded :
him expectantly aud bowed low before
It Is sll right. Dtiinoni't, whispered
i the asthmatic old man; this evening,
' his majesty will taste of it." And he
1 forthwith "thrilled out one of his bun-;
dred madrigals, which, iu truth, were ,
tame enough, but which his flatterers ;
, found very witty. In the royal apart-;
meut he saw just then Louis XVI. take
. from a sugar basin two delicately ;
broken lumps of sugar ami sweeten his
ootlee with them. As the king tok a
mouthful of the coffee the minUterial
friend of the people approached aud ;
. asked respectfully:
How does yo'ur majesty find the '
coffee this evening?''
"As usual, excellent" ;
'The best mocha is always nMn your
majesty's table: but does the sugar suf
ficiently moderate the bitterness of the
Louis XVI. was sensitive to mockery :
. and irony even to timidity; therefore he
: said inquiringly:
What do you mean bv that?"
Maurepas laughed. "Your majesty, J
I permit me one question. How much. 1
sire, do you think these two pieces of j
' sugar cost?" The king looked uneasy, i
! "Do yon wish to test my mathem-i-
: tical ability?" Maurepas cunt. ntntl toi
laugh. "11 ell, then. I will answer;
! our pi"obleni: Sugar costs the jM-ople
alaiut 80 sous a pound. If I reckon,
. eight- pieces ti the pound it makes 1
Sou lor each piece; but since to me as!
king every thing is quadrupled. I have!
this evening consumed 8 sous" worth of
"This sugar is the gift of one of your :
subjects, who counts himself happy 1
that It is considered worthy of a place ;
on your majesty's table; therefore it j
etvsts you nothing, sire, hot the giver !
i Tallies every piece at a full Louis iVor." ;
I "You are leside vonrself M. de
Maurepas. Eighty Louis d'or for a i
Kiind of sngarl At that rate I should
be compelled to sell Hamliouilet to sii- '
ply my brother with sugar for a year, i
for you know he takes a handful to
everv cup. But explain to me jour
"In a moment, your majesty." And ;
he took the sugar-basin and emptied ;
the contents Uou the marble table and :
counted the pieces. "Forty -three, with
the ones used forty-five, worth 1,080 ;
francs; but look, your majesty, what '
dazzling whiteness and how light it ls !
aud how sweet, without any bitter after- ;
"Come, now," said Louis, interrupt- ;
Ing his babble, "is sugar ever bitter?" ;
"And your majesty will never guess j
from w hat this sugar is made."
The king was not without some
knowledge of chemistry, therefore he .
answered hesitatingly: !
"Naturally from the sugarcane."
"Pardon me, your majesty, it is beet- !
"Beet-root! What is beet-root?"
The duchess of Chartreuse, who was
listening, drew near and said: "Beets,
sire, are little red leaves, of which my '
servants make salad." i
M. de Maurepas cut off her explana
tion with a malicious laugh. "Beets ,
are edible roots, which people as well
as cattle find palatable, and now they
uave oeen iouuu to yieltl sugar."
Respect kept the brilliant company
out of hearing distance, ami thev
watched eagerly the strange proceed-
inga. All this examining, weighing.
ana couuting of the sugar tossed up the
court gossip among them like a bright
soap-bubble. Who first whispered it:
"The king has been poisoned by a cup
'Heaven forbid! And we have drunk
the same coffee!"
"Ho, not the coffee it was the
"Some one go tell th queen!"
So L " uriuuivd, aud -
tered the excluded viru.u.
Marie Antoinette sat with the duchess
of Polignac, her tenderly loved friend,
"What ails you, Agatha?" asked she
kindly, as the favorite sighed.
Agatha de Polignac raised her roguish
brown head and said, saucily, "Three
millions, my adored queen!''
"Sigh not, my angel; I will beg
Louis to grant them to you. We owe
it to the great families."
The designing princess lifted the
queen's lace sleeve to her red lips,
whispered gratefully, "Oh, that I
might las permitted to die for my be
loved queen!" . 1
"Live for me, you dear child, and, j
my word for it, I will provide the 1
8.O0O.0O0. for which you will be willing
At this moment a courtier approached
and broke to them the dreadful tid
ings; "His majesty has been poisoned by
M. de Maurepas with sugar."
A moment later the queen, white to
the very lips, stood beside her husband.
