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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (April 18, 1890)
DUCKETT, .J T 1ST Between G. T. Cotton Riul Peterson & Wallace. , - Orkc.ok. OK J. K. WEATHERFORD, itorney- at-Law. i':Sce over First National Bank, .Y, - - OREGON. -J. M. KEENE, D D. S. ntal -:- Parlors. .3 , riCE: Breyman Bros., Building, SALEM, OREGON. "Hours from S A. M. to 5 P. M. W. R. BILYEU, ATTORN EY-AT-LAW, ALBANY, OREGON. : 1. II. MONTANYE, ATTORN EY-AT-LAW, NOTARY VLUANY, PUBLIC. OREGON. j practice ia all Courts of the State. 1 E. J. M'CAUSTLAND, ViIL ENGINEER SURVEYOR. i Draughting and Blue Prints. ff.ee. with Oregon Land Co., Albany. '.-Sewerage System and Water Supplies ; Specially. Estates Subdivided. Maps 1 le or copied on short notice. n 11, LMcG.LRUE, Successor toC H. Hasmox ) Mer : aid : Hairdresser, j LEBANON, OREGON. CHAVIXG. HAIR CUTTING AND 0 Shampooing in the latest and best Mi le. Special attention paid to dressing Ladies' hair. Your patronage respect fully solicitejL., LEBANON - j 1 Meat Market, ED. KELLESBERffER, Prcpr esb & Salted Beef, Pork, Mutton, Sausage, Bologna, and Ham. Baeor arjd Card Always or J4ar;d. Main Street, Lebanon, Or. ft. L. DOUCL.AS $3 SHOE FOR GENTLEMEN, teat In tli world. Examine rif SS.O(IGEM I-E HASD-SEWKl) SHOE. ..00 HAXD-SEH KD WELT SHOE. ..iJ rOLICE AND FARMERS' SHOE, IM.oO EXTRA VAI.CE CALF SHOE. WOEKINfiMAX'S SHOE. 2.00 and 1. 75 BOYS' SCHOOL SHOES All made in &on?ress. But Lou and Laoe. '. L. DOUGLAS 3 SHOE FOR LADIES. ? . Material. Bt Style. Best Fitting. oli1 bv your dealer, write ' J'DkHJGLAS. BKOCKT03T L. Douglas $2 d Ladies." - ill l'l''Pi S. S.PIIiLSBUIY, I JEWELRY, - i Trnaeam-nTi ttautneW. I.. Doncia . Mves witaout mum and price tumped ol . Ute bottom, vut liiui down aa a fraud. ' j- j liiiiin"" 'i i --iii ii 1. r.iBWiiinHH-1 V' 1t -- ...N-.. MUCH THE NOBBIEST AND LARGEST STOCK OF in the County, is now to be ALBANY, you want to you through MERCHANT TAILORING A SPECIALTY, Mr. E. A. Scheffler, part men t MY SPRING STOCK -OF- i DRY GOODS, RRESS GOODS, i ! Notions, Stockinet Jackets, Beaded Caps, ! Ladies' and Children's Shoes, Has arrived. I have also received my Spring Stock of MEN'S, YOUTHS' & BOYS' CLOTHINC, FURNISHING C000S, BOOTS, SHOES, ETC., Of which we carry a Full and Complete Line, ami will not he un dersold. Come and see us, and we will treat you well. - a. ALBANY, THE YAQUIHA ROUTE. OREGON PACIFIC RAILROAD. Oregon EeTelopiaest Cospau's Steamstlp Line. 225 Shorter. 20 Hours Less Time Than by any otheriRonte. FIRST-CtASS THROUGH PASSENGER 'AND. FREIGHT LINE From Portland and all point in the Willamette Valley to and from Sao Francisco, Cal. OREGON PACIFIC RAILROAD. TIME SCEDCLE. (Except Sundays.) Lv Allany impm. 1.1 Corvallis 1-.40 p. m. Ar Yaquina 5:30 p. m. I Lv Yaquina 6:45 a. in. I Lv Corvallis 10:35 a. m. I Ar Albany n:ioa.m. 8s. c trains connect at Albanj and Corvallis. an Oreiron Development Company ships between Yaquina and San line of Steam- Francisco. RAItlXO DATES. I 5 I STEAMERS. ! roM s. r. I FX VAQV1."A. Willamette Valley ! Willamette Vallev ! Willamette Vallev March 1 7. March 2. March jo March 8. March lA. March 25. This company reserves the right to change sail ing dates without notice. Passengers from Portland and all Willamette Vallev points can make close connection with the trains of the Yaquina route at Alhanv or Corval lis. and if destined to San Francisco should ar range to arrive at Yaqnina the evening before the date of sailing. Passenger and Freight Rates Always the Lowesc For particulars apply to C. H HASH-ELL. t C. C HOOVE. Oenl Ft & Pass. Agt. ! Act g C.en. F. ft P. Agt. Oregon Devel pm'nt Co i t, P. R. R. R- Co., o4 Montgomery St. j Corvallis. San Francisco, Cal. i tw-egon. WORTH BOUSID. - . . i i j Leave corvallis Monaay, wrancwav. i . , '6 a.m. Leave Albany 9:30 a. m. Arrive Salem. Mondav, w eanesaay. i-nay. j m. Leave Salem, Tuesday, Thursday, Satur- ay, 8 a. m. Arrive roniami, 1 utxiitv . nuifwui f wni.., j.jo p. m SOTTH Bovsn. Lea-v-e Portland Monday, Wednesday. Friday, 6 a. m. . Arrive Salem, Monday, Wednesday. Friday, 7:15 m. Leave Salem, luesaay. 1 nursaay, rmiur- Arri-e5Corvallis Tiiesday. Thnrslay. Saturday. . v . m 1 a nanv. 1 :to 11 m. 3:50 p. m. COWAN. J. M. RALSTON. ; Bank of Lebanon, LEBANON. OREGON. Transacts a General MXm Bnsiness. ACCOUNTS KEPT SUBJECT CHECK. TO Exchange sold on New York, San Francisco, Portland and Albany, Oregon. Collections made on favorable terms. G.T. COTTON, : DEALER IX : Groceries anil Provisions. TOBACCO and CIGARS, SMOKERS' ARTICLES. Foreip anu Domestic Fruits, Confectionery, Queensware and Glassware, Ianips and Lamp Fixtures. raya Cash for Eggs. In Street, LbA-non, Oregon. NEWEST, m Seen on the Counters of OREGON. H G BLAIN 'dress up," we would be glat to show and make the right price. is an expert, and has charge of this de- We guarantee satisfaction. W. SIMPSON, OREGON. Types of Tiresome People. Do yon keep a list a list of the peo ple who are tiresome to you? We ; used to call them bores, but as this is j always suggestive of getting there ; eventually, the name has beeu dropped, ! though the people exist. The wise woman is the one who has a book on the cover of which is written in large letters and red ink, ' Beware oP The educated young woman who concludes that the alpha!