The Santiam news., January 15, 1904, Image 4

Economy
I
GORDON M'KAY.
I
Death of the Man Who Bevotntlonlzed
the Bhoemaklag Industry.
- QREAT NAMES IN CONGRESS.
Gordon McKay, whose death oc­
We cannot depend on the H oum of
curred recently at his cottage tn fash­ Representatives of the Uulted State«
ionable Newport, wm a uotable figure Congress for a great deal, but w« can
In the social and always trust It to supply a roll call
business
world. that 1« Interesting and diverting read­
Although stinting ing—until It becomes an old story, says
in life compara­ the New York Mall aud Express. Why
tively poor, be ac­ is It that men of plcturesquo and «ven
cumulated millions remarkable cognomens tend to drift
through his Inven­ Into Congress, especially In the South
tive genius.
Mc­ and West? Is It that the very nature
Kay was born in of their names seems to devoir« upon
Pittsfield,
Mass., them the duty to render these names
in 1821, and on the Illustrious? Perhaps It Is.
“Dis world ain’t square," growled
death of bls father
The Fifty eighth Congress Is no ex­
-little Mickey. “Why not?" asked Jim­
In 1833, began to ception to the rule. There are men
my. “ ’Cause the only ones dat get GORDON m ’KAY,
society woman of Jacksonville,
free peanuts are elephants and police­ study fur the career of a civil en- here whose names ought to have made
I glneer. When 21 years old be bad a them famous even If they had never Fla., daughter of Recorder of
men."—Cblcaao News.
machine shop in his native town, He gone to Congrss or done anything else. Deeds, West; says:
To Break In New Shoes.
studied machinery aud his opportunity Not to speak of Prince Cupid Kalanla-
“ There are but few wives and
Always shake in Allen's Foot-Ease, «powder,
it cures hot, sweating, aching, swollen loet. came when the shoe stitching machine, naolo of Honolulu, whose name may b« mothers who have not at times en­
Cures corns, ingrowing nails and bunions At Invented by L. R. Blake, proved to be J the Hawaiian Smith for all we know, dured agonies and such pain as only
all druggists and shoe stores, 25r. Don't accept
any substitute. Sample mailed FREE. Address an utter failure. He bought the patent , we have on tills new roll of our coun­ women know of. I wish such women
Alien S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y.
■ outright and perfected a machine try's fanio the priceless name of the knew the value of Lydia E. Pink­
which has revolutionized the shoetnak- I Hon. Swanger Sherle.v of Kentucky, ham’s Vegetable Compound. It
He—I'd like to meet Miss Bond. She lng industry. This machine did away ' that of Hon. Pbauor Brazeale of Louis­ Is a remarkable medicine, different in
—Why? “I bear she has thirty thou­ with the little cobbler shops, with their iana and that of Hon. Justin D. Bow­ action from any other 1 ever knew and
sand a year and no incumbranc«.” ‘‘Is pegs and wax ends, and opened up big ersock of Kansas. The Hon. Jefferson thoroughly reliabla. _
“ I have seen cases where women
•be looking for one?”—Life.
factories. In a few years every man, ___________
__________
Brick is now ____________
absent from _ the
councils doctored for years without permanent
woman and child In America, who 1 of the nation, but the family 1» ably benefit who were cured in less than
Piso’a Cure Is s good couch medicine.
It has cured coughs sod colds for forty wore shoes, paid tribute to him, and represented by ths Hon. Abraham three months after taking your Vege­
table Compound, while others who
years. At druggists, 25 cents.
McKay gained millions.
’ Brick of Indiana.
were chronic an 1 incurablo came out
McKay’s partner was Robert H.
There are others. Let us pick out a cured, happy, and in perfect health
Toned Him Down.
Mathes, a practical man of Inventivo few patronymic gems at random:
after a thorough treatment with this
“This photograph doesn’t look a bit genius. When the war broke out In
Thetus W. Sims, Tennessee.
medicine. I have never used it myself
like me,” arid Snarley to the photo­ 1861 they offered to the government,
without gaining great benefit. A
Parish Carter Tate, Georgia.
grapher.
few
doses restores my strength and
something unheard of, machine made
Ollie James, Kentucky.
