The Lebanon express., April 12, 1889, Image 8

f
MAX O RELL'S IDEAS.
Amorlnt and Amerlrana ('r.tlUl by tha
imKttt r rvnrhiiuiu.
Mr. Btouot, m ho jroes in Pari, has
m Ul Homo vry true thlnfrs and some
absurd tiling's; all brightly, lie lma
proved himsolf nn apt reporter, with a
terse stylo and t'onsiderable Imagin-
tion. If ho made fun of the American
newKpnpor, he pays it the complitueat
of adopting its style and manner.
Here are some of his crisp epigrams,
that pive in a nutshell a good idea of
the whole book;
Jonathan parses his life in admira
tion of all that is American. He can
not pot over it.
The American men are ponerally
thin. Their faces glow with intelli
gence and energy, and in this mainly
consists their handsomeness.
Oh, those diamonds in America!
Tou see them wherever you go! Not
one woman in a hundred will see you
without a pair of them in her ears.
Boston ladies seem to bo an excep
tion to the goneral rule. They are a
great deal more English in stylo, es
" chew show and glitter and wear dia
monds very sparingly, even in the
evening.
The American may be eccentric or
what you will, but he is never monot
onous. In good American houses tho cook
ing is excellent; you will not find bol
ter in London and Ptiris.
From the age of eighteen the Ameri
can girl is allowed almost every lib
erty. She takes the others. She can
travel alone, and go to concerts and
even to tho theaters unattended by a
chaperono.
That passion for rich marriages
which burns in the hearts of so many
young American women, often leads
them to disastrous results.
I am going to launch a rather dan
gerous assertion: Jt seems to me that
the American woman does not render a
, man a hundredth part of the adoration
he renders to her. If love could spring
from gratitude Jonathan would be the
most beloved of men.
Every American with the least self
respect Is Colonel or Judge.
I did not know what lively reading
was until I saw an American news
paper, An American newspaper is a con-
scientific and fashionable, of reports
of trials, of amusing anecdotes, gossip
of all kinds, interviews, jokes, vcundal,
the whole written in a style which
sometimes shocks the man of taste,
but which often interests and always
amuses.
I must say that if you want to hear
Arrafc.nd every thing American
severely criticised, you have only to
go to lioson. There you will hear
IJoston and England praised, and
America picked to pieces.
There is but one company of actors
ux nmci ivtt, aim buui, in .u i . .txugumiu
Daly's excellent company of come
dians. If good companiei are rare in Ameri
ca, good actors are numerous.
The Americans are Christians that
is to say, they attend church on Sun
days. The priesthood is not a vocation, it
is a profession; no talent, no success.
An American will go and listen to the
minister of a Beet d ffering from his
own rather than sit and be bored by a
tiresome preacher belonging to hi
own denomination.
The Union Is a true and firm one. It
WfHJses on contentment. Each com
munity governs itself, the Union, the
State, the country, the town; many re
publics in one republic.
HER UTTLE WAY. '
How yixr AYeragt) Woman OItm Order! to
r HarHuaband.
r- If there ever was a woman who gave
a man a commission in a simple, direct
way, the writer of these lines has
failed to discover such a woman dur
ing the many years that he has spent
in the study of the foibles of woman
kind. When she bethinks her of some
thing she wants, after her husband has
!-.aped from the house and is running
t i pet his car, she races wildly to the
l.Kjr, and shrinks out as he is turning
t e corner: "Ob, John! I forgot
i , thing, dear. I'm sorry to detain
i s, but If you'll just remember to get
nitj spool of whiW thread on your
v-y home. I would't trouble you,
bu 1 1 really must finish baby's aprons
to-day, or I can't get them done this
week, and she needs them so badly. I
thought sure that I had several spools
f white thread, but I can't seem to
find them, and. of course, if I'd known
I was out I'd have got some yesterday
when I was. in the city.ibut then, as
I've said, I thought I had plenty, and
I junt know I did have several spools,
and where they've gone I don't know.
