Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (April 18, 1890)
.J T 1ST
Between G. T. Cotton
Peterson & Wallace.
, - Orkc.ok.
J. K. WEATHERFORD,
i':Sce over First National Bank,
.Y, - - OREGON.
-J. M. KEENE, D D. S.
ntal -:- Parlors.
, riCE: Breyman Bros., Building,
"Hours from S A. M. to 5 P. M.
W. R. BILYEU,
ALBANY, OREGON. :
1. II. MONTANYE,
j practice ia all Courts of the State.
E. J. M'CAUSTLAND,
ViIL ENGINEER SURVEYOR.
i Draughting and Blue Prints.
ff.ee. with Oregon Land Co., Albany.
'.-Sewerage System and Water Supplies
; Specially. Estates Subdivided. Maps
1 le or copied on short notice.
Successor toC H. Hasmox )
Mer : aid : Hairdresser, j
CHAVIXG. HAIR CUTTING AND
0 Shampooing in the latest and best
Mi le. Special attention paid to dressing
Ladies' hair. Your patronage respect
ED. KELLESBERffER, Prcpr
esb & Salted Beef, Pork, Mutton,
Sausage, Bologna, and Ham.
Baeor arjd Card Always or J4ar;d.
Main Street, Lebanon, Or.
ft. L. DOUCL.AS
teat In tli world. Examine rif
SS.O(IGEM I-E HASD-SEWKl) SHOE.
..00 HAXD-SEH KD WELT SHOE.
..iJ rOLICE AND FARMERS' SHOE,
IM.oO EXTRA VAI.CE CALF SHOE.
2.00 and 1. 75 BOYS' SCHOOL SHOES
All made in &on?ress. But Lou and Laoe.
'. L. DOUGLAS
. Material. Bt Style. Best Fitting.
oli1 bv your dealer, write '
L. Douglas $2
d Ladies." -
Trnaeam-nTi ttautneW. I.. Doncia .
Mves witaout mum and price tumped ol .
Ute bottom, vut liiui down aa a fraud.
' j- j
liiiiin"" 'i i --iii ii 1. r.iBWiiinHH-1 V' 1t -- ...N-..
NOBBIEST AND LARGEST STOCK OF
in the County, is now to be
you want to
MERCHANT TAILORING A SPECIALTY,
Mr. E. A. Scheffler,
part men t
MY SPRING STOCK
i DRY GOODS, RRESS GOODS,
! Notions, Stockinet Jackets, Beaded Caps,
! Ladies' and Children's Shoes,
Has arrived. I have also received my Spring Stock of
MEN'S, YOUTHS' & BOYS' CLOTHINC, FURNISHING C000S,
BOOTS, SHOES, ETC.,
Of which we carry a Full and Complete Line, ami will not he un
dersold. Come and see us, and we will treat you well.
THE YAQUIHA ROUTE.
OREGON PACIFIC RAILROAD.
Oregon EeTelopiaest Cospau's Steamstlp Line.
225 Shorter. 20 Hours Less Time
Than by any otheriRonte.
FIRST-CtASS THROUGH PASSENGER
'AND. FREIGHT LINE
From Portland and all point in the Willamette
Valley to and from Sao Francisco, Cal.
OREGON PACIFIC RAILROAD.
TIME SCEDCLE. (Except Sundays.)
Lv Allany impm.
1.1 Corvallis 1-.40 p. m.
Ar Yaquina 5:30 p. m.
I Lv Yaquina 6:45 a. in.
I Lv Corvallis 10:35 a. m.
I Ar Albany n:ioa.m.
8s. c trains connect at Albanj and Corvallis.
Oreiron Development Company
ships between Yaquina and San
line of Steam-
! roM s. r.
I FX VAQV1."A.
! Willamette Vallev
! Willamette Vallev
March 1 7.
This company reserves the right to change sail
ing dates without notice.
Passengers from Portland and all Willamette
Vallev points can make close connection with the
trains of the Yaquina route at Alhanv or Corval
lis. and if destined to San Francisco should ar
range to arrive at Yaqnina the evening before the
date of sailing.
Passenger and Freight Rates
Always the Lowesc
For particulars apply to
C. H HASH-ELL. t C. C HOOVE.
Oenl Ft & Pass. Agt. ! Act g C.en. F. ft P. Agt.
Oregon Devel pm'nt Co i t, P. R. R. R- Co.,
o4 Montgomery St. j Corvallis.
San Francisco, Cal. i tw-egon.
- . . i i
j Leave corvallis Monaay, wrancwav. i . ,
'6 a.m. Leave Albany 9:30 a. m.
Arrive Salem. Mondav, w eanesaay. i-nay. j
m. Leave Salem, Tuesday, Thursday, Satur-
ay, 8 a. m.
Arrive roniami, 1 utxiitv . nuifwui f wni..,
j.jo p. m
Lea-v-e Portland Monday, Wednesday. Friday,
6 a. m. .