“I know it,” said the photographer. •hoes for the army. In less than ten
appetite, and tones up the entire
Halvor Steenerson, Minnesota.
system. Your medicine has been tried
‘‘I was afraid to make it exactly like years It Is estimated that more than
Chatnp Clark, Missouri.
aud found true, hence I fully endorse
you for fear you wouldn’t take it.”
10,000,000 pairs of boots and shoes In I Jack Beall, Texas.
it,”—M rs . R. A. A ndiiuo . v , 235 Wash­
k
America had paid royalty to McKay
Carter
Glass,
Virginia.
ington St., Jacksonville, Fla. — ysoos
aioo Ktwiiin aioo.
forfeit If original of above testimonial proving gonu-
and his companies. In 1878 be formed
Arsen« P. l’ujo, Louisiana.
tuenese cannot be produced.
The readers of this paper will be pleased to the McKay Sewing Machine Associa­
The names of Pou, Snook, Moon,
Jearn that there >e al least oue dreaded disease tion, and In a series of lawsuits de­
The* experience and testimony
i Dick, Crumpacker, Mudd, Skiles, Shull,
that science hue lieen able to cure in all its
rivals, established his Snapp, Gooch, Llcernash, Klutts, Sho- of sotne of the most noted women
Stases, and that is catarrh. Hall'eCatarrh Cure feated all
of America go to prove, beyond
is the only positive cure known to the medical
fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional dis­ patents and becams the centra! power ber and Splght continue to decorate rt question, that Lydia E. Pink­
ease. requires a constltulioDsl treatment. la one of the greatest monopolies.
’ the roll. They surely were not born to ham’s Vegetable Compound will
Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
Gordon McKay married Miss Minnis die. But why, may we ask, Is the correct all such trouble at once
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces
of the system, thereby destroying the founda­ Treat, of Cambridge, many years name
_______
^r___ _____
_ r
__ by removing the cause, and re­
of “ ___
Bird __
” so r
popular
among
poll-
tion of the disease, and living the patient
storing the organs to a healthy
Strength by building up the constitution end younger than himself. They lived to- tlclans? The present House has on Its Mui normal condition.
«Misting nature in doing its work. The pro­ gether only a few years. There were n,t Adam Byrd of Mississippi and H.
prietors bave so much faith in its curative
bare
been -- with
Rurd VttBBCll
Cassell Ul of I Pennsylvania,
and
’ ” — always
-
------
-----. LIU1U
C11UBJ1 »UHK, AUU
powers, that they offer One Hundred Dollars two sons, who ---
for any cue that It fails to cun. Bend tor list their mother. I'
Mr«. KcKay finally so- ' have we not our own Bird 8. Coler ODDE8T TRIBE IN THE WORLD.
of testimonials. Address
F. J. CHKN1Y A CO., Toledo O. cured a divorce, and became the wife and Asa Bird Gardiner always with Painful Fashion of Tattooing In Vo,u«
Bold by druggists, 76c.
of Adolph A. von Bruenlng, an at- ' us?
Amons the Women.
H*"’s Famlur Fills ere the beck.
tach« of the German embassy at
Many a congressional surname of de- The Ainu llv« In the most primitive
Washington,
and
now
charge
d'affaires
| elded commonplaceness Is relieved
Economical.
of the German legation to the Sultan , from that fate by the given name. manner possible. They have adopted
Friend (to amateur artist)—I sup­
the dress of the Japanese, but the
of Morocco. McKay, who had always I That of the Hon. Choice B. Randell of
pose you'll give up painting when you
bouses are very unlike any seen In
been
attached
to
his
wife,
sent
her
, Texas Is an Instance, the Hon. Vespa­ Japan. They are made of rice straw,
marry?
Amateur—Oh, no! It’ll be so con­ Jewels and other gifts on her wedding sian Warner another and the Hon. roofed with a thatching of reeds. How
venient and e onomical when we have day, and, it la said, gave her a check I Ariosto Wiley another. But tor the the natives ever survive the winter Is
for |100,000.
The Kaiser became most part the. Congressmen were con­
to make wedding presents.
difficult to understand. In the center
angered at such attention, and the demned by their parents to bear the
of the room Is the fireplace, from
young
man
was
In
the
background
for
plain names of John, James, William, which the smoke floats out into the
PITA Permanently mired. iro fit« or nervouaneM
F 11 U after flrstday’s use of Dr. Kline’sUreat Nerve several years.