-1 has been Invented since her birth. The frivolous creature who thinks yon are "just dying' to know how her "underwear is made The lovely young man who wears three diamond" rings and thinks you are '-just too sweet for anything." The horrible old hypocrite who talks atout her position "in society and the tise she is to the world at large, when she would best serve it by decorating the inside of a tomb. The old man who kisses yon because he remembers your mother when she was a girl. The young man who is loud and un derbred, but who speaks to you and mortifies you and claims a riglit of ac quaintance because he once lived near you. The maid servant who wants to talk about the last house in which she lived. The man, woman, or nondecript, . who never tires of telling yon that they have seen better days, and who counts on that announcement covering erervthing in the future, and never making an effort to think how really good this time is after all. The man with a low-cut shirt, the woman with dyed hair, the boy who ; hasn't been taught good manners, and ' the girl who has been educated to be lieve that impudence and intelligence : - - . . .... . . lne people who natter, who nna faul, and who never know what it is to say a good word for their neighbors. Bab in Chicago Journal. IiOComotlrea and Btorms. A correspondent of the Korthtvestern j i Railroader advances some odd theories to account for the frequency and severity of storms in modern times, lie gives the figures to prove that there are now over 30,000 locomotives in actual use in the United States, besides the hundreds of thousands 6f stationary engines of all kinds and sizes. From a round 50,00U locomotives he esti-1 mates as much as 53,000,000,000 cubic j yards of vapor each week. 7.000.000,000 ytii roi wasia a aii Trt ia ranirnAii am ' rain "quite enough," he says, "to1 produce a good rain-storm every twen- j ty-four hours." He estimates othei i engines of all descriptions at 180,000 , probably a very low estimate and con cludes that these, with the locomotives, send about 470,000,000,000 yards of vapor into the air every seven davs. Is it not enough." he asks, "to give I ns floods of terror?' Hundreds of gas- j wells sending their poison into the ! atmosphere; millions of cesspools and sewers. Would it be any wonder il ' some blighting plague would lay wast : the land? Caning on the Hand. j A father sued an English school-! master for assault, because he had j fane. I his bov on the hand. The magis trate before whom it was first tried thought that the father was right, for the reason that caning on the hand was attended by a risk of injury, and there were "methods of corporal punishment . quite as available, efficacious, and not necessarily atienaeu oyanyns, which , the defendant might have used." The : higher conrt, though decided that it was not actionable. A Lottery Case. ! Probably the courts do not afford a j more curious case than this: "In 1859 Mme. Hardouin of Paris bought three ! tickets in a lottery, the capital prize of ' which was 100,000 francs. By presenti- merit sLe chose the number 40,634, put i ting the ticket away among her hus f band's effects. He became bankrupLand all of his books were seized. The lottery ! was drawn in 1861. and 40,634 won the prize. Since then Mme. Hardouin has I been accumulating evidence to show j that she was the person who bought the ticket, and now expects judgment in her favor every moment. GENERAL NEWS. The Sun on Mirror Lake. Foxes In Australia. ;i:UMM) FOR A HERD (IK M r'FALOS. j ...--:. j Mark Tw siu's Inrome. Disrovrr of roci I ine Still Alive. Canvas-lmek ducks are very scarce in Chesapeake Bay this season. The Vatican is said to be preparing a new catechism for universal use. The opossum is said to have practi cally disappeared from American game. The sun docs not rise on Mirror Lake, Yosemito Valley, until 11:30 o'clock in the morning. Mrs. Cleveland has taken up a new i faucy In dressing her hair. She uow j parts It on the left side. j A Michigan man who ofHciated as j groomsman for a friend afterward sent I in a bill for f 2 for his services. S Foxes increase so rapidly in several i districts of Australia that they are near- : ly as great a pest as the rabbits. Frederick E. Weatherby wrote the famous JJanev Leo in an hour while I waiting for a pupil he was tutoring. The Due de Mornv lias prepared for ; the press the memoirs of his father, I the famous Minister of Napoleon HI. i j A calf whose back is covered with ; fine fur instead of the regulation hair j ! Is one of the curiosities of Appleton, j ; Me. . j A statement is made on the best au- j j thority that the Czar of Russia has read j j George Kennan's papers on Silieria in j : the Century. ! j Cardinal Newman is reported to be ; : in better health than for several ; ; months past. The Cardinal is now in ' ! the 88th year of his -tge. j Austin Corbin paid f 13. 