Arrive Salem, Monday, Wednesday. Friday, 7:15
m. Leave Salem, luesaay. 1 nursaay, rmiur-
Arri-e5Corvallis Tiiesday. Thnrslay. Saturday. .
v . m 1 a nanv. 1 :to 11 m.
3:50 p. m.
J. M. RALSTON.
; Bank of Lebanon,
Transacts a General MXm Bnsiness.
ACCOUNTS KEPT SUBJECT
Exchange sold on New York, San
Francisco, Portland and Albany, Oregon.
Collections made on favorable terms.
: DEALER IX :
Groceries anil Provisions.
TOBACCO and CIGARS,
Foreip anu Domestic Fruits,
Queensware and Glassware, Ianips and
raya Cash for Eggs.
In Street, LbA-non, Oregon.
Seen on the Counters of
'dress up," we would be glat to show
and make the right price.
is an expert, and has charge of this de-
We guarantee satisfaction.
Types of Tiresome People.
Do yon keep a list a list of the peo
ple who are tiresome to you? We ;
used to call them bores, but as this is j
always suggestive of getting there ;
eventually, the name has beeu dropped, !
though the people exist.
The wise woman is the one who has
a book on the cover of which is written
in large letters and red ink, ' Beware
The educated young woman who
concludes that the alpha!-1 has been
Invented since her birth.
The frivolous creature who thinks
yon are "just dying' to know how her
"underwear is made
The lovely young man who wears
three diamond" rings and thinks you
are '-just too sweet for anything."
The horrible old hypocrite who talks
atout her position "in society and the
tise she is to the world at large, when
she would best serve it by decorating
the inside of a tomb.
The old man who kisses yon because
he remembers your mother when she
was a girl.
The young man who is loud and un
derbred, but who speaks to you and
mortifies you and claims a riglit of ac
quaintance because he once lived near
The maid servant who wants to talk
about the last house in which she
The man, woman, or nondecript,
. who never tires of telling yon that
they have seen better days, and who
counts on that announcement covering
erervthing in the future, and never
making an effort to think how really
good this time is after all.
The man with a low-cut shirt, the
woman with dyed hair, the boy who
; hasn't been taught good manners, and
' the girl who has been educated to be
lieve that impudence and intelligence
: - - . . .... . .
lne people who natter, who nna
faul, and who never know what it is to
say a good word for their neighbors.
Bab in Chicago Journal.
IiOComotlrea and Btorms.
A correspondent of the Korthtvestern j
i Railroader advances some odd theories
to account for the frequency and
severity of storms in modern times,
lie gives the figures to prove that there
are now over 30,000 locomotives in
actual use in the United States, besides
the hundreds of thousands 6f stationary
engines of all kinds and sizes. From
a round 50,00U locomotives he esti-1
mates as much as 53,000,000,000 cubic j
yards of vapor each week. 7.000.000,000
ytii roi wasia a aii Trt ia ranirnAii am '
rain "quite enough," he says, "to1
produce a good rain-storm every twen- j
ty-four hours." He estimates othei i
engines of all descriptions at 180,000 ,
probably a very low estimate and con
cludes that these, with the locomotives,
send about 470,000,000,000 yards of
vapor into the air every seven davs.
Is it not enough." he asks, "to give I
ns floods of terror?' Hundreds of gas- j
wells sending their poison into the !
atmosphere; millions of cesspools and
sewers. Would it be any wonder il '
some blighting plague would lay wast :
Caning on the Hand. j
A father sued an English school-!
master for assault, because he had j
fane. I his bov on the hand. The magis
trate before whom it was first tried
thought that the father was right, for
the reason that caning on the hand was
attended by a risk of injury, and there
were "methods of corporal punishment
. quite as available, efficacious, and not
necessarily atienaeu oyanyns, which ,
the defendant might have used." The
: higher conrt, though decided that it
was not actionable.
A Lottery Case.
! Probably the courts do not afford a
j more curious case than this: "In 1859
Mme. Hardouin of Paris bought three
! tickets in a lottery, the capital prize of
' which was 100,000 francs. By presenti-
merit sLe chose the number 40,634, put
i ting the ticket away among her hus
f band's effects. He became bankrupLand
all of his books were seized. The lottery
! was drawn in 1861. and 40,634 won the
prize. Since then Mme. Hardouin has
I been accumulating evidence to show
j that she was the person who bought
the ticket, and now expects judgment
in her favor every moment.
The Sun on Mirror Lake. Foxes
;i:UMM) FOR A HERD (IK M r'FALOS.
j Mark Tw siu's Inrome. Disrovrr of roci
I ine Still Alive.
Canvas-lmek ducks are very scarce in
Chesapeake Bay this season.
The Vatican is said to be preparing a
new catechism for universal use.
The opossum is said to have practi
cally disappeared from American
The sun docs not rise on Mirror
Lake, Yosemito Valley, until 11:30
o'clock in the morning.