Then, through family | Joseph and bo on. These parents fail­
room, at times becoming almost suffo­
■Mtorer. Mend for Free 82 trial bottle and treaties.
Dr. B. H. Kline, Ltd-.MJ Arch 8L. Philadelphia, P* Influence la Germany, be was restored ed to realize that If a man couldn't cating.
An opening In the roof Is
to favor, after having returned to Mr. 1 get his name Into ths megaphons of
supposed
to
serve as an outlet, but the
Mexican Salutations.
McKay the money given bls wife.
' fame In any other way It might be smoke does not always find It. Over
Mr. McKay did much good with bls done for him with a quaint curious
Mexican gentlemen tip their hats to
the fire hangs a huge Iron kettle and
each other or at least salute in passing money. He educated a number of and mouth-filling baptismal designa­ Into It are thrust all sorts of fish, ani­
•nd shake hands both at meeting and young women abroad in music, gave tion.
mal and vegetable food, to be dished up
parting, though the interview may generously to Harvard college and
later In a sort of composite chowder.
Flaxseed and Mustard.
have lasted only two minutes.
founded a training college In Rhode
Around two sides of the room Is n
Island for negroes, which college bears What a Jolly tiling a cold la when you slightly raised platform, upon which
Lucky Fishermen.
’
get
it
good
and
hard!
the Bame of the McKay Institute. Hs
A fisherman at Phippsburg, Me., was a good violinist and left a large How it cheers the drooping spirits of the the whole family range themselves for
the night, without bedding of any sort
energetic bard!
pulled up a jug of gin on the cod hook collection of musical Instruments. It
In summer and only a scanty supply
Hear the cheerful way he sneezes!
the other day. The date of the jug Is understood that ths greater part of
How he pleases with ills wheexes!
In winter.
was 1821.
his sstate will go to Harvard Univer­
And hia treasured nose he squeezes
As a race the Ainu are sturdy In ap­
sity, Including hia large library. His
While he rubs his chest with lard.
pearance, but are peaceable and not
Curious Cucumber.
next to kin are Mrs. Dexter and Miss White the trustiest of uurses by hia
given to war, like the Japanese. The
A freak in the cucumber line WM Catherine Dexter, of Boston.
verses never flustered
marked feature of the men Is a hairy
found in Brandon, Vt., last week by
Makes
a
poultlee,
like
a
custard,
Clave Hlin Away.
growth upon the entire body, like that
Arnold Manchester. It is four distinct
Of the flaxseed and the mustard.
Two young fellows at Liverpool,
upon a wild animal. A creepy sensa­
cucumbers, yet all grown from a single
partners in the tea trade, were the best What s Jolly thing a cold Is with ths tion takes possession of one In look­
stem and forming a solid bunch shaped
of friends, and their Intimacy extended
poultice in Its place!
ing upon these walking, talking crea­
not unlike a Maltese cross.
to personal as well as to business mat­ When your heart la filled with gladness tures, so Intelligent and yet presenting
ters.
and the sweat runs down your somewhat the outward appearance of
The Masculine Theory.
One of them, a simple-minded fel-
face!
Wife—I wonder why the fashions
gigantic monkeys.
Does ths patient do some cussing
low, was a bachelor, and was tn th«
for women change so often?
The women have the same large,
At the fussing and the mussing!
Husband—Probably for the purpose habit of reading to his partner •X-
heavy features as the men. They are
Nay! lie'« learnedly discussing
and
of
an
ardent
tracts
front
letters
of enabling them to correspond witli
generally disfigured by an ancient cus­
The Improvement of the race,
affectionate nature from a lady In the
the feminine mind, my dear.
tom of tattooing a large portion of the
Never yelled and never bluet.red
North of England, who signed herself
face around the mouth, the upper part
When be felt that stinging cuetard
“
Susie.
”
Horrible Thought.
of which takes the form of mustache.
Made of flaxseed and of mustard!