000 for a! herd of Manitoba buffaloes with which ', to stock his hunting park in the iiiouu- . ; tains of New Hampshire. i Ex-King Milan of Servia is now in ; ! Paris aud iutends to make that city his ; ! permanent residence. He w ill live j j privately and abandon polities. i The novelist Hulwer's wife once j wrote to Wilkie Collins'tliat he did not ; i know how to describe a villain: "Now," ! she said, if you want a genuine villain, ! ' write up my husband." 1 James Whitcomb Riley is spoken of j bv the lrrevereni euuor 01 ine i coria "transcript as "the gentleman who travels around with Dill Nje is not the homeliest man in the world." George Ebers, at 59 years of age, is Professor of Egyptology at Leipzig University, and says he" "writes novels : because persistent illness prevents his doing harder work for a living. Speaker Reed is the largest man in j the House. He weighs as much as ex-j President Cleveland and is taller. He j is an accomplished French scholar and reads every new book published in ' Paris. Amelia B. Edwards, the famous En- ; glish woman now lecturing in this i countrv, divides with the Princess ! Doratflstria of Italy the honor of! being the most learned woman in the , world. It is thought that the estate of the , late Allen Thorndike Rice, who was ; supposed to be worth fl.UUO.tsM when be died a few months ago, will not, when it is settled, lie worth more than t-W.OOO. One of the leading hymn-writers of-j the country is Fannie J. Crosby of ; New York, author of the Kpular hymn "Sweet Hours of Prayer.'' Miss Crosbr is an invalid and has been blind . from birth. ? The labor question is said to be pushing every other out of public in- ' terest in Loudon, the demands of the laboring classes for the betterment of , their condition having become so loud and frequent. . The largest infant ever Urn in Con necticut was that of Mrs. Lewis Duke, -of Merid" n-hich weighed twenty-five pounds ;w . .th. It lived only a few ; moments. Physicians say it was a phenomenal babe. ; Emanuel Louis Cartigny of Hyeres i is supposed now to be the sole survivor . of the battle of Trafalgar. He was a cabin boy on board the French ship ! Redoubtable, which carrieil a crew of ' 800 men, of whom only 1:10 survived, i William Dean Howells writes from ' 1.000 to 1.500 words daily, and after his pages have been copied on the : typewriter he goes over them again, i adding a word here and erasing a line ; there, until they are perfect. ; Some experiments were made re-. cently by the Nothern Pacific car- i builders atTacoma to test the strength j of fir and oak timber. The first-named : 1 nrnreri nno-lhinl stronger than the t----- -- - eastern oak, and more than one-half j stronger than eastern white pine. A Naples correspondent writes that j a terrible storm in the Province of Ca- tania was marked by a curious phe- ! nomenon. Near San Matteo a rent , was formed in the earth from north to i south nearly a mile long, mine feet ; wide and from six to thirty feet deep, j Thomas Bailey' Aldrich writes slowly j and fastidiously, revising and correct- : ing the most unimportant article with poetic care; all his articles before they ; reach the printer are written and re- written at least three or four times.' I Despits his more than 86 years, j George Bancroft sits down at his desk ; at 5 o'clock in the morning and labors 1 until 8, when he breakfasts; after this ! he returns to his desk and remains till 1 1 or 2 o'clock in the afternoon, when ; he considers the day's task ended. Mark Twain's income is said to be j $80,000 a year, derived from royalties j on his works and from the publishing j house in which be is a partner. Yet he is more or less unhappv. because j his wife fails to appreciate liis alleged i jokes. Henry James, the novelist is grow- ! ing very fat, and is more like the Prince of Wales in consequence; as a i writer his popularity is said to be wan- j ing, but as a London society man he j is a bright, particular star in certain j circles. j James S. Carlton, an aged man now now living in Baltimore, Md., claims ; to have been the first discoverer of the ; peculiar effects of cocaine. Ho says ' that as early as 1849 he knew the proji- ' erties of the drug and made use of them in his own family. Edmund Gosse declares in the Forum ' that Herliert Spencer's books do not" cover the cost f their publication, to say nothing of leaving a profit for the philosopher himself; neither Mr. Swinburne nor Leslie Stephen derives any considerable profit from his writ ings. An autograph lately sold iu London was a note from Tennyson, reading thus: "I have many thousands of these applications, and rather make a point of neglecting them; for why should I flatter the madness of the peo ple? Nevertheless, as the request comes from an old friend, behold an autograph." A the French exhibition there was a second edition of the example of Petef the Great, who went to