"For heaven's sake, Louis!" cried she
in her distress, unmindful of all cere
mony. "What is the matter, my queen?"
asked Louis in the gentle way which he
had never abandoned toward his be
loved wife. What brought you to
me? You are very pale." He seized a
glass of water, poured some of the
newly discovered sugar in it, and hand
ed her the glass.
"Driuk. It is too warm in the saloon
and the company is too excitiug. This
sugar water will refresh 3011." " j
'l'he queen rust a peui'trnting glance j
at Maurepas. who now fully under-1
stood what he had only half heard, j
With a quick movement he took the j
glass from the kind's hand unil c I rained j
it at a draught. I
Ketl with auger (lie king deir.audcd j
an explaiiiilioii of this insolence, hut j
Marie Antoinette ottered the minister i
her hand and wan aliout to cxp'.ain to the. j
! king when suddenly the broad leaves
' of the great door new open and the
I palace guard led 5n a man quite up to
) the feet of the k'lng. The terrified, ap
i ivearanee of the prisoner, his coarse
rout, ttie lirmvii tvait-t:i)iit ml panta-
loons, the hroad. clumsy shoes with
i-.i i.. . i t ... ...,... ; i i
leaden buckles, contrasted strangely
witn tne gav siiKen mure, me inuieu
hangings, the laces aud diamonds of !
the surroundings. !
"What does this mean?" asked the
king astonished. j
"Permit me. your majesty, to bring
this man before t tin, who understands;
how to make sugar out of vegetables, j
Dumonet is trying to ruin our colonies' j
nnd make them useless to us. This is
the discoverer of beet sugar."' i
"Discoverer? No, that honor does '
not belong to tne," exclaimed the !
Chemist Dumonet. "It was a learned
MaJ. Sci re, who, d tiling the regeucy. j
deceived by the beautiful red color tfie
beet gives "out in cooking, fancied he i
could make red wine out of it, Instead j
of the desired wine lie found the bot- t
torn of his retort covered with line sugar. I
At that time France was rich iu colonies 1
on the Mississippi, therefore no one
paid any heed to the discovery. Norj
was it full v developed. 1 learned j
abroad, in Prussia, new improvements, ;
expended my small possessions to test;
it, and I hope 1 have succeeded."
"It is not a poison, then?" cried j
Marie Antoinette, meaningly. The
king for the first time understood what
had preceded, and discovered also that I
the chemist was bound. At a sign the l
bond was cut aud the guard left the
room without DumoneL
Meanwhile the queen bravely took a
piece of sujrar in her lovely mouth
That was the signal for the young cour-
tiers to rush umui the la-fore distrusted
sugar, vieing iih each other to exhibit
their courage, their devotion through
this harmless Mtison.
Oently, my ladies, my lords," cried
Maurepas, ever? little piece of that
sugar cost a gobfen louis.
"But the sugar is not one bit lietter
than our ordinary sttgar." remonstrated
the queen, "and it is only a curiosity
leading to ruin."
Dumonet droped on one knee.
"Your majesty is in a measure correcL
Exerimeutiug in a small way, at the
same exjiense as a great trade, natural
ly makes this sample excessively tlear;
but if voiir majesty will advance me
two millions for ihe development of
larger facilities for manufacture 1 shall
lie able to furnish a xiind of sugar for
10 sous instead of 4 francs."
The king recoiled involuntarily, and
Marie Antoinette grasjied her famous
necklace, which had cost two millions,
as if the plain man lief ore her bad lieen
a roblier. Her disapproving glauce
gave directiou to the king's answer.
"Dr. DumoneL 1 honor enterprise;
accept this snuff-box as a recognition
of iL But two millions the state cau
not possibly lend you. That is too
much money for the exhausted exche
quer." Dumonet received the gift resjiectful
ly. Sire, soouer or later tuy enter
prise will uuel the money.
The hole shallow.subservient swarm
of courtierliiigs cried out an excited
echo to the roval words:
Two millions for sugar! Two milli-
The man should lie in a mad
house! The matt should be so shame
less? Just as if it were not all the
same whether one pays 10 sous or 4
francs for a pound of sugar: And if any
can't pay it let him take his food un
sweetened. What has the goverumeut
to do with that?"'
And so Dumonet was dismissed. He
had only needed 1.000.000: the second
was the price demauded by the minister
for the introduction. This evening
Maurepas composed the only good
verse of his life, which, translated. runs
Altho" his life to sweeten
is alt his n at i-are.