The married one went to China for
’ Here’s an astrologer who predicts
It signifies nothing whatever except
that King Edward is shortly to pass twelve months, and returned Just In What a Jolly thing a cold Is! Oh, the a badge of distinction for the race.
liar that I am!
through a lot of trouble, a dark cloud time to attend the wedding of his part-
The process of tattooing Is long and
Am I gently philosophical and gentle as painful. When a girl Is about twelve
hanging over the empire. Some hor­ ner.
a Iambi
“I hardly feel llks a stranger,” he
rible calamity, don’t you know.
years old the mother begins operations
No, I'm not! I’m fiercely cranky
I'll bet Alfred Austin is writing an- said, In bls sweetest tones, addressing
on the lower lip and by degrees covers
At
this
measly
hanky-panky.
"In
fart,
I
feel
as
though
the
bride.
other ode.—Life.
the space of two Inches on each side
Will I taka that stuff? No, thanksel
1 ought to be well acquainted with
of the mouth. As the child grows this
’Tie a snare! delusion! sham!
my
partner's
wife,
since
hs
has
often
Seals Being Exterminated.
Increases In size until It extends half
Ilang th« doctors and th. nurses!
American ami Canadian fishermen done nte the honor to read to me ex­
I.et the druggists hear tny curssal
way across the face toward the ears.
•re exterminating the seals on the Pri tracts from his dear Susie's letters.”
On th.ir shelves permit to spoil
The preparation used In tattooing Is
The faces of the husband and the
Senna, salts, and castor oil!
by 1 off islands, near Alaska. Just for
made by the women from ash bark.
Please to let me, carin' noffln’.
the sport of the thing they elioot the wife were studies, as the bride drew
This Is soaked for some days and when
Go a-coughiti' to my coffin!
animals instead of spearing; the bodies herself up and said, emphatically and
ready for use soot, produced by burn­
With my body wrapped In worsted
sink, and the breeding seals are fright­ distinctly, "I beg your pardon—my
ing birch bark, Is ad led to the liquid
And
a
poultice,
nks
a
custard.
name
Is
Helen!
”
ened away by the noise.
and the concoction Is applied to the
Made of flaxseed and of mustardl
surface of the skin.
Tlie Ups are
--Pittsburg Dispatch.
scratched with a sharp Instrument,
more of the fluid applied and from
The Wooden Indian.
time to time, ns the Irritation ceases,
Behold the woodsn Indian,
the work Is continued. In olden times
Who stands outslds ths door,
And guards, with frown and hatchet,
other marks were added as the girls
The old tobacco store.
became wives or mothers, but these are
He never bast s grocery bill,
now seen only on the very old.—The
He never told a lie,
Housekeeper.
He never took a longing look
That blood poison existed among the ancients has
At bourbon, fixs, or rye.
Is a strong point, with
Hood’s Sarsaparilla. A
bottle lasts longer and does
more good than any other.
It is the only medicine of
which can truly be said
100 DOSES ONE DOLLAR
OLD
3™ PYRAMID
been proven beyond question. It has been traced back
thousands of years, and is as old as the Pyramids. This
blighting curse has been handed down from nation to
nation and from individual to individual till it has
•pread to all parts of the world.
Contagious blood poison, as it is called in modern
times, begins with a small sore or ulcer through which
the virus enters the blood. This is followed by inflam-
«nation and swelling of the glands of the groins, a red eruption breaks out
on the body, sores appear in the mouth and the throat becomes ulcerated, and
as the disease takes a deeper hold and the blood becomes more thoroughly
infected, the hair and eyebrows drop out, the skin is spotted with copper-col­
ored splotches, the bones and muscles ache, aud it seems to the victim of
this monster scourge there is not a sound spot in the whole body.
1 .The horror of this awful disease
Can never be told. The one who con­
IIAD ALL THE SYMPTOMS.
tracts it suffers in body and mind, Dear Sir«:
As
a result of a serious blood disorder
and if the poison is not eradicated
roy blood became poisoned and 1 suf.
transmits the taint to his children, fered
severely with Rheumatism and
and Contagious Blood Poison thus other symptomsnot necessary tomen­
tion. A friend of mine told me that he
becomes responsible for many of the had been oured of my trouble by 8 8. 8.,
ills of childhood—Skin Eruptions, and upon his recommendation I bo fan
use. After usin«r it for some time my
Catarrhal Troubles. Sore Eyes, Scalp its
blood was thoroughly cleansed of all
Disease, White Swelling, Scrofula poison and made pure and strong again-
I wish also to speak of its tonic prop,
and others just as bad. S. S. S., the erties.