Holland and worked as a journeyman in thft dock- yards to learn tlio art of ship building, so that he might teach his subjects on his return. In this instance it was an extensive shoe manufacturer of Mon tevideo, who, with his shirt sleeves turned up, was working as If for a wager on a sewer and stitcher, so that he niav Iks able to instruct hi people when lie gets home. New South Wall's Is about to make some extensive and Important experi ments by sinking artesian wells. Drought Is the great plague of Austra lia, and the dark spot in its future has been the fear that, owing to the scarci ty of water, the laud could ' never sup port a large population. But, accord lug to the experts, it has now lieen dis covered that there are several rivers flowing under the surface of New South Wales, and if this water can be "struck" and then stored the whole face and future of Australia would be changed. Ita thing- la Sweden. Baths in Sweden are of a character to embarrass a modest American at the start, but they are described a highly enjoyable by a w titer in the Boston tilohe, He says: "'The first day I was In Stockholm 1 passed an arched way upon the central island there and ob served half a dozen women with bare arms loitering around tin. portal. Rais ing my eyes to the lintel above I saw the word" 'Had,' which means bath. On this occasion it conveyed not a bad idea, and I wheeled about and went in. "Some siiirht emotion ensued amonir these females, rather of a coniK'litive sort, and presenting mvself at an offiee. a modest-looking female there grauted me a ticket for a small Mini of money about thirty eeuts, 1 think and con signed me to a creditable-looking wo man 30 years of ago or thereabouts. Passing into the open court or paved place in the bath, I was shown up stairs to a small parlor with two w in dows, at the farther end of which a door opened into a bath-room, much larger than we are accustomed to. The female immediately began to draw water from two spigots into tho large tub, and mixed m the required degree of heat. I w aited some time for her to retire, but it was soon nptareut that she was not of a retiring disposition. So the customs of the country had to be observed. In a few minutes 1 was undergoing a scrubbing with soap in that sort of attire which 1 faintly re member to have leen the domestic habit upon mv mother's knee when Saturday night, if uot oftener, she deemed it a Christian duty to scrub me, till my eyes with snap, tantalize my hair, anil" Hnally discharge me yell- tnjr. but clean, to ie put to bed as an extremely bad boy who did not loe to be washed. The Swedish female adhered to all her clothing. In addition she tied around her neck and waist the strings I of an oil-cloth, to present the splash- ! ing water, or jiossibly the resisting j hands, from taking the starch out of her dress. With a scrubbing-brush I and soap she traversed me like a law- ! yer in his replications. Having been j soused and scrubbed I w as turned over j and resc rubbed and bound in full calf, j This, however, was only the com- j meneemeut of the exercise. 1 he next thing was to get some Mexican hemp, or Swedish shavings, and with clean water recommence the process. At last 1 was stood up in a state of Adam and Showered and needle-lmthcd. wearing onlv a smile. 1 was at last compassed with a long, warm towel, and after that rubbed again with a softer towel atxl was then tucked up in my little bed a bewildered but clean being. "The next process was to briug in some beer. If I had hojed. however, to get a nap, as in similar baths at home, I was mistaken, for in a few minutes the lady appeared and handed me some articles of my clothing and expressed a desire that I should get out, w hich she, being unable to speak my vulgar tongue, emphasized by pointing to the ticket which had brought me there, which indicated that I was onlv- to have that bath between certain hours of the clock, say from 1 to 3 o'clock. 1 was then told to ask for No 9 the next time I came as a matter of loyalty and gratitude." Waiting to Hear the Oong. So much has leen written about the eountrv euest at a bijj hotel that their akwardly original breaks an general ly rated as naught but the dreams of reporters. Yet every day some "Joshua Whitcomb" will do some outlandish thing at the large hostelry w here he is stopping. Recently a young man evidently a farmer walked into the Palmer house with a young bride upon his arm. He registered self and wife from Shelbvville, Ind. As they both stood at tiic crowded counter they looked as though they had been mar ried at least fifteen minutes. "Are vou the clerk," he asked of Mr. Brobst. Yes, sir." "I want to whisper privately to yon." "Well, cut the cards." "The secret is that I've just got mar ried. We want to stay here a dav, fhen go back to Shelbyville. I'll Xe honest. I'm as green as old Sam Hill about hotels, so I want you to help me out. Give me a good, cheap room, and tell me all the points about staying in a hotel." "With pleasure, sir. I'll do all I can for you. I'll