Two million t nines for sugar
The king Duds rather dear."
The furor which his wit created at
the court consoled him somewhat for
the lost 1.0O0,U00,aud was it not all the
same whether at his death there should
be a deficit of oue paltry milliou more
or less? He left, in fact, a round 10
000.000 in debts. It was a noble euro;
nine would not have sounded so im
pressive. Dumonet migrated to Belgium, where
be found more appreciation, ami lived,
safe and respected.while the revolution
storm swept over his unhappy father
land. "Who laughs last." etc".
"And my queen would have died
with me?"' asked Louis, as he accom
panied her to their chamber that night.
She was so lieautiful, so dainty; in her
wonderful eyes beamed the "reflection
of loviug tears. The next morning the
kinggrauted 3.500.000 out of the state
coffers to the unfortunaie"' duchess of
Polignac. From the French, for tlie
Life in Far (Shetland.
iiie nouses nere are mttcn the same
as crofters' houses all over Shetland,
with low walls, an arch-shaed roof,
1 thatched with straw and weighed down
j with heavy stoues, to secure it against
1 the hurricanes of Winter. The lire is
mi 1 . a
on the floor, a little iu front of the wall
farthest from the door, and the smoke
j ?. J
s. or at least is expected to find, its
way out an open chimney iu the roof.
In some houses there are internal chim
neys of wood, w hich arrangement adds
much to the comfort of the occupants.
In all. there is the spinning-wheel
aud the ever-clicking kuiiliug-pius. as
also the ancient stone quern for grind
ing their here into meal. The meal so
prepared is called "burstin." small
cakes baked of it are ''burstiu-broonies,"
and when eateu with cream it iskuown
as "burstiu-pratn," all which words
tuny exercise the etymologist. Each
crofter has, as a rule, oue or more cows
and ponies, with a number of sheep
corresponding to the extent of his hold
ing. Some families are, iu their rank,
evidently comfortable and well to do.
Others are as evidently uoor.
The Sleeping-car Wreck.
Manager Bennett has three bright
youngsters; ranging from 3 to 7.
The other morning he was awakened
by a heavy crash in the children's
room, followed bv a prolonged howl.
He rushed in. The smallest kid was
raising the roof, while the eldest stood,
half frightened, contemplating a heavy
bureau which was tipped on the floor.
Papa," he shouted, "Frankie's in
the upper berf. Frankie's in the up
With considerable difficulty Mr. Ben
nett raised the wreck and skidded it
on to the track. Then he opened the
upper drawer, and young Frank popped
his head out and surveyed the group.
We was playing sleepiu' car, pop."
he exclaimed. "I got iu all right aud
Fwed tried to climb in the lower berf
when the old car tipped over. But we
didn't bweak nullin, did we pop?"
'Nothing more valuable than 3-our
necks, you young train robbers," was
the fond parent's comforli'ug reply.
From one point in Missouri over 1,
000,000 cottouwood saplings have been
shipjied this year to Nebraska aud Iowa
to be plautcd ou treu claims.
WIT AND HUMOU.
The pe:il of a banana has a falling in
flection. Yonke.rs Uazi tte.
A cloud upon a real-estate title does
not always havo a silver lining. llutch
If a girl knows she is pretty it is not
because any other girl told her so
A eh inert Hhiltr..
The rejected suitor probably con
siders his girl not-ty but nice Ding'
An official organ is one that has an
authorized crank to turn it. A'c0
(.enllenien who wind their watches
at night are apt to wind them up tight
When a man is under a cloud the sil
Ter lining is generally on the other
side. I'Uiiiidi-ljihi'i Vrr.
From the fruit preserver we get our
jams and from the distiller our jim-j
j:ims. IIokIhh Courier, I
Ardent Suitor "Do you love me, i
darling?" Modern girl "1 dou't know, i
How much are yon worth?" AVmcr. :
' Tomlet I see that they are making
clolh out of gla.-s.' "itohlet "For;
opera dresses and the ballet, 1 imagine."
.V. 1'. Herald. i
Teacher "Tommy, how is the earth j
divided?" Tommy "Between theni j
that's got it and theni that wants it.' !