While purging1 my blood of
great vegetable blood purifier and impurities, it built up my general
health, improved my appetite, gave mo
tonic, has long been recognized as a increased strength, and I felt bettor in
radical and safe cure for Contagious every way.
I am a great believer tn 8. 8. 8.. and
Blood Poison. It counteracts the with
pleasure con mend it to all in need
deadly virus and cleanses and puri­ of a blood medicine.
Yours very truly,
fies the diseased blood, and under its
ROBERT M. 2W8ITZIQ.
638 Walnut 8t., Lebanon, Fa.
tonic effects the general health im­
proves aad soon all signs of blood
poison are gon«. Th« strong mineral remedies. Mercury and Tot ash, which
are so often
**
prescribed for the disease, dry up the sores, skin eruptions and
all external aigns, but leave the stomach
and digestion ruined and the system in
such condition that the disease usually
returns in worse form than ever.
S. S. S. is guaranteed a purely vegeta­
ble remedy. $i,ooo is offered for proof that
it contains a single mineral ingredient. If
you have blood poison write for onr special
book, describing the different stages
______
____ __________
________ , with
___
and w giving
all the symptoms,
directions for treating one*« «elf at Louie. T)ur pl>y»Kiaaa will furnish any
lalooMtioa or advice wanted free of charge.
JMT 9Wirr STCCIHC CO„ ATIAMTA, «4s
Behold the wooden Indian—
A mass of oak and palntl
IIs never made a crooked move.
In faith, he Is a saint.
Ho never bought a stack of chips
And sst Into s game;
Ho never ruohed a chorus girl.
Or flirted with a dame.
Behold the wooden Indian,
Who. on ths othsr hand.
Was neve- known to help the pool
That fill our glorious land;
Who usver heard ths piteous cry
Of him who starred alon«—
Who never (are a hungry dog
So much as one small bona.
Behold ths wooden Indian
(And clay Is much like wood),
Who never did a bit of harm.
Nor yet s bit of good.
His family Is not extinct—
In fact, ons often meets
A lot of wooden Indiana
A walking on the streets!
—Milwaukee Sentinel.
ABSOLUTE
SECURITY.
Genuine
Carter's
Little Liver Pills.
Must Bear Signature of
Saa Fa.-Situila Wrapper Below.
Perrin’s Pile Specific
WEWILLBUYI
_>
BUCKINGHAM’S DYE
“All »FAIL IN A DRY TIME
THE 5KN OF THE FISH NEVER FAILS
IN A WET TIME.
Dr. C. Gee Wo
1
In Kanaaa.
We found the native taking great
strides toward the cyclone cellar.
"Why are you going In there?” we
asked.
■
“My wife Is coming!” he gasped.
“She Isn't a cyclone."
"Isn't she, now? You don't know
my wife.”
Jlmblecute—Say, have you forgot­
ten that $10 you borrowed of me some
weeks ago?
Bobalong—Ob, no; I still have It In
mind.
Jlmblecute—Well, don't you think It
would be a good idea to pay up and
release your mind.
sing?
Mlstah Johnalng—Ah's gwtns to a
wstcrinellion psbty to-night an' dey do
my dat de toasts an’ rpartee gwtne
be mighty shahp an' skintillatln*. sah.
—San Francisco Bulletin.
An Impossible Situation.
Uncle Ham's Women Employee.
CURE SICK HEADACHE..
Mother
For five days recently Torn Morrow,
a miner of Joplin, Mo., was lost In
Mothers will And Mrs. Window'! Soothing
Syrup the belt remedy to um lor their children
some disused chambers of an abandon­
the leelhlus MUvu.
“
My
mother
was
troubled
with
ed mine. He was crazy when be found
consumption for many years. At
his way out and hls black hair bad
last she was given up to die. Then
"Does your daughter’s husband lor«
turned gray. Morrow Is a miner with
she tried Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral,
her as devotedly as ever?" “He doe«
eccentricities, and a month »go be told
and was speedily cured.”
when I'm around,” replied her daugh­
D. P. Jolly, Avoca, N. Y.
bls wife he believed he could go under
ter's husband's mother-in-law, grimly.
the city of Joplin by following the
—Houston Post.
drifts of abandoned shafts.