Mrs. Cleveland has taken up a new
i faucy In dressing her hair. She uow
j parts It on the left side.
j A Michigan man who ofHciated as
j groomsman for a friend afterward sent
I in a bill for f 2 for his services.
S Foxes increase so rapidly in several
i districts of Australia that they are near-
: ly as great a pest as the rabbits.
Frederick E. Weatherby wrote the
famous JJanev Leo in an hour while
I waiting for a pupil he was tutoring.
The Due de Mornv
lias prepared for ;
the press the memoirs of his father,
I the famous Minister of Napoleon HI. i
j A calf whose back is covered with
; fine fur instead of the regulation hair j
! Is one of the curiosities of Appleton, j
; Me. . j
A statement is made on the best au- j
j thority that the Czar of Russia has read j
j George Kennan's papers on Silieria in j
: the Century. !
j Cardinal Newman is reported to be ;
: in better health than for several ;
; months past. The Cardinal is now in '
! the 88th year of his -tge. j
Austin Corbin paid f 13. 000 for a!
herd of Manitoba buffaloes with which ',
to stock his hunting park in the iiiouu- .
; tains of New Hampshire. i
Ex-King Milan of Servia is now in ;
! Paris aud iutends to make that city his ;
! permanent residence. He w ill live j
j privately and abandon polities.
i The novelist Hulwer's wife once j
wrote to Wilkie Collins'tliat he did not ;
i know how to describe a villain: "Now,"
! she said, if you want a genuine villain, !
' write up my husband." 1
James Whitcomb Riley is spoken of j
bv the lrrevereni euuor 01 ine i coria
"transcript as "the gentleman who
travels around with Dill Nje is not the
homeliest man in the world."
George Ebers, at 59 years of age, is
Professor of Egyptology at Leipzig
University, and says he" "writes novels :
because persistent illness prevents his
doing harder work for a living.
Speaker Reed is the largest man in j
the House. He weighs as much as ex-j
President Cleveland and is taller. He j
is an accomplished French scholar
and reads every new book published in '
Amelia B. Edwards, the famous En- ;
glish woman now lecturing in this i
countrv, divides with the Princess !
Doratflstria of Italy the honor of!
being the most learned woman in the ,
It is thought that the estate of the ,
late Allen Thorndike Rice, who was ;
supposed to be worth fl.UUO.tsM when
be died a few months ago, will not,
when it is settled, lie worth more than
One of the leading hymn-writers of-j
the country is Fannie J. Crosby of ;
New York, author of the Kpular
hymn "Sweet Hours of Prayer.'' Miss
Crosbr is an invalid and has been blind .
from birth. ?
The labor question is said to be
pushing every other out of public in- '
terest in Loudon, the demands of the
laboring classes for the betterment of ,
their condition having become so loud
and frequent. .
The largest infant ever Urn in Con
necticut was that of Mrs. Lewis Duke, -of
Merid" n-hich weighed twenty-five
pounds ;w . .th. It lived only a few ;
moments. Physicians say it was a
phenomenal babe. ;
Emanuel Louis Cartigny of Hyeres i
is supposed now to be the sole survivor .
of the battle of Trafalgar. He was a
cabin boy on board the French ship !
Redoubtable, which carrieil a crew of '
800 men, of whom only 1:10 survived, i
William Dean Howells writes from '
1.000 to 1.500 words daily, and after
his pages have been copied on the :
typewriter he goes over them again, i
adding a word here and erasing a line ;
there, until they are perfect. ;
Some experiments were made re-.
cently by the Nothern Pacific car- i
builders atTacoma to test the strength j
of fir and oak timber. The first-named :
1 nrnreri nno-lhinl
stronger than the
t----- -- -
eastern oak, and more than one-half j
stronger than eastern white pine.
A Naples correspondent writes that j
a terrible storm in the Province of Ca-
tania was marked by a curious phe- !
nomenon. Near San Matteo a rent ,
was formed in the earth from north to i
south nearly a mile long, mine feet ;
wide and from six to thirty feet deep, j
Thomas Bailey' Aldrich writes slowly j
and fastidiously, revising and correct- :
ing the most unimportant article with
poetic care; all his articles before they ;
reach the printer are written and re-
written at least three or four times.'
Despits his more than 86 years,
j George Bancroft sits
down at his desk ;
at 5 o'clock in the morning and labors 1
until 8, when he breakfasts; after this !
he returns to his desk and remains till 1
1 or 2 o'clock in the afternoon, when ;
he considers the day's task ended.
Mark Twain's income is said to be j
$80,000 a year, derived from royalties j
on his works and from the publishing j
house in which be is a partner. Yet
he is more or less unhappv. because j
his wife fails to appreciate liis alleged i
Henry James, the novelist is grow- !
ing very fat, and is more like the
Prince of Wales in consequence; as a i
writer his popularity is said to be wan- j
ing, but as a London society man he j
is a bright, particular star in certain j
James S. Carlton, an aged man now
now living in Baltimore, Md., claims
; to have been the first discoverer of the
; peculiar effects of cocaine. Ho says
' that as early as 1849 he knew the proji-
' erties of the drug and made use of
them in his own family.