Ttrre Jmite Fsrisx. j
A squeeze iu the stock market may j
lie a bear hug or it may In the result:
of getting entangled in bull rushes. j
Itittijhtttiit n liejiitilieaii. j
"It st-iHH impossible to get away ;
from theni." s:tid a Wall street sufferer
who saw a shark while sojourning iu
Florida. Wuihtinjton 1'o-tl.
She "I hear pool Charley flood-;
enough lias shot himself. Did he lv '
his money?"' He "Ni. He married;
a woman with a inissio.i." Life.
Duke "Be mine. Miriam. I lay all
my titles at thy feel." Miriam "toj ,
slow, Duke. I "don't care for titles..
Let's see your deeds." .V. V. Sun.
Ted "Whv don't you take your girl
skating?" Ned "She doesu't know i
how." Ted Lucky f.-llow! That's
where all the fun comes in." Life-
-Who shall set a limit to the intlti
ence of a human la-ing" queries the :
philosopher. '1 he hum. in being's office ;
bov, of course. .WTviVc Jouriml.
Brown "Why do they call Prof.
Quay the electric pianist?" Sniitn ;
l "O, I stippo-e la-cause he has such
shocking execution."' Jlvme Sentinel.
An exchange states: "A late census ;
of France embraced JO.'J.io.tS"J women ;
all told." t If course they did; women
never could keep a secret" F'nii-uV l
pui't i'ri si.
There's nothing very doleful alxuit :
it; still when t maiden iias sifted a kiss
through an incipient mustache she is !
apt to get down in tin; mouths"' I'Uila
Do you want the earth?" inquired
the haughty hotel clerk f a meekly com
! plaining guest. "No. was the reply-,
you can kee, it awhile longer till I
ask you for it." irisAi'oii I'ust.
"Ten dollars for that parrot? Why,
it's simply monstrous!' "But. sir,
I dense to oliserve tttat he speaks two
aiiguages. "What are they? Why,
English and his native tongue."
I He (at midnight) "Funny custom
' the Chinese hate. The hostess is ex-
pected to notify the caller when it is
time to go." She (with a sigh) But
! we are iu Aiffrrica, you know.'1 Turt
; Jiiute f-.ri'rri'x.
Mr. Awger (looking over editor's
! shoulder as be clips at; article from an
'exchange) "Does that require much
intellect?'' Editor "None whatever;
: whv. I la-lii-ve even you could do it"
! JU'insr-r' We.kly.
Turner That Sampson is a mean
: man " Draw ly Yaws, by Jove:
i he said theolhaw night mat I weiuind
i ed him of Bawnnm's W hat-Is It." "But
; I will say of him he's as honest as the
day is long." YYw.
- A woman writer says: Women
', want comfort." And yet. offer a
; woman the choice between a ton of
coal and a pair of French heel shoes
aud which do you suppose she will
i take? if'txti.s SijXin'j.
i Trovers (in hat store) "I wish you
would charge me for this hat. Clerk
j "But we don't know you. sir." Trovers
' "That's all the more reason. then. why
you should le willing to charge it"
Clothier arid Furnisher.
! "Hello. Biggs, where yer going so
early with that big market basket?"
i 'On a post-prandial excursion, old
man." 'HJii a what?" 'Post-prandial
excursion; going after dinner, you
J know." Itosrton Transcriit.
"Judge Blank is quite a lwiok col
; lector, you know." "Well, w hat of it?"
"He ft. and a tattered copy of a rare
j book the other day and the first thing
; he did was to have it bound over to
; keep the pieces." A". 1". Ihruld.
j "I Pee' said Mrs. Henieek. "that the
i new Brazilian Goverumeut has estab
: lished civil marriages." "Well, I wish
I you'd go down there and learn some
j thing aliotit them. I'm getting mighty
j tired of this uncivil affair of ours.'' S,
; Y. Hun.
j "O, doctor." exclaimed the weeping
j wife, "must you give my husbaud up!
1 Cnn't you do'something more for him.
i doctor. before you go?" "Yes,
i madam." said the doctor, grimly, "1
i can make out my bill." HointrviUt
"You have road 'Finst in the origin
al. I presume, Mr. Very bright P' sht
said, while the other folks at table were
discussing German literature. "No, 1
haven't" he replied, "but I've read
I Goethe, though. Have you ever read
I him?" A. IV Sun.
j Cjerks "You know old Sample, the
; biggest liar in the Northwest? Well,
; he's going into business." Bjerks
j "What's he going into?" Cjerks "He
: hasn't made up his mind whether to 1
I a weather prophet or a crop statisti
; cian." Mimieitiolis Journal.