She
No matter how hard
thought it a wild dream of his and
your cough or how long
The Anxious Mother—Are you sure
paid uo attention, but when be disap­
my son has appendicitis? The Emi­
you have had it, Ayer’s
peared with the family lantern she
nent Specialist—Ws can tell you bet­
knew that he was carrying out the
Cherry Pectoral is the
ter, madam, after the operation.—
idea suggested some time before. When
best thing you can take.
Life.
he had been absent a day or two she
It
’
s
too
risky
to
wait
became alarmed and his friends were ■
until you have consump­
informed of hls disappearance. They '
were not anxious to enter the under­
tion. If you are coughing
The INTERNAL REMEDY
ground path themselves and took no1
today, get a bottle of
No Case Exists it Will Not Cur«
steps to find him, but waited for hls
Cherry Pectoral at once.
return.
Wood Saws, Drag Saws run ny Bteam or gaso­
line engines, also the latest in saw mill ma­
Though a maniac when found, Mor­
Three eliee: Me.. Me.. II. All dronlrte.
chinery,
stump pullers, well drilling machin­
row's reason Is returning, and he has
ery. etc., etc.
Consult your doctor. If he «aya take it,
rite for your needs.
some recollection of what occurred. It
then do as he «ay«. If he tells you not
to take it, then don’t take it. He knows.
seems that during the early part of hls
REIERSON MACHINERY CO.
Leave it with him. We are willing.
J. C. AYER CO., Lowell, Masa.
Foot of Morrison Street
Journey he suddenly came upon a body '
Portland
Oregon
of men working. They did not see him
and he beat a retreat. At another time
I k|U CO TA DC From «500.00 to
he came to a shaft that descended
lilVLO I Uno $4000.00 a m nth
from the drift in which he was walk­
■■■“ ■ 1
can be made by
ing. Although he was already many
parties who can invest from $‘>0u.00 to
$1500,00. One Eastern investor made
feet beneath the surface of the earth
$65,000.00 in 1903. Call or write for
he descended still further into the
particulars. The Wm. B. White
ground.
Oo., 312 Pine St., Portland, Oregon.
It was after going down into these
deep drifts that he completely lost
Burnt gypsum Is called plaster-of-
hls bearings. In vain he searched for parls, because the Montmartre Gypsum
Cattle, Sheep,
the shaft through which he had en­ Quarries, near Paris, are, and have
Hoge, Celvee,
tered the deep passageways. He failed been, famous for affording It.
also dressed beef,
hindquarters and
to find an outlet to any of the drifts. • The most economical processes are
loins of beef, Ke a/, Pork and Poul­
All of them ended abruptly In walls of used In the Lake region for the recov­
try. We till country orders.
dirt and stone. How he ever escaped 1 ery of copper, so that It la found that
SM !r H K R O S .
Wholesale Butchers PORTLAND, OR.
from this underground tomb he does ore yielding 1*4 per cent will pay costs.
not remember. It was while in these
Old as the history of the world It­
passageways that hls lantern failed
self Is that of the queen of flowers.
him. For four days he told the time
The ancient Greeks and Romans re­
by striking matches and holding them
veled In roses. They were used lav­
near the face of hls watch. Then the
ishly at their feasts.
matches gave out and he lost all reck­
In a bog on the Island of Zeeland,
oning of time.
It baffles hls wife and friends to Denmark, a votive bronze chariot has
know how he effected hls escape from been found with the image of a horse,
the underground prison. They think ten inches high In front and with an
that perhaps after he had become de­ Inlaid gold sun on one side.
Alabaster Is a fine-grained variety of
ranged an instinct came to him which
gypsum, either white or delicately
directed him In the right course.
Morrow thinks that he covered a dis­ shaded, and occurs In fine quality at
tance of many miles. He came out of Castelino, Italy, whence It Is taken to
a cave a mile from the opening through Florence for the manufacture of vases,
figures, etc.
which he entered.