have you shown to 642 now; then at 6 o'clock supper will be ready;" "liully for you. When the time conies you will 'tell me about supper and where the dining-room is?" "I'll take care of you." Mr. Iirobst had forgotten all about the former at 8 o'clock, when the latter came skating into the office. "Thought you said you would look out for me," he crossly exclaimed. I will." "Then why under heavens didn't you come up ami cull me for supper. We've been waitiug since 5 o'clock aud hadu't heard no gong yet." "I told yon supper would be ready at 6 o'clock." "Well. I kinder thought you would tell a fellow about it. 1 don't like such treatment anyway, and I want to get out. What's the damage?' "Two dollars for the room." "Two dollars?" "Yes, sir." "Young fellow, that's too much. I've traveled and know what's right. The idea of of paving $2 for such ac commodations. Why, there an't even a comb and brush in the room." Chicago Times. Aged Men la India Jails. The number of aged men among the prisoners in the jails of India is said to be very large, and the explanation is this. It is a common practice wnen a theft is brought home to a man by the police for him to get an old father or uncle to take the blame on himself, or he puts up a youug brother to do so. Before the court they make full and circumstantial confession. They are convicted and the real thieves get off. It is done to benefit the family. A sturdy young man is able to do more for the family support by honest labor or by thieving than an old man or boy. Sir -Walter's Popularity. Abbotsford is still so popular a re sort that the fees paid by tourists usu ally exceed 400 year, so that it is twice as profitable to show the place as to let it, for the rent paid by Mr, Thorburn, who has has taken it foe fiv years, is only 200 a year. .-' , ' WIT and iimion. A man's debts w ill overtake him no matter how far they run behind. West Shore. Favorite song of the milkman: Shall We Gather at the River?" Binghamton lb-publican. Proud Father -"Do yon think he looks like me?" Sympathetic Visitor "Yes, poor little thing." Life. -, Speed the parting guest slowly if he Is a pleasant one; but be sure to "rush the grow ler." Xiw Orleans llcayune. He ''Wliv Is it that strong-minded women seldom niarrv?" She "The reason is obvious." Philadelphia In quirer. It may be that love makes the world go round, but au overdose of whisky will do it more successfully. Boston Courier. Angry Father "Another tailor's bill, I suppose. Well, what's to be doue about it?' Son (meekly) "That's for you to settle." Clothier and Furn isher. While they are producing an elixir to make old people younger, it would be a great blessing if they could get up something to make some young people older. Kpoeh. "I see that Joughncs is dead." "Yes. Poor Joughues! He wasn't half a bad fellow. 1 owed him a few dollars, but I forgive him." Philadel phia Inquirer. j "Money talks," of course; but a i couple of nickels in the contribution- , box from philanthropists in the front pew make more noise than five dollar notes. Sew Orleans lHcagune. ; First Iioblwr Goiri' to rob Bron- ; son's house tonight?" Second Robber ' "Naw." First Robber "Why notP' j Secoud Robber "Ain't nothin' there. Bronson paid his gas bill yesterday." j Life. i I "You are the manager f the British' I syndicate?" "Yes. sir." "Well, I! j represent the Associated Tramps of; S New Jersey. What'll you give us for: ! our rord-wood sa-iiug industry?" S. J 1. timi. A large motherly lien has been dis- ; covered holding dow n three Waterbury j watches in .New York, tl is supjosed j mat sue was io uaicti one me World's i Fair for that city on tick. Kearneu Enterprise. ; Miss Noltaken "I have concluded j not to accept Mr. Carlton's proposition." i Miss Tobetakeu "Why not? His worldlv pro-qteets are good." Miss Nottaken es, but those are all ke j has."' HVy Shore. Old Neighlxir "My goodness. Mr. Ardeu. joh back, after all these years? Don't you know your w ife has married again?' Mr. Ardeu "Yes, I heard f it afore I started. Guess I kin live here iu eace now." S. 1'. Weekly. . The man w ho mixes up business with his friendship may not have a good re putation among his neighbors, but the chances are that he will get rich faster I than the mau who mixes up friendship with his business. SomervMe Journal. Mrs. De Fashion (in full . . fit 1 t,in mil oressj ; "What! Not readv yet? I sent both j bur- f mv dressing-maids to tell von to ry." Mr. De Fashion "Ready in a monieut. my dear. I've got only one more button to sew on." -V. 1. Week- She "Who is that meek, dejected 1 this mav lie. it is certain that the flag looking mau in utiiforui? He can t be was by act of congress passed June 14, one ol ihe company's officials?" He I 1777. established as having thirteen red "Yes. he is a Pullman porter, but he ! and white stripes and a union of thir has just discovered that there's a base- i teen white stars in a blue field, and the ball reporter 011 the train."' t'hiladeU ; stars, instead of being the six-pointed phia Inquirer. stars of the heraldry.as they are on onr Yalislev "I guess there is a deal of i coins, are. and always have been, the truth in the saviug that a man lucky with womeu is unluckv at cards. Wickwire "There is sound reason in j it, too. It takes a mau of good hard j 6euse to be a successful card-plaer." j Terre H iule KrpreM. i Wiggins -"Phew! What kind of cigar is that you are smoking?" Stig gius "That, sir. is a clear ll.tvaua.'' Wiggins "I thought it was what we call a Soft Coal brand." Stiggins I "How's that?" Wiggins ' Smoke ' nuisance." America. Mrs. De Style "Have yon had any ; experience in attending pet dogs?" A 1: . . . V . 