Mr. Bluepill "I am in favor of any
I movement that will shorten the hours
1 of labor. I think uo man should lie
: compelled to work more than eighteen
hours a day." Labor Agitator--"You
' mean eight hours?"' "No, I mean
eighteen. I am a drug, clerk." Time.
Tommy "Paw, why do they always
say 'counting noses' when tuey t.-tik
about counting a crowd?' Mr. Figg
It started at political meetings, my
sou. You can see a politican's nose
when there is not light enough to dis
tinguish anything else." 2trrtt Haute
"Dashley "I would like to go to that
masquerade to-night, but 1 am broke.
1 can't even afford to buy a mask."
Cash ley "Why, you could get trusted
for a mask." Dashley "That's so.
May lie I could." Cashlcy "Certainly.
Your face ought to be good for a mask
Mrs. Wick wire "Why don't you
quit that stupid habit you've got ol
saying 'By Jove'? What do you know
about Jove anyway?' Mr. Wickwire
"I will if you w ill stop saying 'The
idea' every time you are soken to.
What do you know about ideas any
way?" Tcrre Haute Express.
"Don't you think," said a youth,
after working his vocal cords with in
tense vigor beside the hotel piano, "that
I ought to go on the stage?" "Yes,"
replied Miss Pepperton, who doesn't
like iiitn yery well, ! certainly do
DON'T DELAY IN SECURING TERRITORY.
Finest Book on Earth' for the Farmer, Stockman and Blacksmith.
for Cnl,iliurint Ao't' Term apptg to
B. L. FERBLEE, 307 Sagsome St., 539 raTjeiseo, Qaf.
There is one that leaves for the station
just an hour and a half from now."
Jack Rapid (behind the scenes ex
amining a coin suspended from the
bracelet of the premiere dauseuse
"Whv, w hat a rare coin! Staiiied with
the old Roman Elligy too. Where did
you get it?' Rival "Coryphee tin an
audible whisper) ASh got it from
Julius C:esar for a birthday gift."
Sold by a Chinaman.
The mimetic skill of the Chinaman is
So that when a few days ago Fo Chi j
Lo set in the window of his Ninth street I
curiosity shop a box filled with artificial
flies, there was only an increase to the ;
already prevalent wonder. Those flies j
were marvels of imitative ingenuity j
big.fat, blue-Uitiles true to life in every
Semblance of the genuine, even to the i
reproduction of the delicate tlown upon i
Mie legs and the irridescent sheen of the '
wings. Colonel Joe Love, of Chicago, Is ;
famous among his friends as a lover of '
the manual arts aud the ingenious !
crafts, and in passing the shops of Fo j
Chi IvO. one day last week, his interest t
was aroused in the Hies. He bought j
one, cheerfully paying the 1 tie-
The Oy was nested In cotton and j
placed in a small jewelry-box by the '
Chinaman. and delivered with every in- f
junction to the Colonel not to break it ,
Colonel Love dined at Welcker's that !
evening, and during the coffee struck j
off into the general subject of imitative ;
art and the skill of the Chinese in par
ticular. Then, to illustrate the point ;
he drew from the snug recess of his j
pocket the box containing the fly. His '
IhrpA fellnwwlinera elnseif . I u 1 1 1 1. hi m.
He lifted the lid. parted the warm cot-
ton and revealed the fly. which, with a
struggle of legs and ti'titter of wings,
to the Colonel's unlounded astonish
ment hoped out and flew away. The
laugh at liia expeuse was uproarious,
aud he cheerfully paid for the dinners
as the price of the company's silence.
In a small circle of friends, however, he
will be asked to the end of time
whether he has had any recent obser
' rations of Chinese iugenuity, or has
paid a dollar to thaw out any more
frost-bitten flics. Chicago Journal.
lust How to Cat a Justice's Gown.
The Supreme conrt is a place of
traditious and preeedeuts, and even
the cut and make of the gowns of the
justices are so well defined by custom
that there is lint little scoe left for the
individual taste of the owner.