Edmund Gosse declares in the Forum '
that Herliert Spencer's books do not"
cover the cost f their publication, to
say nothing of leaving a profit for the
philosopher himself; neither Mr.
Swinburne nor Leslie Stephen derives
any considerable profit from his writ
ings. An autograph lately sold iu London
was a note from Tennyson, reading
thus: "I have many thousands of
these applications, and rather make a
point of neglecting them; for why
should I flatter the madness of the peo
ple? Nevertheless, as the request
comes from an old friend, behold an
A the French exhibition there was a
second edition of the example of Petef
the Great, who went to Holland and
worked as a journeyman in thft dock-
yards to learn tlio art of ship building,
so that he might teach his subjects on
his return. In this instance it was an
extensive shoe manufacturer of Mon
tevideo, who, with his shirt sleeves
turned up, was working as If for a
wager on a sewer and stitcher, so that
he niav Iks able to instruct hi people
when lie gets home.
New South Wall's Is about to make
some extensive and Important experi
ments by sinking artesian wells.
Drought Is the great plague of Austra
lia, and the dark spot in its future has
been the fear that, owing to the scarci
ty of water, the laud could ' never sup
port a large population. But, accord
lug to the experts, it has now lieen dis
covered that there are several rivers
flowing under the surface of New South
Wales, and if this water can be
"struck" and then stored the whole
face and future of Australia would be
Ita thing- la Sweden.
Baths in Sweden are of a character
to embarrass a modest American at the
start, but they are described a highly
enjoyable by a w titer in the Boston
tilohe, He says: "'The first day I was
In Stockholm 1 passed an arched way
upon the central island there and ob
served half a dozen women with bare
arms loitering around tin. portal. Rais
ing my eyes to the lintel above I saw
the word" 'Had,' which means bath.
On this occasion it conveyed not a bad
idea, and I wheeled about and went in.
"Some siiirht emotion ensued amonir
these females, rather of a coniK'litive
sort, and presenting mvself at an offiee.
a modest-looking female there grauted
me a ticket for a small Mini of money
about thirty eeuts, 1 think and con
signed me to a creditable-looking wo
man 30 years of ago or thereabouts.
Passing into the open court or paved
place in the bath, I was shown up
stairs to a small parlor with two w in
dows, at the farther end of which a
door opened into a bath-room, much
larger than we are accustomed to. The
female immediately began to draw
water from two spigots into tho large
tub, and mixed m the required degree
of heat. I w aited some time for her to
retire, but it was soon nptareut that
she was not of a retiring disposition.
So the customs of the country had to
be observed. In a few minutes 1 was
undergoing a scrubbing with soap in
that sort of attire which 1 faintly re
member to have leen the domestic
habit upon mv mother's knee when
Saturday night, if uot oftener, she
deemed it a Christian duty to scrub
me, till my eyes with snap, tantalize
my hair, anil" Hnally discharge me yell-
tnjr. but clean, to ie put to bed as an
extremely bad boy who did not loe to
The Swedish female adhered to all
her clothing. In addition she tied
around her neck and waist the strings I
of an oil-cloth, to present the splash- !
ing water, or jiossibly the resisting j
hands, from taking the starch out of
her dress. With a scrubbing-brush I
and soap she traversed me like a law- !
yer in his replications. Having been j
soused and scrubbed I w as turned over j
and resc rubbed and bound in full calf, j
This, however, was only the com- j
meneemeut of the exercise. 1 he next
thing was to get some Mexican hemp,
or Swedish shavings, and with clean
water recommence the process. At last
1 was stood up in a state of Adam and
Showered and needle-lmthcd. wearing
onlv a smile. 1 was at last compassed
with a long, warm towel, and after
that rubbed again with a softer towel
atxl was then tucked up in my little
bed a bewildered but clean being.
"The next process was to briug in
some beer. If I had hojed. however,
to get a nap, as in similar baths at
home, I was mistaken, for in a few
minutes the lady appeared and handed
me some articles of my clothing and
expressed a desire that I should get
out, w hich she, being unable to speak
my vulgar tongue, emphasized by
pointing to the ticket which had
brought me there, which indicated that
I was onlv- to have that bath between
certain hours of the clock, say from 1
to 3 o'clock. 1 was then told to ask for
No 9 the next time I came as a matter
of loyalty and gratitude."
Waiting to Hear the Oong.
So much has leen written about the
eountrv euest at a bijj hotel that their
akwardly original breaks an general
ly rated as naught but the dreams of
reporters. Yet every day some "Joshua
Whitcomb" will do some outlandish
thing at the large hostelry w here he is
stopping. Recently a young man
evidently a farmer walked into the
Palmer house with a young bride upon
his arm. He registered self and wife
from Shelbvville, Ind. As they both
stood at tiic crowded counter they
looked as though they had been mar
ried at least fifteen minutes.