I hope it won't be any trouble to you,
4,ar; it won't take but just a moment,
ou know, and I really mustoh. the
number? Yon', dtaa, get either 36 or
4), bufc.'lOlf you can, although 80
if, nil do, still it's pretty coarse, and
I'vo been using 40, and oh, well, if
tl'fy haven't one, get the other, only
io Hiire and what's that? Your car
h.n gone? Oh, I'm so sorry! Well,
It'll bo but ten minutes until tho i:ext
comes, ami you've plenty of time to
got that. Good-bye, and remember
to- Aonas Dane, In Drake's Mag
azine.
Tha Flva &IMM. '
-LIf
Willie' Judicial Hind.
Mother (severely) Robert, yon did very
wrong to do w bat I toMyounot to do. A
a punishment for your disobedience, I for
bid you to play with w Ulia again this after
noon.
Bobby and Willie twist nervously about
their respective chairs for half an hour, when
WUlte observes:
Ma, do you think it's fair to punish both
of us for what Bobby doner' Biughamton
Kepuulican.
A Mean Bias.
Philanthropist (joyously) I am deliehted
to learn that you bave promised your sick
daughter t-'iU on lb day the is well enough to
go out.
Old Close fist Y es, the doctor laid the only
needed encouragement.
"That will no doubt do ber good. Fifty
dollars is a good deal of money to ber."
"Yes, and to me, too; but it would cost
more than that to bury ber. "New York
Weekly. -
Tba Age of Steal.
Grocer (to clerk) Did you read aooat tab
sugar aUo. James I
" Yes, dr."
"hat robbers there are In the world I Tbs
days when bonest men were in business seev
to have gone by."
"Yes, sir."
"By the way, James, you might put an
other gallon of water in the vinegar barrel
while you bave nothing to do." Aebratlui
State Journal.
Both HUtakeo.
He stopped in front of a maiden (air
Twaa at a araxworks ibow
And be said. "How lifelike to bar tarsi
Bow natural ber gokien bairl
Her cheek i beewbaiabuetbey wear!
Tbey actually glow f
The maiden opened wide ber tjm,
"Not only can tbey walk."
Ehe said in ertdeot aurprtoe,
"But dow it aeema tbeae efilgies
Are made in aucb a wondrous wise
Tbey actually talk I"
Chicago Tribune.
If all were perfect Christians, in
lividuals would do their duty; the peo
ple would be obedient to the laws; the
magistrates incorrupt; and there would
be neither vanity nor luxury in such a
itate. J. J. Itousseau.
, -Commissioner White, of Massa
thusetts, reports finding factories where
twenty per cent, of the children could
a t read in any language. This is the
banner State of the Union in respect to
lompulsory education."
Counterfeit coin can never succeed
b spoiling the character of gold, it
nly compels one to ring every piece
on the counter. So pretense and sham
sever injure religion, but only make
men more watchful. Christian Stand
ard. ,
A Christian movement among the
lews of Siberia Is reported, the leader
being a Polish Jew, Jacob Shoi tmann.
Exiled to Siberia twenty years ao be
cause of avowal of belief In Christian
ity, he thera began to proclaim tho
Gospel
Though be aaa reached bis three-score years
and ten, Firtb, the painter, very naturally
complains of tbe highly anticipatory action
of the boutb Kensington Museum authorities
in labeling one of bis pictures witb bis name,
tba date of bis birth and a blank for that of
his death. ;
Guy de Maupassant, wbo is at present is
Algiers putting the thiikhlng touches to a
new novel entitled "Btrong as Death," In
about to make an excursion to Central Af
rica, together with bis valet, Both are going
to don the garo or the natives, aud, wrapped
in the black burnouse of tbe Arab, vUit the
borne of tbo Cbaatnhais and of tbe Touraegs,
an undertaking which is not without persona)
danger.
ii i m
8I0I1T.