One of the oldest coins In the world,
HIS NAME IS AN INCUBUS.
the German thaler, Is disappearing. It
Colored Man Conldn't Prosper With Is to be replaced by a four-mark piece,
equivalent to our American dollar, as
Hia Baptismal Cognomen.
An old colored man called on Judge the five-mark silver pieces have been
Appetite poor?*/ Bowels
Rufus B. Cowing of New York City the found to be too heavy.
other day and in asking for advice sup­
The electrical roads of the country constipated? Tongue coated?
plied the court with a good story.
have a nominal capital of $1,600,000,-
“What I'se gwine to Inculcate, Jedge, 000, employ three hundred thousand Head ache? It’s your liver!
is dis: What mus’ I do to change mah persons who are paid $250,000,000 a Ayer’s Pills are liver pills, all
prognomen? When I find dat I'se year, and run sixty thousand cars over vegetable.
soiaror
j.c.Ay
erco..
vvgviaMlW.
.lxty years.
Lowell, M««,!
weighed down wif all prognomen dat's twenty thousand miles of track. Ten
bound to kill mah trade what mus’ I miles of electrical road are building to Want your moustache or beard
do?”
one of steam road.
a beautiful brown or rich black? Use
“You wish to change your name?”
The word Bible furnishes a striking
Inquired Judge Cowing. "And why?” Instance of a world's rise from very
“’Cause mah name is Failure. Yes, low to high estate. To the bulk of
ft- P- gAIX » CO., WABHUA. N. H.
sah, dat's mah name. I’se ah white­ English-speaking folk It now means tlie
washer and dat name Jes’ queers me.” book of books. In Chaucer’s day It
“Very well, uncle. Why not use the meant any book whatever, or scroll—
first letter of your name?” suggested to speak by the card, lest equivocation
the court.
undo us. Tracing the word Bible
“Dat's wuss,” groaned the old man. straight home we find It as bubloa, but
“I’se tried dat. I had ah big sign another name for the papyrus reed of
painted, ‘A. Failure,’ and mah trade Egypt.
Remember this when/ou buy Wet
left me.”
Weather Clothing and look for the
"The Initial letter does make an un­
HE FELT LIKE A SWINDLER.
name TOWER on the buttons.
happy combination,” agreed the Judge.
This sign and this name have stood
"But I’ll tell you what to do. Use Mun Who Footed the Doctors
proached by Hia Conscience.
for the BE5T during sixty-seven
your first name and then people will
’ years of increasing sales.
Here and there, along life’s busy and
not notice the last name so much.”
“Dt's der moi' dlsclmmoddlng of all, diversified pathways, curious reasons If your dealer will not supply you write for
sah. It's simply downright scand'lous. for curious moods In man are some­ free catalogue of black or yellow water­
Mah first name Is Adam, sah.”—New times encountered, says the Detroit proof oiled coats, slickers.suits.hats. and
horse goods for all kinds of wet work.
Free Press.
York Times.
“Ever since I've begun to get well,” A. J. TOWER CO, THE
SIGN ,4
»
said a pale-looklng gentleman who was SOSTON. MASS.. U.S.A.
Progressive Forgetfulness.
CANADIAN CO,
“One of the consolations of advanc­ strolling along a sunny sidewalk with TOWER
TORONTO. CAM. 'UM'
ing years," said a man well past mid­ a comrade, “I’ve bad the blues, now
dle age to a correspondent of the In­ and then. Naturally, I’m very glad I'm
dianapolis Journal, “Is the privilege alive; but there are circumstances
we take unto ourselves of Jesting on which rather make me feel myself a
the subject with people Just a few humbug—an out-and-out humbug. It’s
this way, you see. All the doctors said
years older.
WONDERFUL
“For Instance,” he continued, “last I could not get well—I positively could
HOME
night I took dinner with an uncle, not get well. Of course, that aroused
TREATMENT
aged ninety years, and enjoyed It im­ the neighborhood; everybody began to
Th!« wonderful Chi­
mensely. I love to hear old men talk, shower me with attentions and kind­
nese doctor is called
because he cures
and this Is my only great-uncle. Well, nesses. All kinds of Invalid food—de­ treat
people without opera­
tion that are given up
my Great-Uncle Ellas told a good lightfully prepared—poured in upon
to die. He cures with
many stories of old times, and they me; flowers and fruit came nearly ev­ those wonderful Chi­
nese herb«, root«, bud«,
ery
day.