1 4 f l. ij'jjin itni 11, muni, tfiit ji uiriit inr a child's nurse." "Well, you may try it; but I warn you that if you treat him as some nnres treat children he'll bite you." -V. 1'. Weekly. Doctor "Even if your wife, my dear sir, does not seem quite cured of the malady for which 1 recommended the baths vou must remember that she has gained ten pounds. You will know how to value that." "Exactly; pre cisely; every pound cost me f 100."' Fliegende Blatter. Inventor "I have just patented a new nickel-in-the-slot' machine, which I would like vou to take hold of. It is an entirely new design, and will never kcs oui oi omer. a- ic.ei-iu-iue-sioi Capitalist "Never get out of order? l r x 1 . 1 . 1 1 . Huh! No monev iu a machine like that." A". Y. Weekly. Jipson "You remember Jimson, Jobson?" Jobson "I do. I remem ber him as being an out and out bad one, constantly beating his wife and children and making his home miser able." Jip. "Well, he is making his home happy now." Job. "Yes, he's dead." Boston Courier. Editor's Wife (2 a. m.) "John! John! There's a burglar in the house. I hear him down-stairs. O! do get up." John (half awake "A burglar? In this house?" v ife "Yes. Listen! Don't you hear that? John (rolling over again) "He must be an amateur." I'hiladclphia Inquirer. Quevedo "Who is your lank friend? He seems to always be broke. Told me he hadn't placed a winner in a week." Curtis "Yes, he's always plavinr, but 1 never knew him to hit anything. You see, he furnishes the newspapers with tips on the winning horses. Philadelphia Inquirer. Minnie "Did you attend the sur prise party given on Jennie Figg?" Mamie "O. 3'es, and we had a splen did time. We danced until nearly 1 o'clock. It would have been perfect if it hadn't been for one thing Jennie was so sick that she couldn't come down-stairs." Terre Haute Express. "There is one thing, dear madam. about your charming little boy which j pleases me particularly," said the visit- j or, who had patiently submitted to j having his corus trampled aud his whiskers pulled out by youug hopeful. I "And that is?" smiled mamma. "Dear 1 madam, that he is not a twin." S'. 1'. : Truth. The old lady from the country had j priced nearly every thing on the 10 cent ) countcr.and the salesman was growing j a little weary of her custom. At length i she reached for a bundle of wire tea j strainers, and asked: "Land! What's j them for?" "Those are muzzles for bologna sausages, ma'am." Sprituj field Union. Physician (diagnosing the case) j 'You say you feel an inordinate desire to lie in bed mornings and to over- j sleep? Sir, you are a sick man. Your ; liver is badly affected and you must j " Patient "Say, i u give you $50 if you'll tell my wife that! She declares it's nothing but laziness!" A'. JT. Sun. Miss Walnut "O! Claire, George and I are to be married next month. All the arrangements have been com pleted, and " Miss Chestnut (who - Vhsw hatl designs on George herself) r "'m so glad, dear, and I do so wish I . "iou will be happy. How good of ONE PRICE SQUi., DEALING CLOTHIERS. H. W. COR. 2ND AHD MORRISOH STS., PORTLAND, OR. Eastern Prices, -!- WRITE FOR ROTHSCHILD George to say 'yes,' wasn't it?" Pliila detphut Inquirer. Jaggs "Here comes Raggs." Baggs "Let's turn the corner. I don't want to meet him." Jaggs "How much do' you owe him;" llaggs "I don't ow e him a cent, but he's turned out to be a terrible crank." Jaggs "A crank? How?' Baggs "Why the man has actually stopped driukinjf." thiladclptiia Inquirer. No Thieve In Wall Street. Inipector Byrnes, in his Professional Criminals of America, gives a list of one hundred banks which thieves either rifled or attempted to rob be tween Novcmlter, 186;. and February, 185. Ten of these were in the city of j New York. J Owing to the thoroughly efficient j detective system established" in Wall j Street, the" depredations of the bank ! sneaks have been summarilv ended in ! that locality. These daring villains j are "all meu of education, pleasing ad- i dress. goKl Krsonal appearance, and I are faultless in their attire." Cool, quick, resolute, and acting in concert one may lie on the lookout, a second engaged in interesting conversation w ith a bank officer or officers, and a third stealthily creeping up behind the counter and capturing the cash or a I bundle of bonds. Or the last may ob I tain access to the vault, from which ! be purloins whatever he may deftly j conceal and carry