"Are vou the clerk," he asked of Mr.
"I want to whisper privately to
"Well, cut the cards."
"The secret is that I've just got mar
ried. We want to stay here a dav,
fhen go back to Shelbyville. I'll Xe
honest. I'm as green as old Sam Hill
about hotels, so I want you to help
me out. Give me a good, cheap room,
and tell me all the points about staying
in a hotel."
"With pleasure, sir. I'll do all I can
for you. I'll have you shown to 642
now; then at 6 o'clock supper will be
"liully for you. When the time
conies you will 'tell me about supper
and where the dining-room is?"
"I'll take care of you."
Mr. Iirobst had forgotten all about
the former at 8 o'clock, when the latter
came skating into the office.
"Thought you said you would look
out for me," he crossly exclaimed.
"Then why under heavens didn't you
come up ami cull me for supper. We've
been waitiug since 5 o'clock aud hadu't
heard no gong yet."
"I told yon supper would be ready
at 6 o'clock."
"Well. I kinder thought you would
tell a fellow about it. 1 don't like such
treatment anyway, and I want to get
out. What's the damage?'
"Two dollars for the room."
"Young fellow, that's too much.
I've traveled and know what's right.
The idea of of paving $2 for such ac
commodations. Why, there an't even
a comb and brush in the room."
Aged Men la India Jails.
The number of aged men among the
prisoners in the jails of India is said to
be very large, and the explanation is
this. It is a common practice wnen a
theft is brought home to a man by the
police for him to get an old father or
uncle to take the blame on himself, or
he puts up a youug brother to do so.
Before the court they make full and
circumstantial confession. They are
convicted and the real thieves get off.
It is done to benefit the family. A
sturdy young man is able to do more
for the family support by honest labor
or by thieving than an old man or boy.
Sir -Walter's Popularity.
Abbotsford is still so popular a re
sort that the fees paid by tourists usu
ally exceed 400 year, so that it is
twice as profitable to show the place
as to let it, for the rent paid by Mr,
Thorburn, who has has taken it foe
fiv years, is only 200 a year. .-'
WIT and iimion.
A man's debts w ill overtake him no
matter how far they run behind. West
Favorite song of the milkman:
Shall We Gather at the River?"
Proud Father -"Do yon think he
looks like me?" Sympathetic Visitor
"Yes, poor little thing." Life. -,
Speed the parting guest slowly if he
Is a pleasant one; but be sure to "rush
the grow ler." Xiw Orleans llcayune.
He ''Wliv Is it that strong-minded
women seldom niarrv?" She "The
reason is obvious." Philadelphia In
quirer. It may be that love makes the world
go round, but au overdose of whisky
will do it more successfully. Boston
Angry Father "Another tailor's
bill, I suppose. Well, what's to be
doue about it?' Son (meekly) "That's
for you to settle." Clothier and Furn
isher. While they are producing an elixir
to make old people younger, it would
be a great blessing if they could get up
something to make some young people
"I see that Joughncs is dead."
"Yes. Poor Joughues! He wasn't
half a bad fellow. 1 owed him a few
dollars, but I forgive him." Philadel
phia Inquirer. j
"Money talks," of course; but a i
couple of nickels in the contribution- ,
box from philanthropists in the front
pew make more noise than five dollar
notes. Sew Orleans lHcagune. ;
First Iioblwr Goiri' to rob Bron- ;
son's house tonight?" Second Robber '
"Naw." First Robber "Why notP' j
Secoud Robber "Ain't nothin' there.
Bronson paid his gas bill yesterday." j
I "You are the manager f the British'
I syndicate?" "Yes. sir." "Well, I!
j represent the Associated Tramps of;
S New Jersey. What'll you give us for:
! our rord-wood sa-iiug industry?" S. J
A large motherly lien has been dis- ;
covered holding dow n three Waterbury j
watches in .New York, tl is supjosed j
mat sue was io uaicti one me
Fair for that city on tick. Kearneu
Miss Noltaken "I have concluded j
not to accept Mr. Carlton's proposition." i
Miss Tobetakeu "Why not? His
worldlv pro-qteets are good." Miss
Nottaken es, but those are all
has."' HVy Shore.
Old Neighlxir "My goodness. Mr.
Ardeu. joh back, after all these years?
Don't you know your w ife has married
again?' Mr. Ardeu "Yes, I heard f
it afore I started. Guess I kin live
here iu eace now." S. 1'. Weekly. .
The man w ho mixes up business with
his friendship may not have a good re
putation among his neighbors, but the
chances are that he will get rich faster I
than the mau who mixes up friendship
with his business. SomervMe Journal.