The
men
of
our
block
clubbed
were good stories, too, but he repeat­
bark« and vegetable«
■together and sent me a beautiful Mor­ that are entirely un­
ed himself now and then.
known to medical sci­
_____ ... __
the ___
use _ o'
“My younger uncle, also Uncle Elias, ris chair; and the club fellows, down­ ence in this country. Through
those harmless remedies this famous doctor
who was present, got a trifle testy af­ town, sent me a loving cup, touchingly
knows the action of over 500 different rem­
which he successfully uses in different ,
ter a while, no doubt because he did engraved with sentiments of friend­ edies,
diseases. He guarantees to cure cattarh, asth­
not get a chance to talk quite as much ship. Dainty china articles for my In­ ma, lung, throat, rheumatism, nervousness,
liver, kidneys, etc.; has hundreds of
valid's table were given me; and so on stomach,
as usual, and he muttered to me:
testimonials.
Charges moderate. Call and
see him. Patients out of the city write for
“ 'Gracious goodness, that makes six —I can't recount the half.
blanks and circular«. Send stamp. CONSUL-.
“
Well,
I
gave
the
doctors
the
slip,
TATION FREE. ADDRESS
times Uncle Elias has told about how
he once got even with a schoolteacher and here I am, almost well, and feel­ The C. Gee Wo Chinese Medicine Co.
who whipped him when he was a boy. ing that I shall soon be sounder than
253 Aider St.. Portland, Oregon.
ever before my Illness.
Now, what
Old men get awfully forgetful.’
gives
me
the
blues
Is
this:
I
have
got
” 'That’s so,' I said. 'This makes
these things on false pretenses. I've
three times you’ve said to me that
fooled all these people and It makes P. N. U.
No. 3—1904.
Uncle Ellas has told that tale six1
me sad. They can't have any confi­
times.’ ’’
dence In me hereafter. No, you can't
console me—I'm a fraud and 1 feel Ilk«
Her Experience.
“They say,” remarked the young a fraud.”
girl, "that a sensible business man Is I
apt to act foolish when in love.”
"Yes, that's right” replied the elder­
BEGINNING THIS MINUTE JI m future an be your own. Results are never
ly matron. "A man will make a per-
--------------------------------------------- in doubt when you attend our school, we edu­
feet Idiot of himself over his wife so
cate you for practical business, and assist in getting you a position when competent.
long as she doesn't ask him for
Splendid equipment. Up-to-date BEHNKE-WALKER BUSINESS COLLEGE
money.”
right down today
methods. Sit rial
A 8ii«g«ation.
Keen Repartee.
Mlrtnh Jsckson—Whaffoh yo' gTtnd-
ln' dat rasor so ahabp fob, Mlstah John
The largest number of women em­
ployes In any line of work ar« in the
Unite»! State« Toatoffice Itepartmcnt.
Mor« than oue-thlrd uf them are past
middle age and eome are past 70. They
till all kinds of positions, even many
of the rural free delivery routas being
filled by them.
There are times when originality Is
Impossible—In describing a wedding,
and hi saying good-by to the hostess
at a party.
LO8T IN AN OLD WORKING.
Mlaaonrl Miner i4aarly J«««t« Death la
An Abandoned Mine.
Men Whole Patronymics Mark Them
for Other Man's Notice.
Flipper—Why doe» he object $o hia
wife going out alone In her motor car?
Flapper—Because he can’t nee bow
one unmanagp«ble thing can manage
another.—Modern Society.
Many a man n.-gleets his family In
ordì to pose as a public benefactor.
and write for catalogue.
OREGON
FORTLAND
NOTHINO SO GOOD FOR CHICKENS AS THE
^PRUSSIAN POULTRY
Make« Hen« Liy and Keep« them laying Cure« Cholert. Ro-jp gr d
«11 Diieaie«. It Strengthen« Yount Chick« and Help« Them Grow.
w““'' ““
rr-iMt.n Poultry Book. FREE.
Pai mus Rreene Co.. St. Paul. Minn.
t’OHTLAND IEZD CO., Portland. Or., Coast Asenta.