" BMKLL.
" TASTK.
HXABElb
TOUCH.
DD
Farm Mill, Saw mills,
Pitts' Engines and Threshers,
Bain Wagons, Hacks
McCormack and Deerlng
and Mollne Plows,
BARBED WIRE. MONITOR SEEDERS
F. H. BOSCOE,
MUCH THE NEWEST,
Nobbiest and Largest Stock of
CLOT
In the County, is now to be
Ed
Of Albany, Oregon.
&" When you want to "drew up," we would Le glnd to show you
through and make the right price.
Merchant Tailoring a upecialty. Mil. E. A. SriiKm.Eit is nn expert, and
has charge of this department. We guarantee BatiBfaction.
H. J. JONES,
DKAI.KR IK-
nsical naiiisG
AND-
School Supplies,
ALBANY, OREGON,
SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED
For All the Leading Maga
zines and Newspapers.
BURKE
LU
ALBANYOREGON.
Wholesale and Retail Dealers In
and Buggies, and
Four Wheeled Vehicles.
Binders and Mowers, Oliver
Disc Harrows, Wood andiron Floating Harrows,
AND DRILLS. SINGLE AND DOUBLE
LICHTNINC HAY PRESS, THE BEST IN THE
KIM!
Seen on the Counters of
B. L lOl'G
(Hucccmtor to C. II. Harmon.)
BARBER & HAIRDRESSER
JiKB.l&'OX. OKUON.
S HAVING, HAIR CUTTING AND, 8IIAM
pooliiK In tho IhIM htkI bt-Hlntyle. Hpwlal
ntU'iitioii jmiil to fln-MliiR I-Hillim' liulr. Your
pntrouaKU rwipettfull)' tolivitvd.
J. M. Kecne, D, D. S,
Dental Parlors
Office: Breyman Bros. Building,
Hours trom 8 A, M. to 6 P. M.
COMPANY,
5
All Kinds of Two and
Chilled Plows, Carden Cltv
HARNESS. 80LE AGENT FOR THE
WORLD.
Manager.
G. T; COTTON,
DKALEK IN
Groceries and Provisions,
TOBACCO & CIGARS,
SMOKERS' ARTICLES,
Foreign and Domestic Fruits,
CONFECTIONERY
(aanaware and fJlaanware,
La in pa and l.ttNip Fixtures.
Slain Mt., Ihanan, Oregon,
ITttmymrmnriuty he ha tba W. I.. Donna
&liiHa without nan and prlea tamuauoia
Uia bottom, put liiiu iluou aa fraud.
VV. L. DOUGLAS
$3 SHOE GENTLEMEN.
Itodt In th world. Kaamln hi
5.(M UKNUINK HAKI-h:V KII hHOE.
t4.IIO 1IANII-HK.W Kl WI LT HIIOK.
m.no I'Ol.K r. AMI KAKMI KN' HIIOK.
.flO :XTItA VAI.irK Al.r' HUOtt.
i.-4n MOKKINiM AN'H HIIOK.
U4.0 anil 1.71 kovm HCIilHH, IHOKS.
AH iiunlti 111 VuuitriiH, IluUon and Lm,
VV. L. DOUGLAS
83 SHOE lad"ii.
. Bt Malarial. Unit (Hyla. Bait rittUtg.
U But oll by your dt-)r, write
W, L. UOIJULAW. mtOCKTON, MAB&
For Sale by C. C. Hackleman.
Land Company
R. F. A8HBY and CEO. DICKINSON,
General Aganta for
Albany, Lynn Co., Oregon.
IiuylnK and Soiling
Eeal-Estate-cn- CGmmission.
And lolnK a Oencriil Jteal Kntute
Ituninrnm.
tJTliul Solicited for Sulo.
ASHBY & DICKERSON-
WINS,
OA
V : -