An authority on this subject says
that the gown is made of wide straight
widths. At tne bottom it is three
yards and a quarter wide, and it comes
down to the ankles. The gown has a
narrow hem around the bottom and a
broad one straight down the front At
the top it is gauged to a yoke, which
is short on the shoulders and forms a
deep scallop at the back. This yoke
has a silk lining between the out
side aud the inner one of silk. The
sleeves are a yard and a quarter wide
and reach to the hands. The lining of
the sleeves is formed by doubling the
material at the bottom, turning it up
on the inside, and placing it alout a
quarter of a yard above the bottom to
a narrower silk lining, which nicely
tits the justice's arm. The arrange
ment makes the lower part of each
sleeve apiear to be a w ide, loose puff.
The sleeves are gauged to a yoke on
the stu-ulders with many rows of
gauging, but not so many at the back
of the gown, w here it is a quarter of a
One woman has made the gowns for
the last forty years, and she gets 100
for ever one of them. They are made
alike, the only difference being in the
material, the chief justice wearing
black Chinese satin, w hile his asso
ciates are rolied in black silk. The
chief jusiice always wears a new gown
v. hen he swears in a president The
new gown is always subject to a good
tleal of criticism by th older justices,
and its tit is closely scanned. lioston
A Youthful Investigator.
There is a family of homeopaths of
the highest dilution residing on High
st reel, not far from the corner of Wood
ward avenue, says the Detroit Tribune.
The children of this family are taught
from their earliest infancy to abhor
and eschew anything in the shape of
medicine that has the least taste. Smell,
or color. Curiosity, however, got the
lietter of the training of the youngest
member a few days ago. and clutching
a brig.it new euiiy, the gift of a visit
ing lei.itixe. in his chubby hand the
littic feiiov toddled away to a drug
store ou the avenue antl surprised the
clerk with the demand for a ienny's
w til th of "allopalic med"cine,"
Alter thinking over Lie matter a few
minute the pharmaceutical gentleman
handed out a big lump of alum to his
voiiug customer who was soon after
found by his mother sealed on the
loot-step munching the alum with a
'ace radiant with delight. If the spirit
t in vesiigal ion does not kill this 6
f ear-old lietore ho arrives at the age of
li.ilurily it seems extremely proiiable
.hat he will some day lie heard ol" again
n ohcr fields of slutly aud research.
His Quick. Wit Saved His Life.
Bicdler. the famous Montana scout
was as intrepid as he was fertile of re
source in danger. One time at Miles
City lit came out of the door of a saloon
to find himself within twenty inches of
the mii.ile of a 44-cahler revolver
the hand of a noted desperado ou whose
trail the deputy marshal had ofttimes
"I ni going to blow the innards out
of your skull, you vigilante hound,"
quoth the bad man.
"Not with that thing," said X, in a
conversational but semi-querulous tone,
"it ain't cocked!"
The bad man threw np the pistol to
see if Bicdler was right, aud made the
mistake of a life which ended right
there. St. I'aui Fioneer.
Farming In Spain. .
Consul Turner writes from Cadiz to '
Die slate department that fanning in
Spain is iu a primitive state. Grain is !
cut with a small reaping-hook and j
threshed as in the time of the Caesars, j
by trainpiug it out with asses hitched !
to a stoue-Jmat The plow is a crooked
suck pointeu witn iron, in me towns
are to be seen heavy wooden
drawn by oxen. Most of the c
arr mis -
transferring, etc, is doue by do
Sand, brick, lumber in fact, almost
everything that. has to be moved is
carried ou their backs.
EXPERIENCED COUIITY CARYASERS '
To make a success when they hare under
taken the sale of
CUT THIS OUT
111 cents and receive ten samples that
will niake you more money in a week
than anything ever offered. Something
new, durable and profitable. Send at
onee to Nokthwkktkrx Si i-fi.t Co., No.
iiZ't First Mieet. Portland, Orejtrjn.
!rimiii ftniinnfiirmnt! nn '
joTAIi WUMllUft IU,
: Printers' Rollers,
! PADDING CEMENT ETC.
R oiler Casting a Specialty.
1 107 Fourth St., ICast Portland. Or.
Lived Among Cannibal.
Bere;ford Alfred, Baron d'Este, and
his wife, nee Harney, whose first hus
band was the Viscount de None, are at
the Southern. The Baron d'Este is a
Frenchman by birth, an Italian by
descent, an Englishman through his
mother, ami a man of many countries
by yirtneof travel and inclination. He
wears his title lightly, as oue who lias
seen much of the world aud lived
among those nations where rank is
levelletl by necessity; and such is in
deed the case.