Mrs. De Fashion (in full
. . fit 1
t,in mil oressj ;
"What! Not readv yet? I sent
mv dressing-maids to tell von to
ry." Mr. De Fashion "Ready in a
monieut. my dear. I've got only one
more button to sew on." -V. 1. Week-
She "Who is that meek, dejected 1 this mav lie. it is certain that the flag
looking mau in utiiforui? He can t be was by act of congress passed June 14,
one ol ihe company's officials?" He I 1777. established as having thirteen red
"Yes. he is a Pullman porter, but he ! and white stripes and a union of thir
has just discovered that there's a base- i teen white stars in a blue field, and the
ball reporter 011 the train."' t'hiladeU ; stars, instead of being the six-pointed
phia Inquirer. stars of the heraldry.as they are on onr
Yalislev "I guess there is a deal of i coins, are. and always have been, the
truth in the saviug that a man lucky
with womeu is unluckv at cards.
Wickwire "There is sound reason in j
it, too. It takes a mau of good hard j
6euse to be a successful card-plaer." j
Terre H iule KrpreM. i
Wiggins -"Phew! What kind of
cigar is that you are smoking?" Stig
gius "That, sir. is a clear ll.tvaua.''
Wiggins "I thought it was what we
call a Soft Coal brand." Stiggins
I "How's that?" Wiggins ' Smoke
' nuisance." America.
Mrs. De Style "Have yon had any
; experience in attending pet dogs?"
A 1: . . . V . 1 4 f l.
ij'jjin itni 11, muni, tfiit ji uiriit inr
a child's nurse." "Well, you may try
it; but I warn you that if you treat him
as some nnres treat children he'll bite
you." -V. 1'. Weekly.
Doctor "Even if your wife, my dear
sir, does not seem quite cured of the
malady for which 1 recommended the
baths vou must remember that she has
gained ten pounds. You will know
how to value that." "Exactly; pre
cisely; every pound cost me f 100."'
Inventor "I have just patented a
new nickel-in-the-slot' machine, which
I would like vou to take hold of. It is
an entirely new design, and will never
kcs oui oi omer. a- ic.ei-iu-iue-sioi
Capitalist "Never get out of order?
l r x 1 . 1 . 1 1 .
Huh! No monev iu a machine like
that." A". Y. Weekly.
Jipson "You remember Jimson,
Jobson?" Jobson "I do. I remem
ber him as being an out and out bad
one, constantly beating his wife and
children and making his home miser
able." Jip. "Well, he is making his
home happy now." Job. "Yes, he's
dead." Boston Courier.
Editor's Wife (2 a. m.) "John!
John! There's a burglar in the house.
I hear him down-stairs. O! do get up."
John (half awake "A burglar? In
this house?" v ife "Yes. Listen!
Don't you hear that? John (rolling
over again) "He must be an amateur."
Quevedo "Who is your lank friend?
He seems to always be broke. Told
me he hadn't placed a winner in a
week." Curtis "Yes, he's always
plavinr, but 1 never knew him to
anything. You see, he furnishes the
newspapers with tips on the winning
horses. Philadelphia Inquirer.
Minnie "Did you attend the sur
prise party given on Jennie Figg?"
Mamie "O. 3'es, and we had a splen
did time. We danced until nearly 1
o'clock. It would have been perfect
if it hadn't been for one thing Jennie
was so sick that she couldn't come
down-stairs." Terre Haute Express.
"There is one thing, dear madam.
about your charming little boy which j
pleases me particularly," said the visit- j
or, who had patiently submitted to j
having his corus trampled aud his
whiskers pulled out by youug hopeful. I
"And that is?" smiled mamma. "Dear 1
madam, that he is not a twin." S'. 1'. :
The old lady from the country had j
priced nearly every thing on the 10 cent )
countcr.and the salesman was growing j
a little weary of her custom. At length i
she reached for a bundle of wire tea j
strainers, and asked: "Land! What's j
them for?" "Those are muzzles for
bologna sausages, ma'am." Sprituj
Physician (diagnosing the case) j
'You say you feel an inordinate desire
to lie in bed mornings and to over- j
sleep? Sir, you are a sick man. Your ;
liver is badly affected and you must j
" Patient "Say, i u give you
$50 if you'll tell my wife that! She
declares it's nothing but laziness!" A'.
Miss Walnut "O! Claire, George
and I are to be married next month.
All the arrangements have been com
pleted, and " Miss Chestnut (who
- Vhsw hatl designs on George herself)
r "'m so glad, dear, and I do so wish
I . "iou will be happy. How good of
ONE PRICE SQUi., DEALING CLOTHIERS.
H. W. COR. 2ND AHD MORRISOH STS., PORTLAND, OR.
George to say 'yes,' wasn't it?" Pliila
Jaggs "Here comes Raggs." Baggs
"Let's turn the corner. I don't
want to meet him." Jaggs "How
much do' you owe him;" llaggs "I
don't ow e him a cent, but he's turned
out to be a terrible crank." Jaggs
"A crank? How?' Baggs "Why the
man has actually stopped driukinjf."
No Thieve In Wall Street.