off. while Ids con federates monopolize the attention of the clerks. One of the roost daring bank sualchers in the citv effected two roblieries in the course of a single day. Entering one bans he leapett to the top of a partition seven feet high leaned over, snatched two packages of bills containing fI,0U0 each, and escaped. A little laier lie climbed on the counter of another bank, captured several thousand dollars and again escaped. Similar success attended the bold mis creant in his subsequent attempt to escape from the Court of General Sessions. He is now in jail. Richard Wltcattey, in Harper's Magazine The American Flag. S The recent discussions concerning ! the alteration of the United States flag, j in recognition of the admission of the j new states into the anion, naturally provokeu a certain amoont or inquiry into the history of the stars and stripes, J the New lork Times. The gen- rial JiV 13 HI I Aupiivu va. n9t:n,i fla3r are. mora or less well known, including the much-debated ouestion as to whether or not the ero- i blem owes its present form to the fact ! that the family arms of George Wasb .imrton included the stars and stripes : that are now so familiar. However live-poiuted stars of V? astungton s coat- ! of-arms, known in heraldry as "mul- lets. The flas was Jan. 13. 1794. decreed bv act of consress to have the number 1 of lioth stars and stripes changed to fifteen, and this was the flag that flew at the battles of Fort Mcllenry and 1 New Orleans in the war of 1812, and which was sung of for the first time as the "Star-Snan2led Banner." Bv an act of congress passed April 4. 1818,the Hag was again changed finally, and it) The conductor compelled the vie was resolved that the stripes should be j tim to pay bis fare, and took up the 1 thirteen in number and that the blue field should contain as many stars as there might be states in the union. This much is generally known.bnt only a few perhaps are aware that the flag as it is now was designed by Capt. Samuel C. Reid. and that the one made by his wife, a silken ensign of the pres ent form, flew at the masthead of the brig Gen. Armstrong when it was de stroyed by the British squadron in the port of Fayal in 1814. Congress passed a resolution of thanks to Capt. Reid in 1859, and he died shortly after in New York. It was the claim of his son. Col. Samuel C. Reid. now living and prac ticing as a lawyer in Washington, for the value of tne snip tnus aesiroyea in a neutral port a claim which lingered 1 for year3 anci years before congress j whi(.u are tohe )ate David D. UoyA the groundwork of the storv of "The I Senator," while old Col. Reid himself, I to whose stubborn perseverance the ! passasre of the claim was due, formed the original model for Mr. Crane's character of Silas Denman in the comedy. CoL Sam C Reid is said to be somewhat of a character in his way. and it is certain that he never tires of recounting the details of the action in which his father's ship was lost, and in which it is claimed the English lost over 300 men and officers, while the American loss was only two killed and seven wounded. The Gen. Armstrong was finally scuttled near the beach.and subsequently fired and blown up by the enemy. ' A Death Test. If most people are afraid of anything it is of being buried alive. That cases do happen where it is very difficult even for the most experienced physi cian to determine whether a person is really or only apparently dead without having recourse to means which, while they would at once settle a dispute, would place life, if it really still exist ed, in jeopardy, may be judged from the fact that the French academv of 1 science ten or fifteen years ago offered ; a prize of 40,000 francs for the discov . ery of some means by which . even the i inexperienced might at once determine j whether in a given case aeatn haa en sued or not. A physician obtained the prize. He had discovered the follow ing well-known phenomenon: If the haod of the suspected dead person is held toward a candle or other artificial i light, with the fingers extended and j one touching the other, and one looks ; through the spaces between the fingers j toward the light, there appears a scar- let red color where the fingers touch ! each other, due to the blood still cir- j dilating, it showing itself through the j tissues which have not yet congested. When life is entirely extinct the phe- : nomenon of scarlet space between the fingers at once ceases. I he most ex tensive and thorough trial established the truth of this observation. Why He Demands a Separation. Separation from his wife Is sought for by a Chester (Pa.) man, and he backs his claim for it by the statement that she danced for joy when he chopped his fingers off. "Work and Crime. Of the 1.060 men in the eastern peni tentiary of Pennsylvania only nineteen hrArt meohanica & fact which shows that men who are WJlEls rjoiij JieomecrjrMi trained to Reliable Goods. SAMPLES. & STERNE. HAGNER'S HORSE! STOCK BOOL A book every former or owner of atock abould have. Writ far paper. Important l Hnrte OvntrTt e. a. wilcox ce., GENERAL AOCNTS. PORTLAND, OR. ISO FlrstiStreet, AOJCXTH WA NT Bit. STAR COMPOSITION CO., Manufacturers of Printers' Rollers, ' -:- and -:- Roiierjposiilon. PADDING CEMENT ETC. Roller Casting a Specialty. 