In conversation with a representa
tive of the Republic he said that he had
8ent much of his life in the British
colonies. The Baron is a handsome
! man " ''!
a sunburned face, speaks
English like an Englishman, and does
! not look over 40 years of age. though
; be may be older. As a young man he
i spent several years in Australia, but
i in 1870, when'cotton was commanding
a very high price, he, in company with
. a number of friends, went into the
; business of raising the costly product
on the Fiji Islands. The islands at
that time were inhabited largely by
; eannibals, aud white men, though as
; sisted by the friendly natives, carried
their lives in their bauds, and went
; constantly armed.
"The sister of my first wife." said
- the Baron, "was shot down by the na-
lives, along with her husband and
, their two children. The cannibals theu
; attempted to carry off the dead bodies.
; inteudiug to eat them at their leisure
; in the mouutains, but fortunately re
; enforcements came to our aid anil
j the savages were driven back. My
business partner died, and Some of the
' wretches pilfered his grave of two
I thigh bones, which they carried off to
' their mountain -e treat as trophies; but
' I found out who had been guilty of the
. desecration, and succeeded in recover
; ing the bones.
"1 was once on the point of Lasting
! human flesh myself. Some of the na-
tives had lieen assisting us to build a
. bouse, aud the completion of the work
; was celebrated with a feast In the
: course of the dinner I helped myself
from a dish whose contents resembletl
i pork, and was about to taste of it when
. a friendly tiativa nudimt itia with hid
elbow aud whispered one suggestive
; aud sufficient word "Man. 1 needed
: no further explanation; bnt it must
! have been a great disappointment to
; the cannibals, who wouid have been
l much pleased to think that a white
I man had eaten human flesh. Our life
. was certainly a dangerous one, but
: cotton was selling high aud we made
money. In 1875 the English took os-
session of the island. 1 gladly joined
their forces, and the cannibals were
j all either killed or ni.tde prisoners."
In 1S8 the Baron left the Fiji Islands
j for India, where he went into the bns'i
j ness of raising sugar. He also spent
J some time in Madagascar, but for the
; past few years has lieeu living iu Paris.
iL Louis Heim'jlie.
A Wonderful Indian o rt.
The Navajo tribe of Indians own im
mense flocks of well-bred -socep. and
the w ool clipaverages l.vrtio.mHi Minuds
annually. A part of this finds its war
into the regnlar market through the
traders, but the great ortion is care
fully selected for the manufacture of
blaukets. After leing cleansed, card
ed and dyed by a process known only
to themselves, the wool is ready for
The weavers are important person
ages, and will only perform the labor
of making the blanket, therefore the
work of erecting the hogan. which con
tains the loom, devolves uion the
squaws. The hogan is made by plant
ing six rough-hewn poles, about eight
feet high, in the earth at regular inter
vals, forming a full square. On top of
these boughs of trees are placed to
form a roof and shade from the burn
ing rays of the sun. The center poles
form the sides of the room, and about
a foot from i he top and bottom cross
poles, with holes bored through them
for the warp, are securely fastened
with rawhide throngs.
The warp is made from the fibers of
the yucca tree. It is treated in a man
ner known only to those who prepare
it and the secret will not be divulged
to a white mau. therefore their blank
ets can only be duplicated in quality
and texture by themselves. Formerly
these blankets were made solely for
their own use. but since they were con
quered by the Government and thrown
aimost entirely upon their own re
sources for a livelihood, the value of
their blankets was impressed noon
i their minds by traders aud has liecome
tne leading luttustry. San Franctsco
A Narrow bsvape.
! A Who is that shabby looking man
I I saw you talking to a while ago?
B Thai's an old friend of nroe, a
journalist, ami awful poor. It's lucky
j he isn't married and got daughters, as
i I might have '.een big fool, enough to
; marry oue of theiu. Tejsaa Sj'tJty
A Terrible Ijom.
"They say Mrs. Smith took on
bly at Smith's death."
"Yes; poor thing! she could scarcely
be reconciled to his loss." -
"Did she get much insurance?"
"No; it was a total loss. All his
poticiet had lapsed." Jmlju.
Wild Animals in Russia.
Bears and wolves have become snh
' nuisance this winter in the V. -
. T.. . .st . - - -
. . . v. . s- .