Inipector Byrnes, in his Professional
Criminals of America, gives a list of
one hundred banks which thieves
either rifled or attempted to rob be
tween Novcmlter, 186;. and February,
185. Ten of these were in the city of j
New York. J
Owing to the thoroughly efficient j
detective system established" in Wall j
Street, the" depredations of the bank !
sneaks have been summarilv ended in !
that locality. These daring villains j
are "all meu of education, pleasing ad- i
dress. goKl Krsonal appearance, and I
are faultless in their attire." Cool,
quick, resolute, and acting in concert
one may lie on the lookout, a second
engaged in interesting conversation
w ith a bank officer or officers, and a
third stealthily creeping up behind the
counter and capturing the cash or a
I bundle of bonds. Or the last may ob
I tain access to the vault, from which
! be purloins whatever he may deftly
j conceal and carry off. while Ids con
federates monopolize the attention
of the clerks. One of the roost daring
bank sualchers in the citv effected two
roblieries in the course of a single day.
Entering one bans he leapett to the
top of a partition seven feet high leaned
over, snatched two packages of bills
containing fI,0U0 each, and escaped.
A little laier lie climbed on the counter
of another bank, captured several
thousand dollars and again escaped.
Similar success attended the bold mis
creant in his subsequent attempt to
escape from the Court of General
Sessions. He is now in jail. Richard
Wltcattey, in Harper's Magazine
The American Flag.
S The recent discussions concerning
! the alteration of the United States flag,
j in recognition of the admission of the
j new states into the anion, naturally
provokeu a certain amoont or inquiry
into the history of the stars and stripes,
J the New lork Times. The gen-
rial JiV 13 HI I Aupiivu va.
n9t:n,i fla3r are. mora or less well
known, including the much-debated
ouestion as to whether or not the ero-
i blem owes its present form to the fact
! that the family arms of George Wasb
.imrton included the stars and stripes
: that are now so familiar. However
live-poiuted stars of V? astungton s coat-
known in heraldry as "mul-
The flas was Jan. 13. 1794. decreed
bv act of consress to have the number 1
of lioth stars and stripes changed to
fifteen, and this was the flag that flew
at the battles of Fort Mcllenry and 1
New Orleans in the war of 1812, and
which was sung of for the first time as
the "Star-Snan2led Banner." Bv an
act of congress passed April 4. 1818,the
Hag was again changed finally, and it) The conductor compelled the vie
was resolved that the stripes should be j tim to pay bis fare, and took up the
1 thirteen in number and that the blue
field should contain as many stars as
there might be states in the union.
This much is generally known.bnt only
a few perhaps are aware that the flag
as it is now was designed by Capt.
Samuel C. Reid. and that the one made
by his wife, a silken ensign of the pres
ent form, flew at the masthead of the
brig Gen. Armstrong when it was de
stroyed by the British squadron in the
port of Fayal in 1814. Congress passed
a resolution of thanks to Capt. Reid in
1859, and he died shortly after in New
It was the claim of his son. Col.
Samuel C. Reid. now living and prac
ticing as a lawyer in Washington, for
the value of tne snip tnus aesiroyea in
a neutral port a claim which lingered
for year3 anci years before congress
j whi(.u are tohe )ate David D. UoyA
the groundwork of the storv of "The
I Senator," while old Col. Reid himself,
I to whose stubborn perseverance the
! passasre of the claim was due, formed
the original model for Mr. Crane's
character of Silas Denman in the
comedy. CoL Sam C Reid is said to
be somewhat of a character in his way.
and it is certain that he never tires of
recounting the details of the action in
which his father's ship was lost, and in
which it is claimed the English lost
over 300 men and officers, while the
American loss was only two killed and
seven wounded. The Gen. Armstrong
was finally scuttled near the beach.and
subsequently fired and blown up by the
A Death Test.
If most people are afraid of anything
it is of being buried alive. That cases
do happen where it is very difficult
even for the most experienced physi
cian to determine whether a person is
really or only apparently dead without
having recourse to means which, while
they would at once settle a dispute,
would place life, if it really still exist
ed, in jeopardy, may be judged from
the fact that the French academv of
1 science ten or fifteen years ago offered
; a prize of 40,000 francs for the discov
. ery of some means by which . even the
i inexperienced might at once determine j
whether in a given case aeatn haa en
sued or not. A physician obtained the
prize. He had discovered the follow
ing well-known phenomenon: If the
haod of the suspected dead person is
held toward a candle or other artificial i
light, with the fingers extended and j
one touching the other, and one looks ;
through the spaces between the fingers j
toward the light, there appears a scar-
let red color where the fingers touch !
each other, due to the blood still cir- j
dilating, it showing itself through the j
tissues which have not yet congested.
When life is entirely extinct the phe- :
nomenon of scarlet space between the
fingers at once ceases. I he most ex
tensive and thorough trial established
the truth of this observation.
Why He Demands a Separation.
Separation from his wife Is sought
for by a Chester (Pa.) man, and he
backs his claim for it by the statement
that she danced for joy when he chopped
his fingers off.