1 107 FourtlSL, East Portland, Or. TWO JOLLY DRUMMERS. Last night I heard a coterie of drum mers unfold some pretty good tales in a down-town hotel- Ia every instance, strange as it may seem, a frisky drum mer was the victim of a joke. It de veloped that the knights of the grip have had a somewhat light trade dur ing the present fall campaign, so that they baa found plenty of time on their hands. The average drummer man ages to put in his time to good ad vantage wherever be may find himself. It is a trick of his trade, so to speak. The drummer can get rid of time pret ty nearly as easily as he can run up a big expense account on his honse. A eouple of jolly commercial tonr ists were traveling companions on the" river branch of the Milwaukee road last week. They put np at Winona on Tuesday night, and were assigned to a double room at the hotel. The eldest of the two had purchased a 2,000 mile ticket that afternoon, and when he fumbled about in all his pockets he eouldn't find it, "It's lost," said he, rnefolly, to his companion. "Better notify the agent so that the. company can collar' it from the first man who presents it." said the other. The suggestion was followed and the drummer kicked every time he had to pay full fare for the next two days. The third day after the book had been missing the" drummer's companion took the book from his pocket and gave it to the owner. "I guess all the conductors have been notified to take it up by this time, so I will return it," he said. "Aha! One of Tour smart jokes, ia it?" "Just getting even, old man, that's all." The conductor soon after came along and the drummer handed Out his book. The conductor looked at the name, then referred to a little book in his pocket. "I'm sorry to tell yon that I've got to take this book up," he said. Get out." returned the drummer. "That's my name, and I paid for that book." van t help it; 1 ve got to obey or- I ders. Fare please.1 ; book. j The drummers companion nearly ; went into convulsions, his little joke appeared so fonny to him. ; -ni get even "for this before the f snow flies," remarked the victim. And he did. That night the two drummers alight ed at a small town and went to a hotel for supper. The victim of the mileage incident saw a chance to even np old scores. Neither of the men had ever stopped at the hotel, so when they step ped in the victimized drummer took the clerk aside and said: "I'm taking that poor fellow with me to the St. Peter asylum. He does not appear to be very c razy, and is never violent unless he gets hold of any kind of meat- Now I want you to fix it so he can't get any meat when we fo to supper. Pay no attention to im if he -kicks.' as no doubt he wilL" A little later the traveling men went to supper. They ordered several kinds of meat. When the waitress returned one was liberally supplied with choice meat, but the supposedly insane man didn't get a bit. "How's this? Where's my meat?" This rather sharply to the girl. She made no reply and went out. When she returned the meat was not forthcoming and the drummer gradu ally grew hot under the collar. "Say, young woman, are you going to bring me my meat?" he splnttered in a loud tone. The girl had been in and out of the room several times, but she brought no meat. By this time the drummer who had been supplied with meat had completed his supper. "Ain't 1 goint to get any meat?" yell ed the victim. "What in is the matter here, anyway?" "The meat is all out," returned the waitress. At this answer the angry traveling man pushed away from the table, dashed into the office and for a full -minute the air was fairly blue with oaths. A curious crowd of men stood in the office and stared wonderingly at the supposed madman. The latter swore he wouldn't pay his bill an' he didn't. "Too bad that he's crazy," murmur ed several of the bystanders. An hour later the two friends took , the train. As the iron horse sped out t of the town the victim of the morning saia "Well, old man, I got even with a vengeance, eh? - "How so?" - "Why, every man in the town thinks rm taking you to the St. Peter asylum.' I ordered the hotel people to give vou no meat at supper. I told them that it would make you unmanageable if they did." Minneapolis Journal. A Woman'! Good Shot. Abbot claims one of the best female shots of Maine in the person of Mrs. George Brown. Not long ago she saw a fox crossing the field a short distance from the house. Taking her husband's rifle and raising the window she drew & bead on Master Bernard, planting the ball fairly in the neck. The dis ance was twenty-two rods. A Saline Conn try. Everything in the country of the River Chai, in central Asia, is described by a recent traveler as covered with lalt. It is seen on the walls of th eonses and on the banks tod the water vs - r