"Work and Crime.
Of the 1.060 men in the eastern peni
tentiary of Pennsylvania only nineteen
hrArt meohanica & fact which
shows that men who are
WJlEls rjoiij JieomecrjrMi
HAGNER'S HORSE! STOCK BOOL
A book every former
or owner of atock
abould have. Writ far
paper. Important l
e. a. wilcox ce.,
AOJCXTH WA NT Bit.
STAR COMPOSITION CO.,
Printers' Rollers, '
-:- and -:-
PADDING CEMENT ETC.
Roller Casting a Specialty.
1 107 FourtlSL, East Portland, Or.
TWO JOLLY DRUMMERS.
Last night I heard a coterie of drum
mers unfold some pretty good tales in
a down-town hotel- Ia every instance,
strange as it may seem, a frisky drum
mer was the victim of a joke. It de
veloped that the knights of the grip
have had a somewhat light trade dur
ing the present fall campaign, so that
they baa found plenty of time on their
hands. The average drummer man
ages to put in his time to good ad
vantage wherever be may find himself.
It is a trick of his trade, so to speak.
The drummer can get rid of time pret
ty nearly as easily as he can run up a
big expense account on his honse.
A eouple of jolly commercial tonr
ists were traveling companions on the"
river branch of the Milwaukee road
last week. They put np at Winona on
Tuesday night, and were assigned to a
double room at the hotel. The eldest
of the two had purchased a 2,000 mile
ticket that afternoon, and when he
fumbled about in all his pockets he
eouldn't find it,
"It's lost," said he, rnefolly, to his
"Better notify the agent so that the.
company can collar' it from the first
man who presents it." said the other.
The suggestion was followed and the
drummer kicked every time he had to
pay full fare for the next two days.
The third day after the book had been
missing the" drummer's companion
took the book from his pocket and
gave it to the owner.
"I guess all the conductors have
been notified to take it up by this time,
so I will return it," he said.
"Aha! One of Tour smart jokes, ia
"Just getting even, old man, that's
The conductor soon after came along
and the drummer handed Out his book.
The conductor looked at the name,
then referred to a little book in his
"I'm sorry to tell yon that I've got
to take this book up," he said.
Get out." returned the drummer.
"That's my name, and I paid for that
van t help it; 1 ve got to obey or-
I ders. Fare please.1
j The drummers companion nearly
; went into convulsions, his little joke
appeared so fonny to him.
; -ni get even "for this before the
f snow flies," remarked the victim.
And he did.
That night the two drummers alight
ed at a small town and went to a hotel
for supper. The victim of the mileage
incident saw a chance to even np old
scores. Neither of the men had ever
stopped at the hotel, so when they step
ped in the victimized drummer took
the clerk aside and said:
"I'm taking that poor fellow with
me to the St. Peter asylum. He does
not appear to be very c razy, and is
never violent unless he gets hold of
any kind of meat- Now I want you to
fix it so he can't get any meat when we
fo to supper. Pay no attention to
im if he -kicks.' as no doubt he wilL"
A little later the traveling men went
to supper. They ordered several kinds
of meat. When the waitress returned
one was liberally supplied with choice
meat, but the supposedly insane man
didn't get a bit.
"How's this? Where's my meat?"
This rather sharply to the girl.
She made no reply and went out.
When she returned the meat was not
forthcoming and the drummer gradu
ally grew hot under the collar.
"Say, young woman, are you going
to bring me my meat?" he splnttered
in a loud tone. The girl had been in
and out of the room several times, but
she brought no meat. By this time
the drummer who had been supplied
with meat had completed his supper.
"Ain't 1 goint to get any meat?" yell
ed the victim. "What in is the
matter here, anyway?"
"The meat is all out," returned the
At this answer the angry traveling
man pushed away from the table,
dashed into the office and for a full -minute
the air was fairly blue with
A curious crowd of men stood in the
office and stared wonderingly at the
supposed madman. The latter swore
he wouldn't pay his bill an' he didn't.
"Too bad that he's crazy," murmur
ed several of the bystanders.
An hour later the two friends took ,
the train. As the iron horse sped out
t of the town the victim of
"Well, old man, I got even with a
vengeance, eh? -
"How so?" -
"Why, every man in the town thinks
rm taking you to the St. Peter asylum.'
I ordered the hotel people to give vou
no meat at supper. I told them that
it would make you unmanageable if
they did." Minneapolis Journal.
A Woman'! Good Shot.
Abbot claims one of the best female
shots of Maine in the person of Mrs.
George Brown. Not long ago she saw
a fox crossing the field a short distance
from the house. Taking her husband's
rifle and raising the window she drew
& bead on Master Bernard, planting
the ball fairly in the neck. The dis
ance was twenty-two rods.
A Saline Conn try.
Everything in the country of the
River Chai, in central Asia, is described
by a recent traveler as covered with
lalt. It is seen on the walls of th
eonses and on the banks
tod the water vs - r